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239 Public Reviews Given
244 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review of Greed  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*




*RainbowL* Hello, John . Here is,

Review of "Greed"

*DropV* ImpressionsIt is an interesting story, describing very vividly the life of a dysfanctional family. It is well written and keeps the reader's interest, and as I was reading it, I knew there had to be a twist. I just didn't know what it was.

*DropR* Characters The story is quite descriptive. It doesn't stay with only one or two characters, but it presents in a rather eloquent way all of the members. Mom, dad, two brothers. All are unique in their own way. Dad is a wealthy man, who hates his whole family, just as much as they hate him. He decides to punish them by- essentially- not leaving anything for them to inherit, though they all think they will be rich. His wife is clearly staying married to him for his fortune, and his kids spend as much as they can, relying on the fact that he will soon die and they'll get to inherit evrything he owns. All are selfish, bad-mannered and rude, one way or another, with no respect whatsoever.


*DropY* Development Each character is presented through a dialogue, in which we get to see the character's way of thinking, his faults, his feelings towards the dying man and his expectations concerning the will. There is nothing left unanswered. We also get to see the man's feelings towards the whole family, too. His feelings are justified by their actions.


*DropG* Notes I liked the twist in the end


*DropP* Favorite lines "without having to worry that one of you will come in and steal the dust off the window sill.". Cool!

Interesting and grabbing story. Keep writing. Best wishes, *RainbowR*


*Beach* Susan



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77
77
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*




*RainbowL* Hello, Lacy . Here is,

Review of "Man's best friend:chapter 1"

*DropV* Impressions This is a nice introduction for a bigger novel. It introduces us to the two main characters, Julia and Michael. I suppose later on, it will somehow relate to the title.

*DropB* Characters- setting Julia, is a young woman who is described in detail. You describe her previous experience with animals and why she chose to build a shelter, which is quite justified. In the second part, she appears a little childish, because she jumps into conclusions easily.
The setting is described beautifully and is enough for the reader to picture it.


*DropY* Development The first part is describing Julia's history, her past that led her to her decision for a shelter, the settings for the grand opening, and Julia's feelings for the cameraman. There are some inconsistencies here:" Any relationship that she initiated never went well. Wait for him to come to you, she thinks. Yeah, right, like that would happen." This is a bit out of the blue. I guess you will expand later in the novel.
In the second part, you describe Michael, but you wrap it up too quickly. Maybe you could explain more what had happened with Sally, and justify it a bit better. There is no explanation why Sally did what she did. Please, understand that I don't know how you will develop it, I am just talking about the first chapter.


*DropG* Notes I have some notes here, as far as punctuation is concerned, and also some inconsistencies in tenses.
"grand opening, including all the news reporters of the surrounding towns, of the newest dog daycare." should be " grand opening of the newest dog daycare, including all the news reporters of the surrounding towns."

"He was strong, holding that heavy camera, yet he was not athletic" it should be "he is"
"She smiled excitedly." also should be "smiles", because everything else is in present tense.
"and brown eyes" should be " and brown eyes,"
" he received letters from a secret admirer that had her perfume on his truck when he was out" should be "he received letters on his truck when he was out. They were from a secret admirer and had her perfume". You mean the letters had her perfume, right?
The last one, is "but also that she had a great heart. He has never met someone like her before.".It is not justified, why does he think so?

That's it from me. All in all, it is an interesting story that needs some touching up. Let me know when you continue it. Keep writing. Best wishes, *RainbowR*


*Beach* Susan



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78
78
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*




*CoffeeY* *RainbowL* Hello, cmfountain,

I found your piece "Will she still love me?" in "Read a newbie." I would like to leave you some comments. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful.

*MailB*Impressions It is a very impressive, and very sensitive emotional story, that is sweet and bitter at the same time. It fascinated me, I wanted to read on to find out what happened, how each one reacted. But at the same time I was nervous, as your character, afraid to find out the answer.

*MailG*Writing style It is written in first person, like a monologue, or like a diary entry. I don't know if it is your personal experience or you just chose first person. Either way, it makes a big impact. I am there, feeling the same feelings, having the same thoughts. I don't think it could have worked any better than this.

*MailO* Elements You try to describe the feelings and thoughts of a young woman, when she decides to come out to her friends and family. Waiting for their answers is what is eating her alive, so much so that she intends to change herself. Not if they disagree, but if they stop loving her. Which are two different things. She is lucky, they all still love her.

*MailP* Message To me, there are two readings into your message.
1. Don't change who you are, accept yourself so the others will, too.
2. There are two different things. Your loved ones may not agree with your way of living, but they will still LOVE you.

