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Just my opinions and outlook on life |
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The end of 2020 The very first entry I made for The Writer’s Cramp was my best. It tied for the win and I was happy about that but it really made no difference to me. It was a poem written after Thanksgiving about my own recovery from addiction. That was 26 years ago and it totally changed my life. I checked myself into Drug Rehabilitation when I first realized that I might have a problem with substance abuse. I had no idea what changes that one incident would make in my life. When I was discharged, I had a lot of major decisions to make and the poem spoke to how conflicted I still was. The prompt was Closely Watched Trains. It was easy to take that one and run with it. After all, trains take you places and where you go can change your life forever. My journey had just begun. Closely Watched Trains I stand alone in blinding rain, waiting on an unknown train. My future life, a choice to make. Only one I can take. Two tickets lay in my hand, don’t know where to stand. One path leads to a familiar past. Comfort once lost; now peace might last. The other takes me far away. Unknown future, a bright new day? Strangers can become friends. A new life, old wounds can mend. Last time I waited on a train, a filthy walkway, urine stains. Crying frightened, shameful tears, burdened with pain, unknown fears. The smut on me wouldn’t wash away. In pores so deep, I had to stay. If I hung in, worked the steps. A cluttered mess might bring rest. Been running too long and fast, towards a certain fatal crash. Smoke the gin, drink the powder, Alice of Wonderland in troubled water. I did hard work, washed my stains. Princess in a castle, I glow, no shame. I found answers for all asked of me, climbed the Magic Beanstalk tree. Now, I wait on my wish filled train. I pray a light shines true in dark rain. God, I have come a long, long way. I need to love myself enough to stay. By Kathie Stehr 11/27/2020 Learning to love myself enough to make necessary decisions was the key to future happiness. If you don’t love yourself enough then you cannot love other important people in your life. I left a marriage that I knew was over after twenty years. We had two children together and were happy for many years so it was devastating to even think about starting over. Our lives had changed so much over those years. Now, instead of working together, we were destroying our lives and it was affecting the kids. I also ended up leaving my job as a registered nurse because the stress of all of it: the marriage, the job and no time for my children was taking a terrible toll. I had been diagnosed with a neurological disease that was painful and hard to deal with for me and my family. The final straw was taking medication for the symptoms and making the potentially harmful mistake of mixing it with alcohol. Thankfully I only did this when I wasn't working but if I had continued, I would have made mistakes at work and could have hurt or killed someone. Working with the hospital, I tried different areas to go back to work but could not physically do it. I applied for and got on the hospital's disability benefit. This step began a whole new way to live an even better life. I helped with the national organization for dystonia, became a support group leader, I also was a motivational speaker that traveled the country to talk at our national symposiums with physicians and scientists. It was a different way of being a nurse/caretaker by taking caring of me first then other people who needed information and guidance. I loved meeting the people and the symptoms, that I was trying to cover up at work, showed others I was just like them. I could give them hope. I remarried, in time, to a man who loves me and helped me with my volunteer work. He has been by my side for surgeries and many painful procedures. Of course, I have reciprocated for him but it is hard to deal with a partner with physical disabilities. We have been together for over twenty-five years and have a large combined family who love each other. I will be 68 in 2021 and we are enjoying a more laid back retired life. All of us should constantly take an inventory of our lives. How are we living them? Are we serving ourselves or others? I believe we are put on this Earth to help others and we must be willing and honest to do that. I follow the principles of AA and NA and it hasn't let me down. It is progress not perfection, like a marriage. If you make a mistake, you own it and begin again. I hope any future entries I make are as true to my convictions as this one was. Fiction is fine and I enjoy it. All writing comes from the inner well of wisdom that says so much about its’ author. I try to end all my writing on an optimistic note. I want to grow in my writing, sometimes I touch my inner feelings more than others and this was one that did. It was a great prompt. 2020 has been a very hard year for more people than I can ever remember. There are so many people out there that are ill, have lost someone they love, can't feed their families and are falling into the darkness of addiction. I pray for all of them and do what I can. I wish for the judges and all the people that belong to Writing.com that they are at peace within themselves and bring more joy to this planet than they take from it. I know I have to make that choice every day, to spread love and remain sober. I wish you all a happy new year, may it be a much better year for all. Thanks for letting me be a part of this family. Kathie Stehr December 31, 2020 ** Image ID #2267445 Unavailable ** |
