This poem really captures the essence of breathing. The reader feels like they are breathing as they read this. Breathing is a great way to slow down and reflect on what is happening and the narrator of this poem really manages to do that.
There is a nice shift in the second half of the poem where the narrator compares a loved one to the act of breathing itself. It provides a really nice metaphor for the reader identifying how essential that person is to narrator. This is a beautifully written work. Thank you very much for sharing it!
When I was going through your portfolio, this poem on Robin Hood caught my eye. I was a fun read that mentions a lot of the legends I remember reading about the character (Sherwood Forest, the Sheriff of Nottingham, the Golden Arrow and his nickname 'The Prince of Thieves"). I think the second and third stanzas were my favorites because of all the references.
This poem has a nice rhythm to it making it very enjoyable to read through. It has has some fun rhymes and approximate rhymes in it. I liked how Robin hood corresponds with Legalhood. Great writing!
Very nicely written poem. I really love the wordplay. The rhythm seemed to perfectly capture the title with a frantic pace and wild beat to it. The readers can feel the chaos the rat is causing as they read this. I love the "because of that...the rat" refrain. You have some great alliterations in this skittered and scattered, sour symphony and stabbing screams.
A couple of slight editing recommendations:
Line 8 - Penetrating
Line 9 - eye-lid
The rest was very good. This was a very enjoyable read. Thank you for very much for writing.
Nice Poem. The title reminds me of the phrase "April Showers bring Mayflowers". I was also reminded of some classic nursery rhymes (i.e. the itsy bitsy spider and little Miss Muffet) when I was reading this. My initial thought poem seems to take on the perspective of the spider as it is met with the water washing him away but upon closer look I think it is more from the perspective of a flower starting out especially taking the title into consideration. Incidentally I was reading this poem at the end of April so the theme hits particularly hard now
On a technical level, I feel like this poem was written very well. The strength of it is its imagery. I particularly love the description of the water as Heaven's deluge and a Monumental Monsoon. Great alliteration with the later. After reading this it feels refreshing as if the reader is a given a shower along with the plant.
This was a lot of fun to read... thank you for writing this.
This is an exciting story. I felt like you really captured the essence of the Naruto series in this story. I loved the face pace and action in this and you through in a lot of classic characters and villains while introducing us to new ones. It was cool to see classics like Orochimaru and the Akatsuki members make an appearance in this. Team 7 along with Kakashi were nice to see in action again. Adding vampire like characters in the mix made for a wild story
There were a couple slight typos in this but nothing that detracted from a reader's enjoyment of the story:
Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura walk at a hasty pace.
“You're late where are the other two?” Kakashi says from behind her as he puts a hand on her shoulder.
“Saya…” Makoto sheds a tear.
I really liked reading this and would love to read more if you decide to continue this. Thank you for writing this.
This gives the reader a lot to think about. On the internet anonymity is a treasure. As a writer exploring multiple different styles I definitely can see how anonymity can be important with writing and sharing personal material. I think when we are sharing stuff online in an anonymous fashion, it allow us to have the best of both worlds being able to share what we want with a large community and keeping it separate from our everyday lives. I would recommend being careful though and not posting anything online that you would not be able to handle being revealed. Best of luck with your writing!
This is a very interesting interactive. As a science fiction fan I love the concept. It reminds me a little bit of the sci fi Netflix series altered Carbon where characters can extend their lives by being placed in new bodies and older science fiction series called Tek War where the lead character was Cryogenically frozen.
This interactive is still in the early stages but the choices set up so far are very interesting with multiple body possibilities for characters consciousness to be placed in. The most expanded arcs so far are characters being placed in younger enhanced versions of themselves. I am very curious to see how this story continues to develop in the future. Thank you for making this.
Cool interactive. I love Shrinking storylines and Avatar so it is very neat to see a story focused on both of these. I also have a huge crush on Azula so it is nice to see this story has a storyline with her added.
This interactive is still getting off the ground but it does have some nice storylines being developed for it with chapters involving Katara and Azula. I hope that you continue to add to this story and that it continues to grow. Thank you very much for making this and best of luck with your writing.