*MailR* Favorite lines "I would continue miserably pretending to be what was expected of me, and I would have my picket white fence, my front porch, and my rocking chairs with my husband by my side. " You make it sound so miserable, indeed, like it's a life sentence. Which it is, if it is not the way you want to spend your life, for whatever reason. Yet, this line is the one that reveals the pain of not having her friend loving her back. Sweet and heart-breaking.
" But no one should ever underestimate the power of a mother's love for her child, no matter how much older we get." No comment.

*MailY* Development Whereas the first paragraphs are descriptive, the last one summarizes the feelings of the character-author. It wraps up beautifully the message she wants to give.

*Mail* Conclusion Wonderful and sensitive piece. Keep writing and let me know if you have anything new.


I hope we will talk again. *RainbowR*

*Beach* Susan



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79
79
Review of The Others  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*




*CoffeeY* *RainbowL* Hello, Jonathan.

I found your piece "The others" in "Read a newbie." . I would like to leave you some comments. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful.

*MailB* ImpressionsIt is a very interesting and capturing story, and I was curious to find out what this creature was, and what would happen next.

*MailV* Writing styleIt is a mystery/thriller story, written in third person, and as you describe it, a sample.

*MailG* ElementsYour intention is to introduce us into the life of this couple, who are being threatened by a creature. The characters are Jack, patient and not too courageous, I think. The wife is not described enough, but I suppose in the expanded version, she will be.

*MailG* NotesTwo things I noticed. One, that you didn't decsribe the creature, except being tall. Maybe if you added a couple of characteristics in the sample, we could be as scared as Jack was. Two, is that in the first paragraph, you use the name "Jack" too often. Maybe you could substitute it with "he", in most places. "(Jack)He saw something move." "he had seen, "he could have sworn"

*MailY* ConclusionApart from those two comments, I found it a very interesting story, with a lot of potential. Keep writing.


I hope we will talk again. *RainbowR*

*Beach* Susan



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80
80
Review of Remember When  
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, BillieGail. I found your poem after reading another piece of yours, your true story.
This is a wonderful poem, very sensitive and sweet. The picture that goes with it, is very nice, too.
You describe very vivid images, that most of us have experienced but we don't necessarily find the words to describe.
Very nice, indeed. I' ll read some more of your work and we'll talk again.

Susan ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
81
81
Review of Amazing Grace  
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, orange1. I know it is quite late, but I just found your piece. Congratulations on your win.
It's a great piece inspired by the photo, although it describes only the woman., with a good twist in the end.
I really liked it. I hope we'll talk again. Congratulations.
82
82
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (4.0)
Keep going. Don't change who you are.
83
83
Review of Ba Bum Ba Bum  
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very sensitive, heart breaking poem. If it is a true story for you, writing helps and the love will always remain in your heart. It brings out great emotion and if it isn't,'t a true story, you have captured the feelings very accurately. The only thing that was a little off for me, was the title. You cannot understand from the title that it is such a sensitive poem, and maybe it won,'t attract too much attention. Feel free to ignore my comment if you don't like it.
Also, check out my portfolio and if you like it, please consider giving me your vote in the "newbies in the spotlight" contest.
Keep writing and let me know if you write something new.

Susan ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
84
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Review of The Excuse  
Review by abbyer
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, again, ruth. On this piece, the last line has made all the difference. I would never have thought of that, and reading your pieces, you surprised me! It's a very good story, with an unexpected twist at the end. I'd expect you 'd had won with this piece. Anyway, great job. Keep on. We'll talk again.

Susan ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
85
85
Review of Sidewinder  
Review by abbyer
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, Sara. I don't think I have enough words to describe the impact this poem has. I read it three times to connect it with the title, and every time i found something new I had missed and it suddenly all made sense. it deserved to win.
I have a short story "domestic violence". Though they are similar, I think yours is a lot subtler and has a greater impact. I became a fan of yours. Let me know when you have something new. I'll be glad to read it.

