One writer's journey
She sat down at her old wooden desk, pen at the ready. Her thoughts raced. What shall I write today? Tilting her head to the side, a small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth before enveloping her delicate face. The purple ink began to fill the once blank sheet, each stroke a labor of pure joy as the words flowed from her mind, her heart, her very soul.
to write of romance and endless love
to love without boundaries
to learn from past mistakes
to laugh with all my heart
to be the woman I am meant to be
I will reach for the stars
Will not give up
Will give all that I have
Dare to dream the impossible dream
For anything in this life is possible
|Prompt: How is covid changing your holiday plans and how do you feel about that?
Blasted piece of shit Covid. God we were so close to making it through 2020 covid free. But of course, that's what I get for thinking.
Now, I know this isn't going to be love conquers all, so great to be married for so long, blah, blah, blah entry. Instead, I am going to rip the husband to shreds since I blame him for infecting the rest of us.
That devoted man that I've been married to for 29 fucking years put indoor Soccer over his families health. Asshole. I have been livid for an entire week now. I had entire rant in my head all planned to lash out on him, but God help me, I haven't let it rip.
I mean fucking seriously. Since when is indoor soccer a necessity during a fucking pandemic? Why was it fucking more important than the people he actually lives with?
On the drive home from urgent care he had the audacity to turn to me and say, "You know what made me think I had it? I lost my sense of smell." To that I hit him as hard I as I could in the arm while he was driving and told him he was an ass. He was already experiencing symptoms for 7 days. Brushing off each one as they came. I even asked if he wanted to go get tested and his response was, "for what?" Fucker!
The only smart thing he did during those 7 days was have me call my parents and cancel our regular Saturday dinner plans. But he had no trouble letting our oldest and his wife come over that weekend while he was coughing and having chills. Who does that?
I am the designated house for Christmas. It was bad enough that my step siblings and their families weren't coming. My mother is battling early onset Alzhiemer's, and these are the moments I am struggling to spend time with her because of this piece of shit pandemic. But nope, another god damned day taken away.
I cannot even pinpoint if I am asymptomatic, or when the date was that I caught this shit virus. Which means trying to postpone Christmas to New Year's Day doesn't seem like a smart idea to me. But the family is all pushing for that. I swear it's like they've all lost their damn minds.
Luckily, we all had pretty mild symptoms. R's symptoms: severe back pain, followed by chills and coughing. Then just as he thinks he's getting better. BAM! Loss of smell. He's still coughing. My oldest had a false negative rapid test, and the results from the regular test came back positive. He had a stuffy nose, chills, cough, fatigue. Then the loss of smell and taste. His wife has pretty much followed all of his symptoms, with the exception of the loss of senses. She still hasn't lost any of those. My youngest has a cough, sore throat and it has wrecked havoc on his stomach. I swear that kid has easily lost ten pounds in a week. Saturday I started noticing symptoms, but swore that I had a sinus infection, which is usually what I get just before the holidays as Michigan works its ass off to try and figure out what kind of weather we shall have from day-to-day.
It started with the sinus issues, and Sunday during dinner I had a few bouts of severe back pain, that went away as quickly as it began. I wondered then if my rapid test was indeed a false negative as well. But the Dr had already told me not to test for at least 5 days after the last test, and only test if I was having symptoms.
Monday I got in line at a drive-thru testing site, which took a fucking hour, where of course I fell asleep while waiting in my damn car.
So no, Christmas I'm not looking forward to you. At least my son and daughter-in-law will be there since we are all Covid positive. Dinner will be just a regular one without all the trimmings. I mean fuck it, why bother, half the family won't be there anyway. And since I cannot smell anything or taste anything for that matter, I see no sense in going out of my way. Besides, I'm working tomorrow. Why? Because my fucking employee freaked out when she learned about my husband having covid and quit. Which leaves me the only dayshift worker. And since my son has covid too, I couldn't have him cover my ass when my uncle is covering his.
I'll miss hanging with the family that day, my mom especially, but this is where we're at. I'd never forgive myself I made her sick with this crap virus.
On a side note, for that person who so brilliantly had to go and make a fake account just to rip on a few of us who put the blame where it belongs in the US, squarely on that piece of shit in the White House and didn't do a god damned thing to try and save the people in the US. I wish you hadn't been such a coward and deleted your account. You certainly had no qualms dishing shit out. No, Trump is no God, nor is he the Devil, but he is a disgusting piece of human garbage. And if you don't like hearing that, too fucking bad. The truth hurts. That man only gives two shits about himself, which he proves every god damned day. So don't go preaching to me about your beliefs. For I am not one to sit down take it when someone is wrong about something so damn serious. Covid is fucking serious. Subjecting us to herd immunity? What a fucking prick. Where has that gotten us? Over 300,000 dead. On his watch. That makes him fucking responsible. Maybe if he'd actually have a heart, he'd care enough to do something about it.
I ramble too much, and I know this is so off the rails. Blame it on Covid. I am! Right now I'm just a miserable bitch and I don't care.
"JAFBG" by Elle (she/her)
|Monday was hell. I'm not going to lie about that. Everything went wrong, pretty much.
It's my job to open the gas station 4 days a week. I hardly ever sleep well on Sunday night. Probably because I know how busy I'm going to be for the next 5 days, worried about making ends meet on a new business, trying to figure out where to get products that no one seems to have in stock, etc. Either I forgot to set my alarm, or it went off and I shut it off immediately and went back to sleep.
