This poem has a lot of potential. I liked it very much but the start of it needs a little work. The part about the lady raising her hand. Maybe if you revised that part? I'm not sure, that sentence kind of ruined the flow to me. But like I said, thats just my opinion.
The author knows how to create a voice that is formulated and well thought out. My only concern is that Dorothy and the yellow brick road comes into view considerably when reading this story. If the author could come up with something unique that would not resemble parts of a well known show or movie they could attain more of a unique story. The wording is well articulated but i do not sense a unique quality to this piece. The title should be changed because at first i waited for something godly or biblical to occur.
I thourouly enjoyed reading this poem! It shows deep, deep feelings and its well-formed. The word usage is great asfar as descriptions. A readercanactually find theirselves immersed in with the one writing this poem. Keep up writing, ( whoever wrote this).
I enjoyed your poem immensely but the spelling needs correction.it kind of threw the poem off by messing up the flow. Otherwise I think you have a very good subject, your word usage is great and the form is fine. This is only my own opinion and with a little editing you could have a winner.
This was really good! Your getting a lot better in your writings! Your sentence structure is improving overall and you have picked some good subjects to write about> Some words you have used the plural instead of singular but other than that I think this one is a winner!
This would be an excellent story once you pull your sentences together a little more. They at times seem a little dis jointed ( like their not finished).For instance;...So he covered his head with his pillow; hoping for everything can stop so he can see daylight again....
The sentence above should read...So he covers his head with his pillow hoping everything will soon stop and he might see daylight again......
I truly hope this helps but either way the story itself has a good sound base!
I decided to take you up on your offer to check your poems out! I really liked this one and you do a good job of describing things. The only thing is the first two verses don't appear calm but the third one does. Just a feeling. I was expecting from the title calmness all the way through. But I really enjoyed it!
I have to say as I was reading this article I hadmy mind made up that it was just another way to get into someone's pocket! But it isn't! I really feel a concern now and you did a very good job of getting that across to the reader! I am goingto give 30,000 gps's and further more I am going to check these links out. I feel its for a good enough cause to follow through and to pass it on! Thank you so much for stopping me in my tracks andgiving me a wake-up call! Leila
Your story was very interesting but I felt you needed to take it in a little more depth. You have the makings of a very good writer if you go into a little more detail on the who, what, where and when questions. I'll be interested to read this after you edit it a little more. Keep writing!
Your poem has great desriptive sentencing but some ofthe spelling is off. I think it has very great potential though and I really liked it! Please keep up your writing because I feel you can go far with it! I love listening to the rain andthats what your poem took me back to. Thats a sign of a good writer!
I liked skimmimg through this fact page, but I am totaly disappointed in something and hesitate to mention it. I am new here and someone by the name of "bluewind or bluesky invited me to join. But I have not heard from her or anyone else, except for a welcome page since I joined. So alas I have been wandering the lonely halls of the Angel Army without a friend since. I donated 20,000 gps for the site also but it gets mighty lonely trying to figure thingsout on my won. I even got a signature and did it it in the bitem format but don't know how to use it. Do we just joinand then left on our own with no one to talk with? Some of us hesitate to just yell maybe its better to just move on.........Sorry for being so outspoken.
I liked thispoem! Its flow was goodandit describs being a friend. It's an unuasual subject to me but you handled it well! The verses were good as to how many you had and your puncuation does not need correction at all. I usually run into that problem with mine. Ha!
I ran across this this skimming through the site and must say it was very imformative! I gleaned so much information out of it that I didn't know when I walked in! I now know what bidding means and how to bid on a signature! I am just so happy that this article was here!
Your story was very good and I wouldn't mind reading the balance of it. You seem to have a talent for the different types than I usually read but I have to admit they are interesting! Keep writing!
I thought you did a good job of explaing about the Angel army Group! Good enough that that even I would love to join especially since it involves helping others out! I am the type of person that loves reveiwing work and I just enjoy helping others. I was quite lost around here until Bluesky wrote and invited me to join! Thank you all for the very warm welcome! Leila
Your article was excellent but I've often wished I knew how to add your linc to mine which would have to be step by step instructions for this novice of the internet. I have several blogs and writing sites that I belong to or own but have never figured out how to put the link on joining them together. I do know several writers from other sites also.
I liked it very much just had a difficult time with the first vrese. But it took me a minute to get the flow of it. I think that is where I had the trouble. I'm not used to this kind of poem. I like how you put your words together, fantastic job! Keep up the good work, eventually I'll get the different styles down!
I like the theme of your poem, but maybe you could leave out some of the extra words like "And " at the stat of a few of your sentences? It kind of throws off the flow, too many words in the sentences. As far as titles here are a few I thought of for this particular piece; " My Inner Thoughts" or " The Inside Of My Heart" or " Deep Feelings" Just a few ideas! Keep writing this poem shows deep feelings!
I liked the form of your letter and the paragraphs were fine. About the only thing I can say that might need correction is maybe some spelling and there are some capitalizationsthat shouldn't be there. Otherwise its a good letter!
I truly enjoyed your poem as it held a depth of feeling upon a loss. I think you could have started a few sentences with omitting the word "and". That word seemed to come up too frquently and kind of made me lose the flow of the poem. But in general the poem was beautiful!
I liked this letter and the subject. The only thing I really noticed with it is you didn't capitilize your I"s and that caught me off guard. Otherwise it was quite good.
What can I say to improve on your poem! Nothing! I loved it and it took me through the heartbreak of making wrong choices! Keep up the writing You do an excellent job of describing the pain and it haunts me as I read it. I read it through twice just to enjoy it!
I really enjoyed your poem and I liked the subject you wrote on. A word that was spelled wrong (mouthes) caught my attention and the flow was a little off after the 1st paragraph. But that first paragraph just sails right along so smooth. Maybe if you omit some of the extra words in the other paragraphs? try it and see.
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