| DAY 3402 March 3, 2022 History: What is your favorite time in history to read or write about? Why? If you could teleport there, would you? I have always heard it said, "write what you know". Now that I am about to enter my seventies, I read and write a lot about the post World War Two years. I suppose because I want to know how we ended up in the place where we are at today. My bookshelves are full of biographies of the US Presidents, analysis of the wars we have been in, the 1619 project, writings of MLK Jr and Malcolm X. I love reading about resistance movements, stories about strong women that shaped the way for women today, labor movements, the fight for civil rights and different types of religion. I also like reading about changes in the medical field over the years. Right now I am reading “Leadership” by Doris Kearns Goodwin. It is excellent. The History Channel recently showed a special from her book on Lincoln that was wonderfully done. Looking back at my own experience, the 1960’s was such a defining time. The Kennedy Administration gave us such promise with the New Frontier, both the space race with Russia and the civil rights movement, women were beginning to change their thinking about what they wanted of their own dreams. I remember my parents telling me how lucky I was to be born in the 1950’s. The big War was over and there were jobs and opportunities, new “modern” homes with great appliances. Diseases could be cured or prevented that were considered fatal at one time. I had a great childhood where there weren’t school shootings, drugs were much milder and usually found at high school level. Of course we all tried booze and cigarettes like our parents and rebelled with our long hair and short skirts, flags sown on our bell bottoms. Then our world became very ugly with the murders of our leaders and 1968 was a heart breaking year. If I could teleport I would want to be somewhere in the middle of a protest, marching in Birmingham or on the Freedom rides, working with Cesar Chevez, helping with the ERA movement or working in a lab on cancer research. I always loved the line from “Grapes of Wrath”. Of course that wasn’t the 1960’s but just like what is happening in Ukraine today. I would have wanted to be involved on the right side of history. There are always the people that have and those that don’t. That book speaks to the mass migration of populations due to climate changes, infrastructure collapse and economics, the refusal of a system to help and indeed the full demonisation of those in transit. The language in the book is beautifully simple and yet says so much about strength, sadness, suffering, perseverance and dignity. So I end this with Tom Joad speaking to his Ma- "Then I’ll be all aroun’ in the dark. I’ll be ever’where — wherever you look. Wherever they’s a fight so hungry people can eat, I’ll be there. Wherever they’s a cop beatin’ up a guy, I’ll be there. If Casy knowed, why, I’ll be in the way guys yell when they’re mad an’ — I’ll be in the way kids laugh when they’re hungry an’ they know supper’s ready. An’ when our folks eat the stuff they raise an’ live in the houses they build — why, I’ll be there." |
| Day 3401: March 2, 2022 Prompt: Political: Since March is Women's History month, write about gender equality. How important is it in relation to issues facing America? Some sample issues are the climate change, women judges, voting right, or any other local or global issues facing us today. The 117th Congress set a new record high for women’s representation in the legislature. This is truly something to celebrate. As part of the Library of Congress celebrations of Women’s History Month, the Library’s Congressional Relations Office and the John W. Kluge Center will highlight the achievements of women in Congress as a testament to progress in the American democracy, from suffrage to candidacy, to governing. In this event, women members of Congress will share their thoughts on their paths, the history they are making for future leaders, and the importance of their voices in the practice of policymaking.So from 4pm-5pm ET this can be found on the Library of Congress site. I think we've come long way from the 1950's when I was born and all you would see in government were white men. Very few women pursued the sciences or went into politics, weren't in the military, few were lawyers. If you wanted a job outside of the home, you were a secretary, a teacher or a nurse. Those were the jobs you took until you found a husband. Then you stayed home and reproduced. It is wonderful now to look at a Supreme Court that actually looks like America, representing both gender and skin color. I believe this means better decisions being made for all Americans when you have representation from a variety of people that reside in this country. I am concerned about our election integrity but that isn't really gender related. I just feel like there are too many states that have changed the process so local legislators can swing the electors to go towards a preferred candidate. I am concerned with the so called "heartbeat" bills that have been passed in states like Texas and Mississippi so women over 6 to 15 weeks of pregnancy cannot