Acme's (acme) Reviews

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2,953 Public Reviews Given

3,697 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest. I give my overall impressions, let you know what worked well for me and what didn't, and when that happens, I like to try and offer suggestions--totally up to you if you want to take any notice; it is your writing, after all. I am just glad to have the opportunity to read and review. I rarely think anything is perfect, so please do not request a review if you value ratings over review content.

I'm good at...

...being interested. I take time over reviews. My reviews are intimate, informal and honest. They aim to help, offer insight, and celebrate the graft of craft. I love commas. Punctuation is a personal passion.

Favorite Genres

Comedy, supernatural horror, sci-if, fantasy, thriller, detective, slice-of-life, history.

Least Favorite Genres

Dystopian glumness, romance, personal.

Favorite Item Types

Scripts. Fiction. Essays, especially academic

Least Favorite Item Types

Free form poetry. Other than that, little offends.

I will not review...

Unless previously agreed, novels and chapters are a no go with me. I am sorry to say that I haven't the time.

576

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#2642886

Review of A little too much

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
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However, as you only currently have a few pieces in your port this will now be 1 of 2 review as a Christmas Present from me to you

What are my overall impressions?
There really is nothing stranger than fiction, or a better source for comedy writers

- Daniel Craig never had problems like this when he drank salt... Just the fact that you are an urban legend is ace; but, farce seems to suit your style and this 'comedy of errors' was a fun ride. There are a couple of places where tidying and polishing with a re-edit would really benefit your story (even though you've added another disclaimer in this write

)

What are my favourite parts?

In the bathroom I discovered a great thing, the little circles things on my chest that were used to monitor my heart. I stood in front of the mirror and pretend I was the Hulk and harshly ripped them off my chest. Most fun I had all day.

- good observational humour

What are my suggestions?
Although funny, this write is not 'E' rated, as it deals with some pretty graphic scenes and descriptions - please change it to a more suitable rating as soon as possible.

As most on-line readers don't print off what they read, perferring to scroll down the screen, you may want to consider double spaced breaks between paragraphs.

Oh[,] the pain.

He explains to the lady on the phone that one of his employees consumed an excessive amount of salt

- be aware of shifts in tense, as these can be distracting for readers.

she doesn’t give her knowledge once again.

- I really don't understand this, sorry.

Finally[,] when the general manager agreed to pay the difference[,] that I never received, the lady

So[,] now all I had to do is call my dad and tell him to pick me up and bring me to the hospital because I ate a great amount of salt. Sounds easy enough. So[,] from the piss covered floor I called my dad. He picks the phone up and all I say is, “Dad[,] I did something stupid

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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577

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#2642869

Review of short script kinda funny

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
This would be 1 of 5 Acme reviews you won in
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#1353669 by Not Available.

However, as you only currently have a few pieces in your port this will now be 1 of 2 review as a Christmas Present from me to you

What are my overall impressions?
Comedy writing is a serious business; especially if you hope to become successful at it. You have some very good raw talent for comedy script. Your characters dialogue is smooth, informal and believable. Your subject matter is rather specific to school kids, and is female, and size derogatory which could alienate your audience, but this isn't necessarily a bad thing if your target demographic is wise-cracking horny college boys who think 'Animal House' is 'sick' - just be aware of that those who may have enjoyed the twist at the end, may not have made it past the fat jokes, drinking comments, and references to 'doing the dirty dance'

Whatever you key target group, you will still need to deliver a well written piece and, although your comedy is evident, readers could be distracted by little mistakes in spelling and grammar. You've obviously spent a lot of time in writing this, so why not take a little time to polish it

?

What are my favourite parts?

Ok, what if I sold you the Godfather DVD?
[DAN goes to his desk and pulls out the Godfather DVD. He holds it up in the air.]
SIMON: That’s my Godfather DVD. You hated that movie. Why do you have that?
DAN: I meant to pawn it. I’ll give it back to you and never steal it again for ten dollars, what do you say?

- good pace, punchline set-up, and delivery

What are my suggestions?

