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Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
21:59 I think I've already established what a lazy person I am. I was just getting into writing when I made the decision to come stay at my parents' for the next few weeks. Now my routine is all messed up. I keep putting things off. But because there isn't a whole lot for me to do here, today I helped my sister clean the house! Me busting out the vacuum cleaner to clean all three floors of this house? Unbelievable! So I'm lazy but I can be pretty active to get out of doing the things I should be doing! I'm a pain in the ass! ...And now I don't know what to write about. I decided to isolate myself from the rest of the family for a bit to see if I can do some work. I have yet to begin the novel I am supposed to finish by 8th August. I'd better get a move on! I kind of know how it's going to end, after kind of redoing the climactic scene. A lot is going to change. I'm actually pretty curious but I just can't get into the writing frame of mind. I guess I should try to write in various places so I can get over my discomfort. And maybe swap this damn Chromebook for an actual laptop - it just doesn't feel right. Also, Google Docs may look superficially like Word, but for someone who's spent a hell of a lot of time on Word, there's a big difference. I suppose if all else fails, I can just use my ire at the Chromebook as the basis of my entry, right? ![]() 22:09 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |