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A place for random thoughts, ideas, and fun! |
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What really goes on in Amy's brain? I'll use this space to share more about myself and my interests, journal some of the more exciting goings-on in my life, and work through some of the writing ideas and dilemmas I'm wrestling with. Enjoy! Movie Review Mondays . . . if you watch a film after reading a review, please come back and let me know what you thought!    |
It's that time of year . . . I'm struggling more than usual with SAD this year. My mood has been really low, my patience is non-existent, my tolerance is pretty well bottomed out as well. My hubby is worried about me because I have such an aversion to going out when it's cold, and particularly when it's cold and dark. I always have, but he seems to think it's worse this year. I can't focus on anything - my NaNo went down the toilet because I can't come up with one creative idea. Noise is driving me batty - Jakie is in the next room eating his snack and making some little whiny noise, and I want to run screaming. The one thing I've really changed over the past several years - and I'm wondering if THIS is why I'm having an increasingly more difficult time coping with SAD - is that I'm really trying very hard not to kvetch, complain, or show others how miserable I'm feeling. Which, unfortunately, means that my family bears the brunt of it. I know I need more outlets, more ways of releasing the tension and anxiety I'm feeling. Writing - well, I can blog, but the creative part of my brain has shut down. Exercise - I'm trying. Last week was a bad week. I can't do my bellydancing in front of anyone, since Dr B laughed at me.  I've been saying for a few years that I really want to find a place to swim - that's what I need. I just wonder how I'd convince myself to go swimming, when I'm already having a hard time with the cold. And just because nothing can ever work smoothly, I got a call last night from the woman who's been picking Dr B up from school 2 days a week - she can't do it anymore, starting immediately. I went to see a dermatologist, last week, about the eczema I've suddenly developed on my face. She gave me a scrip, and told me to use something different to wash my face with. Well . . . it seems to be getting WORSE, rather than better. *sighs* She also gave me an antibiotic, which I've been terrified to take. I'm so thankful for my WDC friends - I don't know what I would do without all of you to help brighten my days! ** Image ID #1346836 Unavailable ** |
I received a review from THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS!   for this "One Little Toad"  , yesterday . . . it was the cutest revew EVER! She told me I could share, so here it is (helps if you look at my item, first - it's short, I promise!  ):One little reader, saying "You're the leader!" Two little eyes, blinking at this nice surprise! Three little voices, reading out these choices Four (and a half) little stars, to show how good you are! Five little finger-oos, typing out these reviews Six little lights on, to say "Write on!" Check out her port, as well . . . she's got some awesome stuff!  ** Image ID #1341453 Unavailable ** |
| I just had this conversation with Jakie: J - what do we wear at bedtime? Me - we wear jammies. J - no, I mean on our BUTT! Me - you wear a pull up at bedtime. J - we do? Me - no, I don't. You do.  |
| I thought about not blogging again . . . why fill my blog with *itching? I don't think that would keep people coming coming back, for very long. So I need something good . . . something interesting . . . something that will catch my readers' attention. Oh! I got ransomed in scroll, today! 30k GPs . . . not too shabby. GPs were donated to "Invalid Item" . Robert Waltz  was the high bidder. Nothing but gripes, other than that. Dhoc-li Llama  came home sick from school today. Still driving me insane over the stupid science fair thing. Won't even deign to do the simplest thing that we suggest. And she royally pissed me off, earlier this evening. I was trying to get through my bellydance DVD, and it was new moves I hadn't seen before. She started laughing at me. Brought me back about 30 years . . . I've never ever ever been able to do anything physical in front of other people - I have a massive performance anxiety because I was teased mercilessly as a child in gym class. I just turned off the tv and left the room. I wanted to throw the damn DVD in the trash. I know it wouldn't help anything, so I resisted. But you can be damn sure I'm never doing the stupid thing when anyone is around, again! *sighs* I really did NOT need that . . . I just wanted this to be fun. Good exercise. Something I could play with, maybe be a little sexy with. Tomorrow is Halloween and I don't think I could be any less enthusiastic about it. *sighs* I've gotta dig myself out from this hole . . . |
