The formatting made this a little rough to follow, but a lot of it is pretty funny. If you space out the paragraphs, it'll be a lot better. (I think the reason you haven't gotten any reviews before now is because of that and not the content--people are getting so far and then giving up when they get visually lost in it.)
I'm mainly self-employed but have a full-time temp job right now also (My husband and I are really wanting to get out of debt as soon as possible).
I have fun though because outside the job I'm making a higher income than most of the permanent lower-level managers--my bosses. So when they do that thing where they try to pile an inhuman amount of work on temps, I have walk-away power. It really shakes them up because they're not used to people doing that.
Have you looked into doing freelance work part-time? With the way the Internet is now, it wouldn't take much to set up a portfolio website and slowly build up some clients by word of mouth, even in Indiana. There's a book called Gorilla Marketing that has a lot of advertising ideas that cost little or nothing.
I hate seeing people get trapped in those places, so don't give up if you still have some fight in you to change the situation. I hope you do.
This is excellent as far as content, but I think you've had some errors when you copied and pasted this from another program. There are question marks where commas and other punctuation normally would be.
I especially liked this portion:
"For your sorrow, he wants to give you joy. For your disappointments, he wants to give you encouragement. For your fears, he wants to give you comfort. For your brokenness, he wants to give you wholeness. For your sickness he wants to give you healing. And so on and so forth. The bottom line is, where you are now is not where you are going."
I'm going to post this publicly because I want to recommend it for other people to read. You've done a great job with it and just need to fix those minor errors.
Warning: This item is highly addictive, especially for "Whose Line is It, Anyway?" fans. I definitely recommend it for anyone looking to spend some time doing something different--may even spur your creativity for a story.
This is an excellent contest--it's very well run and has great prizes for winners. I recommend it to everyone on the site who has non-static items that they want to enter into a contest.
Keep up the good work. This is one of my favorite contests on the site!
This is very sad, scary, and intense--it was somewhat hard to read on an emotional level, and I feel so bad for the woman.
There's a definite light and dark contrast with what's going on in her mind, almost like she's distancing herself out of the moment and outside of her own body.
You're an excellent writer. This isn't something I'd normally read, but I can tell you've put a lot of careful thought into it.
This is an awesome port set-up. I'm really impressed with everything you've done with it. Visually it's got the right combination of images and content, and it's very inviting.
I also like your "Diamond in the rough" contest to encourage people to browse your port.
Wow! What a terrifying memory! Is this based off of real events or purely fiction? You did a great job with the action--I was emotionally afraid for the girl and her family. You have just the right amount of detail to make it realistic but not slow down the pace of what's happening.
I only saw a couple of things that you might want to look at--it's not anything major that you'd have to change if you don't want to:
"I raced into the kitchen since Jacob and John, my nine-year-old twin brothers were complete pigs about food."--comma after brothers.
"...I watched as Mother crawled on hands and knees to where she had last seen the two boys."--instead of "the two boys," I'd almost expect her to say "my brothers" at that point.
I'd definitely recommend this to other readers and reviewers to check out.
This is different from any poem I've ever read, and for the most part I really like it. I can see how the line between the vignette poem and flash fiction can be a bit grey, but in yours there was a definite rhythm to it.
My main suggestion would be to put the note to reviewers at the top of the item, so we can know what to look for right away to help you. (I didn't mind reading over it again, though.)
Great job! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.
Wow! This is really short but very powerful poem. I really like your choice of words and how solid you've made this poem.
I don't see anything in it that I would change, unless you wanted to do anything to enhance it visually. I kind of like it the way it is though--simple and to the point.
This is an awesome poem! Early in my personal journey as a Christian, there were times when there was this little tug-of-war in my heart on whether to fully trust God or not.
It took awhile for me to understand the type of life God really wanted for me--where I was above of my circumstances instead of my circumstances being on above me. You capture those feelings very well.
I think you've done a good job of expressing some broad issues teenagers today are facing. I'm 23, and I seen a lot of similar situations growing up as far as some friends and classmates.
Though I was fortunately not involved with anything like that, I did struggle with trying to find a sense of identity and self-worth as a teenager. You can read a little about my experiences in this item:
I believe the unstable culture that a lot of teenagers have to navigate through today is amplifying issues that are usually present at that age. What would've normally been a little nervousness and anxiety is now panic attacks and eating disorders. Down moods are becoming deep and dangerous depression episodes. It's horomones and no moral compass--a bad combination.
Add that to the fact we're being force-fed that we're the random decendents of one-cell organisms, and there's no wonder teenagers are trying to fill a hole in their souls with sources that just won't work and are harmful.
