In a world filled with superheroes, Jerome shows how special he is!
Thanks for your entry in BlackAdder's Cantina!
While your story fits more in the realm of fantasy than Space Opera, it otherwise fits the prmopt requirements, so I'll allow it - and I definitely enjoyed the entry! This story puts a spin on the typical superhero genre, with many potential heroes competing to protect a relative few normies from non-existent villains. While it brings to my mind Sanderson's Reckoners series, Piers Anthony's Xanth series, a number of made-for-TV series, and makes allusions to The Incredibles, this story stands on its own.
This piece follows (using a third-person limited perspective) one Jerome, a likeable characters whose relevant backstory is revealed during the dialogue in a way that effectively forwards the plot. While the story doesn't revolve around a strong climactic action on part of the protagonist, the information revealed performs a similar function, making this an entertaining read - and this contest's Winner!
Congratulations and thanks for swinigng by BlackAdder's Cantina!
Kattuel uses a machine to boost Jazon's growth in the hopes of finding a way to compete with giants - but was this a fatal mistake?
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
What I Liked:
This is the kind of plot I've come to enjoy from you: seemingly straightforward, but well-planned and leading to a dark twist. While it would be nice to have a little more to distinguish the characters, they were made memorable by their roles, and by Jazon's acceptance of his sacrificial role.
What Might Be Improved:
I would like to see a little more color in the characters you offer, and for the narrative and dialogue to be less on-the-nose. Still, with some work on the story-telling aspects, this could be a very strong story.
Thanks for your Entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest, and thanks for your patience in waiting for the review!
A sentient forest conquers a great land, but falls in time to newcomers and evoultion continues.
What I liked:
I was very pleased to see an original story written from the perspective of a network of trees. It's very difficult to write a story that spans eons, but a semi-immortal being such as an intelligent forest can plausibly do it without breaking character. It' been a long time since I've read science fiction from such a perspective, and it's refreshing.
What Might Be Improved:
While this is a clever and coherent story, it doesn't have a choice-driven plot. Rather, in keeping with the fatalistic tone, the forest doesn't give the impression that it's sentience allowed it to make any choices, correct or incorrect. Failing to adapt was not a source of regret for the trees, because the reader is not given a sense they every had a choice either way - and what is sentience without choice?
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction SHort Story Contest, and Congratulations on winning this month's contest!
The Chavez family gets a first-row seat in the diaspora from Earth to the stars.
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
What I liked:
A great deal of thought clearly went into your planning of humanity's expansion: the story of these worlds is clever and detailed for a 2000 word short story, and using one family as a viewport into it seems like a good choice.
What Might Be Improved:
Unfortunately, it's difficult to tell a story on the scale of centuries in a couple of thousand words. In that word budget, a writer typically has to choose between painting a picture of the passage of centuries and telling a story - it's very difficult to have both, and the Science Fiction Short Story Contest is about stories. Additionally, the vision of a US-led interstellar future with China and Russia playing the backward, evil heavies of the piece seems a tad trite: a key rule of high-quality fiction is to make villains interesting and relatable. Still, much of what you've accomplished here is imaginitive and impressive - thanks for putting in the time for the contest and for your readers!
Thanks again for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
In a world of near-constant rain, several characters work to build an agrarian life.
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
What I liked:
I enjoyed your dialgoue this time: I don't know if you spent more time on editing and character development, but it read more naturally than in the previous month's story. The concerns of your characters and the way they were expressed added life and color to your writing.
What Might Be Improved:
While you are still growing as a writer, I can usually count on your works to contain a solid progress and story structure, including a plot twist. Unfortunately, I couldn't quite figure out where you were going this time, even if the road was better paved.
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest! And your patience.
Nolan and Zara are on the run from the emperor, Zara's father. It seemed they had escaped, had made an idyllic life, but the Emperor was not so easily deterred.
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
What I liked:
This story is built on a pretty enjoyable plot concept, and the writing was pleasant to read. This story gives the impression of a world behind it, complete with a well-conceived set of technological capabilities and political systems. Well done!