| Because that's just the kind of mood I'm in, and I've got to get it out before it takes over. I'm so royally pissed at Dhoc-li Llama right now - I'm about ready to tell her she's on her own for her flipping science project! She's totally paralyzed over it, can't do a damn thing, and when I sit down to try and help her, all she does is snap at me! And snap at me! And glare at me! Ya know what, kiddo? I know I'm gonna be the one kneading all the freaking bread dough. 12? 16? doughs she needs to make? She needs a title - well don't SNAP at me because you don't have a title! Sheesh . . . the one creative thing in the whole project. I sat down to help her come up with her procedures. Don't SNAP at me because you don't have the recipe in front of you. Get it. Open the flipping book. Don't like my suggestions? Don't use them. But don't you DARE get pissy with me! I had to leave the room. Oh, and she wants me to take her running all over creation looking for a white nightgown to use for her Halloween ghost costume. Fat chance, kiddo. Then I apparently screwed up forwarding this stupid tagline thing, which I really wanted to just delete, to begin with. I don't know - I did precisely what the directions told me to do. Whatever. It's gone now. I'm done with those. Fair warning - you send me one, it's going in the trash. I'm freezing cold - I cannot seem to get warm, no matter what I do. My husband looks at me like I'm crazy. My nose is raw. I have no patience for anyone - my children most of all. I would jump up and down with joy if, just for ONE day, everyone actually LISTENED to me. Then I'd know they were actually capable of it. I'm feeling trapped again. Stuck. Nowhere to go, and no way to get there. There's got to be more to my life than washing the dishes 12 times a day, and trying in vain to keep the house in some semblance of order. I don't feel like I'm of any use to Jakie when I'm home with him during the day. He should be in preschool. I know what I'm not doing, and I know it's my problem that I can't seem to make a change . . . but there I am. And when I'm in this frame of mind, making a positive change is NOT in the cards. And I think I'm going to be motivated and straight-thinking enough to do NaNoWriMo starting in 3 days!? HA! |
| Music is the only thing that makes sense anymore... play it loud enough and it keeps the demons at bay. In this film, the music is used to illustrate the demons - especially the music that is played the loudest (Happiness is a Warm Gun, Helter Skelter). A good movie musical will use the music to advance the story, or at least to deepen our understanding of the character. This film is extremely successful in this regard, with the possible exception of its use of Blackbird. Director Julie Taymor is able to string together otherwise unrelated Beatles songs, to create a unique narrative with a powerful message. Evan Rachel Wood and Jim Sturgess are fabulous in their roles as two youths coming from different worlds. Jim Sturgess plays Jude, a dockworker from Liverpool, England, who comes to America to try and find his father. Evan Rachel Wood as Lucy is a privileged, sheltered suburban teen who comes to New York City to spend the summer with her brother. Set in the 1960s, the film uses music and altered reality to explore themes of anti-war protest and civil rights, as well as to advance the idea that, really All You Need is Love. Likened by many to Moulin Rouge, this film seems to have a similar impact on critics and viewers alike – you either love it, or you hate it! Me? I think you can figure that out! ** Image ID #1273868 Unavailable ** |
| A new year, a new beginning, new intentions. We've made many changes within the past year. Now that we're settled in our new home, it's time for me to get serious! Family: Gotta get the kiddo potty-trained! This week we're going full speed ahead. I mean it this time! Spend more time with the girls, and also with Bob Friends: Be a better friend Cultivate new friendships Intellectual pursuits Be more diligent about writing in my blog Get serious about working on my novel, again. To this end, I've thought seriously about what I can reasonably expect to accomplish between now and the end of 2007. I can't really go by the amout of time it took me to complete chapter one - that spewed out of my head within about a week and a half! Firm up my plots lines Spend 1 hour each day working on getting to know one of my characters . . . just writing, brainstorming, etc Have chapter 2 completed by the end of December Physical fitness To be continued . . . ** Image ID #1273868 Unavailable ** |
| I've got less than a week until Dhoc-li Llama 's Bat Mitzvah. I'm trying so hard to get everything done, and not get stressed, but it's very clearly not working. I still have to write something to read at the service, and I'm completely lost . . . I sit down and have no idea what I should write. And now, I'm pretty sure the c diff has returned. I've been having tummy trouble since Friday, but last night it seemed . . . different. Bob's at the grocery store, buying fruit rollups, because the only way I can tolerate the medication (which I do have) is to wrap it in a fruit rollup before swallowing it. I'm sitting here crying. Why now? I don't have time for this. I don't want to be sick for her Bat Mitzvah. I'm not going to be able to have a glass of wine, or have a drink with my friend while she's visiting. I'm never going to get rid of this stupid thing. I'm going to have to worry about it for the rest of my freaking life. If I can't keep it at bay by taking probiotics every day, and it even comes back when I'm not on antibiotics . . . I'm SO terrified of having to go on antibiotics. Just took the first dose. |
