A glimspse into my musings ... as rambling, twisted & demented as they may be
~ A glimspse into to the musings of my mind ... as rambling, twisted & demented as they may be at times. ~
~"Your acting, or your writing, is not yours to judge. So saying "I'm not very good at this" is some sort of protective mechanism, and it will keep you from sharing it with people. You have to be willing to fearlessly expose yourself."
-- Lee Tergesen ~
|I love to write ... live to write ... and would love to write for a living. I have ideas, dreams, and talent. What I don't have is focus and self discipline.
A while back I set a weekly word count goal for myself. I struggled to meet it, but most weeks I slid in at the wire plugging away into the wee hours of the morning and calling it a victory. I kept at this ... for about a month ... and then it fell to the wayside as did the project. I picked that project back up yesterday and dusted it off. Reading through it I was surprised not to cringe like I generally do when going back over past works. Reading over it ... I was actually inspired to dig back in.
Looking over the story also made me really think about what I can do and what I need to do. I am a notoriously slow writer. I envy those that can write a rough draft and edit later. That is not me. I am obsessive. I edit as I go and am completely unable to continue writing until I am happy with what I have. One former passion project I worked on for probably six months. I was actually pleased with my progress ... finished about a 100 pages ... roughly 23000 words before the story fell to the side for another. Six months ... 23000 words ... 24 wks ... roughly 950 words a week ... a WEEK. *shakes my head* Pathetic.
With a clear cut word count goal in mind I wrote 15000 words in a month. Admitedly ... I stressed a bit, but I did it ... and the quality is there. I want to get back to enjoying my writing ... letting it be the escape it used to be for me. I have set simple, completely obtainable new goals for myself and I am going to TRY LIKE HELL to keep them. 400 words a day ... 2800 a week ... a small goal it would seem ... but 145,600 words ... a book if one were to follow through with it for a simple year.
Wish me luck.
|The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.
~ M Scott Peck
| Can you see my silly grin from there???? I recieved the email just now letting me know that my story " ~ Solace ~ " has been accepted for publication in the on-line webzine Writer's Bump!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Suffice it to say ... I am OVER THE MOON with excitement. Writing is my passion and being published has been a dream for so long. I guess it is like the saying you have to play the lotto to win ... submitting something really helps!
|Lately I find myself with TONS of ideas, both for tales in progress and new works, and yet I write ... nothing. It seems I am content to sit and mull over characters, scenes, conflicts and reactions rather than try to get any of these things converted to a hard copy.
When I sit down in front of the computer I feel overwhelmed and almost panicky. I can't seem to decide what project I want to work on. I have a dream of being published. I honestly think that I have the talent and desire in me to make that happen ... but the focus ... not so sure. ...back to mulling.
|I have been thinking on the guilty pleasures in life, little things like the first sip of pepsi on ice, the decandent delight of cheese cake, or loved ones buying you gift points.
Ohhh sure! Get your minds out of the gutter! Just because it is MARA doesn't mean it HAS to be naughty!
Seriously, the whole of WDC could be added to the list of lifes most precious indulgences, but it was GPs that I was speaking of. Readers of my musings saw the flowers that came with the mighty Hallmark holiday. What you did not see was the nod from my honey giving me the good to go on a substantial GP purchase sealing my premium membership for the next year.
What you didn't see was a ten dollar bill slipped my way in lieu of a card or candy from my mother.
Did anyone notice the Christmas pressie from my beloved Terror Twin in the form of WDC's precious commodity? Nope I didn't think so.
It makes one feel loved when those closest to you make note of the little things in life that make you happy.
|Ahhhh the drama of Mara. *snickers* Hubby is home safe .... about 8:30 Saturday night ....I fixed a great dinner, we talked, headed to bed and my stomach was killing me. The pain got worse until labor would have been preferable. Squirming and whimpering woke up the poor hubby about 1:30 am. When if went to the point of tears, he bundled me off to the ER. After an inept nurse put a port in my arm, they did a blood test, urinalysis, and then finally a CT Scan to waste 3 hours, our country bumpkin hospital couldn't find anything and the pain had subsided to a bearable level. SOooo they gave me a shot for the pain and some vicadin for later and sent me home with instructions to stick to clear liquids and come back if it intensified again.
So I spent all day in bed yesterday and am feeling so so today. I had to go to work because we are having a big 25th Anniversary party for our boss ...25 years as a State Farm Agent. I feel like someone is alternating kicking me in the gut and stomping on my back, but am thankful that it hasn't intensified again.