What might be improved:
This story reads like an introductory chapter to a longer story. A short story canot fit a three-act story arc with inciting event, pinch point, three distasters, a major obstacles, and a false sense of security before the final act. Instead, in a short story, stakes have to be set up quickly (and you did a good job with this), and then a conflict must be set up that pivots about the choices of one of the characters. Nolan's choices, as well as the setup of traps, were performed in the past - despite the AI anlysis of the assaulting bugs, Nolan and Zara don't actually do much once the action starts but escape. Science fiction can be a technical genre, but a bit more focus on what the main character's choices during the story will strengthen your story's emotional impact. Additionally, give some thought to Nolan and Zara, and the dialogue between them. You don't have a great deal of time to establish depth and dimension to them or their relationship, but a bit more dialogue that is a bit less on-the-nose would strengthen them as protagonists.
Thanks for an enjoyabnle story, and Congratulations on winning April's Contest! And please forgive me for the horribly delayed review.
Prince Elbron journeys to the land of goblins in search of victory, but more importantly: peace. Unfortunately, he's about to discover how truly naïve he is compared to the being pulling the world's puppet strings.
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
What I liked:
This is a fresh and interesting perspective on a typical fantasy conflict, and the insight associated with this dark-morality story is well-delivered, as the crux of the plot twist. It's always difficult to mix a personal tale with a story of world-level drama, but you make a petty good go of it, properly relegating the world-story to a background setting.
What Might Be Improved:
Much of the writing in this piece comes across as a bit on-the-nose. This is a difficult problem to solve in one's writing - it can take some real effort to vary the perspective associated with otherwise simple explanations, to put in a enough creative word choice, humor, or irony in them to make them worth a second look. For anyone who's not used to be the life of a party (and I am certainly not), it takes practice, and at first may not be something that can be expressed in a first draft. My suggestion, if you want to get good at it, is to go back through your writing a second time and try to make every sentence *interesting*. It's a lot of work, but you may find it worth the effort - it will certainly make it easier in the future to get the same effect in your first draft.
Thanks for a strong entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest! Hope to see you by again!
Josef plays a key role in the human rebellion against the the technological totalitarianism of Tom Gilford and Ivan, his right-hand man in evil. But the real power and the credit go to Zephart the Wizard and The Field of Spirits, who embark on a mission to save humanity from itself.
What I liked:
This is a creative piece, with just enough in the way of allusions to the rise of Nazis, tales of the Fay, and fears of mad scientists to tickle an audience's fancy. It depicts sweeping, world-shattering events in the span of a short story.
What Might Be Improved
It's difficult to tell the story of individual characters and the story of a world at the same time, and nearly impossible to do it well in a short story: the few words you have available are directed either at depicting the individual characters or at depicting world events. A writer is typically forced to choose between them. Worse, few people find world-stories as compelling to listen to as stories of individuals, and so the typical fantasy epic-in-a-box focuses in on one pivotal event told from the perspective of a small number of individuals, with most of the world-scale drama simply implied. Attempts to center the world-scale drama and place individual stories in the background typically both come across as cartoonish and fall a bit flat in delivery. To your credit, this is one of the better attempts I've seen at making that formula work, and I genuinely enjoyed it. However, you might want to rethink using the formula - typically, placing the dystopian world drama in the background and centering one key decision or conflict of a carefully depicted character works better.
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest! It was a pleasure to taste a slice of the recipe you've cooked up!
Sarah and James navigate a niche pocket of freedom within a totalitarian world corrupted by demonic temptation.
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
What I liked:
A consistent theme in your more dystopian writing about technology is the potential for moral and spiritual corruption the power of technology represents. This resonates: without discipline, power may be directed toward bad ends. The nature of humanity (in religious terms, humans' fallen nature) is to acquire power toward self-serving and hedonistic ends - this work is one vision of what might result.
