Janice sat in the dining room of her country club sipping on her vodka tonic. She had her hair touched up this morning, to cover up all that unsightly gray hair, and wore a very elegant skirt suit. An old friend of her and her husband’s saw her and came over to ay hello, but Janice just uncrossed her legs and let out a cloud of noxious gas to warn her away. The skinny widow opened up her purse and took out a picture, outing it on the table next to her. “Happy anniversary, Harry. I miss you so much,” she said with heartfelt emotion in her voice. She kissed two of her fingers and pressed then to the picture. It was the most emotion she would let these people see from her. She was the Queen of this country club and the peasants must be made to remember that.
Janice ordered her dinner, a salad with light dressing and a glass of wine. The woman had an iron stomach and could mix alcohols all she wanted with almost no ill effects. She ate in silence, keeping everyone at bay with her farts except for the busboys and waiter. “They just don’t get that I want to be alone today,” Janice grumbled waving the fumes from around her.
When she had met Harry, she had always covered up her gas and made excuses to leave and fart someplace incognito. But Harry fell in love with her, and that meant all aspects of her. He encouraged Janice to stop being afraid of what others think, because no matter how bad her farts smelled he always smiled and never complained. She realized how much Harry meant to her when he punched the head of NBC for making a comment about the smell of his wife’s ass. “You always were a gentleman, Harry.”
Janice decided on a piece of cake, for dessert; chocolate with vanilla icing. It was Harry’s favorite. She ate it slowly, savoring every taste. She had it only once a year, to celebrate her anniversary and because the icing gave her a bad case of gas, and if Janice thought her gas was bad, it must be something extraordinary. She finished her cake and felt slightly bloated; she spread her legs and a wave of flatulence issued forth for everyone to smell. No one complained as it assaulted their senses, because Janice could easily make their lives…difficult…if displeased. She wasn’t necessary mean, but she wasn’t to be crossed either.
Janice stood form her table, tugging on the bottom of her jacket to straighten it out. She put her picture of Harry back in her purse, and threw it over her shoulder. “Well enough emotion for today, I have lunch plans tomorrow with the girls and I’m going to need some sleep.” She stepped outside and had the valet bring around her car. As he handed her back the keys to her Lexus Janice looked him up and down, “Not tonight dear, but make sure you’re available for tomorrow. Janice has some things to teach you.” This was a dream come true for the young man, the gassy cougar’s sexual prowess were legendary. Janice laughed at the anticipation in his eyes, and entered her car, farting as she stretched to get inside. She pulled away laughing, knowing tomorrow would be a good day.
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