Before you read: I know the format is incorrect for a script. When I copied it into the website everything went haywire. So this is how it'll have to be. Sorry.

- erm, it doesn't have to be; not if you don't want it to? It may be advisable to leave this part out, as it may have prospective reviewers wondering what they can and can't comment on. Me? I'm just gonna ignore it and put it down to 'defensive writer "don't hurt my baby!" syndrome' -

SIMON is a fat[,] nerdy college student.

fingers and stairs up at the ceiling

- stares

DAN: Hey[,] what are you

I mean[,] my god, all you do is

DAN: First of all it[']s Friday

none[-]the[-]less

SIMON: Seriously[,] just leave me

It[']s not going to sound

complain if its free

- instead of pointing out contractions where you need an apostrophe, I'll just tell you to re-edit looking out for places where you shorten two words together, missing some letters, and replace them with a single apostrophe; it is, becomes it's, that is becomes that's, we are, becomes we're, etc.

been looking for clues to answer this question without asking[,] but the paper in front of you is completely blank. So[,] either you haven’t even

a ten minuet play - minute

SIMON: Why does you[r] aunt send you money

Is someone hoping to do the dirty da[n]ce?

The door is broken[;] it won’t close

ASHLEY: Well[,] are you going to come out with us tonight?

SIMON: Well I am. But I mean I’m

- perhaps:
SIMON: Well, I am; but, I mean I’m

ASHLEY: Well[,] we could head

In fact[,] we’re not going anywhere

I’m going to talk to Jessica for a minuet.

- minute

Well[,] I got to get

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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578

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#2642758

Review of There is a joke that goes like this:

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
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What are my overall impressions?
Beginning, middle, end - all are accounted for and all make a point. After reading your thoughts and comparisons between these two museums I would love to find out more about them both. Your choice to make this an essay is a good one as you argue (humourously) your points well. It would be good to see links, or references to the institutions so that other readers can attempt to access the institutions - they sound fascinating

What are my favourite parts?

My kids hated the air and space museum. They are girls and do not seem to possess the same kind of warrior spirit that I did in my youth. I always imagined myself in the space capsule, wearing the cool space suit, and winking at the girls that wouldn’t date me, who were now not cool enough to date me, because I was Mr. Spaceman.

- funny, funny, funny - please start a blog, you would be an asset to Blogsville

What are my suggestions?

took my kids, the wife, and my parents up to DC on the VRE. - I do hate to be terribly British, but I have no idea what you're acronyms mean... District Council? Very Red Elephant?

have been lost on me in my adolescents

- adolescence

purple coneflowers, and chili peppers.

- cornflowers, and chilli peppers

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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579

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#2642737

Review of Closed to through traffic

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
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What are my overall impressions?
Another well written short story, which uses some great descriptive narrative to deliver a thoughtful and comtemplative subject. You really do have a gift for making a point and using some wonderful ways to get there - a bit like your detour

What are my favourite parts?

JP woke with a feeling of trepidation and loathing, so without looking at his watch he knew it was the start of the workweek.

- great hook, funny too; you may want to add comedy to your genre choices, as you have included 'drama' twice

What are my suggestions?
None - write on!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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580

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#2642731

Review of Who Can Sing the Blues

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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What are my overall impressions?
This really shows the power behind your words as a story teller. It may only be the 'fl' of flash fiction, but it sure packs a punch, delivering a beginning, middle, and end and leaving me appreciative as a reader - good job

What are my favourite parts?
Nothing is as it seems - that little echo of sentiment makes the piece poignant and thoughtful - nicely done, with some fantastic flashes of vivid imagery

What are my suggestions?

man[,] as he beat the paint bucket

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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581

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#2642720

Review of The Sea Rat Crew

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
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What are my overall impressions?
It's a great idea to ask others to interact with your story and help make choices - maybe you could increase awareness and turn this into a contest, or Poll, in an effort to gain even greater feedback

What are my favourite parts?
He can fix or build anything out of anything. He says he hates everyone. The Captain’s wife assigned him to the Sea Rat to kill the captain. He also knits. - funny