R, my husband wakes me 6:45. I'm usually up at 5 and out the door by 5:30. I rush out of bed, do my usual routine, minus the coffee and off I go. I heard him moving around, figured he wouldn't be too far behind me heading to work. My money-making time at work is 6-8 am. Losing a full hour of money was a hard pill for me to swallow.
At 7:30, R calls. The first thing he says is I've been in an accident. It's not just the shock that had me shaking most of the day. His voice was so shaken, that it had me shaking as well. He tells me the car is probably totaled. He loved that car. I hated that car, so of course, I feel guilty because I've told him for the last 4 years how much I hate that car. I call and wake our youngest, tell him to be ready to go get his dad. R shows up at work, tells me about the accident, and how if he'd been driving any faster, or hadn't seen the guy blowing the red light he and the car would've been ripped in half. Between his voice on the phone, and the thoughts that race upon hearing that, I just couldn't shake it all day.
I spilled a full bottle of Lemonade on a customer's 10 lottery tickets. Lucky for me it was a regular and he gave me a pass.
Things just went downhill for the rest of the day. And then, R tells me he's going to his soccer game that night.
Me: Are you out of your damn mind?
Me: You've been in an accident, you've worked your butt off all day, all of the trauma is going to hit you. You're not going.
R: goes back to work.
Well, of course, he went to his game. Seriously I was livid. Tempted to grab onto his leg and see if he could drag me out the door with him. I mean come on, we are 53 and 52. Our bodies do not heal like they used to, and we both have had broken bones that have led to arthritis and other issues that remind us they are there on a daily basis. If he hadn't been in an accident I probably would've smacked him upside the head, but I didn't.
I went to bed while he was gone. Tuesday he comes into work.
Me: You're limping
R: Yea, my knee
Me: How's your back? [he was feeling the accident before he came home from work Monday]
Me: Sigh, I told you not to do it. I told you not to go play soccer, that you'd be feeling everything.
R: I had to go. And I kicked ass!
Me: I give
Manic Monday - The Bangels - 1986
|Prompt: Lecture time. Write about some harsh truths that people need to accept.
Sigh. What a shit week. Scratch that. What a SHIT YEAR. 2020 can just fuck off already.
I don't even know where to begin at this point. Basically, I'm heartbroken. Furious. Enraged. Fucking pissed off at the enormity of it all.
Let me just tell you that first off, I have dual citizenship [twitter jag offs keep calling me out for living in the US]. US born and raised, and then Lebanese. I have lived in Lebanon back in the early 1990s when they were coming out of civil war. I've seen the destruction that left behind and watched as they worked their assess off to rebuild the city of Beirut again. I have spent nearly every summer since 1992 there. I lived in the heart of Beirut. My husband's soccer team is located in Ashrafieh, which is now obliterated. We spent a lot of time in that suburb of East Beirut. I was there in 2006 when Hezbollah and Israel destroyed the country all over again. What an evacuation story that was.
What happened on Tuesday is mind boggling. I keep trying to wrap my damn head around it, erase the horrifying images from my mind, but I can't. Every day brings new videos, new tales of terror, and the fucking piece of shit government that has robbed, raped, manipulated and ruined what beauty Lebanon has to offer, hasn't done one damn thing. Not. One. They are too busy lining their pockets and neglecting their people.
They get on tv and say they will bring justice for those lost. Really? Hey fuck stick, YOU are the ones to blame. Every god damned last one of them in that government. You knew there were 2750 tons of ammonium nitrate sitting there for 6 fucking years. You knew damn well it was dangerous. What did you do? And do not even try to sell me the bullshit that it was confiscated and awaiting being shipped out. Unless of course you mean confiscated so that Fucking Asshole Nashrallah could build bombs with it. Hezbollah is a terrorist organization. Period. If you cannot acknowledge that. Fuck You. There is no help for you. Every person in that festering feces of an org can rot the fuck in hell.
The corruption is rampant over there. And we are not just talking about 2020, or 2019. This goes way back. My last name is...so therefore I'm entitled to...Fucking Soulless Assholes. Once Hezbollah got into the government, it's been a massive shit stain on the entire government and country as a whole. The civil war ended in 1990. To this day they still do not have 24 hour electricity. Imagine going to the grocery store and carrying everything you bought up flights of stairs to your house, putting the groceries away and your refrigerator is off. Up in the mountain where my house is, and yes, I still have a house there, we are lucky to get electric 12 hours a day. It comes and goes in intervals of 6 hours at a time. You can practically set your watch by it. Not this year. This year they are lucky to get 3 hours of electricity in a 24 hour period. And that's not just up in my mountain. That's Lebanon as a whole. Punishment for protesting I suspect.
When the younger generation took to the streets protesting, the economy was on the brink of collapse. They wanted the corruption to stop and the corrupt officials to step aside. They knew there was a better way. There had to be. Only 3 people stepped down. 3. They tried negotiating, suddenly claiming after 40 years of sporadic electricity, they had the means to provide everyone 24/7 electric. How the fuck is it, that they had the means, knew their people were suffering, yet did nothing about it? WTF. Someone please explain this bullshit to me because for the life of me, I cannot figure it out. Do they get off knowing they are making people suffer?
Covid hit. Still they protested. These oppressed people have been taking to the streets for over six months, and the government refuses to step aside.
And now the blast that has killed, hundreds [so many are unaccounted for], injured 5000+, and destroyed half of Beirut happens. Where is the government? No where to be seen. The people, after being shocked to their core are the ones digging through rubble looking for survivors. They are ones cleaning up the debris so people can walk the streets and drive on the roads.
