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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/chaoticharmony
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64 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Indonesia 2006  
Review by Chaotic
Rated: E | (3.5)
This was found during a random read and even though this is not the kind of stuff I usually review, I thought I'd give it a go. This was very informative and while I can't judge it on my usual criteria of plot, flow, characters etc. I do feel that I can judge it on it's merit as a travel log. I found it well structured as a whole and interesting in it's anecdotes. Some grammatical issues, but overall pretty good.
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Review by Chaotic
Rated: E | (5.0)
I stumbled upon this during a random review and I thought I would stop and comment. I thought this was pretty interesting. It actually reminds me of some of Poe's poems. Obviously not as far as the subject goes, but I think if Poe was to write about Horses it would have been structured in this way. I thoroughly enjoyed it. ~ CH
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Review of THE HOME  
Review by Chaotic
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is great. I am usually not a big fan of paranormal horror. I tend to be into more psychological terror type stories, but this one really grabbed me. You have a great ability to grab the readers attention and really keep us engaged. Keep up the great work. ~CH
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Review by Chaotic
Rated: E | (4.0)
I stumbled upon this through a random review. I am not one for the traditional review structure, so I'll just dive in. I like the structure of this short piece. We get to take a trip of self discovery with Jason as he discovers true American spirit. Now while I found it well written and paced, I think it come off a little hokey and one dimensional. That being said, I don't think that anyone could tackle a subtle subject such as this and create a character that is to have the type of growth Jason has in such a short piece. So for the length of this, it's pretty good. -CH
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Review by Chaotic
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Stopping by for a random review.
This is a cute little piece, I like the light humorous tone. I do have some issues with the flow of this piece. There's a few errors I picked up on too. First paragraph chucks instead of chunks. In the second paragraph I think it would read better to say The Groundhog, but maybe that's just a personal taste thing. Anyway all and all this was a cute little piece. -CH
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Review by Chaotic
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like this a lot. Each line plays off of the last line so well. The imagery that it presents, paints a very vivid image in my mind of your pain and suffering.
The form used really fits with the subject matter, this is one of the few poems I've read on here that I wouldn't change anything about. Great job! -CH
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Review by Chaotic
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
First off, this was so well written. One of the better things I've read on here in awhile, but I do have one question. Why does Jonathon care so much about revealing the truth of Vampires specifically? Also, How does he know that they exist?

I just feel like there was a missed opportunity here to help connect the dots for the audience. He is portrayed as having a logical mind in the way he deduces things through the first paragraph, but he is obsessed with such an illogical subject. Now if he never discovered a Vampire, I would just assume he had fallen into some form of madness, but alas he finds one.

It just seems like more information would help. Did he have a run-in with a vampire as a youth or perhaps some sort of loss. I mean he has no vendetta against Vampires, so nothing to major, but just something to make his motives seem more realistic.