What are my suggestions?
If you interact more on the site you are bound to get more feedback and people visiting your fabulous port. Try joining other groups in addition to the Lounge, which concentrate on Sci-fi and fantasy - take part in relevant contests and activities. Review and be reviewed in return. You may very well be being 'missed', simply because people don't know you are there.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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582

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#2642708

Review of The Broken Irish Smile

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (3.5)

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What are my overall impressions?
Now that is a good tale for Hallowe'en, or any other time when people gather on cold winter nights, and stare into the flames of grated fires, and candles

Just a small amount of re-editing will really benefit this item. You have a really natural talent as a story teller.

What are my favourite parts?

Lucifer reached into the pocket of his dirty frayed trousers and pulled out two small golden balls on a chain. He handed them to Jack who held them in his dirty hands. They looked like small golden eyes and held an unnatural sheen that made them look alive, like gold skin.

- good description peppers this piece and this was my favourite

What are my suggestions?

As some of the content in this story is quite graphic you need to change your 'E' rating as soon as possible.

You may find you enhance your readers experience by double return spacing dialogue, so that it 'pops' out from the main body of text.

Black fruit which swells from the suffering of others and there dark days leaves a mark that echoes sadness.

- slightly confusing. If you are talking about 'the dark people' from the previous sentence you should change 'there' to 'their', and then re-write to say, "...and their dark days which leave a mark..."

drew jacks attention to

- capital letter for Jack and possessive apostrophe needed

“And what be the cost of this deal, my soul?”

- semi-colon

“Would you like to play a little game[,] Stanford[?]”

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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583

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#2642674

Review of GET THE GUN, DEAR!

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

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What are my overall impressions?
You have a flair for the dramatic, and this story is action packed and non-stop all the way through. Your wonderful talent for narrative description makes the whole event easy to see through my imaginations eyes; another well written tale

What are my favourite parts?

Suddenly, the quaint home illustrating a cornucopia of nostalgic character with a substantial bay window, pocket doors, and a grand front porch transforms into The Nightmare on Center Street.

- even your dramatic, and let's be honest, pretty scary tales, carry your natural humour in the way you convey scenes, like this brilliant satirical nod to real-estate agents banter every where

What are my suggestions?

Well[,] that did not go over too well.

Imagine talking to a person in a near vegetative state. It is strictly a one-way conversation

- semi-colon?

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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584

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#2642665

Review of Friday

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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What are my overall impressions?
Fabulous Acrostic! Aren't they fun? But, being WW, you were never going to make life easy for your self and abandon all other thoughts of a rhyme scheme, or structure, were you

? How easy do you make this look? ABABCC rhyme pattern with a triple Acrostic... oh, and alliteration, imagery, thought-provoking, comedy and, just a little nod to WDC too

You rock!

What are my favourite parts?
I love the mantra of repeating that blessed word three times - it must add to the magic

Oh, and the pivotal stanza had me nodding along in agreement with its sentiments:

Four other days fall into memory.
Repeating next week, but I do not care.
It’s here at last in all it’s glory.
Dread not the work, you need not bear.
A blessed feeling does make its view.
You’ve got to love Friday, all anew.

What are my suggestions?
Using your genre choices when you create the poem is always a good idea, as those who are searching for something to read via the WDC search engines will have more chance of discovering your work

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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585

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#2642646

Review of The Not So Calm Before the Storm

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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What are my overall impressions?
I recognise this story as one based on an old picture prompt fro the Talent Pond - this is a great story based on that prompt - your characters come to life so very well and you add those all important details to them so well

What are my favourite parts?

Suddenly, we heard this screeching sound and saw a flying pile of fur lurching off a ceiling beam, landing right on Mr. Twitch’s neck, forcing his head backward and through the window. We ran to his aid and helped pull him back in while checking to see if he was injured. He was pretty shocked and shaken by the sinister cat’s actions.