Susan ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
86
86
Review of The Picante Sauce  
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Ruth, how are you? We haven't spoken since "let's went", but I found now your short stories. It's a very interesting and very sensitive story and unfortunately happens a lot more than we think. You presented it very nicely, making us despise the lady even from the first few lines. The highlight was the last line with the applause :)
I ll read the rest of your stories and get back to you. Also, i' d like to ask you to check my port, and if you like it consider giving me your vote in the " newbies in the spotlight" contest. Thank you. We ll talk again. Susan ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
87
87
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, valleyboy, how are you? you keep writing interesting things, and i am glad you tried something different this time. The interesting concept here is that, while you touch a very delicate subject- somebody with alzheimer's probably- you are presenting it in a humorous way that I guess is not insulting to anyone. well done, once again. Drop me a note when you write something new. It' s a pleasure reading your pieces. We'll talk again. Susan
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Review of Confession  
Review by abbyer
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Great twist. Would never think of it. As you can understand, I am checking your whole portfolio and enjoying it too much. I became a fan of yours. Keep on. Be well. Susan
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Review of Entry for 7/16  
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Joe, how are you? Nice story. I especially liked the ending, with the double message of the word tone, both musical and attitude. I could understand you would write some thing about music, but I couldn't know what. Very clever. Good luck at the contest. For now it's just you and me. We ll talk again. Susan
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Review of The Old Guitar  
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Sara. I was searching for something to read and found your port. I am glad i did. What a lovely and sensitive poem this is. I liked the emotion it brought, and the fact that it ended with the third verse. It felt like a full circle closing. It describes a very vivid image and I liked it. We ll talk again. Have a nice day. Susan
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Review of Ballet  
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Valleyboy. You are a boy, right? :)
"To just get taller girls" Amazing! I don't think anyone ever thought of that.
How do you manage to make all of them rhyme? I am impressed, maybe because I don't have a clue about poetry. :)
Talk to you again.


Susan ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




92
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Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Valleyboy, how are you doing? We have "spoken" before, I am a fan of yours that likes Barry Manilow :).
I read this new poem. You are really brilliant! I started laughing about midway through the poem and it was hilarious reading the end.
I was thinking that maybe he boarded a ship full of pirates or something, but Titanic I did not expect.
Very funny. I will keep reading your poems and you'll probably get more reviews from me.
Why don't you enter a newbie's poetry contest? I'm pretty sure you'll do great.
We'll talk again.

If you feel like it, check the newbies in the spotlight contest in which I am taking part. Thanks.

Susan ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
93
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Review of Rejected  
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very touching and so sad. It really got me thinking. Of all the things that I may do that are not great and may cause a little child to feel so bad.
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful poem.
The most powerful lines to me are these: "Public displays of affection,
private displays of decay." So simple, yet so true sometimes.
94
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Review of Go Fish  
Review by abbyer
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, Max, it's not been long since we talked.
I saw this new piece of yours. It's fast and clever and it's got very vivid dialogue.
The only thing that confused me were the names. For some reason, I thought Dee was the girl and Rocky the boy, whereas it was the other way around :) It confused me a little, but I guess that's just me. It's not a problem with the story. We'll talk again.
Have a nice day.
95
95
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh, you are good! You are really good! I just sent you a review on "the soldier". Then I found this. It's almost hilarious and I didn't see it coming until I read the last line. I liked it very much, and I especially liked the fact that it rhymes. If you have anything else, send me a mail. I'd like to read more from you. Bye!
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Review of The Soldier  
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello valleyboy. I read your bio and your poem. It definitely raised more than a smile, reding this humorous poem. It is very well written, starts out a bit melodramatic, then you think it's going to be a horror poem, and it finally ends with a funny image of the soldier. The final blow, though, that made me laugh, was the name of the singer :)
Although I must admit that I like Barry Manilow ;)
Still, it was very funny. Keep writing.
97
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Review of Why I Write  
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, hj_han90. I liked your piece very much. It is very true, very honest and has a hint of melancholy. I don't know if this a true story, but if it is, it's proof that mothers know better, even if they don't really know all the details. I especially liked the sequence in which you expanded your description of your day. It is indeed what we have to do when we write; write details and keep people interested.
Have a nice day
98
98
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Max, welcome to WDC. I just read your piece. I liked it's meaning and the message it gives. Some lines are a bit confusing, but the general idea is one that I agree with. I liked the funny lines you wrote: "The interpretation carried so much power as to push those who think otherwise into a closet, explaining why homosexual individuals are so fabulously dressed when they come out" and "wouldn’t it be better to love them in the bedroom instead of the closet?". Keep writing.
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Review of Against the Wind  
Review by abbyer
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, C.Rose. I finished reading your piece, and it feels too real. Very moving, very heart-breaking, too.
Just by reading the first few lines, you get the impression that something is about to go wrong. And it does.
It's a very honest and vivid description of the feelings these kids must have, and you are left with the feeling of helplessness.
I liked the way it is set up, too. It gave me the impression of getting down a staircase or something, is it what you mean with the shape you made? I would really like to know, if you 'd like.
I found it very sensitive and I really liked it. Have a nice day.
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Review of Let's Went  
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very nice, indeed. At first I was confused by the title, but by the end it all made sense
It made me smile, with the obviously relaxed and understanding couple, and I liked that it ended with let's went. I think maybe I will use it, too, when I speak, if you don't mind...Just kidding. I really liked it.
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