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One man's journey to find the way home |
Size: 533 Entries
Created: August 15th, 2016 at 3:49pm
Modified: May 15th, 2019 at 3:51pm
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I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from.
After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit.
I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY?
Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation....
WELCOME!!
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| Here we go. Out of the depths. To seek to rise up in order that my eyes might meet God's eyes. I feel that I am still finding my way without anyone to embrace me. God take my emptiness and like a balloon fill it with your spirit so that I might fill the emptiness of another with your joy. This is the first day of a quest to 65 years old. With God's help 🙏 may I see your glory and presence more real than ever before. Praise God from heights, earth and as witness from those along with me have eyes to see. |
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| I wrote my sermon today. It is hard to enjoy a day off. I pray that I can lift up in a spirit of praise. I in the course of doing this watching the red Sox and bruins in games that could go either way. So then what is praise. I guess it is deciding who wins the battle in the end. At times trusting God is the hardest thing anyone can do. So the heavens, earth and God bears witness. |
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| I renewed membership. Now I sort out what this means going forward. I tire too easy. I am running out of gas. Lord help me find strength to make it to tomorrow. |
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| Today is the best day to learn about the hat which may affect me tomorrow. Thank you God for sharing the possibility in any given moment. |
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| It is a day that seems to last for eternity. It is Sunday. There is a reminder of the hallowed day growing up. I feared the day until I became interested in church. God was seen as a scary person who might kill or imprison. It was the day when I was put in the corner, because I did not know how to act in church. Now a days if I miss church I feel awful. So what does it mean going forward. I rest in the knowledge God is love and hope in time others can sing this truth with me. |
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| I am tried and tired. The whole idea of having tires makes sense to me. Four tires on a car gets a person somewhere. I may need to find a way to turn tired into tires. God give me strength. |
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| Write to write to write. I am caught in my own puzzles. I wanted to write as a security guard. As a caregiver I am more content to live the tale as if anything I do really matters. I continue to trust the process. I have written and reviewed very little. I am left wondering what it means to seek renewal. I die to live again. Time will tell in the moments whether I write or give up the task as done. |
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So tired. No place to go. How do I best use fatigue to give others strength to get thru another day. God be with me. It feels so ugly inside sometimes. It would be better to turn off the he light rather than let people see what a mess my life has become.
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| Gifts to my grandkids: a reminder that without God I have no business being here and loving those as beautiful and wonderful as you. |
April 24, 2019 at 10:11pm
April 24, 2019 at 10:11pm
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| Back to the old grind, just when I was about to say now it gets easier. The account go down to 5000 and I am running scared. Whatever happened to trusting God? I will test more of my limits. Maybe I will make it to The age of one hundred after all. Time will tell. |
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