First they claimed it was fireworks. Laughable. Anyone who saw that footage, hell even a toddler could tell you that wasn't fireworks. When that explanation didn't fly, what did they do? They blamed the port authority for storing the explosives. Just on whose authority was it that the explosives came to be there? Some random dude on the street? Fuckers. Now they've locked those people up. We all know who should be the ones rotting in a cell.
Yesterday, Macron from France arrived. It was heartbreaking watching people begging him to get involved, to help them. Every citizen there knows if money comes in, they will never see it. Macron swore he wasn't there for their government, but for the people. France's help would go to the people to rebuild, to eat, to help them find shelter as more than 300,000 are now homeless. What did the piece of shit excuse for a human being President do today as the 1.5 million ton shipment with food and medical supplies was set to arrive? He denied them entry. He told France they didn't need their help. Are you fucking insane? People are dying. Your food supply has nothing to replenish it since the grain silo at the port was destroyed. Everything is imported. And yet you want to be the world's biggest asshole and not help the very people who put your sorry ass in office? Go straight to hell Michel Aoun. Just who in the fuck do you think you are?
Instead of taking the desperately needed help and saving your people, you've decided you'd rather keep your head up the ass of Iran, and that terrorist Hassan Nasrallah. For fucks sake. Do you have a heart? Obviously not. The me mentality pisses me off to no end. This government is incapable of doing the right thing. They all need to be driven out of office, and out of the fucking country. Every last one of these fuckers. They all knew what was at the port. Did they care? Nope. God forbid they thought of something other than lining their pockets and kissing a terrorists ass.
Also today, the henchmen of Hezbollah were seen donning Red Cross clothing and shifting through the explosion site. Why? What the fuck were they looking for? What are they hiding. The President also decided they didn't want an international investigation. You know why? Because it will be proven that they willingly knew Hezbollah were making bombs. I also suspect that since Israel has been claiming this for years, that they actually bombed the site once it was confirmed that's what was happening there. I can't prove it. But I've lived there long enough, and seen enough as to what goes on over there to have an inkling of how things work over there. Israel has an itchy trigger finger where Hezbollah is concerned, and I don't blame them for that.
I also think the Israeli government are bunch of fucking hypocrites. Bombing the shit out of Palestine and killing Palestinians, bombing the shit out of Lebanon and killing innocents there as well, and suddenly, they want to help? Why now? Did they suddenly find their humanity? Doubtful. Is it possible that they bombed the site, not realizing the scope of what was underground? Hell fucking yes. I call fucking guilt on their quick conscious as to why they are so willing to help.
In a nutshell. If you support or follow a terrorist or terrorist organization, that makes you a shit stain on society. And I've got news for you, the NRA and KKK are included in this. You better fucking believe they are just as bad as Hezbollah.
I think I've ranted enough. I need a good long cry after I get out of work today. It's the only way I know how to decompress.
"JAFBG" by Elle (she/her)
|There's plenty of stupid shit flying around. Tell us about the stupidest thing you heard this week.
Ah, SCOTUS, stacked with old men, a few who live by the 'do as I say, not as I do' bullshit. What a bunch of assholes.
Supreme Court Upholds Trump Administration Regulation Letting Employers Opt Out of Birth Control Coverage
Are you fucking kidding me? If you're a man, and don't want to hear me bitch about periods, birth control and whatever idiocy I must squash, here's your chance to RUN.
This just goes to show what hypocrites and how ignorant these men are deciding my god damn fate.
Guess what? I was on birth control pills at 15 years old. Yep, me, a teenage me, with severe periods that never came on schedule. There was no rhyme or reason to them, and I was constantly leaving school, or not going in at all. Not only was I put on the pill to help with the cramps and excessive bleeding, but they also put me on Naproxen just to get through the shitty day. Without the pill, I don't think I would have ever made it through. When I was in high school, 2 tardies equaled an absence, once you were missing 5 days, they started using them to downgrade you as well. Fuck the GPA, fuck the fact that things were out of your damn control.
So many women use birth control for other reasons than preventing pregnancy. How many times does this need to be said? What the actual Fuck people. And letting my employer decide if I get to have my god-given right to medical insurance determined by you? Fuck right off with that shit! I don't give 2 shits about your religion. Whatever happened to separation of church and state? Why is the SCOTUS disregarding that? This is another slap in the face to women everywhere and done by fucking men once again. I swear to God if men had periods, they wouldn't even be able to handle an hour of cramping. Forget changing tampons and sanitary napkins. You can bet they'd be taking birth control to make it a less painful week. Fuckers.
And while I'm at it, this whole jumping on the bandwagon of My Body My Choice because wearing a fucking mask is so cumbersome. Fuck You Too. Where the fuck were you when women deserved the right to choose what happens to their bodies? Oh, I know where you were. Bitchng up a storm about it going against God, calling it murder, siding with men, forgetting that planned parenthood does more than abortions. Look it the Fuck up.
Your stupid COVID-Idiot mentality and pretending to give two shits about your sudden right to choose is as fucked up as your closed-minded feeble little brain.
For all employers out there, keep your religion to yourself. It's none of my damn business. Just like my health is none of your damn business. If you truly think it's okay to thrust your religion upon me, then you obviously need to read your bible again. Hypocritical assholes.
"JAFBG" by Elle (she/her)
|I'm bored. I'm home. And I thought WTF.
Come up with a 'fuck this shit' isolation playlist and share it with us.
Not gonna lie, I've been buying songs all damn day on iTunes. I cannot remember the last time I actually cleaned with my iPod on. Fucking missed the hell out of this activity. No joke.
