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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by Fivesixer

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Stik to My Own Beat

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

👼intuey

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Robert Waltz

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pon

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Harlow Flick, Right Fielder

Mar 6, 2023 at 8:56pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

This is such a very human thing, isn't it.

“I think there is nearly an overwhelming sadness to the human predicament.” - Skinny Boy Hill

BOOM! This ain’t no whipped cream pie I’m tossing.

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

December 2, 2020 at 11:25am

#999521

And to think I was having a mental breakdown.

"JAFBG" Prompt: Tell us about something/someone that fucked you off this week.

Well, I'm completely fucking infuriated today so let's rant.

My doctor wants me to try yet another medication. I'm like a fucking guinea pig with medication. I feel like they show throw everything but the kitchen sink at it and are like, "I dunno why you feel like shit all the time?" Maybe because my brain chemicals are being constantly manipulated and every pill you take comes with a slew of side effects that are worse than what the pill was supposed to fix in the first place.

I can't even tell if Kira wants me to take the new med or not. She's like, "Well, it's your life." I have no fucking clue what that means. It's your life so don't take a new med that's going to cause side effects OR it's your life and your mental illness is bad enough that you should try every med possible until you find something that works?

Then she dropped this line on me: "There's always something wrong with you."

Please do not ever, ever, ever, in your entire fucking life say this sentence to someone who has a chronic mental or physical illness if you care about them at all.

Not only is it extremely dismissive of that person's issues, but it also makes them feel guilty as fuck. There's an implicit and on that sentence. There's always something wrong with you... and it's a complete burden. There's always something wrong with you... and it's annoying. There's always something wrong with you... and I don't believe your issues are legit. There's always something wrong with you... and it makes me not like you.

As if it's not enough to be trapped inside your fucking head 24/7 or to have chronic pain issues. Now you're in the spotlight to explain yourself and your behavior.

I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to say. Yeah, there's always something wrong with me. That's kind of how chronic conditions work. If there wasn't something always wrong, my issues would be acute.

I'm at the point where I'm done even trying to talk to people about my issues. Like, I don't talk to anyone in 'real life' about any of my issues. But they sometimes "confront" me about something. Like, "Why are you being so fidgety?" "Why are you sleeping so much?" "Why aren't you sleeping at all?" And it would be super fucking nice if I could be like, "Oh, I had a nightmare and I can't fall back asleep." without it being like, but there's always something wrong with you.

Like, what fucking purpose does saying that even serve?

Ah, gee, I'll try to stop having issues that are completely out of my control?

People have always made me feel like such a fucking burden to them. My parents kicked me out when I was 16 because I was a burden on their relationship. My brothers kicked me up repeatedly when I tried to stay with them and told me to my face that I'm a huge burden. As an adult, everyone around me treats me like a burden. Like my issues are a fucking hassle for them.

Which, honestly, I get. You try to keep someone balanced but you can't because they have #issues. I understand that it's frustrating. But there's a missing piece there where it's like, yes, dealing with someone who has those issues sucks. But can you imagine actually having those issues and having to wake up every single fucking day as, you know, yourself?

I really think I'm at the point where I'm done trying to talk to people about anything going on with me. Even here, I write about something that's going on with me and I feel this vibe like I'm being overly negative or annoying. I know people care about me, but because there's nothing they can do to fix the situation, I feel this energy like I should stop talking.

And the people who made me like this just go about their business like it's nothing. Like, I've had them vaguely acknowledge me, just to the extent of telling me, "Wow, I fucked you up pretty bad." But what good does that do me? Now I get to just be in my twenties and be fucked up forever?

Awesome.

I'm just entirely incompatible with life.

"Sometimes we talk, it's a total mistake." ~TFB

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