have an abortion. Certain states have been closing down planned Parenthood and other women's clinics for several years now. They have put all types of conditions in place so women have waiting periods after viewing an ultrasound that they have to look at and hear the heartbeat. Then they go home to "think" about their decision for 24-72 hours. All of these measures make women have to wait longer and makes abortion harder. I just feel like this is a personal decision between a women and her physician and no one should be interfering. Women have all types of reasons for wanting to obtain an abortion and we have made it legal already. If it is criminalized, women will find a way to do it and many will die. We have traveled this road before and as an RN, I have watched women die due to botched abortions. Twenty-one weeks is still the point of viability for a baby to live outside a uterus. That usually means the baby is intubated and is has IVs or possibly a feeding tube for formula. If the child even survives, many have multiple developmental problems and physical ones. Roe vs Wade should be left as is, there is no reason to change it. I am just happy to see my grand daughter have opportunities to do almost anything she desires in this life. You truly can have it all if you work hard but can you balance it all? That is still the question. Many women try but they usually have help. I was fortunate enough to stay home with both of my boys until they were two before I went back to work full time. If I had not worked they wouldn't have had the opportunities they had, so I am glad I did. I also felt like I was contributing to humanity working in the health field. |
 Day 3399: February 28, 2022 Prompt: Environmental: “But Man is a part of Nature, and his war against nature is inevitably a war against himself.” — Rachel Carson: Use this quote to inspire you. Thanks for this prompt because I didn’t know very much about Rachel Carson so I looked up her writings. She is inspirational and cautionary and ahead of her time. A biologist who wrote and studied the negative effects of pesticides and DDT. Apparently post World War Two the US went all out with different chemicals to destroy pesky mosquitos and ants, whatever was eating our pretty flowering plants and of course, agriculture. I took almost all science courses in college in the 1970’s and don’t remember studying the negative effects of hardly any routine gardening chemicals. Since I was working on a nursing degree, perhaps I only was taught about how to treat chemical splash wounds or something poisonous that was ingested or inhaled. I remember “Call Poison Control ASAP” When man was so invested in working in the ground I think he thought more about the actual caring of the land. I come from farmers and even those that didn’t make a living at farming sometimes kept a cow, chickens, maybe a goat. Until the 1950’s there weren’t any fast food restaurants that had carry out containers. Milk was delivered in bottles, even grocery stores had my grandma bring a basket to put things in from bins. I believe it was when I was a child that we started seeing more and more plastics. It was better living through science and my Mom loved the new polyester clothes that she didn’t have to iron. Containers from stores were not just glass (which you could recycle) but light weight plastic and then styrofoam came about. All these synthetics were used for so many things. When I began my nursing career I remember physician’s offices still had the autoclave to disinfect syringes and instruments. Hospital were still using glass IV bottles that were recycled. Suddenly everything became prepackaged because you could charge so much more money for it. I worked with Quality Assurance for a few weeks and we made recommendations for cost cutting for the hospital. RNs and MDs didn’t use half of the things that were put in packages. A catheter kit had so much extra stuff that was waste but cost the patient. I think that information went right into the trash. Now a patient watches most everything used on them thrown away afterwards. Remember glass thermometers in alcohol? (I am a dinosaur.) There is a terrible cost to all this, of course. No one asked nature. Man is a greedy creature that looks to his own convenience and time. Things are changing for the better but have we waited too late? Jimmy Cater was the 1st President that I remember mentioning environmental concerns (a peanut farmer). Curiously, he gave Rachel Carson a Presidential Medal of Freedom posthumously. She certainly deserved it. Our Weeping Planet I began, a trickle of clear water. Sneaking into crevices, sparkling tiny bubbles, sustenance for plants. Life affirming hope, nature's glorious dance. A luminous stream under the sun, grows longer, wider in girth. Molding life, giving birth, becoming part of an evolving earth. A swimming hole for children, laughing, searching for treasures. Moonlight lovers find enchantment. All vital parts of a wondrous planet. Wait! What is this change? Has nature become mans’ merciless game? My riverbed, now covered by discarded trash. Is my legacy to become history's sad past? By Kathie Stehr |