Once I smashed my Achilles tendon, dancing was out so out of the question. I admit, I still put too much stress on my damn left foot. In my defense. I despise cleaning. It is my least favorite task and the ONLY thing that makes it bearable is music. Loud. Where I am in my own little world and am oblivious to everything else. And hell to the yea, I found that zone today. It was so Worth It!
Back to the downloading while cleaning. I admit it, I went way back to my childhood ~ had to buy some Shaun Cassidy. Nothing like a little . . .
Well, come on everybody
Get down and get with it
Come on everybody
Get down and get with it
Come on everybody
Get down, that's rock'n roll
It's when the smokin'
And the heat
Have got your heart pounding right with the beat
Don't try to fight it
Just get excited
That's rock'n roll
Hey, don't fuckin judge me! I am 100% positive I wasn't the only one into him and the Hardy Boys Mysteries from the 70s. Yes, I am that old.
Then I had to jump to my high school days and hit the 80s. But when Grand Master Flash hit shuffle, damn it was hard to clean and try and remember lyrics and sing them that fast.
It's like a jungle sometimes
It makes me wonder how I keep from goin' under
Broken glass everywhere
People pissin' on the stairs, you know they just don't care
I can't take the smell, can't take the noise
Got no money to move out, I guess I got no choice
Rats in the front room, roaches in the back
Junkies in the alley with a baseball bat
I tried to get away but I couldn't get far
'Cause a man with a tow truck repossessed my car
Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge
I'm trying not to lose my head
It's like a jungle sometimes
It makes me wonder how I keep from goin' under
And damn if this song didn't make me stop and think for a minute. With all of these homebodies and job loss, you know damn well recession is right around the corner when this piece of shit pandemic is over with. We will be back at this kind of insanity.
The list of what I listened to in the course of six hours is long, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, and on, and on I went. And I fucking loved it!
Here's just a little sampling of where I was today
Clones Alice Cooper
Sugar Sugar The Archies
My Best Friend's Girl The Cars
And Then He Kissed Me The Crystals
He's a Rebel The Cyrstals
Fire Woman The Cult
Bring Me To Life Evanecence
Nightrain Guns N' Roses
The Floor Johnny Gill
Destroyer The Kinks
A-Yo Lady Gaga
The Monkees too many too name
Here Comes Your Man The Pixies
When I Look in Your Eyes The Romantics
Senorita Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello
Lazy Eye Silversun Pickups
Jeepster T Rex
You Need to Calm Down Taylor Swift
Brown Eyed Girl Van Morrison
And then The Outfield hit my shuffle and I realized I only had 2 songs from them. So I hit iTunes yet again. And then I got super pissed off. Nothing irks me quite like wanting to buy a damn song only to see that shaded Album Only bullshit! What the actual fuck? Why do they pull this shit? Not fucking cool Apple. Not fucking fair at all.
I did add Talk to Me and My Paradise to my library. It wasn't a total loss.
And wouldn't you fucking know it, when I complained to my 24-year-old kid about how shitty it is that I can't buy the damn song I want, he, of course, tells me to get it off of YouTube. But I hate stealing. I see it as stealing. I know everyone does it, but I'm not everyone. Besides, it's not like if I ever got a new pc or iPod that shit would transfer over. It never does, which is another thing that pisses me off to no end.
Still COVID-19 free and working the gas station 7 days a week. The Pandemic can go straight to hell. As long as I have my playlists and shuffle, I can escape this hell on earth bullshit.
Need to find that happy place again, grab a Motrin 600, and dance my ass off. Achillies pain be damned.
Think I might get lucky tonight
Let my hair down get a little crazy, yeah
My reflection's doing alright
It don't take nothing to introduce suggestion
Everybody's got one thing on their mind
A set of wheels and a cranked up radio
In this town there might be nowhere to hide
In this town there might be nowhere to go but
On my left, to my right
This is my paradise
You can call it what you like, I know
This is my paradise
Just the way I like it!
Another pissy entry brought to you by: "JAFBG" by Elle (she/her)
F U C K T R U M P
|Could I pass this opportunity up? Hell no. Why? Cause I'm bored out of my damn skull, waiting for the Coke delivery that I'm not even sure I can pay for. Yes, I was smart today and brought my laptop to work.
Here goes nothing!
Prompt: What kind of deplorable behaviour have you witnessed lately? Tell us all about it!
When this lovely little epidemic started, you could feel the uncertainty in the air like a nasty storm cloud hanging over your head. At least most of us could. You knew it was coming. Couldn't exactly say when, but deep down you just knew it would be surrounding you before too long.
But alas, we have a stable genius in the White House, well apprised of the situation and totally in control. } Right?
I swear to God I've never loathed anyone in my life the way I loathe this piece of shit. He is human garbage, and if people can't see that by now, I can't help you.
So Michigan is quickly becoming a hot spot. Not. You'd have to live here to see the morons treating it like a joke. The second they announced we had our first case, people lost their damn minds. Which honestly begs the question, did they ever fucking have one to begin with? It's a mystery. No toilet paper, or any paper products really. No hand sanitizer, no cleaning supplies with bleach. Fucking selfish hoarders.
I am not only having to shop for the house, but for the business as well. I thought, okay, stay at home order, things will slow down and I'll get a chance to breathe, right? Fucking fat chance of that. I just run around more, because I can't find the shit that I need. It literally took me ten days to find meat in the store. I mean by the time I get out of work, it's already 5 pm, and since I come in at 5:30 am, it's all just gone.
