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239 Public Reviews Given
244 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of disappointment  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



Hello, Simone.
The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to disregard anything you don't find useful.
Here is review of "disappointment" from "Read a Newbie".

*BalloonO* *BalloonB* *BalloonG*Impressions
I had read your poem some time ago and it had impressed me. You wrote five sentences beginning with the word "disappointment" and described this awful feeling with all five senses. I found it a very clever way to describe something, using the worse these senses can experience.

*BalloonV* *BalloonP* *BalloonY*Development
First is vision. The dark color is purple though you could use grey, since purple is a favorite color of many little girls, so it contains a ray of hope.*Smile*
Then come touch together with hearing, taste, smell and more vision to close the cycle. You use accurately some of the more intense experiences for all senses, so you manage to have a poem with great impact.


*BalloonGo* *BalloonR* *BalloonS*Notes
The more powerful line for me is the last one, a child who wants to be loved and instead gets abandoned. I hope it is not a personal experience for you.


Thank you for sharing such an emotional piece. Keep writing. Best wishes.

Susan *Beach*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
52
52
Review of A Simple Rescue  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Kenword.
The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to disregard anything you don't find useful.
Here is review of "A Simple Rescue" from Power Shop Review.

*BalloonO* *BalloonB* *BalloonG*Impressions
This is a very interesting, short and compact story of a couple who is presented with a dilemma. To help (or not)financially the man's brother. I liked how you managed to give a complete story, picturing three characters, in so few words.

*BalloonV* *BalloonP* *BalloonY*Development
You start by stating the one choice the couple has with no explanation. Soon after that, we are presented with the second choice, and all that is left for us is to find out for whom the whole fuss is about. It turns out that although the man's brother needs help, it is the woman that insists to help him out.


*BalloonGo* *BalloonR* *BalloonS*Notes
You do not spend many words on the reasons each one has for wanting or not wanting to help the said brother. But it does not affect the story, because in essence we care only about the couple and how they are going to solve their problem. In the end, it is the woman's suggestion that wins. Still, I can't help but wonder. Did she win because she somehow manipulated the husband with her look and her face, or because he realized that it was the right thing to do to help his brother? *Smile*


Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. Keep writing. Best wishes.

Susan *Beach*

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
53
53
Review of Love You To Death  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, dejavu. The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to disregard anything you don't find useful.
Here is review of 'Love You To Death" from Power Shop Review.

*BalloonO* *BalloonB* *BalloonG*Impressions
I liked this short story very much. It is written through a different perspective than we often read, the "defeated"one understands the loop he has found himself in and makes a turn towards the right. It is a very interesting work, very well laid out, it grabs the reader and we are curious to find out what will happen in the end.

*BalloonV* *BalloonP* *BalloonY*Development
The dilemma in which the main character finds himself in, is of killing or letting live his loved one that deserted him. He reasons enough in his mind, making it clear that he follows a pattern that his father had created many years ago by abusing the character's mother. So much for role models. So, his first impulse is to follow his father's steps and kill the woman. The point where he makes a difference is when he actually reasons with himself and realizes he has nothing to gain by killing.


*BalloonGo* *BalloonR* *BalloonS*Notes
I liked especially the last scene, where he turns to his mother for help, admitting he has a problem. Very sweet scene, which shows us the sensitive and reasonable side of him.


Thank you for sharing. Keep writing. Best wishes.

Susan *Beach*

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
54
54
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, HuntersMoon. The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to disregard anything you don't find useful.
Here is review of "Naturalization Act" from Power Shop Review.

*BalloonO* *BalloonB* *BalloonG*Impressions
I caught myself laughing loudly twice as I was reading this piece. And the rest of the time I spent reading it, a big grin was on my face. I have never owned a pet, but all these images you have painted with your words, make me realize how warm a home with pets can be. It is a very sweet and cute story, with the two main characters being absolutely enjoyable to read.

*BalloonV* *BalloonP* *BalloonY*Development
The main focus is given on the fact that a couple finds a number of kittens deserted on their doorstep. They are supposed to keep them overnight and give them away the next morning. But... being the sensitive, caring guys they clearly are, they end up keeping the whole bunch of little kittens for themselves. Selfish, huh? *Bigsmile*

*BalloonGo* *BalloonR* *BalloonS*Notes
Although the main part is about what they are going to do with the kittens, I think what steals the show is the relationship between husband and wife. Through well hidden humor, you give the idea of a couple who deeply love, care, respect and cherish each other's company. They each know the other's flaws and soft spots, and end up agreeing to everything without even having to discuss it. They laugh a lot, too. Great couple. I would like to get to know them!