Thank you sharing your experience. You have provided some really good reasons for filling out a Bio Block. I admit I am way behind in my setup and haven't made much use of this feature. This article is short and easy to understand. It makes good arguments for using this feature and also summarizes how it is used very well. The bio blocks really does give the readers a chance to get to know the authors who are writing a piece and is one of the advantages of being in a writing community.
One thing that I would recommend that would be good to go along with your piece is some instructions on how to set. Maybe a link to the WDC article for this would be really helpful for the readers. https://www.writing.com/main/books/entry_id/703794...
This is a nice poem. It gives a great sense of what your writing entails. I think a lot of writers (especially ones on this site) relate to this when they are selecting what forms of writing they would like to do. The choices between poetry and short or lengthy stories are ones we all go through when starting a new work. This site is perfect providing inspiring prompts to help push our writing forward.
I particularly love the third stanza that deals with setting up for Poetry. I go throw the exact process checking checking syllable count, following the form and trying to rhyme up my poetry as well. I really enjoyed reading this and thank you for writing!
This is an exciting story. I was reviewing for "I write" and I am really happy that I got your work to review prior. I love Japanese culture and anime so it is very cool to see a storyline involving a Kitsune.
You give a lot of rich details making the story a lot more enjoyable. I love the description of the date that Yumei and Akira went on. The Ichiran meal made me hungry to think about. The second half of this story was intense rush as a lot happened really quickly. Yumei accidentally revealing her form, followed by a Yakuza escape made for a really exciting finish. I would really love to read more of this if you ever release a seond half to this story.
Following up on my last review, I enjoyed the Television article so much that I couldn't resist reviewing another article from your non-fiction folder.
This article covers the origin of the holiday Thanksgiving. I suspect that it was written to coincide with the holiday. I am writing this review in the middle of April but that does not detract from my enjoyment of this article. If anything it made me long for the classic holiday meal even more as it is several months off.
This article shows that Thanksgiving has a very rich history going back to early humans eventually leading up to the origins of the holiday with the early colonist that I am more familiar with. I really learned a lot from this article. For example I had no idea how Sarah Josepha Buell Hale helped make Thanksgiving a national holiday. It also helped me revise my knowledge. I had no idea that term Pilgrim being used to refer to the early colonists came much later. Additional while I have heard of pardoning a turkey and its the history linking all the way back to President Truman. You should share some of the sources of the information (possibly in a dropdown note) because it is really interesting and I would love to read more about it.
This article also succeeded in making me really hungry describing the classic meal as well as the meal that was most likely available for the Puritans and Wampanoag people during that time period. I like that this article covers the religious roots touching upon the early humans thanking the Gods and following up on the Puritan connection.
I really like reading this and learned a lot from this article. Thank you so much for sharing this trivia and writing this.
This is a really fascinating article. It covers a lot about the 200 year history of early television and gave me a lot of information that I didn't know before. I visited the museum of the History of television and radio in New York city awhile back however it just covered early television shows and didn't go into details of the invention itself. Just a couple of examples of some things that were completely new to me was the meaning of the word television being to view from far away and the fact that the concepts for this invention goes all the way back to the 1800s. (I had no idea it dated back that far.)
It is really amazing how many different inventors laid the groundwork for television to come into being. This article give a great summary showing all the people who contributed to this (Michael Faraday, Joseph Henry, Samuel Morse, Lee Deforest, Carl Ferdinand Braun and Philip T. Farnsworth, Allen B. Dumont all driving the technology forward in their own way). It also gives information on the what scientific knowledge paved the way for this (i.e. radio communication, electromagnetism, and cathode ray tubes followed by the electromagnetic camera tube the Iconoscope eventually ending with the color television available).
It also gives a great summary of some of the early television showds such as Felix the Cat and the Queen's messenger. (Both of which I am not familiar with though I think I have seen pictures of the former.) It is really amazing how far television has come.
Thank you for writing such an interesting and informative piece!
This is a really a scary recurring nightmare. I would not like to find myself in this type of situation.