- I must be pretty sick, because I laughed at Mr. Twitch's introduction to the cabin cat

You have a great way of setting up scenes like this one, which are funny, and then the reader's sensibilities creep in and tell them not to laugh, as actually, someone could have got hurt, and one really must think beyond such base reactions... gosh you really are good at what you do

Good use of alliteration too!

What are my suggestions?
None - no errors in spelling, structure, or grammar which I noticed.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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586

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#2642635

Review of My Plaques

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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What are my overall impressions?
I'm so glad you celebrate your achievements

I think it is important to recognise all which you do in this community and this folder is a good indication of your supportive, and nurturing, nature.

What are my favourite parts?
I think it's important to clearly display your credentials this way; those receiving review from you, and visiting you in return, learn a little something about how seriously you take your role as a mentor and reviewer - fabulous

What are my suggestions?
None - it is what it is, and it is it well

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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587

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#2642631

Review of ~The Last Full Moon~

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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What are my overall impressions?
Wow - you really can say so much in so few words! I think it's a testament to a good writer to be able to deliver a 55 word write with such power and impact behind your words. Very well written

What are my favourite parts?
The final sentiment is expressed so well; I can't think of any mother, any where, who wouldn't be able to relate to this - you have such a honest way of reaching out to your readership. Wonderful stuff

What are my suggestions?
None - write on!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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588

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#2642624

Review of Antics in Ahmedabad

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
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What are my overall impressions?
Fill this folder with four years of fabulous stories, please

katherine76 advocates the principle that 'folders have feelings too'; I'm inclined to agree and so couldn't leave this one barren, when I had enjoyed it's contents so much

What are my favourite parts?
Your introductory story sets the scene so very well for all the possible adventures to come. I'm filled with questions: Who did you meet? Where did you go? What did you experience? I can't wait to discover the answers

What are my suggestions?
None - write on!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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589

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#2642612

Review of Lost and Found

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

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What are my overall impressions?
I have always wanted to visit Mumbai - I love Bollywood, and am sooooo jealous when I see the city's busy, beauty on British telly. This fabulously descriptive tale takes my imagination there and, for a moment, I can travel on that train, feel my hair whip about me and breathe in the scents of the scene around me. You have such a wonderful ability to 'show' not 'tell', and one which makes me feel oddly homesick, when I travel with you to places I have never been

What are my favourite parts?
I felt warm and safe and content, feelings that lasted my entire four years in Ahmedabad. I never minded the cultural differences again, and grew to accept climatic vagaries. Always sure that if ever I needed help, the stranger next to me would turn into a concerned friend. {/quote} - This story is such a wonderful tale about the narrators 'inner' adventures. This wise, and central premise, is a wonderful one with which to capture the dramatic experiences of 'culture shock' - beautifully expressed

What are my suggestions?

I took plunging through a great tide of commuters as a part of daily existence and found nothing unpleasant in the street smells which mingled the eclectic mix of sweat[,] and petrol[,] and exhaust fumes.

- add commas to lists, it makes the reading more in tune with the pace you have created; acting like track breakers to your narrators train journey

That is why I was lumbering down the road in a rickety contraption of tin[,] laughingly termed a bus, on this intensely hot day in May.

The directions whirling in my mind, I decided to avoid further mishap by retracing the bus route.

- semi-colon

“I’m looking for Priti Solanki’s house[.]”

Violent head nods from me asserted that they have the right person in mind.

- shift in tense, 'had' would be a better word choice.

and was told peremptorily by the old lady to drop me off at the corner house in the next lane and to make sure I’m safe before leaving.

- shift in tense, 'sure I was safe' would work better.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2642588

Review of Waiting by the seashore

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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What are my overall impressions?
I really am envious of those to whom Free Verse seems to come so easily; Jyo, your natural poetical use of language in you short stories must be born from these poetry roots. Beautiful flow, pace, imagery and subtle manipulation of language shines out of your writing and takes me to new worlds of wonder. I love your ability to capture moments and release them as words; you are so very gifted.

What are my favourite parts?