I am glad to have found your writings. Thank you for sharing. Best wishes.

Susan *Beach*

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
55
55
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*RainbowL* *MugY* Hello, J.A.
I found your piece "A Tale of Two Kitties" .I would like to leave you some comments, which are not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful.


*MailB* Impressions *MailB*

It is a quite emotional story, written as an allegory, concerning two different ways of life for two cats. It could very well apply to humans, too, with very few changes, which I found very clever.

*MailO* Elements *MailO*

The story consists of the description of two different "lifestyles". The rich cat and the poor cat. The first has all the goods he needs and then some, and the second one is in the brink of starvation and death. However, the first cat is not some "brat", as we at first are led to believe. It turns out he is quite thoughtful, as he resorts to "drastic" measures to help his fellow kitten.

*MailG* Writing style *MailG*

It is written in third POV, describing a typical morning for Magnus, the rich cat, who is demanding from 'his human" to take care of his needs, food in particular. I liked how you used "his human". Since we say "my pet", it is only fair to refer to him this way. *Smile* In the second part, we are introduced to the nameless cat who is starving and begging for some food.

*MailP* Message *MailP*

What surprised me was the fact that while Magnus at first appeared to be "bratty' and selfish, he turned out to be anything but. He went to wake his human up, so he could help the stray cat. Pretty surprising.


*Mail* Favorite lines *Mail*

"After all, it had been almost 12 hours since his last meal, and who knew how long he could last before withering away from starvation."
I laughed when I read this line. Exactly as we, humans, tend to overreact, so did Magnus. Dying after 12 hours of not eating... that would be the first!*Smile*



*MailR* Conclusion *MailR*

It is a nice, humorous and teaching story, which serves as an allegory. If only people were so considerate and thoughtful of each other, like this cat was, the world would be better. I enjoyed the happy ending, a sign that there is still hope.

Great job. Keep writing. Best wishes

Susan *RainbowR*

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
56
56
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



*RainbowL* Hello,Lucy . I found your piece "Through Teddy's Eyes" in Random Reviews. I would like to leave you some comments, which are not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful. Here is,

Review of "Through Teddy's Eyes"




*DropV* Impressions Very sweet and sensitive story through the eyes of a child's toy, more specifically of a teddy bear. It covers a life span of several years, accompanying the boy through several stages of his life, until it was not needed anymore.


*DropR* Characters- settings The main character is a very patient and understanding teddy. It is the boy's friend, taking part in all of his games, seeing the seasons change and the years go by. But it never complains, it understands all the obligations the boy has as he grows. It accepts the fact that after some years it will be locked in the attic, since it will not be used anymore.


*DropY* Development The story progresses covering many years of the boy's llife. Since he is young and sick till the time he doesn't need it anymore. You describe very beautiful images, full of the innocence that is fundamental in both kids and teddies. And the years go by just like that. Until the boy is grown, gets married and gives the teddy to a little girl who appreciates it.


*DropG* Notes
The purpose of childrens' toys never ends,as long as there are still kids who need them. The circle of the toys lives begins again, new.


*DropP* Favorite lines
" The duty of a teddy bear is one that never ends." The moral of the story.

Thank you for sharing. Best wishes, *RainbowR*


Susan *BalloonG* *BalloonY* *BalloonB*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
57
57
Review of Empty Road Edited  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



Hello, S.D.Teller. The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to disregard anything you don't find useful.
Here is review of "Empty Road Edited" from "Please Review"

*BalloonO* *BalloonB* *BalloonG*Impressions
I found it a quite interesting story about an adventure a young man goes on, and I would like to see how it will continue. It reminded me of a tv series about lack of electricity, it could be something like continuing the series.




*BalloonV* *BalloonP* *BalloonY*Development
The beginning is pretty capturing, what is this road about? The character is adventurous, loves risks and seems to be eager to follow an unsigned note. Maybe his eagerness is a sign of instability. He was pretty desperate for inspiration.
I liked how the story at one point made a flashback, and continued to return to the point where it started.