Week one wasn't so horrible. People filling their tanks, buying cigarettes that hardly sell. All was good. As the numbers crept upward, and then the Governor shut the state down, things go worse.
This nagging, fucking gnawing question is driving me up the fucking wall. Were people always this disgusting? Well, clearly, exhibit A says yes.
What are your options for going out and getting supplies?
Finding your humanity
Not being a dick
Ah the essentials. Can you guess where we're going with this shit storm?
The gloves damn it! What in the actual fuck is wrong with people? You're scared. Not shit, so am I. I'm a god damned essential employee, on the front lines of every degenerate who comes in to buy crap they don't technically need. I mean, our store carries very few household items. It's all the best junk food money can buy, honestly.
I digress. Do you honestly think for one fucking second that tossing your used, nasty ass gloves on the ground of parking lots is going to make this COVID-19 disappear? For fuck's sake's people. Get a fucking clue.
1 - that's just disgusting
2 - that makes you a nasty ass deplorable - so fuck right off! And when you are done fucking off, fuck off some more.
3 - Didn't your parents ever teach you about right and wrong? Or were you just too busy thinking your shit doesn't stink and you don't have to be a decent human being?
I am busting my ass to maintain a clean environment for myself, my employees and my customers. Driving into work and seeing your fucking gloves all over the parking lot for me to have to clean up makes me want to fucking hurl. I don't know where you've been, what you've been doing, and who you've been doing it with. Then I leave work and have to make multiple stops at stores to keep up my supply, and have to sidestep dirty deplorable gloves at every place I go to. What the fuck people! This isn't freakin rocket science. Get a clue. Grow a fucking brain already!
How disgusting can you be? Well, now we know the answer to that, don't we?
I hate to say it, but people suck.
Pandemic be damned. Nothing shows your true colors quite like an epidemic, the likes of which no one has ever seen. I mean it's YUGE, bigly. No one has ever had to deal with a crisis of this magnitude in the history of the world before. It's amazing. It’s going to disappear. One day, it’s like a miracle, it will disappear. We’re prepared, and we’re doing a great job with it. And it will go away. Just stay calm. It will go away. This is a very contagious virus. It’s incredible. But it’s something that we have tremendous control over. Our country wasn’t built to be shut down. I don’t believe you need 40,000 or 30,000 ventilators. You know, you go into major hospitals sometimes they’ll have two ventilators, and now all of a sudden they’re saying, ‘Can we order 30,000 ventilators? Some of you in the media need to check into what is happening with all the masks.
And before I forget. Fuck Trump!
"JAFBG" by Elle (she/her)
|Well here we are at the end of 2019. What a year it's been. I don't even know where to begin honestly. But here goes nothing.
On May 8th, we finally opened the gas station. Only to shut down within an hour because the gas company had marked the pumps wrong. As well as a few other issues they had to work out. On the 9th we had our first full day. This is a totally screwy business. I'm not going to lie about that. We are one of 3 on that corner, competing with 4 others within a mile.
If it wasn't for my son and uncle working the nightshift, I would've shut this place down. I had one employee who I let go because she was just too trusting, and couldn't seem to pick it up well enough. Everything is scanned into the system. It's not rocket science. Anyway, I let her go for doing something she shouldn't have that put herself in danger. So onto employee #2. We trained her, gave her a key to open. Everyone seemed to like her. Her first shift, she never showed to open. I only found out about it when my husband showed up and couldn't get inside. I got to work, opened up and hired employee #3 on the spot. She was a regular customer and only lived 2 blocks away.
At this point, it's almost September, and I'd been working 7 days a week/12 hours a day. Way past the point of exhaustion.
I took my time with this one, trained her well, though she took the register like she'd done it a million times prior. What I didn't know [which the entire neighborhood apparently did] was that she was a drug addict. I had my suspicions, I'm not going to lie. I was desperate too. I needed someone. And she was good and talking down anything negative about herself.
She worked her first weekend and came in on a Wednesday. I was in the garage catching up on my paperwork. Friday night my son closed and I had to open on Saturday morning. My employee claimed her son had a game.
I get to work at 5:30 am, and the door I usually come in was unlocked. I brushed it off, thinking my son forgot to lock it. The cashier area was locked, so that had to be it, right? I unlocked that door, mind you, it's dark inside and I hadn't turned on any lights at this point. But I could see what looked like scratch-off shavings on the counter. Brushed that off too. I went to my desk to get my opening drawer, and recount the cash from the night before and this when I realized I had a really big problem. The night shift count was off. The opening drawer was off. I counted and recounted 5xs and wrote down the denominations of each bill and how many I had.
When I went back to the cashier area, I realized lottery tickets were missing and I was right about the shavings. I got the store ready to open and called the Lottery office the second they opened. They had me pull every scratch-off book we had from the boxes. Out of 12 different games, 10 were tampered with. My employee who seemed so desperate to improve her station in life and help me out, so grateful for finding a job, had robbed me blind right under my nose.
After I learned the extent of the stolen tickets, I called the police and began counting cigarettes to see what else she had stolen. The list was long and expensive. By the time the police arrived, I had a list of items amounting to $2000+.
Every lottery book she stole from had to be pulled and I couldn't sell them. Then the lottery informs me that the only way I can report them as stolen I had to pay for the entire book. The price for all ten lottery books was $5500. I didn't have that kind of money. I didn't have a choice and had to tell them to cash them out. I had 3 days to come up with the money.