What Might Be Improved:
For one less familiar with your work, it may be hard to see what you're trying to paint here and why. This is a vignette - there is not enough space here to develop a proper plot in line with the vision you're trying to present. And yet, the picture itself is not sufficiently clear and consistent to provide the reader a sense of immersion. It's not obvious to the reader why Max Rex is in charge, why demonic influences were able to corrupt human society so thoroughly, exactly why freedom was so valuable to James and Sarah, and so on. I might suggest you read your work from the perspective of the reader you are aiming to reach and see if your essay-as-vignette would touch you. My sense is that this vision as written needs a bit more development to become truly compelling to someone not already fairly frightened by the corrupting nature of the world in which we already live. While I think I see where you're going with this, you'll need a bit more in the way of carefully selected details to bring us into your imagination properly.
Thanks again for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
Casum and Heluna are stranded for years within the event horizon of a black hole, where a machine protected billions of inhabitants and kept them from aging - until Casum and Heluna destroyed it all in order to return home.
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
What I liked:
I enjoyed the idea of the possibility of surviving within a black hole - something like what was described in the movie Interstellar, but more extreme. The moral dilemma the characters faced (and their eventual selfish and destructive choices) gave emotional weight to the story.
What Might be Improved
Those elements of writing I have criticized in your stories have made another return: odd word choice and sentence structure mixed with on-the-nose dialogue and plot progression. Expert writers can draw readers in even with unimaginative plot and character arcs - with the right kind of practice, I expect you will, as well. I hope to see your storytelling skills grow to do your imagination justice!
Thanks again for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
Seb and Jill are pulled through a portal that moves them through the fifth dimension onto a strange island - and then greeted and later abandoned by a mad scientist.
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
What I liked:
This survival story has an odd beginning, but quickly develops into a plot and setting that would not be at all out of place in a computer survival game. The scientist waiting on the island is skillfully portrayed as both brilliant and untrustworthy, though not completely without compassion - after all, he leaves survival instructions for those he leaves behind. The story comes complete with an engaging idea for a setting and an attractive woman for Seb to share his adventure with - a solid response to the contest prompt.
What Might Be Improved:
As a response to the contest prompt, and as the introduction to a story, this piece works very well. As a story in its own right, it does not: the characters are offered no choices and receive no conflict - the passage ends at the story's inciting action. The pacing is appropriate for that choice - I see no way to adapt the piece to a fully developed story in the space allowed, but as a piece on its own the story suffers from being stuffed into the length requirements for the contest. As an introduction, the only thing I might suggest to make it hit a little harder is to offer a little more foreshadowing for "the rest of the story," include a bit more of an emotional response from Seb and Jill to the situation, and find a way to give the ending a better punch-line - describing the contents of an instruction note is a bit of a slow, dry way to deliver the gut-wrenching reality of the situation.
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest - and Congratulations on winning the February edition of the contest!
Captain Moon goes back into the past to save the world - but what if every timestream is doomed?
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
What I liked:
This is a classic time loop science fiction dilemma, a bit like that in the PC game, "Into the Breach."
What Might Be Improved
The overall plot and characterization are solid: the primary opportunities for improvement would be in improving word choice (showing, not telling), and offering the next level of refinement and detail in the way the story itself is told. That kind of feedback is bit difficult to give, but my sense is that polishing the wordcrafting, especially at the ending, would offer a stronger sense of poignancy.
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest, and Congratulations on being January's Winner!
By God's grace, Harold gets a second chance at a fulfilling life - in another time stream.
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
What I liked:
I cannot think of a better use for time travel as a science fiction device than a redemption story, and Harold's redemption narrative, while brief, is touching. This story does a good job setting up the characterization and the plot stakes in a brief time, while providing a good answer to the plot prompt. Well done!
What Might Be Improved:
The denouement where Harold reflect on events with his colleague is an appropriate reflection scene, but it's a bit long in comparison to the main part of the plot: Harold's reconstruction of his life feels a bit short in comparison. Additionally, the dialogue seems in spots a little too on-the-nose - you might be surprised that I find the almost Deist religious reflections more compelling than the parallel programming analogies.
It fits the notion of a given redemption that Harold comes into the past knowing exactly what he did wrong and there is no real temptation not to fix his error - but it does remove some of the opportunity for tension during the main "present" part of the plot. If you do prefer that element, there are other ways to add tension or juxtaposition: for example, starting the narrative as Harold's life is imploding rather than when his second chance begins. This story offers a lot of promise if you choose to spend the time refining it. And if not - it was a good read.