*BalloonGo* *BalloonR* *BalloonS*Notes
The rest of the story is a fantasy chapter that raises more questions than answering them. But I guess you will cover this as it progresses.




Good job. Leaves a lot to be imagined and a lot more to be written. Keep writing. Best wishes.

Susan *CountryGR* *Beach*

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
58
58
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



Hello, darkmorning. I found your piece "Dancing With The Devil" in Read a Newbie. The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful.


*BalloonO* *BalloonB* *BalloonG* A very short story with a nice twist in the end, quite shocking, but also able to receive a different interpretation than the obvious, which to me was what made your story different than others with a twist. Great job at that.


*BalloonV* *BalloonP* *BalloonY* It is very difficult to write a complete and interesting story in just 100 words, but you managed it well. Your character, a woman who is asked by a stranger to dance with him, accepts without hesitation. She likes him. But maybe he isn't a stranger? Maybe he is her loved one who makes her life hell, but she still loves him? Or is it the devil, indeed?

*BalloonG* *BalloonP* *BalloonB* I think someting is a little off with the sentence "I was stood before him, his sharp suit, charming smile and intriguing eyes." It looks like his suit, his smile and his eyes are something disconnected from him. Maybe it just needs changing the order in which they are written. *Smile*
You are leaving the reader with a question as he finishes reading. But this exactly is the highlight of your story. Congratulations on your nice little story.


Good luck in the contest. Keep writing. Best wishes.

Susan *Beach*



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
59
59
Review of Black Friday  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



*RainbowL* Hello,John Nation . I found your piece Blak Friday in Please Review List. I would like to leave you some comments, which are not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful. Here is,

Review of "Black Friday"




*DropV* Impressions It is a very detailed description of an event that is obviously quite common in the states, but I am not sure if it is so in other countries. You describe in full detail how you started off on some Thanksgiving day and ended in a battle, in a small war in front of the doors of a big shop. You manage to start casually, build the tension and end in the best possible way.


*DropR* Character Your character could be me. I can't stand the idea of standing in line for all those hours to gain practically nothing. In the meantime, I would have lost my sanity.


*DropY* Development The beginning is easy and cool. Family dinners that remind you of the past. The middle is full description of how you ended up in this situation- full tension, and the ending was happy.


*DropG* NotesMoral of the story- "don't lose your sanity over two cabbage kids or other items".


*DropP* Favorite lines I'll paraphrase your words: we are not dying from hunger. Be cool with your shopping list.

Thank you for sharing. *RainbowR*


*Beach* Susan


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
60
60
Review of Stationary Bike  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

\

*RainbowL* Hello, Care. . I found your piece Stationary Bike in . Random Reviews. I would like to leave you some comments, which are not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful. Here is,

Review of "Stationary Bike"




*DropV* Impressions I liked very much your story, it is very interesting and very well presented. It is full of beautiful images, water, flowers, sounds. Very descriptive and vivid.


*DropR* Characters- settings The initial setting is on top of a stationary bike. The imaginary settings, though, are a greenfield with beautiful flowers, a stream and a stone house. The character is not described at all, because the main weight is given to the surroundings and the beautiful images.


*DropY* Development You describe three consecutive images with beautiful and romantic words. There is the meadow, the stream and the old stone house. Also, a special element is the combination of love and hate of the same things, which shows the parallel feelings we have for certain things, including life.


*DropG* Notes The last line confused me a little, I thought that maybe all was a dream and he just woke up. Then I thought maybe he was seeing a shrink *Smile* or something, and this was an trip down the memory lane.


*DropP* Favorite linesI especially liked all the romantic description of the three scenes. Good work.

Thank you for sharing. Best wishes, *RainbowR*


*Beach* Susan


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
61
61
Review of Secret Love  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*




Hello, Lauren16 and welcome to WDC. I hope you find inspiration and motivation in this great community. I found your piece in Random Reviews. This is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to disregard anything you don't find useful.
Here is review of "Secret love" for Random Reviews.

*BalloonO* *BalloonB* *BalloonG* I found the title and the brief description you gave very interesting and catchy. I guess it is just an introduction, since it is so brief. But even this one sentence was enough to keep me interested to read what happens next.


