This was a great story. I just would like to have known alittle about the falling out between her and her mother. I liked the twist ending. It left us to make of it what we want to.
I want to believe that she whad still been sleeping, and when she wakes she goes to visit her living mother. There when they talk the mother gives her the locket. When it was open, it was a picture of her on one side and the mother on the other side. Maybe that is when the mother tells the daughter about why they could not get along.
I found your item in a news letter that has been sent to me in my email. It was an editor's pick.
The story line is much like Mr. and Mrs. Smith. This was a really good story. It was well written and made me smile. I just stumbled over the F bomb that began the story. I can not use that against because that is just an issue of mine.
The Story was smooth, and I like that it is told in the Mob tense, and create a back story for the orginal Three Little Pigs. A great story.
I found your item in a news letter that has been sent to me in my email. It was an editor's pick.
I created a short cut so that I can get back to this item. I want to be ablet o learn from this , and to use them to boost my writing. Could you start a class to work on tense of verbs. I know them. However, when writing, I have a problem keeping them straight as my story progresses.
I found your item in a news letter that has been sent to me in my email. It was an editor's pick.
This is a wonderful page full of helpful hints. I know that I will be re-visiting this as my writing continues. I see that you have covered so many commonly made mistakes that this is a page that we all can use.
I can see all the work that you have put into this page.
Thgis is a very good story written in the form of a poem. I like the flow and the contrast in each line. This is something that I do not find much, and found this to be an ease to read.
The poem is one that I would like to see more written in this format.
First of all, welcome to the writing.com family. It is the most encouraging place on and off the web.
The story is well told and kept my attention. I really enjoyed the read. The only suggestions that I have is that the spacing be different. A space between the paragraphs are teh best way to go. You can edit them through your port.
I am glad that I have found this story. I think that I really would love my dragon loving family to see this.
This is my favorite part.
However, the dragon did not attack him. It backed itself up to the cave it had created in the stone, and it lifted its tail to squat at the entrance. It shuddered, and powdery snow fell of its body as it shook. The dragon continued to stare at the magician with unnerving intelligence, and Venn could not move. After several moments, the strange intense scene ended, and the dragon dropped to the ground. The sudden rush of air forced snow and ice outward from the torso, and the magician was knocked to the ground.
Most movies that I watch with family that have dragons have them attacking first. I love how this is different.
This is a well written scene. My son's would love this item. They love the samuari stories. I thinkt hat this had a great flow and imagary. The conversation was conveyed well in the dailog. I think this could be a scene from a movie.
This is a wonderful story about family relationships. I could feel the emotion throughout the entire story. I never knew my grandfahter, but I do miss and dream of my grand mothers. I realy could relate and put myself in the place of the ccharacter.
First of all, I want to thank you for the the spacing and the large and dark so that it would be a comfrontable read for those of us who has tired eyes.
I love the descriptions. That is a skill that seems easy for you. The first paragraph set the tone for the entire item, and it was an excellant start. Before the story unfolded, we were at seat's edge to see what this house had to tell us.
I like the spacing, but the font needs to be a little larger for the comfront of these tired eyes. You introduced you characters well, and the description choices in this item was excellent. There is different kinds of luck in this word, and whether we see it or not, we all are lucky.
First I would like to welcome you to the writing.com family. I hope that you find this a great home like I have. There is so much support and encouragment here.
The story is smooth. The description and the flow keeps my attention.
Well I have learned something new. I would have never know what that game was. I have seen that ball before, but had never heard of the game or even seen it on sports.
The story was great, and it caused me to learn something new. The dialog is fluent and adds to the story.
Great story. This has a grand flow. I really had fun reading this story. YOu really do a have great skill with dialog. The story is interesting and the descriptions are vivid. I also find that the solution to solve the problem to be one part that brings me into the story.
I found this story in my mail box. It was featured in a newsletter.
I love this poem. The flow was interresting and kept me reading. I really enjoyed the emotions behind the words.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Ida
I wanted you to notice this item that was listed on the newbie.
Review List
by Oceanborne (1)
Rated: E | Bulletin | Writing.Com | #1931308
A list of members who have reviewed an item of mine and need to be given a return review.
Intro Rated: ESize: 0.54 KB Created: April 30th, 2013 at 9:41pmModified: April 30th, 2013 at 9:45pmPaging: Next ItemLocation: My PortfolioGenres: Writing.Com, ReviewingAccess: Registered Users and higher only.
As an author, reviews are valuable tools that help me to improve my work. So when someone takes the time to read and comment on one of my piece, I find it fitting to reciprocate- It doesn't matter if they randomly found the item or are a judge for a contest. This list will help me to keep track of who has and has not been reviewed.
I wanted you to notice this item that was listed on the newbie.
Review List
by Oceanborne (1)
Rated: E | Bulletin | Writing.Com | #1931308
A list of members who have reviewed an item of mine and need to be given a return review.