Your writing style is fast paced which works really well for a dream sequence. The events happen so quickly that they feel like a chaotic dream. There is a lot to unpack in this nightmare. First off the setting is perfect for a horror story. A dark road is really creepy. I like how the dream gets gradually more terrifying the more it is describe. It starts with a drive in the dark and increases the adrenaline when an accident is added in as the driver loses control making it all the more scary. The tension builds when the main character finds out they hit an animal. But an even greater terror awaits in a final twist. It is bad enough to hit a deer but the shift of it becoming a human in the end is really a shock. It is a jump scare that I can picture would knock anyone out of their sleep exactly like it did with the main character of this story.
There are nice touches which really help to set up a tense mood in the story. The description of 'smoothering blackness' the trees looming over the road, The frantic looking from left to right and increased heartbeat of the narrator all help to contribute an exciting tone. It puts readers on the edge of their seats and makes them want to continue through the story to find out how the nightmare plays out.
Anyway I enjoyed reading this story a lot and it really kept me locked in from beginning to end. Thank you very much for an intense read!
Hi Sophy,
I am reviewing this poem as part of Game of Thrones. You have a lot of items in your portfolio but the title of the poem was what drew me to this one. I like the word crimson I always think of it as a darker shade of read but the name is a lot more elegant. I never connected Crimson with purple but I checked the definition and sure enough inclining to purple is listed as one of the meanings.
This poem covers a pointless argument over the color of the sunset between the narrator and a romantic partner that seems really relatable to readers. As someone in a long term relationship and with two siblings so it is very easy for me to connect with the pointless arguments that often happen between family members. It caused me to reminisce of the countless times I argued with them over food, music choice and other minor things.
When I evaluate poetry on a technical level. I usually check 4 qualities (flow / rhythm, description / imagery, style and vocabulary / word choices). This poem hits the strongest with imagery because color is the primary focus of the poem. I particularly like the sunset described. It gives the reader the perfect picture of the time of day thanks to the colors described. The period of dusk where red turns into purple is a beautiful period. The words "wine stained lips" also offered a great visual queue appeal to a reader's sense of taste in addition to sight. Vocabulary wise, this poem is more freestyle but it seemed to have some slight rhythm to it maybe due to the way the lines are broken up. Vocabulary was another strength as noticed with the title choice.
Anyway, this is a really great poem and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for writing!
I was looking for static items to review and came across this short story in the browse by type section of the. The image of the bear you were using made this article stand out from the others. It was a fun story to read through. The tagline of the article is also a great hook as it definitely entices prospective readers to check this story out. It deals with the unexpected situation of a bear making its way into a campsite.
I like the style of the story. The story is told in such a realistic way that I'm unsure if it is based on actual story or if it is completely fictional. There are some nice comedic beats to it which are timed very well. Right at the beginning I chuckled when the nicknames of the scout leaders where discussed. I can't figure out why Schwartzenberger wasn't granted a nickname when he is probably the one that would benefit from it the most.
The description in the story is very good. It is clear what is happened and even technical exposition moments like the the scouts setting up a rake is told with enough clarity to follow what is going on. I wish that the segment where the actual bear showed up was expanded just a little bit further as it is the highlight of the story. I am curious as what about the bear made him seem like smokey when compared with other bears that the people might came across. The ending lines were delivered very well and feel like an amusing punchline to a joke.
I really enjoyed reading this story a lot. Thank you for sharing this story/experience with us.
This poem is really powerful to read through. I think that it fits the prompt it is written for very well. It discusses and serves as an acknowledgement to several different veterans all of whom have different experiences serving our country in the past and the present. It reminds some of the monuments for soldiers that I have paid respect two where like the Vietnam memorial in Washington and the the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington that pay respect to multiple soldiers at once.
I connected with the World War II acknowledgement in particular. My grandfather was a medic during that war. His brothers were in the navy and marine corp. Each of them helped our country in different ways. However your poem pays homage to the heroes of other wars as well such as World War I, the Vietnam War and the Gulf war. It is a great tribute to each of their respective veterans.
On a technical level your poem is has some nice stylistic elements to it. There is some powerful imagery with second stanza providing a very poignant picture with the soldier's face being a collage of multiple soldiers. It is set up into mostly quatrains with a slight exception in the 5th stanza. They are some rhymes spaced out throughout this that make this poem fun to read through. I particular like the rhyming pair of Desert Storm with Uniform. The piece also benefits from a really powerful refrain that evokes memories which it shares with the title of this poem.