*BalloonV* *BalloonP* *BalloonY* The sentence itself is what I expect of a 16 year old girl, which I guess you are. *Smile* Girls in this age and love are so compatible and incompatible at the same time. When something doesn't go the way they want, they think it changes their whole life. But don't get me wrong, it is exactly the way it should be! When we are at this tender age, we have to live every moment to the fullest. So, yes, this sentence is exactly what I liked to read. *Smile*

I would like to read more of this story of yours. Keep writing. Best wishes.

Susan *Beach*

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
62
62
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)

*RainbowL**RainbowR*Hello, Dorianne . I found your poem "Happy Birthday Writing.com" for 14th wdc birthday sr mod challenge . I would like to leave you some comments, which are not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful.
Here is,

Review of "Happy Birthday Writing.com"


*ConfettiY**ConfettiY**ConfettiY*Theme of the poem The theme of the poem is wdc's birthday. Very appropriate for the time we are now going through. You managed to connect birthday, which is a joyful event, with writing, which for all of us here is joyful, too. So, it doesn' t seem as a disconnected event, but as it is what connects us all. *BalloonO* *BalloonG* *BalloonY*



*ConfettiB**ConfettiB**ConfettiB* Impressions
So far, I have only read pantoums that are dark and emotional, and it always left me in awe. It is the first time that I read a pantoum in a lighter and happy tone and I really appreciated it, I still admire the poets that are able to describe so much emotion with only repetitive lines. It was a pleasant surprise that I enjoyed greatly. *BalloonP* *BalloonB* *BalloonV*

Keep writing. Best wishes,

Susan *RainbowL**RainbowR*

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63
63
Review of My Brown Lawn  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



*RainbowL* Hello,Working Mom . I found your piece "My Brown Lawn" in " Read a newbie". I would like to leave you some comments, which are not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful. Here is,

Review of " My Brown Lawn'




*DropV* Impressions I found the title very interesting, and it is what dragged me in the beginning. I was curious to see what it was all about. The line about the greener grass makes the title make sense.


*DropR* Characters A skinny woman who tries to gain weight but can't, is the main character. She feels isolated and judged because of this characteristic and no matter how hard she tries she can't gain weight.


*DropY* Development The story describes several events that prove the point our character wants to make. That it is as difficult to gain weight as it is to lose, and that this fact leads to discrimination and isolation for the slim women, too.


*DropG* Notes The main point seems to be the fact that the woman is "skinny" and the reactions she gets from other people. I think that there is a deeper issue with "skinny" as well as with "fat" and it has to do with health. It is not normal to be on either end, and this is what should concern us, more than the boy that rejects us for our weight. Maybe you should make it more clear, that there is this aspect, too, and it is far more serious.


Thank you for sharing. Best wishes, *RainbowR*


*Beach* Susan


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64
64
Review of Sophie Aeryn  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



*RainbowL* Hello,SoaringAurora . I found your piece 'Sophie Aeryn" in "Read a newbie". I would like to leave you some comments, which are not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful. Here is,

Review of 'Sophie Aeryn"




*DropV* Impressions It is a very nice and sensitive poem, that describes so accurately the worries of a woman who tries to have a child. The title is the name of the child, but what really grabbed my interest was the brief description you had underneath it. I am glad the story in the poem had a happy ending.


*DropR* Characters The speaker is a woman who in very short sentences describes the whole story of her marriage and the tries to have a child, along with the reactions of her close environment.


*DropY* Development The sequence of the questions that arise are very true and accurate. It begins with if and when are you going to have a baby, simple curiosity. As soon as it becomes clear that there is a certain difficulty, the questions start being more condescending, relax, see a doctor, let it be. When the miracle happens, they get to be finally happy. And maybe a little jealous.

*DropP* Favorite lines "I believe in surprises.
Welcome to my life, Sophie Aeryn!" You have the final word. Happy ending!

Thank you for sharing. Best wishes, *RainbowR*


*Beach* Susan


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65
65
Review of The Fighter  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloong**Confettip*This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  7th anniverary Raid party Review!*Delight**Balloong**Confettip*

Hello, Hiroshi. I found your piece "The Fighter" in Read a Newbie. I would like to leave you some comments.
It is an interesting story about the obstacles a professional boxer had to overcome in order to be able to have his first professional game.
The training, the paperwork, the tests and dealing with people that he didn't particularly like (like the promoter), were too much for him. Since he had a big dream, though, to fight, he put up with it all and made it fearless to his first game.
It was a well- written and fast-paced story. Thank you for sharing. Best wishes.