Like I said before, this is so well written. SO thanks for providing a really good read. I just want to know more and understand why Jonathon behaves the way he does.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Knock Knock  
Review by Chaotic
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is great. I love the madness that is captured in the forced perspective. I can almost see the leprechaun poster hanging up in your living room.
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Review of Confustication  
Review by Chaotic
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is great, I personally can't figure out why I've never thought to do this myself. Usually things like this come off gimmicky, but I feel like the upside-down format of this actually helps express the confusion and indifference that the you were writing about. A great job at creating a simple, but powerful effect. ~CH
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Review by Chaotic
Rated: E | (3.5)
I stumbled upon this randomly, and thought I would do a quick review.
It's a bit to on the nose for my tastes, but it is well executed. It has great continuity, but it's lacking the imagery ad metaphor I usually look for in a good poem.
My overall opinion of this poem is that it's not a poem, but a well executed statement of how you feel.
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Review by Chaotic
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
First off, the following is simply my opinion and nothing else.
I thoroughly enjoyed the beginning of this, as I thought it was well written and the plot was still a bit of a mystery. I thought the discovery that the son was the murderer was great, even though it did feel a little rushed. You did a great job making the scenes as short as they are still fit together well in a concise manner. I am a huge fan of horror and gore, so I am the first one to say rip some heads off, but the end just felt too lazy for me to enjoy it thoroughly. I just think you could be a little more descriptive in the way she did thing and that would definitely add to the creep factor. I just personally find that you built up so much palpable tension only to leave to a less then climactic ending. Still all that being said, very well written and well executed, but still plenty of room for improvement.
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Review by Chaotic
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
The following is just my opinion and it is far from a professional opinion.
I am not exactly sure what this scene was trying to convey and for me that's a major issue. Every scene should cause development of some kind and this one just felt flat. Now, I did like the way you handled Rain's thoughts. I think her character seems like one that could have promise. The biggest issue I think this had was just the flow of it seems so off. I would reread some of those sentences and see if there is a way you could restructure them. I hope I didn't come off too harsh. My first drafts always need tons of love, so thanks for sharing and keep on writing.
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Review of Reunion  
Review by Chaotic
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is very powerfully written and like all poems it is subject to multiple interpretations. To me the protagonist seems unbalanced in a way that borders on mentally unhealthy and the fact that they are in a cabin and not ones home, the fact that she was waiting to feel his embrace was presented in a way that came across as she had never felt it, but she still loved him. It definitely comes across as an affair to me. As I said very well done.
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Review of Gone, Gone, Gone  
Review by Chaotic
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is well written and I didn't notice any obvious grammatical errors, so kudos for that. It's a little redundant for my personal tastes and while the message is powerful, there seems to be a lack of passion throughout. Thanks for sharing and hope you have a great day. CH
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Review of Life  
Review by Chaotic
Rated: E | (2.5)
This is a good start, but there are some serious flow issues throughout. Also you used were instead of we're, theirs instead of there's and were instead of we're again. The point is a little muddled, but there is some nice imagery in the fourth line. Keep writing and refining your work, your doing great.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Faded  
Review by Chaotic
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there.
just stopping by to give a random review. This is a good start but there are some punctuation errors. I would definitely use ?'s to identify and emphasize your questions.

Also without any periods or commas to dictate stops and pauses,this has a very staggered flow. Another error is that after "when I speak" it should be "no one answer(s)"

As far as the actual piece goes it is very descriptive end has a lot of emotion which makes it a nice piece of poetry.

Thank you for sharing and keep up the great work – CH


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Chaotic
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey there,

First off, I am no expert by any means and these are just my opinions.

So if you look at this piece as a stand alone writing it's a little confusing. I would say as a rough draft it's a good step in the right direction.

This helps explain the ideas and themes that you plan on tackling. This also helps you visualize who your character is and who you want her to be.

So knowing that you want this to be a book, plan on reshaping these early chapters later on.

So I would focus on character development over the next few chapters, and expand on the themes you started slowly. You can always edit your work for errors later on.

I look forward to seeing how this progresses into a story and how she progresses as a character and a person.
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Review of Eyes of Death  
Review by Chaotic
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
I am not a big fan of poorly punctuated pieces, but this one does a few nice lines. You should read this out loud and put in periods and commas where you want stops and pauses. There are also a lot of lines that are structured weirdly and some that don't make sense. I would rewrite this and try and really emphasize your main theme, by making each sentence build off of the preceding one.
A good start and these are justmy opinions. ~CH


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of In 10 Months  
Review by Chaotic
Rated: E | (3.5)
This was great. Very well done with the perspective of someone from outside of our environment looking in. The strong points for me are the bits of humour and the strong narrative.

The weak parts for me are all grammatical. The first paragraph is almost one run on sentence. I would go through and read this outloud and add periods, commas, and semi colons to where you want stops, pauses, and longer pauses in that order.

Good job. ~CH
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Review of Built From Lies  
Review by Chaotic
Rated: E | (5.0)
So I don't usually give out 5 stars if there are any grammatical problems, flow problems or structural problems,but I l really love this. You do a really good ob utilizing your commas for dramatic affect and to emphasize your overall point. The only problems I have with this is there are some lines that the rhyme scheme feels a little forced, but it doesn't hinder the overall quality in any major way.