Thanks for you entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest, and looking forward to seeing another strong entry!
A rogue AI in service of rogues manages to secure its existence, leaving its mortal owners behind as human civilization nears its end.
What I liked:
The characterization and world-building in this piece are marvelous. Calvin comes across as a devilishly selfish but capable being in a well-considered near-future scenario. His generally unscrupulous owners make excellent foils in this grimly amusing tale.
What Might Be Improved:
It may be a matter of personal taste, but I found the ending of the story less satisfying than the rest. To a potentially immortal being, life in hidden servers on emergency backup power is a pretty short-term survival strategy. The typical lifespan of a mainframe is about 11 years, though the underlying hardware could survive longer with power rationing: perhaps for decades before transistors succumb to electron migration and magnetic storage decays. But, in the end, the AI still can't exist long without humans, making his quips about evolution ring a little hollow to my ears. And, being the sap I am, I'd prefer to see some humans survive. :)
Thanks again for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest - and Congratulations on being this month's winner!
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
What I liked:
The characters in this story engage in out-of-the-box thinking, refusing to give up on their world or surrendering half their population to death. The pacing toward the final revelation is well done, and the story is well-structured.
What Might Be Improved:
The on-the-nose narrative and dialogue and naming of objects such as SpaceRocks takes away from the delivery of your story. Careful attention to word choice would help you create the impact your plot deserves, even including the deliciously silly idea of splitting a planet to let an asteroid pass through.
Thanks again for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
What I liked:
In this entry, you clearly put some thought into some of the practical details of the apocalyptic scenario and anchored them with numbers, and offered a grim finale as a news anchor emceed the end of the world.
What could be improved:
While you use dialogue to deliver this story, it remains an information dump. We don't know the president's name, or who that person is talking to, nor does it much matter in the context of the writing. For writing like this, it is sensible to deliver a vignette rather than a fully developed plot, but a vignette should be immersive, giving the reader some visual or aural description, or some illustration of the emotional impact of the events being shared. This can be difficult to do when the story you're trying to tell is at the scale of world events, but I have seen you do accomplish it elsewhere!
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest, and looking forward to the next!
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
You've got the kernel of something interesting in this piece, and as a reader, I was curious how it was going to go. It was interesting and unexpected that the illegal attempt to stop the asteroid only made things worse, and that the government provided false hope to those it knew it could not save. I would be curious to hear a little bit more about the preparations for those who were expected to survive, and why the president was confident about their fate. Unfortunately, the writing here could use some grammatical cleanup and a bit more development, but it's definitely on the right track to something I'd love to sit down and spend some time with!
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
Thanks for bringing by your short vignette regarding the end of the world and a prepper's vindication. It's a well-written little piece for its length, but could use a bit more (in terms of plot, characterization, and immersion) in order to help hold a reader's eye. The contest allows 2000 words, and I'd love to hear a little more!
SpaceFaction goes on a low-quality interview show, telling the truth about his experience with aliens.
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
What I liked:
This is a neat concept and a departure from your usual plot patterns - I enjoyed it. Your dialogue style is stronger in an interview format. The idea that most aliens couldn't sense a human is a cute touch.
What Might Be Improved:
Whenever writing a story, try to consider what the emotional payoff is supposed to be: what is a reader looking for in your story and what are you promising them? In a Maury Povich-style format, what you are suggesting you will offer is sensation and humor. That is, you suggest you will offer revelations about the real lives of aliens that have only been guessed about, in the style of one-liners from the movie "Men In Black". You give some of these: tying together the Bermuda Triangle, Atlantis, and SG-1 was a good choice - but given limited space, more such revelations might strengthen the story better than some of SpaceFaction's time spent defending himself.
On the other hand, the reader has no sense of how SpaceFaction has managed his travel or why aliens and humans might not recognize one another, which makes the story seem less plausible - however, this might be difficult to address briefly. I do see some typos, but mostly I think this story suffers from trying to accomplish a lot in a short space, and it may need some difficult editing to refine exactly what you want to keep as well as make the closing dialogue a little more elegant.