| What's missing for you when it comes to the blog prompts? Why do you think people aren't blogging? I believe most people are going through a lot of stress right now and maybe they don't feel like talking about the negative things in their lives. Maybe they don't want to make other people feel badly or say something that isn't politically correct. I have been told that people want to forget the real world when they come on here but I thought a blog was kind of like a journal, to share feelings. I am watching a world that seems to be coming apart over divisions in politics, what history teaches our kids, police brutality and not enough police, gun violence in all cities and an substance abuse epidemic plus questions over our voting system. Add that to the pandemic that has been affecting our lives for going on 3 years and now a war in Ukraine plus prices going up everywhere. I am not sure whether people are just weary, anxious and don't want to talk or they would like to know we all are feeling overwhelmed. Now I am one of those people that speak my mind about what I hear on the news and it bothers me that the news is different on all stations. I can't think about fantasy, romance, etc with all the craziness. I have really enjoyed doing Sound trackers though, music does soothe the beast. I really don't know but I did enjoy it when there were a couple choices for blogging. You can do one or the other or both. Something more light hearted and spiritual or about nature. Maybe a prompt about happy times now or memories with family or friends to share and give people hope. . Then something about what is going on in our own world and how it is affecting us. Maybe some people that are more optimistic (with a better sense of history) can reassure those who are worried. Some of us older people have been in this place before and know this too shall pass. It worries me to see so many younger people on anti-depressants and filled with anxiety. I just wonder what my grandparents, who went through 2 world wars and the Great Depression, would think of us. Some of the prompts have been great though and I haven't had the time. I also have a tough time with the ones where you have to use certain words. That is a challenge but I am sure other writers love it. Thanks for asking and for doing this for us. |
| “Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” —Franklin D. Roosevelt Do you agree or disagree with Mr. Roosevelt? Have you ever been in a situation that you were so frightened but found the courage to overcome? I love FDR and he is a hero when it comes to overcoming fear and making decisions that are important. He was a young strong man with 5 children that he swam with and played all kinds of sports when he was struck with polio. That was 1921 and he went on to serve as Gov of New York, and of course, 4 terms as president of the US. It would take pages to list his accomplishments in life. His fireside chats during WW2 kept Americans optimistic. He is my personal favorite President. Probably the 1st time I was really frightened and had to summon up courage was when I was 19. I had just had my 1st baby by a Cesarean section a week before. We lived in an apartment that had concrete steps going up to where the car was parked. There was about 5 steps. I wasn’t supposed to pick up anything that weighed more than little Paul at 7 pounds. My husband had to get back to work. He was a manager for a large retail chain called Rich’s in Atlanta. He was over all the non selling areas of the store. So I had just come home from the hospital and the baby was in a bassinet next to our bed so I could breast feed him. We were already sleep deprived but Frank couldn’t move his legs that morning to get up. Of course, hindsight is 20/20. We should have called an ambulance. I don’t think 911 was set up yet. I helped him get to the car. I don’t remember how I did this. He obviously had some use of his legs and I had a lot of adrenaline pumping. I did go back to pick the baby up (didn’t forget him) and drove to the hospital, which was about 15 minutes away. I drove into the bay of the ER where the ambulances were and personnel put him on a stretcher. After a Xray where dye was injected into the epidural column showed a vertebra had shattered and was embedded in the several areas of the spinal cord, we knew it meant immediate surgery. This was many years before I went to college for my nursing degree so I just trusted the medical experts. All was well in the end and he could walk again although he was in the hospital for 4 weeks. He came home in an ambulance. We tried to go to my parents to stay because that was my home base to sleep and live while he was in the hospital. My Mom was a great help in taking care of Paul as I ran back and forth to the hospital with leaking breasts. When you are young, it is amazing what you can do. Of course since then, both in my job and public I have treated accident victims, done CPR, delivered babies, covered wounds with intestines coming out. That kind of thing is easier in the hospital where you have equipment than on the floor of a gift shop or in a park but thank goodness for EMTs and paramedics. The point of all of it is catching the emergency in time and figuring out the problem. Never had to deal with a person with a gun meaning to harm someone, thank goodness. You can do anything if you don’t let fear stop you but it helps immensely if you have knowledge. Everyone should take the advanced cardiac first aid course and get certified. You never know what will happen to a loved one and you can be the difference. I did the Heimlich maneuver on myself one time and dislodged a piece of a granola bar. I was alone and about to pass out. Glad that I could think of what to do! |
