Science, Tests, Puzzles, and Computers; any one of these things can get on your nerves, but if you are a woman named Chell, they can feel much, MUCH WORSE than that. Combine all of these with factors with artificial intelligence and a Portal Gun, and you’ve got a pretty good idea of the life-threatening scenarios that have unfortunately become the normalcy in Chell’s life. A test subject for “Aperture Science,” AKA “The place where all morals and human rights take a back seat to the weirdest and frightening examples of science take place,” Chell is the sole human survivor of the facility after the AI controlling the entire place, GlaDOS, pumped the entire place full of nerve gas, AND DID THAT ON TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER TO WORK DAY! However, if you can believe it, at one point, Chell and GlaDOS became allies, as an attempt to stop her only brought about a more dangerously unstable and very stupid AI to control the facility. Together, they bested Wheatley and flung him into space, but just when it seemed like all things were looking up for the best, it was then that Chell learned that her most grueling tests were about to begin.
“Oh thank God, you’re alright. You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy, when all along, you were my best friend. The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson…where Caroline lives in my brain.” And just like that, a voice from the speakers stated that Caroline had been deleted, and GlaDOS bid her a fond farewell. If Chell wasn’t mute before, the fear she then felt certainly took care of that, as she watched the torturous AI purge herself of her former human persona. Now she was GlaDOS one hundred percent, and that could only mean trouble, and GlaDOS confirmed her fears, “You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one, and I’ll be honest, killing you is hard. You know what my days used to be like? I just tested; nobody murdered me, or put me in a potato, or fed me to birds, I had a pretty good life…and then YOU showed up, you dangerous, mute, lunatic…and yet, in spite of all of that, you are easily the best test subject I have ever had.”
Chell remained silent; a compliment from GlaDOS was always a strong indication that imminent danger was right around the corner…more so than usual, and as she opened up the elevator door, Chell sighed and step out, knowing that she didn’t have a choice. As she readied herself for more testing, it was then that GlaDOS brought down her claw hand and suddenly yanked the portal gun right off of Chell’s arm, “Oh, you won’t be needing that. I think you’ve more than proven yourself an expert with THOSE kinds of tests. What I have in mind, is far…more…interesting.” GlaDOS’ mechanical face was right in front of Chell’s by the time she stopped talking, but Chell refused to flinch, and her fists tightened as she glared at the machine that was hell-bent on seeing the last human in the facility suffer. Seeing that look on her face, if GlaDOS had lips, she would be grinning right then. Speaking of which, GlaDOS then decided to show Chell another attachment her body had.
As the claw hand took the gun away to God knows where, Chell watched as something popped out from behind GlaDOS. It was a long, black tube, with a large white cone at the end of it. The tube portion looked like it could just barely fit a human inside of it, a fact that had Chell swallowing as sweat dripped from her forehead. To make things worse, GlaDOS decided to speak again, “You are probably wondering what this is. Well, to be honest, although I am I going to live forever, even someone as superior as myself needs a backup energy source, just in case. Instead of an emergency generator or something like that though, the ‘brilliant’ minds here thought that it would somehow be more efficient if I were to use this thing. You see, with this, I can suck other machines into myself and absorbs their energy and components for nutrients. Essentially, I EAT them.”
Chell could not believe what she was hearing, but soon the hiss of a door opening was heard, and she saw a platform lift out from the ground, containing several Gun Turret Drones! However, none of them looked like they were primed for shooting the human in the room, and instead just stood there while GlaDOS moved the tube over them, and then, like a vacuum cleaner, a strong gust of air suddenly lifted all of them one by one into the funnel. Chell’s jaw hit the floor as she witnessed it for herself, her wide eyes unable to look away from the multiple bulges moving down the tube, all while the Turrets sporadically said some of the only words and phrases they were capable of saying, “Thank you…Get Mad…Don’t make lemonade…Her name is Caroline…” Then, they began to vanish into the black mass section of GlaDOS. Chell was surprised to see that apparently, that particular part of her wasn’t made of metal, as it soon began to bulge as the metallic masses began to pack into it. Once they were all in however, that’s when the real fun began.
“WHY?! I DID EVERYTHING YOU ASKED!!!!! I DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!!! OWOWOWOWOWOW!!!!!!” Chell was forced to listen to the turrets crying out in agony, only this time their wails were mixed in with the crushing sounds of metal being ground and mashed, along with wet glorping that was either acid or their structures melting down into molten metal by intense heat. GlaDOS’ ‘belly’ bulged and shifted as they were processed, much to her delight. In no time, the turrets were silenced, and the mass shrank back into GlaDOS’ form. Her body then bounced as she-
*BURP!!!!!*
Chell’s ears rang as she discovered something else that she never dreamed that GlaDOS could or would do. That metallic belch nearly ruptured her ear drums, a sight that kept GlaDOS amused, but not nearly as much as what she said next, “Oh, excuse me. I think I’ve been hanging around you for too long; you are rubbing off on me.” Chell scowled back up at her, unable to believe that the AI still got such a kick out of fat jokes. However, any anger on her face quickly vanished when she saw that funnel moving over to her, as GlaDOS stated, “Then again, I am still feeling peckish, and if I’m already behaving like a pig, I might as well ENJOY it.”
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