Then whispers soft the gibbous moon,
and draws in her net of silver strands,
the waves recede reluctantly,
with one last kiss to the wet sands

- delicate language choices, and subtle alliteration, make moments like this so powerful in their portrayal

What are my suggestions?
None - no errors that these eyes noticed

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2642459

Review of Dancing Leaves

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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What are my overall impressions?
Your vivid imagery made me shiver with the cool touch of autumn in this wonderful example of Free Verse poetry, which captured the dance of nature in its final flurry of leaves. Lovely use of poetical language and expression

What are my favourite parts?
I love the WritingML leaves blowing through your poem, mirroring the dancing theme - a great visual enhancement to the poem

What are my suggestions?
None - a pleasure to read and as always good attention in the technical use of structure, grammar and spelling.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2642415

Review of sitting in the rain

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (2.5)

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#1341392 by Not Available.

What are my overall impressions?
I'm actually at a bit of a loss in reviewing this poem as a Free Verse poem; true, you can use rhyme in a free verse poem as long as it isn't to any set rhyme scheme or pattern. However, when I stood back and looked at it as a whole, it made for rather an uncomfortable reading experience. Both the second and final stanzas are traditional rhyme quatrains (the second even follows a 6/6/6/6 meter), sandwiched between five line verses which have the same sounding end rhymes as the quatrain stanzas. In fact, out of 18 lines, 14 of them have the same sounding end rhyme - very confusing for a "Free Verse" poem.

Apart from having the narrator 'sitting' I'm not sure you made the best use of the prompt available, but did enjoy your informal narrative style.

What are my favourite parts?
I enjoyed the way the narrator started the poem sitting and thinking, and then completed the poem by standing and deciding - good story development within the poem.

What are my suggestions?
Maybe if you look at this poem again with fresh eyes - and see where you could improve your language choices to move away from structured verse and really make the most of the freedom Free Verse gives you

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2642391

Review of STATUE IN THE RAIN

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
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#1341392 by Not Available.

What are my overall impressions?
Very good use of Free Verse to it's best advantage, and brilliant use of the prompt. I loved this poem, and re-read it greedily, enjoying the mix of poetic language, play on words, vivid imagery and real sense of being caught in the moment - a fabulous example of making look easy, that which takes a lot of skill to accomplish well

What are my favourite parts?

I, the omnipotent man,
Vanquished by rain drops!
The soul of the soul-less statue
Mocks and smiles at me.

- it really was hard to pick one particular outstanding favourite, but as comedy is a driving force in my own writing, I loved the subtle humour employed here - very well written

What are my suggestions?
None - write on!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2641713

Review of Sonnet for my heartbreaker

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (3.5)

An Acme Review
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This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
Well, I had to come and pay a visit to your sonnet

I'm rather old fashioned in my appreciation of meter and, although I found the syllabic content varied widely from line to line, I still very much enjoyed the tone and emotion behind your words, and the solid rhyme pattern employed. A little time spent re-editing, will really benefit your poem. WDC has a poetry Newsletter which is full of valuable and insightful tips which may benefit your writing. It's well worth signing up for, if you haven't done so already

What are my favourite parts?
You have an obvious talent for delivering emotionally charged narrative. Good expression through your language choices

What are my suggestions?
Attention to meter, and some time spent enhancing the poem visually (perhaps through spacing out the stanzas and the couplet) could really polish this poem. I did find my self confused by your word choice at one point:

How did you stop loving me
So quickly? This is so touch
I know my pain you can see

- I'm not sure about the use of the word 'touch' in this context.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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595

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2641695

Review of Nathii reviews

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
I love the fact you have become a member of:
Invalid Item
This item number is not valid.
#1276780 by Not Available.