That afternoon, employee #3 walked by the station. My husband called out to her and told her to bring the key back. She said she didn't have it on her and would bring it back. I'm still waiting for that to happen.
This set off a lot of texting back and forth. She wanted to come and get her paycheck. I told her no key, no shirts, she wasn't getting paid. My accountant says I have to pay her for the hours she worked. I mean seriously, she ripped me off and I have to pay her? How fucked up is that?
Needless to say, I wrote the check, it's sitting in my drawer. On Monday, the lottery office called again to tell me that stolen tickets had been cashed, but she couldn't tell me where. They also informed me that since it was an inside job, they don't reimburse the money I was out. The only way to recoup my losses is to take her to court. That morning, the employee's cousin bursts into the store asking me why I let her cousin go. I refused to say. But one look at the lottery box, and it's obvious that something had happened. She said she knew it, that she saw her cousin with a slew of scratch-offs. She and her mom have both offered to testify against her. Since the lottery office wouldn't give me additional information, I was able to track down stolen lottery tickets that she actually cashed in my store on her last shift. How freakin ballsy.
This all went down in early October. One week after my employee ripped me off, I called the woman I had fired and asked her if she would like to come back to work. Thankfully, she said yes. I mean, she may be slow on the register, but she never stole from me and showed up when she was supposed to.
We've had the locks changed 3xs through all of this. Every time I think things are going to get better, something else happens. Equipment failures that keep getting added on to what we owe the gas company. As of right now, I won't see a profit on the gas until November 2020. I'm racking up debt like insanity for the store.
I could go on and on about the business, but it exhausts me. On the bright side, I have regular customers whom I adore. Definitely see the best and worst in people. I won't even go into what they do to the public bathroom.
On the publishing front, that fell through. 90% of the book is edited. I have a cover and no publisher. No idea what I will do with it now. I really would like to see my hard work get published, but I would need someone to edit the last 5 chapters. Man, I was so high thinking a pub house was going to take on my book and get it out there, only to get the constant run around. I get it, getting a new company off the ground is hard work, but they totally sucked at communication, and bottom line, they were unprofessional and just didn't seem to give a shit one way or the other.
I went to court on December 11th, and of course, she pleaded not guilty. She actually thinks that because she wasn't working that day it couldn't have been her. She must think I'm stupid. She was the only person aside from family who had a key. We go back to court on January 29th for a pretrial where I get to show all of my evidence to the court. I saved everything.
It's almost 10 pm, which is my bedtime. I don't have to open the station at 6 tomorrow, but my internal clock wakes me every day at 5 am regardless.
Here's to a better, brighter, and hopefully and a prosperous 2020!!
|It's been forever, or at least it seems like it since I've blogged. I thought it would be a good time to catch up around here and let you know what's been happening to me this year. It's been insanely crazy. Busy. Tiring. And a ton of other descriptive words I could probably use.
Let's see. My oldest and his wife moved out at the end of January. That made the house pretty quiet. It took me forever to finally get into his room and change that awful red that used to be there. Now it's a pretty gray with a sky blue ceiling. The wood floor was in shambles so we decided we couldn't move my youngest son in there until the floor was done. We sanded and put the polyurethane down. It looks great honestly. New bedding, curtains and a rug. After that, I painted his old room with the leftover paint, bought a desk, moved the futon in and set up an office for myself. . I've been dreaming about having an office again for about twelve years.
Just as I thought the house was going to be situated and I could get back to writing more consistently, the basement flooded. It wouldn't have been so bad if it were just rainwater, but it's me, and of course, it had to be raw sewage. That pretty much destroyed everything down there, lifting most of the tiles off the floor as well. I never thought I'd get that nasty smell out of there, even with the gallons of bleach that I was dumping everything. Insurance will help, but they won't cover the full amount of damages, which with the contents is about 10k. That is how I spent my last week anyway.
I've had health issues that have been keeping me down. My Achilles is messed up, and after getting a few x-rays, I found out I have Haglund's Deformity, not really a big deal, but with the added bone on my heels, it's creating issues for my left foot. I've had a handful of shots in late January and early February, thought that was all taken care of, but climbing the ladder to paint brought all the pain and limping back. Last month had a couple rounds of shots again, and it seems to be settling down. As if having a foot issue isn't bad enough, I believe I'm developing carpal tunnel. Lucky me, right? . That comes and goes, and right now I'm wearing a brace just to keep the pain to a minimum. My blood pressure is regulated, I'm finally sleeping better after the hysterectomy, which was a long time coming.
We bought that gas station last year, and it looks like we will be opening sometime in September. This took forever. And paying for two buildings with only one operational has taken a toll. Thankfully, the garage is slammed right now. Everyone needs their car, and with our good reputation and fantastic rating on Google, we are maintaining things.
I submitted my novel to a legit publishing house 6+ weeks ago. I was excited and shocked when they asked for the first three chapters, and then the entire novel within 24 hours. There are 10 days left until the 8-week timeframe is over. I'm sitting on pins and needles waiting to hear back from them. I should be excited, believing that it will be picked up because usually I've been rejected in less time. Is not hearing anything yet a good sign? Bad sign? Hell I don't even know. I keep trying not to think about it, but the 19th keep glaring at me from the calendar.
Anyway, I need to fix something in Megan's story that I completely forgot to put in. So a huge Thank You to Cackling QPdoll for reading my book, and giving it to me straight about what would have made the book better. The scene is almost complete and since the rest of my afternoon seems to be free, I intend to do my best to finish it.
Lots of to you all. I've missed this place, and all of you wonderful people as well.
|PROMPT: Tell us about something/someone that fucked you off this week.