| Day 3364: January 24, 2022 Prompt: What is your favorite activity on a Brumous Day Since I live in Atlanta, we don't see wintry weather very often. I should say we don't see the pretty white snow that is great to play in. The kids were always disappointed. Lately we have had windy, icy weather that has been bringing down trees. Normally on a windy day I would curl up with a good book and some chai latte and ignore the world. Lately(in the last 9 months) we have had 4 large healthy oak trees come down in our yard. Two of those covered the upstairs of our home. That disaster happened in 5/21 and we are still having work done on our home. I am a total believer in global warming and get a little anxious when the wind picks up. It used to mean down time to relax to me but now I am like someone living in a mobile home during tornado season (and that has changed also). Always being on alert is making us all more tense than normal. Have a nice weather day and take deep breathes often. WE will make it through all of this crazy weather together and come out on the other side (I hope). |
| TABOO (HUMAN RIGHTS) Everyone wants to have their human rights protected... but give that protection to others? "No One Can Take Away Your Human Rights." Or so they say; and yet... do you feel that you, your family, your friends, your immediate community, has been denied human rights or protected? Share one or more story that you were a part of or witnessed. Many of the taboos here center around religion, speech, sex, gender, age, affiliation and expression. And that's where human rights become compromised whether we openly talk about it or not. https://www.un.org/en/about-us/universal-declaration-of-human-rights While I hear people talk about their rights to not take a vaccination that has been proven safe and we are in the middle of a pandemic, I am totally confused. When my sons went into the service they got about 20 different vaccines and when my kids and I went into school, we had to have all our vaccines. As an RN, every year I had to go to the health resources office at the hospital to get up to date on my vaccines or lose my job. See as a person of science this makes sense to me. I already cannot give blood donations anymore, after years of doing it, because I have Hepatitis B antibodies. Although I wasn’t ever symptomatic, I have had my share of needle sticks over the years as most hands on medical professionals that do invasive procedures. In getting vaccines I was protecting people under my care with fragile immune systems, children and older people. Now that I am older, out of respect, I feel younger people should try to protect me. My children certainly do and I don’t have any chronic conditions except age and my dystonia, which doesn’t really count. Either we all take care of each other because we care and we have a right to liberty, justice, life and happiness, or we are a very selfish society thinking of our own rights. Where has empathy gone? We are a people who believe in freedom of religion, it is a cornerstone of our democracy yet people are trying to force their own idea of religion in schools. There are many religions represented in our citizenry, many Muslims serve the US military. Many Buddhists worship here among other religions. These are older than Christianity yet we keep saying this is a Christian country. No it was a “freedom to believe what we wanted” that we fought and died for. I remember I had a patient that was having a major gastrointestinal bleed and I was trying to slow it down before we took him to surgery. It was 11pm and I was about to go off shift but I stayed and kept putting iced saline down his nasogastric tube while we hung one unit after another of blood. The surgeon was on his way in. A nurse that was working the night shift came in the room with her Bible and began to speak in tongues over the patient. I know she meant well but she didn’t know what religion they practiced and it wasn’t even her patient. I asked the family if she had asked their permission and the answer was “No!” They were shocked and didn’t understand what this had to do with medicine. They had their own minister they had called. The LPN was a nice lady and good nurse but she was infringing on their freedom of religion. If they had been Wicca or atheists, they had the right to privacy and freedom. I have never forgotten that. The Constitution is a wonderful document and gives us rights. It is unique and we are fortunate to live in a democracy but we are all different with our belief systems and politics. We need to honor each other. |