| I never do this - I got up out of bed to write, because I can't sleep, I'm feeling miserable, and I need to sort out my thoughts and feelings. I'm really not even sure exactly what set me off, today, but I've felt like I was on the verge of tears for most of the day. I am overwhelmed . . . trying to get the house in shape, not knowing where to put everything, not having everything I need (storage shelves . . . DRYER!!!) . . . plus getting ready for Sarah's Bat Mitzvah, trying to make sure I've taken care of all the details. I need to take her to have her dress altered ASAP. I need to call the dj, because she doesn't even know we've moved! I need to get the centerpieces and favors in order, I need to put together a seating chart once I have a final list . . . I need shoes, Jakie needs shoes . . . Sarah needs to make a display about her project. I was supposed to go to a memorial service on Saturday, for my childhood best friend's mother. I really really wanted to be there. But on Thursday afternoon I started having some tummy trouble. I thought it was just eh, one of those things that would pass quickly. But on Friday it was even worse. I thought maybe I was reacting to some dairy, so I went and got some Lactaid. But it didn't do a thing. I had a lot of tummy gurgling, cramping, and tenderness. I started worrying that I was having a recurrence of c diff. It's a bacterial infection of the gut, basically when all the good bacteria are killed by an antibiotic the c diff can take over . . . I first had it last March . . . and had to cancel a trip to Spain as a result. I still get really upset when I think about that. It's really difficult to get rid of, since it produces spores that can stay around for 2 years. Medication doesn't get rid of them. It's recurred twice, since then. I'm terrified to take antibiotics. I haven't been to the dentist since last March (a trip to the dentist was what started the whole thing . . . I need to take antibiotics before dental treatment) because I'm so scared of taking the antibiotics. I haven't been on antibiotics recently, but the first time it recurred I hadn't been, either. I don't know whether it's recurring now, but I'm so worried that it is. I haven't had the major symptom (not going into detail in the blog - bleah) but the gurgling, cramping and tenderness were all symptoms that I had with it. So right now I'm feeling like . . . I'm never going to get rid of this! I don't want to get sick again! I have so much going on. If I have to go on medication, it'll likely be for at least a month. The medication is horrible. I have to wrap it in fruit roll ups just to be able to tolerate it. And I can't have ANY alcohol whatsoever while I'm on it, because it could make me very ill. I'm not planning on getting smashed at Sarah's Bat Mitzvah . . . but it would be nice to be able to celebrate with a glass of wine! That's minor though. I just started sobbing earlier, when I was thinking about it . . . I feel like I'll never get rid of it. I'm not looking forward to my birthday on Tuesday, and I don't know why. But I definitely don't want to be sick on my birthday! I have less than a week to finish book 5, and read book 6, the last Harry Potter book comes out. I'm not making much progress. Tonight I started thinking . . . maybe I don't want to read it? How ridiculous it that? But I think part of my anxiety right now is worrying about what's coming in book 7. Will I be able to handle it?? I'm judging my first contest, right now, and I'm worried about doing a good job. And I'm worried about making good on my commitment, when I have all that other stuff to deal with. I very very stupidly got upset when Bob announced he was going out for ice cream, this evening. I suddenly got my "I'm stuck at home while he gets to go out for lunch whenever he wants, and now he's traipsing off for ice cream and leaving me at home" feeling. And of course that got me thinking about the fact that he has another trip to England coming up in August, and I'm so not looking forward to that. That brings up similar feeling to the ones expressed above, only moreso. I'm stuck at home while he's off in England . . . yes, I know he's working, but that's part of it, too. I have no opportunity to do something like that, in my line of work (haha) . . . I'm just stuck at home. Feeling trapped, and scared to death of trying to go out there into the workforce. And above all . . . the thing I want to do more than anything else is to travel. Damn . . . just made myself start crying. And I'm stuck here at home while he's in England. And, as I mentioned above, I still get really upset when I think about my trip to Spain that never happened . . . I want to go with him. I want to go somewhere. I want to not be the one stuck at home with the kids. I want to be able to COPE when life throws me a curveball, damnit! I want to sleep, and I have no idea whether I'll be able to settle myself down enough, right now.  |
| Moving was . . . interesting! I’ll start off by saying that I truly appreciate being up here, after all of the craziness that we dealt with over the past few days! A brief summary, for those who may not know the background story – we moved ½ hour north of where we used to live, in large part because my husband and Dhoc-li Llama work/attend school up in this area. They’ve been commuting for . . . almost 11 years! The commute includes a few areas that are often undergoing some sort of construction. For the summer, both Dhoc-li Llama and her sister are attending camps up in this area, as well. So . . . Friday morning at 7:30 AM, I loaded all 3 children into the van. Bob, my best friend, and one of our neighbors were already hard at work loading up the U-Haul. We already had a POD jam packed with our possessions. I first dropped Dhoc-li Llama off at her Fine Arts camp, and then dropped Sophie off at her camp. Then, back down to our old area, to drop Jakie off with a friend for the morning. I’d gotten a call from Bob before I’d even dropped Jakie off . . . the truck was FULL, so they were going to have to make a trip up to the new house, quickly unload, and then drive back to get the rest. The truck was due back at the rental place by 4 PM. So when I got back to the old house, there was still stuff