Susan

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66
66
Review of Who will love me  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Balloong**Confettip*This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  7th anniverary Raid party Review!*Delight**Balloong**Confettip*



Hello, Doctor Dirt. I found your piece "Who will love me" in Read a newbie. I would like to leave you some comments.
I enjoy particularly short stories that have a whole meaning. Here, you achieved something wonderful. To express your deep feelings, your relief and your hope in one small sentence. This reveals what we are all hoping for when we meet the one we truly love. To be our bright sky, to be the hand that wipes our tears, to be there for us until the end.
Thank you for expressing such complete love and dedication. Truly sensitive powerful line.
Best wishes
Susan

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67
67
Review of The Pit  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloong**Confettip*This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  7th anniverary Raid party Review!*Delight**Balloong**Confettip*

Hello, Jeshika. I found your piece "The Pit" for Anniversary Raid Party. I would like to leave you some comments.
As you say in your description, it is a sad story. In fact, I found it bordering with depression. Not that you had it, but that these feelings are exactly what a person has when suffering from it.
Your character talks in first POV, finds himself in a pit buried beneath papers that symbolize the thoughts and worries he experiences in his life. They are a big burden for him and he is unable to overcome them. When he tries to ask for help from his family and friends, all avoid him and let him be on his own.
When I read the first paragraph, I thought that the character was shrunk and buried in an office trash bin so that papers kept coming on his head. That was a funny picture but as I was reading further I realized the story was anything but funny.
I hope you are out of your "bad place". Best wishes,

Susan



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68
68
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


*Balloong**Confettip*This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  7th anniverary Raid party Review!*Delight**Balloong**Confettip*



Hello, River. I have found your piece 'The Wedding is Tomorrow" for Anniversary Raid Party. I would like to leave you some comments.
This is a very interesting and almost funny story, for we usually read about the anxiety a bride has before her wedding day. It is the first time I am reading about someone else, and the officiant, no less! I enjoyed very much your story. It presents the worries of a woman who is about to appear in public for a ceremony, and it shows us that the worries are always the same, whether the woman is the bride, her mother, a guest or the officiant.
Very well presented story, it showed us another side of a wedding.
Thank you for sharing. Keep on writing! Best wishes

Susan


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69
69
Review by abbyer
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, River. I have found your piece 'The Wedding is Tomorrow" for Anniversary Raid Party. I would like to leave you some comments.
This is a very interesting and almost funny story, for we usually read about the anxiety a bride has before her wedding day. It is the first time I am reading about someone else, and the officiant, no less! I enjoyed very much your story. It presents the worries of a woman who is about to appear in public for a ceremony, and it shows us that the worries are always the same, whether the woman is the bride, her mother, a guest or the officiant.
Very well presented story, it showed us another side of a wedding.
Thank you for sharing. Keep on writing! Best wishes

Susan
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Review of The Miracle  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



*RainbowL* Hello, Allie Z. . I found your piece "The Miracle" in "Read a newbie". I would like to leave you some comments, which are not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful. Here is,

Review of " The Miracle"




*DropV* Impressions When I started reading your piece, it immediately dragged me, because despite being about an obviously obese woman, it wasn't written in a "self-pity" tone. And this I found interesting.


*DropR* Characters The main character is a woman who is struggling to control her weight, without success. She visits her doctor, who, fed up with her, prescribes her a medicine that needs searching in order to be found. The woman is quite laid back about her weight, I would say, she only worries about the practical consequences, like her non-fitting jeans. She is not obsessed with it, though. The doctor is a typical professional, a bit judgmental of her patient, who resorts in prescribing a mysterious medicine to help her.


*DropY* Development The story progresses in a quite fast pace, starting with the doctor's appointment. There, the woman receives a prescription of a rare medicine. She then returns home to search for it on the internet. The final scenes are in front of the gargoyle, where a thinning potion appears mysteriously.
The whole piece is written fast, with not much detail, except for the necessary. It works well, though, because we are not so interested in the details, just the whole scenery.


*DropG* Notes"this is me we are talking about, and" in need of a Thinning Potion, need " in the end
I also found it a bit forced, the fact that there was a gargoyle so close to the place where she lived. Maybe because where I live, we only find gargoyles outside big cities, and mostly on the mountains. *Smile*


*DropP* Favorite lines "if hallucination was a side effect of obesity." A humorous touch in the whole mysterious plot.