| TABOO (AVOIDANCE) Are you easily offended? Does sex, violence, gore, drugs, politics, religion, swear-words keep you from reading something. Which taboo bothers you the most/least. Does anyone read 18+ writings. Are children to be protected from the world or educated about it. I am offended by ridiculous ignorance and I don’t have a poker face. I have a very open mind about almost everything else. Nothing would keep me from watching a movie that I had heard critical praise for. I love all types of art because it is creative and has meaning to the artist. There are exceptions, of course. I am open to most religions unless if is obviously a cult that takes advantage of people. I have personally seen an older disabled woman robbed of her Social Security earnings by a Pentecostal church. They told her she would be healed if she gave more. She was living on almost nothing and giving thousands to the church. Now I know that is the exception but it is awful. I don’t like gore for any reason. Being in the medical field I have seen the destruction caused by real violence and don’t like it exploited. Sex is fine as long as it pertains to the story, either film or book. The human body was made for pleasure. I don’t care for S&M. Open marriages or relationships are fine but I have turned them down. I don’t see how it works without jealousy etc. Drugs are a huge problem for our world if they become addictive in a negative way and can ruin lives. This is a complex subject and I know other countries have made drugs legal and provide places for people to use safely, have free rehab centers and also to find alternatives. This is a subject the US is going to have to confront in the immediate future. Marijuana is a part of my life for my dystonia pain and I use Kratom, a plant based medicine also. It is made from the crushed leaves of trees grown in Asia. It is banned in many states. I have close family that have OD'd on illegal drugs, used wrongly they ruin lives and some should only be used medically. Swear words are only words but they have a place in culture and music and life in general. Sometimes people become so lazy they don’t use another word in place of swear words. I know as a teenager these words were used for shock value. Now they are a part of the mainstream and most people are becoming used to them in music and movies. Politics can be problem for me right now. I have strong liberal views but am always willing to listen to another point of view. I read and listen to both sides but throw pillows and cuss in private a lot. LOL Violence bothers me the most, too much of it and I think people are obviously adversely affected by it. I read all types of writing, You are missing out on the world if you worry about adult literature. Children should be protected by us when they are small. The world is a messy, sometimes cruel place and education about many things will serve you well as you are ready to understand truth about everything. Thanks for the chance to voice my ideas on these subjects. Have a wonderful safe New Year! |
I am going to use this blog comment-excellent one. I have the "I want to be liked" syndrome but at 68, that is beginning to change. I am really tired of feeling guilty if I hurt someone's feelings. Time to be who I really am even though I am a broken dish with a lot of flaws. I have gotten into a terrible habit of sitting far too much even though I know it is bad for me. Perhaps not for anyone else but for me, I am changing that. For the last 8 months, since the trees demolished our top floor, my excuse is that there is sheetrock dust everywhere so why clean? Because it is good exercise and keeps the dirt level down in our warped home. Now our house is finally 3/4 of the way done and I am thrilled. I have new coats of paint in each room. The tree did so much damage to the house each ceiling was cracked, mirrored doors were cracked, carpet was soaked and so was wooden flooring so the Insurance co paid out a $100,000 for damages. Our home has newly repaired walls, ceilings painted and the wallpaper stripped and newly lovely paint colors I choose. The only thing that isn't done is the carpeting and flooring. I can't wait now. Of course some precious irreplaceable furniture was lost. My cherry bedroom suite was ruined and even though it was expensive (in the 1970's) they only pay fair market price with depreciation. That adds up to $800 for a bedroom set that costs over that back 50 years ago. It was time to get rid of stuff anyway and this has forced me to go through box after box, donate to the Goodwill and dump stuff out. About 300 books have gone to the goodwill. It feels good to see less stuff to clean-a more slick minimalistic look as we age. I suppose there really is a reason for all that happens-even the tragedies. It got me moving and I have lost about 20# just cleaning. Have a wonderful New Year everyone!!! |
| Jan 7,2022 Use these words in your entry: tickle, fickle, pickle, Alice, teacup, path and rabbit. My Collage of Fantasy and Reality Let's start at the beginning, a very good place to start. My sweet silver haired daddy was a bit strange in some ways, when you would barely touch his feet, he would laugh loudly. "Toots, that tickles! Stop!" It set that special man apart. I hate to admit it but being fickle is one bad trait. I have it in spades but used it to my advantage. Comes in handy with men-keeps them on their toes. So with my male admirers being fickle was their final fate. Pickle-so many it puts one in quite a pickle to recall. My Grandma used cucumbers in vinegar and spices. A dirt cellar filled with Mason jars of delicious dill delighters. They would curl your toes and make your nose tickle. Go Ask Alice, I think she knows, music from Jefferson Airplane. One pill makes you larger And one pill makes you small. And the ones that mother gives you Don't do anything at all. Go ask Alice When she's ten feet tall. Ok, we end with Alice in Wonderland, time for cards to play and fold. Wandering down the rabbit hole where all curious people go. Follow the path and meet a Mad Hatter and Queens, we all have a teacup. Drink the tea, off to psychedelic adventures, the wonders we will behold. |
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