One man's journey to find the way home
I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from. |
After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit.
I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY?
Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation....
|Here we go. Out of the depths. To seek to rise up in order that my eyes might meet God's eyes. I feel that I am still finding my way without anyone to embrace me. God take my emptiness and like a balloon fill it with your spirit so that I might fill the emptiness of another with your joy. This is the first day of a quest to 65 years old. With God's help 🙏 may I see your glory and presence more real than ever before. Praise God from heights, earth and as witness from those along with me have eyes to see.
|I wrote my sermon today. It is hard to enjoy a day off. I pray that I can lift up in a spirit of praise. I in the course of doing this watching the red Sox and bruins in games that could go either way. So then what is praise. I guess it is deciding who wins the battle in the end. At times trusting God is the hardest thing anyone can do. So the heavens, earth and God bears witness.
|It is a day that seems to last for eternity. It is Sunday. There is a reminder of the hallowed day growing up. I feared the day until I became interested in church. God was seen as a scary person who might kill or imprison. It was the day when I was put in the corner, because I did not know how to act in church. Now a days if I miss church I feel awful. So what does it mean going forward. I rest in the knowledge God is love and hope in time others can sing this truth with me.
|Write to write to write. I am caught in my own puzzles. I wanted to write as a security guard. As a caregiver I am more content to live the tale as if anything I do really matters. I continue to trust the process. I have written and reviewed very little. I am left wondering what it means to seek renewal. I die to live again. Time will tell in the moments whether I write or give up the task as done.