Anyway this is a great poem which really works well at honoring our veterans. Thank you very much for writing it.
This is a very nice poem. It shares ideas while at the same time is written in a fun way to read through. On a sidenote, I really like the cover image image with the carrots attached. This poem captures a frustration with modern politics, lamenting how things have changed from the past. As a person who has lived through the 2016 election I remember a lot of people expressed similar feelings during the time.
This poem does a great job of sharing the idea that modern day politicians don't do a good job of trying to offer incentives to the people whose vote they need or following through on their promises. With politics so divided between the two parties it is refreshing that this poem doesn't lean to one political side or another.
One thing that I really like about the poem is the ending which ties into the ideas expressed at the start of voting is a connection to the past. For the narrator the duty to vote was passed on from a previous generation and carrying it out ultimately honors the past.
On a technical level, this poem is well done. It has a great rhythm to it with an enjoyable rhyme scheme 'abab' for most of it that make it very enjoyable an pleasant to read through. I love when the rhythm flows smoothly like this. There are two stanzas the mix it up a bit with an 'abcb' rhyme scheme. The fifth (an important stanza as it references the title of the poem) and the seventh stanza. These shake things up a bit but it is still has a great rhythm to it. I also love the alliterative flourish in the final stanza with stalwart sons.
I love the science fiction genre. This seems to be an interesting story in that category. This introduction reads like poetry. There is a lot of vivid description with the storm. The storm come to life is very beautifully described in a terrifying way. It is a very powerful flashback to open the story with. You can feel a lot of chaotic events happening at once. It makes for a very exciting opening.
The intro also reveals a compelling mystery left to be solved with how the parents apparently died in the storm. It draws in readers as they want to know how it occurred. The lead character is portrayed as haunted by shadows.
I recommend fleshing each of the segments out. A lot of the opening is blurred together and it is difficult for a reader to discern everything that is going on and tell what is flashback, what is in the characters memories, what is a dream and what is part of the present. For example with the shadows are attacking him in his mind or metaphorical or whether the character is experiencing an actual attack. I can picture in a movie this type of chaos depicted would work well with visuals for reference but it is challenging for the reader to identify where the dream / flashback ends and what is happening currently. Since this is the beginning of a novel, you need to ground the reader a bit. They have to have a clear sense of what is happening to be encouraged to continue with the story
I think some white space would help with this. It might help to add spaces between paragraphs. It would allow users to adjust a bit to the fast pace. However you also need to clearly separate each segment and add more to identify what is going on. For example with "the author of the nightmare" sequence. I can't tell exactly what is happening there. It seems like the lead is being warned or attacked but it is not clear by who. If you were to describe what what he was seeing I feel it would help a lot.
In any case... this is good opening that has the potential be a great lead in to your story and I would definitely want to read more of the novel this is a setup for. Best of luck with your writing.
This is a good interactive. It seems like a lot of work went into developing this. The two Deviant art stories shared really go a long way to laying a strong foundation and setup for the characters in this interactive so it is heavily recommended to read through them prior to going into this this interactive itself. Though it is not completely necessary for readers to be able to follow the stories provided, they seem to make the experience much richer for the reader so I'm glad they were included in the intro. They also give the reader a good sense of what types of stories may appear in the interactive giving a guidelines for writers.
I like the premise and setup for this story. The group of girls seem likable and each have there own unique traits. Katlyn is the most interesting for me because I really like a Tsundere. Taking the characters from regular everyday lives and exposing them to supernatural elements allow for the potential of some really wild and exciting storylines.
The interactive owner made a smart move offering a GP reward to readers for adding to the story and it seems to have paid off very well as this interactive appears to be coming along very nicely. The story already has a lot of chapters currently. It should be noted that the storylines present cater to fans with specific taste. For example most of the arcs present deal with age regression which which is fun concept to explore. There are some other creative and interesting ideas currently available as well such as gender bender and one where a character is changed into a Pokémon of choice. It you are a reader that likes these type of wild scenarios then this interactive is worth checking out!
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Cool Alice in Wonderland image. Got to love a chess queen. 
For the Watch! 