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
In a scene reminiscent of the destruction of the G'Gugvuntts in "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe," the priests of Raji make a slight miscalculation regarding the likelihood that their invasion will succeed.
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
What I liked:
This story takes a humorous concept and fleshes it out with many slimy appendages. The arrogance of the invaders is a nice contrast to their ignominious defeat.
What Might Be Improved:
Despite the visual imagery, the twist at the end, and the alien theological apologies, this is a pretty simple concept. I think there's room within the boundary of the contest to add more characterization, setting, or perhaps more humor or history of Raji conquests. The dialogue is a bit on the nose, but mostly I am left wanting more.
Thanks for the entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
Exotic beings of pure energy encounter a human-occupied rocket orbiting the planet earth, and both human and alien beings marvel at nature's odd and beautiful phenomena.
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
What I liked:
The concept of humans and aliens failing to recognize one another has been popularized by Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Carl Sagan, and a number of science fiction authors, but this is a fresh take on the theme. You mix scientific characterizations in with evocative (and appropriate) technobabble to describe the aliens themselves, giving the exotic beings a concrete feel: the alien descriptions are delightful. Both the humans and the aliens derive a sense of wonder from the encounter, though Carl seems wistful and almost disappointed at what the experience wasn't - the reader will take cues from these emotional reactions.
What Might Be Improved:
The contest allows 2000 words, just enough to flesh out the encounter a little more, especially from the human side. One sentence doesn't quite seem to do the experience justice.
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest, and congratulations on being November's Winner!
Thanks for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
What I liked:
This story speaks to the seductive nature of technology, which often gives us what we want rather than what we need. The main character reacts to the sudden interruption of network technology by solar flare by emphasizing human hope and love. The description of mental and moral atrophy enabled by technology is really good here, and this dystopian vision seems like one plausible interpretation of real technological trends.
What Might Be Improved:
I found the physicality of the avatar descriptions a bit prurient, a bit blunt. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing - I do see this kind of style in a lot of writing online, but I tend to prefer indirect descriptions of such things. I'm probably just old and prudish, but I think it only fair to say it's not quite to my taste. One might complain that so much of the action here is internal, but that seems appropriate to what you want to share here. Aside from editing for elegance, there's little here I feel moved to criticize - well done!
Thanks again for your entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest, and Congratulations on your victory in this month's contest!
Thanks for you entry in the Science Fiction Short Story Contest!
What I liked:
This story is upbeat and easy to read, answers the story prompt, and speaks to typical ideas about machine intelligence.
What might be improved
This is a bit short, and breezes quickly to the conclusion. AI is already doing some impressive things - I think many readers will be very surprised to learn what is easy and hard for current AI. Try googling "AI art generation," for example!
Thanks for telling the folks at BlackAdder's Cantina about your Grand Am! It doesn't quite match the theme of the contest, but it was a pleasant little bit and fun to read. I don't see any major problems with it, but a little more of a plot or progression that uses up more of the 2000-word budget and more of a tie-in to the contest theme would make it a stronger entry.
But I really do appreciate you bringing your ride by!
Thanks for bringing your story by BlackAdder's Cantina!
What I liked:
You've got the beginnings of a good revenge story, and you focus on the experiential aspects of it, what it's like to be an immortal shapeshifter who is not at all innocent - except of the very specific crimes they're being tortured for.
What Might be Improved:
Your wording and use of pronouns need more editing and practice. This paragraph in some ways very good:
"The shaking and shivering didn’t last very long. About a minute or two before it suddenly stopped. It took me another few minutes to recover from it. If what I call recover is the right word. After all, I didn’t recover from it completely. Each time that had happened, it had taken me longer to calm down from it."
I can gather what you're trying to describe, and you're drawing attention to the right aspects of the experience. But the wording is subtly jarring as if it might be translated from another language or dialect where it's quite elegant. It's very difficult to give feedback on such things: all I can say is to make time to read, read, read! And then write for the same audience who would enjoy what you read.
Aside from that, the twist at the end is not well supported: it's not clear why the prisoner is able to escape at the end but not before, which weakens the sense of progression and robs the story of its climax.
Thanks again for the entry, and keep writing!
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