Thank you to those that sent your well wishes. I never underestimate the power of prayer and positive thinking. Aren't you glad you met me??? A laugh a minute!
|My hubby has been in New Orleans for the past week on a missions trip, so frankly I wasn't expecting flowers Friday at work. I wasn't at all suprised when CM2008 , my co-worker and great friend, got a delivery of three perfect white carnations at the office, but when the card was signed "from Big Brother" we were both startled!
You see, my hubby calls Cass his little sister. He was the only one that she could think of that would have sent them with that message, but assuredly he wouldn't send her flowers and not me ... would he???
Cass and I decided the flowers had to be from one of her male friends and went on with our day. As a long, rough Friday creeped to a close, I had an unexpected call from the hubby. He asked how my day was and and a honest "shitty" was not the answer he was looking for. There was a long silence at the other end of the phone and he asked if I hadn't gotten a delivery. At my negative answer, he repeated the question. When the answer was still negative he clarified with ... "You didn't get flowers?"
LOL That was when it dawned on me ... Cass's flowers were REALLY from my husband and I hadn't got any. When he sheepishly confirmed this with a description of what he ordered and the message on the card ... I teared up. Now mind you I am usually a strong woman, and the hubby treats me like a princess most of the time, BUT every girl has those moments where things just hit them wrong and their fragile feelings are crushed. THIS was one of those moments.
He hastily reassured me that he HAD ordered me flowers, A DOZEN to her mere three even ... but the little girl in me wanted to cry and ask ... THEN WHERE ARE THEY??? I did my best to laugh it off, but after very nearly 17 years of marriage, he could hear the hurt in my voice.
Needless to say, he got off the phone with me and called the florist to tell them they had 35 MINUTES to get a dozen green and white carnations to his wife. Aren't they beautifuL?
Rae is getting published!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I always knew there would come a day when I could say “I knew her when …” *snickers* As in … I knew Adriana Noir when she wrote Fan Fiction!! *GASP* Worse yet … I knew her when she wrote WWE Wrestling Fan Fiction! Of course … what I may be failing to mention is that this is how we met. *giggles*
Trust me … that is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the blackmail material we have on one another. Sooo when she makes her millions … I fully expect a cushy chair on the deck next to her where we can watch the ocean and peck at our laptops. *grins*
All teasing aside, I am so damn excited for Rae that I can barely stand it. If you are lucky, there are those people in your life whose happiness is more important than your own. That is the case with my Rae Rae. I wish you ALL THE BEAST, my beloved twin. You deserve nothing less.
|As far back as I remember, I stood alone. As painful as it was at times … I walked to my own beat. In the beginning this was not a conscious decision … it was just the way it was. As I got older, the pressure became nearly unbearable and I drew in even further on myself … lost in my own thoughts … shutting most of who I was off to others. I allowed few to know me in those years … perhaps even fewer as I became an adult. These days … the decision is a conscious one … and one that I am proud of. As difficult as this may be to understand … the biggest mistakes …the biggest disappointments in my life have come when I tried to blend … tried to fit in … when I sacrificed who I was.
By this time you are probably wondering if I have a point, beyond darkening your day. Actually, this time I do. So for those with little patience ... the abridged version. Eight ... nine years ago I met the twin of my soul. Twins of destiny I call us. Sound corny? I don't care. My terror twin, as we were affectionately named by friends, "gets me". Not only does she understand me, but she loves me for who I am and encourages me always to BE that person. To be me. I know her as Rae. Many of your know her as the one and only, Adriana Noir . If you haven't read her work, do so. She has a rare gift that most writers would kill for.
Anywhoooo ... back on point. I warned you in the introduction people that I ramble. Too bad. My BLOG ... my thoughts ... my rules. It was Rae who introduced me to WDC a little over two years ago. The first year ... I tried to fit in ... and didn't. *shakes my head at my own foolishness* You would think I would learn. As a result of my frustration I spent very little time here that first year. In the second year I wanted to get my writing back on track and so I decided to give it another go. I am glad I did.
Not because my writing has improved here, but because of some of the people I have met. Imagine my suprise when people started to get to know me a bit and God forbid ... accept me for who I am. OH, don't get me wrong. I will never be little Mary sunshine and I don't want to be. There are people here, as with everyday life, that don't like me or my style and never will. *shrugs* Who cares. The point is that WDC as a community tries to be accepting of others based who they are and not who they should be in their eyes.
I am glad that I became involved in this community and I am proud to be a leader in the Angel Army. I won't lose me ... but sometimes, being part of a group is nice.