everywhere! I started cleaning around the piles and messes, because I knew I wouldn’t have another opportunity. Meanwhile, another friend was supposed to be meeting us at the new place around 11:30, to help unload. But by 11:30, the guys were already back here, lunch in hand, to eat and get the second load taken care of. I had no cell # for our friend, to let him know of the change. Bob and the guys were frantically trying to get the truck loaded again (remember – it needs to be returned by 4 PM, and it needs to be returned to a place near the old house!) Other time constraints – Bob and I had to meet the buyers for settlement at 1 PM. Dhoc-li Llama needed to be picked up from camp (1/2 hour away) at 1:15. We had to leave . . . it was agonizing! We left Michael and Marvin loading the truck, and Michael left shortly after we did, to drive up and get Dhoc-li Llama from camp. They went directly to the new house (less than 5 minutes from camp) afterwards. So, Marvin was left to finish packing the truck, and drive it up to the new house! We still hadn’t heard from Ted, our other friend. After settlement (which went smoothly, thank goodness!) I dropped Bob off at his car (which was at the truck rental place) so he could rush up to the new house and get the truck unloaded ASAP. Then I picked up Jakie, and we headed up there, as well. Jakie fell asleep 10 minutes from the house, so I left him sleeping in the van, and helped the guys (and Dhoc-li Llama ) unload the truck. Everything basically got thrown into the garage to be sorted later! My mom was also due to arrive at the new house, at any time. Just then, Ted pulls up! He’d deleted the email with our new address, and didn’t have our cell #s to get in touch with us. At 2:15 he’d finally realized he could call my dad to try and find us! They quickly finished unloading the truck, and Bob drove himself and Marvin back down to drop it off. Ted picked up his son, and then picked them up from the truck rental place, dropped Marvin off at home, and headed back up here. Jakie woke up, inconsolable . . . until I gave him cookies and a juicebox, and let him watch a brand new Land Before Time dvd on the laptop (thank goodness I’d seen the box with the dvd in it, in the garage!) All special treats for him! When Bob got home, he told me that Marvin had left a few things behind at the house, because they would not fit on the truck! Cable modem and router? At the house. Organizer with screws, nails, hangers etc? At the house. The cable guy arrived, and set us up, but could not check the internet to see if it was working properly. I felt like I was in total chaos – my children, plus Ted’s son, and now Michael’s son were all over the house, there were boxes everywhere, my freshly shampooed carpets were getting filthy . . . my nerves were frayed and my temper was short. Oh . . . and the phone line isn’t working, either. And Bob cannot get in touch with anyone at the phone company . . . every number he tries to call is out of service! When he finally got ahold of someone, they said couldn’t even give him an idea of how long it would take to get the service working. So – no phone, no internet. Bob eventually decided that he had to try and get the stuff from the house that evening, because he was missing vital stuff that couldn’t wait until the next day. So, back down he drove . . . not knowing whether anyone was actually at the house, or not. Fortunately, they were! As it turns out, it wasn’t just a few things Marvin left behind . . . Bob could barely get it all into his car!! Everything we’d been saying “I can’t find the . . .” about had been left behind! Our carpet shampooer, I can’t even remember what else, at this point! By the time he got back, I was practically in tears from being so fatigued and frazzled from the chaos. Trying to get the kids to bed was quite a treat!  If you’re keeping score – I made the trip twice . . . Bob made it FOUR times, on Friday! Saturday, more people came to help. More children were running around the house. More boxes and chaos and frazzledness. And we still didn’t have internet or phone service. Bob was mean and threatening, and got a promise from someone at the phone company that our service would be working by Monday at noon. He called the cable company, and someone would come out on Sunday. By the time the kiddos were in bed on Saturday, we were both a total wreck. He looked at me and said “wanna go get take out, go to my office and . . . check email?” We skipped the take-out! Hee.Sunday morning . . . different cable guy comes – the problem is something to do with the strength of the signal?? And there’s nothing he can do. Someone will be out the following day to fix it. Still no phone or internet. We decided to take the kids to see Ratatouille in the afternoon, as a treat. Jakie stood in the hallway of the theater and refused to go in. ARGHHH!! Bob finally got him to go in, and he actually enjoyed it very much. We all did! I’m still quite frazzled, and I can’t wait for things to be all organized, put away, and clean! Washer and dryer don’t arrive until Tuesday. Ok . . . so that’s the main story. Here’s the goods – I LOVE the new house!! I LOVE being up here!!! We’re 5 minutes from Target, movie theater in the same shopping center, Trader Joe’s as well. Across the street is an Indian restaurant, so we got take-out from there, this evening. ** Image ID #1259681 Unavailable **  ** Image ID #1271837 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1273868 Unavailable ** |
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Oliver.
Both of the kids were SUPER charming this morning. I'm thinking of going on strike.