Intro Rated: ESize: 0.54 KB Created: April 30th, 2013 at 9:41pmModified: April 30th, 2013 at 9:45pmPaging: Next ItemLocation: My PortfolioGenres: Writing.Com, ReviewingAccess: Registered Users and higher only.
As an author, reviews are valuable tools that help me to improve my work. So when someone takes the time to read and comment on one of my piece, I find it fitting to reciprocate- It doesn't matter if they randomly found the item or are a judge for a contest. This list will help me to keep track of who has and has not been reviewed.
I have listed how I found your item, and how I felt about finding it.
I love both versions of th image that you were looking at. They both contained deep emotions that I love to see in poetry.
Thank you for sharing this with you.
Ida
I wanted you to notice this item that was listed on the newbie.
Review List
by Oceanborne (1)
Rated: E | Bulletin | Writing.Com | #1931308
A list of members who have reviewed an item of mine and need to be given a return review.
Intro Rated: ESize: 0.54 KB Created: April 30th, 2013 at 9:41pmModified: April 30th, 2013 at 9:45pmPaging: Next ItemLocation: My PortfolioGenres: Writing.Com, ReviewingAccess: Registered Users and higher only.
As an author, reviews are valuable tools that help me to improve my work. So when someone takes the time to read and comment on one of my piece, I find it fitting to reciprocate- It doesn't matter if they randomly found the item or are a judge for a contest. This list will help me to keep track of who has and has not been reviewed.
I wanted you to notice this item that was listed on the newbie.
Review List
by Oceanborne (1)
Rated: E | Bulletin | Writing.Com | #1931308
A list of members who have reviewed an item of mine and need to be given a return review.
Intro Rated: ESize: 0.54 KB Created: April 30th, 2013 at 9:41pmModified: April 30th, 2013 at 9:45pmPaging: Next ItemLocation: My PortfolioGenres: Writing.Com, ReviewingAccess: Registered Users and higher only.
As an author, reviews are valuable tools that help me to improve my work. So when someone takes the time to read and comment on one of my piece, I find it fitting to reciprocate- It doesn't matter if they randomly found the item or are a judge for a contest. This list will help me to keep track of who has and has not been reviewed.
I had another good read in this chapter, but I really feel that this chapter show even more of your talent of description. Your story is becoming more like a movie the more that I read. The events were told in such a manner that I felt that I was there. The sounds of the trumpets sounded in my ears. I liked the social activity of this chapter.
Thank you for sharing another chapter with us.
Ida
Transitional Phrases
Transitional Words Score*: 30
*based on quality of transitional phrases used within your paper
Good job! Your usage of transitional phrases is within an acceptable range!
Vocabulary Score
Vocabulary Score: 121
Vocabulary Word Count: 9
Percentage of Vocab Words: 3.38%
Vocabulary Words in this Paper (a Subset): precarious, cynical, figment, perpetuated, ultimatum, resurrected, inclined, sovereign, crescendo
Excellent work! Your usage of sophisticated words is on par with other well-written papers!
I love this story, and thank you for your service to the country.
I love the flow and description.
Transitional Words Score*: 69
*based on quality of transitional phrases used within your paper
Good job! Your usage of transitional phrases is within an acceptable range!
Vocabulary Score
Vocabulary Score: 89
Vocabulary Word Count: 32
Percentage of Vocab Words: 2.68%
Vocabulary Words in this Paper (a Subset): energizes, academic, battalion, philology, historical, linguistics, converted, arrogance, counterparts, rue
Excellent work! Your usage of sophisticated words is on par with other well-written papers!
Grade: 91* -> A
*based on college grading scale
NOTE: The grade above is NOT complete! We do not actually use a crystal ball to generate your grade. Instead, this grade takes into account spelling, grammar, word choice, style, vocabulary, and more; but it does NOT examine the meaning of your words, how your ideas are structured, or how well your arguments are supported. We should also mention that our automated grader doesn't always get things right (then again, neither does your teacher). So, please consider this grade to be one facet of your paper's overall grade.
I loved the story. THe dialog is smooth, and I was brought into your item by your good descriptions.
Stephen followed her through the side streets of Paris as they hurried down a back alley between an already-closed hat shop and a brasserie
should be
Stephen followed her through the side streets of Paris as they hurried down a back alley between an already-closed hat shop and a brassiere
Bad Phrase Score
Bad Phrase Score*: 3.235 (lower is better)
*based on the number and quality of trite or inappropriate words, phrases, and cliches found in your paper.
Great job - your score is above average! You know exactly which phrases to avoid in your writing.
Good job! Your usage of transitional phrases is within an acceptable range!
Vocabulary Score
Vocabulary Score: 98
Vocabulary Word Count: 35
Percentage of Vocab Words: 2.87%
Vocabulary Words in this Paper (a Subset): concert, confidence, stumble, entrance, unique, clandestine, illuminate, meters, traversed, glow
Excellent work! Your usage of sophisticated words is on par with other well-written papers!
Grade: 92* -> A
*based on high school grading scale
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