It's been awhile, I know. After GoT, I just had no energy to be here on my pc, and my personal life is busy as hell. I'm either napping these days, working, or being absorbed with the news and...
God help me.....TWITTER!
That's right folks, I've become a twitter whore. . I hardly check facebook, just come onto WdC to check emails and see if I forgot to do something. This is your obscene warning right now. I'm am pretty disgusted, angry, outraged and if I don't vent and get all of this shit off my chest, I'm seriously going to explode, so I thought it best I do it here. I'm sure that shall make Elle (she/her) and Charlie ~ thrilled since our little blogging group is kinda quiet. .
Quick personal update:
Let's see. We are pretty close to being broke. Yep, I said it outloud and I'm not ashamed to say it. We bought that damn garage/gas station on September 28th, and we are still not in that place. Paying for two buildings is sucking away every dime we've saved. If my tax return doesn't hit my account soon, I don't even know which credit cards I'll have to max out to pay my bills. This is some serious shit and I'm not feeling good about any of it. It a nutshell, the stupid ass dumpster pad and enclosure went on top of a sewer line. Which the city totally missed. Thank you engineering dept. And they say we didn't call for an foundation inspection, which if we had they would've caught it in the first place. So we had to sign a waiver stating if the sewer failed it was at our expense of losing the dumpster pad/enclosure. Fine. Then I had to wait for legal documents, sign them, have them notarized, and go to downtown Detroit to file them. Trip number one was postposted -after waiting 2 weeks for those fucking documents to arrive- due to a foot of snow. My dad drove me down there a few days later, roads were still shit, but I made it, only to find out that while our signatures were notarized, the guy from the city's was not. Fucker. So I call him, he doesn't answer. Typical. I shoot him an email instead, which he answered. Here I'm thinking all he has to do is type up that first page again where his signature was, but nope. He prints up the entire document, which means we had to get our signatures notarized again. I should've known I swear. He did do me a solid and bring me the paperwork instead of making me wait for them arrive in the mail. His guilty screw up I suppose. Anyway, I finally filed that shit Tuesday.
My Zak and Mona have moved out. Moving was an adventure. I keep calling his empty room Zak's room. I need to paint that room and get rid of the god-awful bright red that kid insisted upon so I can move Danny in there. And once I finally get the time to do that, there will be an empty bedroom I am going move my desk into. I'm really excited about that, I admit it. Besides, I hate the futon in the living room, and that sucker will go into that room in case anyone needs to sleep over. It's a perfect solution. The house is too quiet, it's weird texting my kid with silly shit just because I miss him, though he drove me crazy. I miss the crazy! What does make me? And Mona was fun to have around. I was so outnumbered with all the men in this house. She was a breath of fresh air. Though Danny and I are having a lot of laughs and learning how to make one another a tad more insane. He thinks I'm going to kill his father one day because of the way we snap at one another. . I told him, that's what you get when you've been married for 26 years. We know exactly which buttons to push. If you're going to fucking come at me, be ready to take it back in spades.
I opened my twitter account to try and generate some sales for my book. I even gave 10 copies away. 5 on Twitter and 5 on Facebook. I expected at least 10 reviews from the people who won them but got ZERO. Fucking lazy people. My books are probably being used as a porn replacement for masturbation. Seriously, the love scenes can get a tad steamy. Anyway, I started following a few people there.
I started looking at tweets from that disgrace that calls himself my President. And I admit I started responding to his idiotic tweets and calling him a Moron, among other choice things. My family is kinda pissed at me about that, worrying that the FBI is gonna come knocking and lock me up. I have lost my fucking mind over this guy running my country into the ground. I'm fucking angry as hell at EVERYTHING this administration is doing.
Honestly, I never gave two shits about politics, just wanted to live my life, make a decent living and keep that insanity on the sidelines. People are never going to totally agree, and as I grew up, you could see the constant bullshit going on in Washington D.C. I didn't need that kind of negativity in my life. But here I am now, soaking in as much info as I can, and seriously trying to decide if I should start running for office. Probably a longshot, but I can't possibly do more fucking damage than these assholes running the show right now.
When the Parkland school massacre happened, it hit me hard. My kids are grown and graduated from college already, but I'm a parent still, and to see what these children and parents are going through rips my heart to fucking shreds.
I've never liked guns. I think the NRA is nothing but a homegrown terrorist organization with their bullshit propaganda and nasty rhetoric. And the worst of all of this is Trump and his 'arming 20% of teachers'. I swear to God that asshole makes me physically ill. Yes, the answer to gun violence is having more guns. Is he fucking serious? I watched his bullshit listening session, which was a complete joke. He didn't listen, nor does he care. Hey, if you need fucking cue cards to remind you to show empathy, then you sure as hell shouldn't be ruler of the free world. Fucking Moron.
All of these politicians who are in the pocket of the NRA terrorist group need to be voted out. There is absolutely no fucking reason for AR-15's, or any other weapon that can cause that amount of damage in such a short amount of time. 17 lives in 6 minutes. That is a weapon of war. Are we really at war with one another? Is that what America has come to?
If you watched the CNN town hall, you saw that bitch, Dana Loesch, trying to justify her pro-gun agenda. She was heartless as she sat there pretending to give a damn, only to hit CPAC 12 hours later and put it all on crazy people owning guns, yet not wanting to take guns away from people who seriously shouldn't own a weapon. They use the 2nd amendment like a gag. Shoving it down our throats, like guns are a vital part of our society. I feel sorry for her children because that lunatic sure as hell shouldn't be raising kids, especially since she likes shooting squirrels for sport because they annoy her. I jumped all over that retweet of her saying teenagers piss her off. Good. Finally, there is a voice coming loud and clear.