What are my overall impressions?
This place is a great idea. Not only is it community minded and well set out with clear and detailed instructions, it's a fantastic way of improving your use of English, getting to read a variety of material, and making new friends - you look like a really active WDC member to have around, and a welcome addition to any group

What are my favourite parts?
I find it oddly refreshing to see such good manners in a forum, where the host takes the time to acknowledge each new posting - If you do find yourself faced with Chapters, and a tight time-line, you may want to highlight the following to those seeking reviews to larger items: "Plug Page for River's Reviewers "

What are my suggestions?
None! I wouldn't change a single thing. You have set your stall out well, and are helping to encourage good practice, and good writing, on the site

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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596

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2641450

Review of Forever

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
Congratulations on being chosen as a 'Prize Catch' in:
GROUP
The Talent Pond (ASR)
The Talent Pond is working with you to achieve your writing goals.
#1261045 by Brooklyn

What are my overall impressions?
This was one tension filled piece of writing! You had me hooked from the very beginning and drew me into the distorted world of your narrator with some great imagery, plot and pace. Very well written

What are my favourite parts?
Blood is... blood; but, not when you use it in this story. Poppies bloom, Elizabeth Bathory is referenced, it's an eye on a sneaker. It's sticky, it's silky, and it's almost another character in this story!

What are my suggestions?
Not a one. No structural, grammatical or spelling problems that I noticed

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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597

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2640549

Review of My Refuge

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
You have managed to create some truly, vivid imagery in such a short piece. This is a wonderful example of 'show' not 'tell', and I felt my internal senses come alive in your descriptions of nature. The narrator's love of this place shines through - well written

What are my favourite parts?

The sweet, strong wind blows in my face and whips through my now tangled hair.

- this really caught my attention and served as a great 'hook' for an opening line

What are my suggestions?

My heart lies in the woods I love so much.
On the trails I know so well.

- a semi-colon would be more appropriate than a period after 'much'

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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598

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2640539

Review of Flowers

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
I'm a big fan of flash fiction, and so was draw to this story by your brief description

There are some cracking contests on WDC for this form of writing, and they give you a good opportunity to be reviewed and receive constructive criticism. Try these, if you haven't done so already:
"Daily Flash Fiction Challenge"

"Invalid Item"

I thought you managed to pack a whole lot of writing into so few words. Vivid imagery and well crafted character building show your natural talents for narrative description. Good plot development - well written tale

What are my favourite parts?

Her hair hung down the middle of her back and when she tossed it over her shoulder, he could smell the honey-melon shampoo she used.

- use of language devices, like the alliteration here, really help create tone and mood behind the delivery of your imagery

What are my suggestions?
There were no spelling, structural or grammatical errors that I noticed.

You may want to consider entering genre choices when you create an item. Many readers use the search engine to look for their particular fancy, and incorporating them will help people discover your work

Personally? I would take out the "twist in the tale" spoiler in the brief description. After all, your story really builds and delivers on it's own merit.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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599

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2639607

Review of Martial Arts Poll

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hey there,
Instead of just sending you an emial (because I picked other) I thought I'd take the time to pop some stars on this item, as I noticed them missing

Oh, and it's 'Wing Chun'... anyhoo, here are my thoughts:

Well set out and easy to use

Good range of poll choices

Interesting results!
My only suggestion would be to brighten it up and enhance it visually with use of WritingML

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care,
Acme

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600

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2638576

Review of Another Year, Another Promise

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

An Acme Review
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
Thank you for entering
Invalid Item
This item number is not valid.
#1300753 by Not Available.

What are my overall impressions?
This entry uses the 'Promises, Promises' prompt really well in this seasonal family tale. The use of dialogue throughout was incredibly clever and wonderfully done; great narrative description, vivid imagery and great informal tone and character building - clever writing, as it delivered so much through speech alone

Just a minor re-edit is needed, with an eye for punctuation. There were no other technical problems which I noticed.

What are my favourite parts?
You have cracking comic timing, and the delivery of your punch-line is right on the money

What are my suggestions?
Just a couple of typos:

“So[,] Pop, are we going

I don’t[,] see it anywhere

trees don’t mean no spirit of Christmas[, ;] I want us to have the best

smarty pants,[,] I am givin’ you

“It’s just that[,] last year[,] instead of getting us one of those fancy trees for Christmas, you dragged in the dead Rosemary plant.

dang Gu’mment![” Well boy

“Pop[,] why

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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