It was a well written and interesting story, far away from the cliches about obese people. I enjoyed that.Thank you for sharing. Best wishes, *RainbowR*


*Beach* Susan


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Review of Spilt Milk  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloong**Confettip*This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  7th anniverary Raid party Review!*Delight**Balloong**Confettip*

*RainbowL* Hello,Eliacie . I found your piece Spilt Milk in "Review Me "list. I would like to leave you some comments, which are not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful. Here is,

Review of "Spilt Milk"




*DropV* Impressions I had to read your story two times to understand its full meaning. Not because it was confusing, not at all. But because with the final line's twist, I was put in a new "state of mind" *Smile*, and so I read it again to see it with "a fresh eye". The second time I was "oh, that's why it happened this way!". It was a great piece that got me thinking.


*DropR* Characters The main characters are Peter and Oliver. Two children who do the occasional mess and who seem to enjoy each other's company. Or do they?


*DropY* Development As the story progresses, we see that Oliver is the dominant one in the relationship. Whatever he says goes, and Peter is afraid of him, so he obeyes. At some point I came to realize that Oliver is probably an imaginary friend. And just when I thought, 'okay, another imaginary friend..." there came the final line. I was *Shock*. Did I read right? Oliver is NOT an imaginary friend. In fact, Oliver is experiencing "split-personality". ( I am not sure if this is the correct term.) In fact, Oliver is the real child, and Peter is his other personality, the submissive one, which appears when there is impeding punishment. It only gets revealed with the final line, when baby Jamie pronounces the name of his brother. Oliver.


*DropG* Notes To me, the title is a little off. It concentrates on a specific event, but does not reveal the true essence of the piece.
I found really clever the fact that there was only description of Oliver. At first I thought it was odd, but given the ending, it was the only way it could be. Brilliant.



It was a great story. Thank you for sharing. Best wishes, *RainbowR*


*Beach* Susan


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Review of Motherhood  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Balloong**Confettip*This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  7th anniverary Raid party Review!*Delight**Balloong**Confettip*


*RainbowL* Hello, Sarah Rae . I found your piece Motherhood for Anniversary Raid Party. I would like to leave you some comments, which are not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful. Here is,

Review of "Motherhood"

*DropV* ImpressionsIt is a very real situation, which brought tears in my eyes. Even though some years have passed, I still remember this feeling of hopelessness and helplessness that I felt when I had a small baby to care for. You describe it very vividly, with every detail, as if we are watching this mom through a window.


*DropR* Characters The only character is a mom. Who is feeling lost and tired, having to care for her small children. All the chores in the house overwhelm her, and she doesn't seem to find not even one moment of rest. Even at night, she cries herself to sleep, because she knows that she can't keep up with everything she has to do, and because her baby is going to need her, soon.


*DropY* Development We see a woman as she cries in her pillow, in order not to be heard. The baby will need to be fed, soon, and all the housework has not been done. She feels tired and alone. Her husband is not much help, because he works. Then, we see her nursing her baby and taking care of her older child. She goes back to sleep, having completed her maternal duties. For now.


*DropG* Notes While she feels and seems to be alone, without any help, this piece has a hidden meaning of hope. No matter how tired a mom is or feels, she will always find the time and the courage to care for her children, even if anything else is falling apart. There is still hope, because once the kids grow a bit older, all is going to be easier to overcome. Like her oldest child who only needed the doll to fall back to sleep. .


*DropP* Favorite lines“Go back to sleep, sweetheart,” she murmured, stroking blond curls with her free hand.
Very beautiful image.


Thank you for sharing a beautiful story. Best wishes, *RainbowR*


*Beach* Susan


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Review of The Game  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*




*RainbowL* Hello,cmfountain . I found your pieceThe Game in 100 word story contest I would like to leave you some comments, which are not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful. Here is,

Review of "The Game"

*DropV* Impressions Another one of your wonderful, emotional, sensitive and hidden stories. The key word is "hidden". It is the last line that reveals the deep disappointment the child is feeling. Until then, we only think he is ashamed. Wonderful.


*DropR* Characters- settings A 9-year old boy describes what happened in a championship game and how he was a big part of it, in a negative way. We know the boy's age, only because you say it in the description. However, it is clear in the story that it is a young boy that wants his father's appraisal.