Baby Boomers let children down by letting the NRA take hold of our elected officals.
Generation X - my generation - hasn't done shit either, we let it continue to grow and take hold.
Millenials ~ I mean no offense here, but the ones I know are totally self-absorbed and cannot be bothered to get involved.
And now Gen Z is rising up. I am following a lot of these kids, retweeting their voices, watching as people are finally speaking up and joining this cause.
Ugh this is a damn novel chapter.
What I'm doing:
~I will be joining a local march calling for Change and gun reform. #NeverAgain
~I am part of the #MeToo movement. That's another story, but yes, I was sexually harassed as a teen at my job.
~I can no longer sit back and hope and pray that our elected officals will do something. If you want real change, then you must stand up and do something about it.
~I am sickened by the number of people being deported, detained, just for not having their visas, etc. Our government is totally lying to us, swearing it's only criminals being kicked out, but they are lying. Every state is being affected, it's happening every single day. There may be something I can do here, especially since I married an immigrant. And all this chain migration bullshit coming from that asshole. Hey, Mr. President, what about your in-laws? Are they the exception to the rule? Of course, they are, as you seem to break every rule that doesn't vibe with you. Hypocrite egomaniac piece of shit.
~We need gun reform NOW. I cannot in good conscience sit here hoping and praying that these assholes in charge will finally realize that children are dying every single day while we do nothing, but fight for a fetus' and then do nothing once these children are here. What in the FUCK are you thinking? Besides, it's a women's right to decide what happens to her own body, and if she's ready to bring a life into this world. God knows that if you have a man that's willing to stick it out and be there you're lucky. I'm a product of divorce. I was 2. My grandfather had to step in, I was one of the lucky ones as my mother didn't remarry until I was already married with a newborn.
~It's time to Stand Up. Our children needs this from us. Our country is drowning in all this bullshit and the line between right and wrong has now become the line between money and ego. Fuck that shit. I'd rather be on the losing side of a good fight than sitting here watching from the sidelines.
My battery is dying so I'm off for now. There is so much I wanted to say. But you can find me on twitter @desiresdaughter. Yea, I really need to change that.
Brought to you by "JAFBG" by Elle (she/her)
Since the lovely Charlie ~ was so kind and sent out the email for our all too quiet group, I found I just couldn't help myself and back to blogging it is! Charlie!
Prompt: What is the most obvious sign that someone is smart? On the flip side, what is the most obvious sign that someone is stupid?
Ah the stupido is just something that's too damn easy. Anything and everything that this guy says is usally pretty damn ignorant!
You know what uranium is right? It's this thing called nuclear weapons and other things. Not sure what my response should be to this. Though I am curious about the 'other things' he's referring to.
My IQ is one of the highest — and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure; it’s not your fault Ummm.
Effective today, my administration officially declared the #OpioidCrisis a NATIONAL PUBLIC HEALTH EMERGENCY under federal law. Thank you for coming so late to the party.
So nice being with Republican Senators today. Multiple standing ovations!
The meeting with Republican Senators yesterday, outside of Flake and Corker, was a love fest with standing ovations and great ideas for USA! He talks about these meetings like that's how the government is supposed to run, with everyone kissing each other's asses. Really? Maybe if he pulled his head out of his own ass long enough he'd realize that he is truly in WAY over his head.
I had a very respectful conversation with the widow of Sgt. La David Johnson, and spoke his name from beginning, without hesitation! --he forgot to mention the cue cards he read from during the conversation.
Two dozen NFL players continue to kneel during the National Anthem, showing total disrespect to our Flag & Country. No leadership in NFL! Honestly, it's no leadership in the USA. Because a fucking MORON is too busy making everyone kiss his ass that his massively inflated ego keeps him so far above what the hell is truly going on that he cannot comprehend ANYTHING. Want my fucking opinion? How about some facts instead his Fake News? Kneeling shows more damn respect than holding your hand over your heart or standing. And just so we are clear here. Kneeling is a protest of racial injustice in these cases, and has not one fucking thing to do with the flag and country.
We cannot keep FEMA, the Military & the First Responders, who have been amazing (under the most difficult circumstances) in P.R. forever! Hello? Anybody home? Does this guy even know that P.R. is part of the USA? Yes, Mr. Moron, you will do just that, just like you are doing for Texas and Florida after they were hit by hurricanes. It is totally unacceptable that over 50% of P.R. still is without power and basic necessities.
You know Peurto Rico is an Island. Surrounded by water. --Does he think we are so far beneath his level of IQ that the word ISLAND needs clarification? Or is he really that dumb? I vote that he's really THAT dumb!
I don't claim to be smart or dumb. But a smart ass am I!
As for being Smart. Well, my nephew, Ben, is smarter than that guy. How do I know? Because he always says things that blow me away. He's 6 btw.
Knowledge is power. I think anyone with knowledge, true knowledge, not the hot air that guy up there spouts is smart.
My kid is smart but lacks common sense, and that drives me crazy. But lacking common sense sometimes doesn't negate the fact that he graduated from LTU and is going for his masters in Architecture.
I'd prayed that my kids were smarter than me. I was blessed with that. It's my hope that their kids will be smarter than them and one day, all of these people with brains will fix what is truly wrong with this world we are living in.
This has been another rant brought to you by me, and "JAFBG" by Elle (she/her)