I do have hope however because there are a lot of people out there that care and are making efforts to reach out. Since our pastor announced the stats that over 90% of people are saved before the age of 18, our church has put a lot budget money into the childrens, teen, and college groups...better to give kids a good foundation than have to sort through a lot of junk as an adult.
My main suggestions on making the item better are just to seperate some of the earlier paragraphs (they're kind of bunched together) and I found one typo:
"They may be doing what a majority of otehrs are doing"--others
This was a good story, and I really like how you've added the link to your other item and the photos.
My husband and I don't have children of our own yet, but we both worked at a campus daycare in college (We missed meeting each other there by about a month, which is kind of funny.) I definitely agree that adults can still learn a lot from watching children, and they have a great way of keeping things in perspective.
Thank you for sharing these stories of your family. It personally made me think of the people in my life--living and in heaven--who have impacted who I am today as a person.
I think above all the brave things a person can do in life, being a right example on how to overcome is one of the biggest.
This was a fun story to read--you could even go a little longer with it if you wanted. I really like how you set up the story, and I can really picture the main character in his little adventure to work.
You paid just the right amount of attention to detail--specific enough where I could visualize it, but not to the point of bogging down the pace.
What I really like about all of your writing I've seen is your sense of rhythm. It's very unique and stands out.
You also to a great job on this particular item of capturing specific moments with your mom, as well as the emotion of what she's going through right now.
The only major reason I didn't rate this a five is that the formating of the paragraphs is a little off in some places...you'll probably notice it if look at it again.
Consumer debt is becoming a huge issue here in America also--lenders are getting out of control. Computer systems are sometimes even sending out credit offers to dead people, 5-year-olds, dogs, etc. It's crazy.
I don't know if you've ever heard of him in England, but check out Dave Ramsey's webiste: www.daveramsey.com. He's done a lot of research on this issue and helps families learn how to get out of debt. My husband and I met him about a year ago and listen to his radio show.
He's very commonsense and debunks a lot of myths--it may be different there, but here in the U.S. there's actually a way to get a mortgage without needing credit cards to build up a rating. You just have to find a bank that does what's called manual underwriting.
This is an interesting story--I like the way you used almost corporate jargon in the title, and you did a great job describing the action that took place. Your dad probably had to deal with a lot, but it sound like he enjoyed his business even in the crazy moments.
My main suggestion is maybe doing something larger with this--collection of stories, etc. The story stands on its own, but I found myself wanting to know more of what happened because it's so short.
This was a very sweet and wonderful tribute to the WDC members who are no longer with us. You've done a great job with it.
I think that it's nice how this site keeps people's work who have passed away instead of just letting the accounts cancel out. I don't think of it in a morbid kind of way, but it's kind of cool that a person's work can continue being read.
This was an entertaining story. I really liked the way you built everything up--from the initial "What's going on?" feeling in the very beginning to the surprise twist at the end.
It's funny, but the only part that threw me off a little was the fish. I think it's the fact you're dealing with both living things and inanimate objects (hope that makes sense without disclosing too much of the story to other people).
I really liked it though and would recommend it to other people to read.
This is an interesting topic. I think it mainly comes down to two things: 1) Too many people are in positions they don't really enjoy, and 2) There's almost a feeling of entitlement that some employees have toward their employers.
I'm in a strange position right now of being both an employee and small business owner at the same time. It's amazing how different and varied people's thought processes are! A lot of my co-workers have negative attitudes, just because they don't like that they have to be there but don't want to take the effort to pursue what they want either.
I'm doing the same job, but I have the urge to do a good job because that job is a tool to help me build my dream. I think there's a bit of a danger in threating a job like you're owned by the company, but there's businesses out there that are operated by good people who want it to be as win/win as possible without them losing money.
There's just a balance to it, and I do agree that people get farther in life when they treat the people around them with respect, including whoever they're working for.
Wow--that made me dizzy, lol. My husband and I are in the process of getting a couple of businesses off the ground, and I recently took on a job working for a credit card processor company for extra income. It's amazing the things that happen to people's accounts, whether by computer or human error. Sounds like you can have a scary wallpapered room made of $437 checks, lol.
I've learned two things from the experience: 1)I want to get rid of our credit cards ASAP, and 2) It's very scary having a business that accepts credit cards.
This was cute and funny--all you need is a picture of Fred to top it all off. I didn't grow up with a cat or a dog, but I think it will be fun to have pets once my husband and I get a house. I say that just to let you know you haven't scared me off from having a cat, lol!
I didn't see anything majorly wrong in this. The phrase "horrendous hue and cry" threw me off a little, just because I haven't seen anyone put color and a sound together like that. It can be a good thing though, so I'm not necessarily saying change it. I like different.
Thanks for sharing your stories about Fred. Have a wonderful weekend!
Tricia
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