Great job. ~CH


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Chaotic
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like the soul behind this, the actual emotions and idea are great. The grammatical side of it is not so great, but that's not a big deal. You can tweak it and make it a better piece of writing pretty easily. Instead of pointing out errors individually, I am going to show you how I would have written this. If you want more information on the specific reasoning behind these choices, feel free to message me. I do like the power behind this piece and my edits are just what I personally think would make your presence shine through brighter. I would also add that you might want to try to add some metaphors and a little more imagery to your piece, but these are very stylist and can change or add to the emphasis and meaning of a piece, so I am not going to regurgitate my personal style all over your work. Sorry for the ramble, but I really am just trying to help you out, hope I at least succeeded there.

(Mostly just grammatical and flow changes, hope this isn't intrusive too intrusive.)

None of this was supposed to happen.

I never meant for all of this; the bloodshed, death and chaos. I was just a hungry girl --desperate to survive.

Yes I stepped one foot into the wrong road. Does that give you the right to blame me? I'm not saying that I should have done it. I know I shouldn't have. Even so, wouldn't you have done the same? Seeing your brother, sister, and even your parents starving. Watching as they slowly slip away, right before your eyes.

I could have been the hero. The girl who saves her family from starvation and even death. No, I could never be the hero. You must know that I never meant for everyone to die like this.

In one way, it seems like I caused all of this, and in some ways it's true, but does that make me a villain? Am I evil? No. No, not to me. All I did was save myself from this swamp that I was slowly sinking into.

For once you won't be reading about the perfect hero who did nothing wrong and swooped in to save everyone. You won't be meeting the celebrity everyone loves, has loved and always will love. No. You're stuck with me. The girl who just made a mistake. The girl who everyone says is the villain.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Chaotic
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey there,
I stumbled across this web of a tale, and decided to give you my humble opinion.
I enjoyed the build up and the tension that you created, I found the dialogue and the spiders non chalant attitude realistic and amusing.

While I didn't find this scary, it did have its suspensfull moments. The end worked with the light tone, but definetley kept it from being scary.

I did spot a few small errors:

There are a few spacing issues, between your 12th and 13th paragraph is one and there are a few more throughout. There are also some jumps between past and present tense and some words that are incorrect, such as "half instead of have." If you want a more thorough review of the grammatical errors let me know.(I am on my phone at the moment, so reviewing full sections is complicated)
Anyway, that was a great story, thanks for sharing. ~CH
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Review of Stairway To Hell  
Review by Chaotic
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey there,
I was perusing the horror section and stumbled upon this piece of hellish awesomeness and had to review. So first off you do a great job setting the overall tone of the piece.

After the quote and the first few paragraphs it feels like I am in hell, in allbof the best ways possible. I love the the narrative, perspective and use of imagery.

Some of these lines like; "jelly like package of skin" made me laugh and cringe. Loved it!

The end I didn't love, the whole transformation into a rat seemed out of place and bizzare. You did a great job letting the reader know that more was coming as far as the rats go, I was just personally hoping for somethingnelse. Something less permanent, to me hell should be endless orbon a perpetual loop of somn sort. Still these are personal preferences, the story itself is great and well written.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of by myself.  
Review by Chaotic
Rated: E | (4.5)
First off, thanks for sharing this piece. It definitely has a powerful draw. I think the emotions are raw and make the poem feel authentic. One small thing, does a boat sit, wouldn't it float, bob, rock, etc? The only big issues that I had, are with the flow. While I do like that you didn't way the emotions down with heavy verb age, I do feel like a little restructuring could go a long way. These are just my thoughts, so take them with a grain of salt and have a great day. -CH


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Berserk  
Review by Chaotic
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey Jeff,
I found this to be generally well written. It kept the pace going throughout its entirety, and worked its way up to the end very well.

Some of your sentences run a little wordy for my specific liking, especially in a horror piece. Of course this is a stylistic opinion and not a grammatical error.

I didn't find it scary, but it was entertaining. All and all this was well constructed with a funny and realistic ending.

I personally would have had the clown make balloon animals with the guys lower intestines to hand out to the kiddos, but that's just me. - CH
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