*DropY* Development It is written as a monologue, or as a diary entry. The child describes what happened in the game. Slowly he reveals his feelings, that he was far too ashamed and far too disappointed. He describes how he lost the game, but what hurt him most was that he was a loser in his dad's eyes.


*DropG* Notes I don't have anything to add, you covered it all.


*DropP* Favorite lines I don't know if it is my favorite or the most powerful one, but it definitely is the one that stands out.
"My dad's loser." This alone, reveals how the child sees himself through his father's eyes.. It is what hurts the most. Not the fact that he lost the game, neither that his teammates screamed at him. But that he was a loser in his father's eyes.

Thank you for sharing another amazing work. Keep writing. Best wishes, *RainbowR*


*Beach* Susan


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Review of A Happy Family  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*




*RainbowL**RainbowR*Hello, Casthavian . I found your piece " A Happy Family" in "Read a newbie". . I would like to leave you some comments, which are not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful.
Here is,

Review of "A Happy Family"


*DropV* Impressions : I don't usually read horror stories, and this one just dragged me with the title. I thought it was something different, and then I read the description. Normally, I would turn around and leave, but you played it so well with the title, that I was curious to see how you could tie "happy family" and horror. I was not disappointed at all. In fact, I think you gave the most appropriate title to your story.




*DropO* Characters: The main characters are Alice, a girl who gets abducted and the man who did this. She appears to be a naive and helpful young girl, celebrating her graduation, and getting kidnapped by this stranger. There is not much description of either of them, just the eyes and hair of Alice, and the eyes of the man. Maybe it could work a bit better if there was a more detailed description of the girl, so we could see more clearly the difference with what happened to her afterwards.
The most shocking description,however, is this of the other inhabitants, which you manage to make creepy and revealing the fate of Alice, too. Real creepy!



*DropG* Notes : As I said before, there could be a more detailed description of the girl. Another thing that bothered me a little, was that he was described as a boy, then a man, then a young man, and a man again, which I found a little confusing.
There were also a couple of things that were a bit off, for me. The first two paragraphs are descriptive, but they feel like they were written hastily, just to bring Alice on the man's path.



*DropP* Horror lines: "A needle and a bit of thread were waiting right in the middle of the table."


"Welcome to our happy family." Great ending, real horror.






It is a well written piece, full of scary images. I would like to know how it was inspired by a smile. *Shock* Good luck in the contest. Keep writing. Best wishes,

Susan *RainbowL**RainbowR*


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Review of The Ugly Kitten  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



*CoffeeY* *RainbowL* Hello, cmfountain

I found your piece " The Ugly Kitten" in "Read a newbie." I would like to leave you some comments. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful.

*MailB*Impressions Beautiful, sensitive, with a deep meaning, story. There were places I wanted to cry, and places I smiled. And then I wanted to cry again, when I read the ending. Wonderful work. You play with our emotions, but you are genuine, you're not doing it to impress the reader.

*MailG*Writing style You write in first person. There is description, and there is dialogue, equally distributed throuout the piece. You emphasize on thoughts and feelings the kitten has, and it is an approach that works beautifully.

*MailO* Elements You start by describing how the kitten suffered and how it ended. From the beginning, you justify its feelings towards people and you do a great job at that.
You continue by adding the lack of trust in his fellow kittens in the shelter, thus presenting a completely desperate being, with no hope at all.
Finally, you introduce the little girl, who comes like a guardian angel, and restores faith and love in the kiten's heart.

*MailP* Message Everybody is different and unique in their own way. Even when there seems to be no hope, we can make a difference by standing up high and accepting what has been given to us with strength and grace.

*MailR* PlotYou start by describing the first mean action that has caused all the troubles, that has deprived the kitten of all trust in humans. You describe it very vividly, as if we are there.
Then, you introduce the girl, who is like a ray of hope for the kitten, and reveals all the love she has for it. She seems to understand there is a connection between them, that is yet unknown to the kitten, because it thinks that the beauty is all that matters. The girl is very mature, and understands that our power and strength are hidden inside us, not on our surface.

*MailV* Purpose You deliver your message pretty well. You hide it under the kids' actions, but you reveal it in the final two paragraphs.

*Mail* Conclusion Great story, great message, beautiful and sensitive writing. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story.

I hope we will talk again. *RainbowR*

*Beach* Susan



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