This brought back a lot of memories for me--in school, I was 10 months younger than most people in my grade. It was so frustrating watching my friends get their permits and licenses sooner than me.
I agree with you that bumping the legal age up a year probably isn't going to solve the problem--the experience factor doesn't really come into effect until around 25, which is why car insurance companies give people a break around then.
Better Driver's Ed classes are likely the best solution, even if a parent needs to go out an pay for private lessons. The problems are mainly funding (both for parents and the schools) and getting teachers who do more than playing a video of "Real Stories of the Highway Patrol" and call it Driver's Ed.
I found one typo on the very end: "and we as teenager need to be"--needs to be teenagers.
I found your essay very alarming and informative. My husband and I are not parents yet, but the statistics you listed are very sad. I had no idea of the percentages of children that were taken away without due process or proof of abuse. It's frightening that a person could just call in a compliant like that, and the parents are almost automatically considered wrong.
There at least needs to be a checks and balances with this system--and definitely no quotas or anything like that.
My main suggestion for the essay is it just needs to be polished up a little--spacing between paragraphs to make it easier to read, etc. I understand that part of this has your personal experiences and opinions, and it's good you listed sources with more detailed information. I also found a few minor spelling/grammar things that may help:
Money is than distributed...--needs to be "then" instead of "than"
"Money is power and this country has always been dictated by greed."--from a grammar point of view, you need a comma after power. I don't personally agree with the statement (the always been dictated by greed part), but I'm a bit of an optimist. I see the point you're trying to make, though.
"All Kids Count and we’re counting on you."--comma after count.
"in hopes noone unveils"--need a space between "no" and "one"
"....all it takes is a phone call to Cps and they could ..."--CPS in all caps and a comma after it.
"keep the parent filling hopeless"--feeling instead of filling.
I'm glad you personally got your kids back, and hopefully over time the emotional scars for them and you will be healed.
This was an interesting essay--I've never seen the differences between charisma and tact described that way before. I liked the way you did specific examples, and I'd never really thought about the two qualities being independent of morality.
This was really good--now you've got me wanting wanting chocolate!
I really like the way you described the different chocolates, and how some of them connected to the character's memory.
I didn't see anything as far as the spelling or grammar mistakes. I guess the only suggestion I have is maybe to extend it a little--as a reader, I'd like to know a little more about the character and who the admirer was.
This is developing into a great story--you're characters are great! I'm enjoying reading this.
I found a few minor things as far as grammar and sentence flow--these are just my opinion, but I think they might help:
"He owned his own tire store and it had taken him a long time to build it up to what it was when Nanny passed away."--comma after "store".
"Not knowing the security of having a mother’s constant love was hard enough. But for my father to spend every weekday and Saturday working until seven or eight o’clock at night turned me into a virtual orphan over the years."--I'd maybe combine this into one sentence, to prevent from starting a sentence with the word "but".
"I pressed the off button on the cordless phone and stared into the jumping flames of the fireplace in front of me, hearing the crackling and popping of the hard pine, smelling the aroma of it and yet all I could think about was when I’d left Indiana three years earlier."--I would divide this up into two sentences, ending the first one after "aroma of it." and beginning the next with "Yet all I could..."
"And as the heat of the flames warmed the toes..."--Leave off the word "And" on the beginning.
"The pain medication she’d given me earlier was starting to kick in and I was feeling a bit groggy from it."--comma after "in".
I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Great job!
You're very right that impulse buying is a problem for the population in general. If you ever look into marketing, there's a science to getting you to buy what you buy. A lot of times if you know what a store is trying to do, you have a better chance of keeping a logical head on things.
I'd also recommend getting a book by Dave Ramsey (my husband and I are actually going to be out of debt soon because of what he teaches) or a similar financial author. A lot of what you read is going to be common sense, but the hard part is applying it to your own behaviors. You have to want to change, or you'll make the same mistakes again and again.
As far as living in a low income area, there are ways to solve that problem. Look around you and see if you can find a product or service that people need (like your neighborhood meat salesman in your story ), and start a business around it. That's how I became semi-retired right out of college (I work about 25 hours a week and have fun instead of 40-50 hours a week like I used to do). I hate to put it this way, but basically let other people's impulse buying work in your favor.
The only thing I noticed that needed changes as far as grammar was the sentence,"I'm happy with it until i go to balance my checkbook and think back to all of the things i could have done without"--you've got a couple of i's that need to be capitalized.
You're off to a wonderful start with this--your writing is so descriptive and real that I want to think that this has some basis in real events. I love the imagery of the Texas sunsets--makes me want to visit there
I didn't see anything wrong as far as spelling/grammar, but I was honestly more focused on the story itself. You're dialogue is also really natural and well-written.
Looking forward to seeing more. Good luck with this!
Overall, I think you did a good job with this. It's hard watching someone close to you battle depression--makes you feel helpless also when you try to help them.
I would divide the poem into stanzas, just to increase the impact a little.
In the first line, you have a minor typo (have Iim instead of I'm).
I think you did great at capturing the inner thoughts of someone who's depressed. It's very real and not overly dark. There's still hope in it because the person is still fighting it.
I'm so happy that your mom is doing great! God is wonderful!
As far as the story of how everything went, I think you did a great job with it. It's very difficult when someone so close to you is going through something like that, and I think you'll give some hope and comfort to a lot of people. You captured everything well.
I didn't find anything wrong with it as far as grammar, spelling, etc.
As a side note, I think I've been to Hershey Medical Center with my mom, too (is it Hershey, PA?). She accidently twisted her foot when we were at the theme park there (after being concerned about us and all the "dangerous" rides we were going on...kind of ironic.) She's doing great now, too.
Take care, and I hope everything continues to go great for you and your family,
Overall, I think this is really good. I'm honestly a little confused at part of the beginning, just because I thought the rude reviewers would be the ones that smelled like dead troll. What are the other two types of reviewers? The completely positive and the positive with constructive criticism? Just wasn't sure what you meant by there being just three types.
You give a lot of good advice, especially about how to handle any constructive but negative reviews.
I think as far as variety of items in a portfolio that it's okay for people to specilize in a particular genre. I think over time people get more comfortable, they naturally begin to explore others. I think contests help out a lot with that, too. It's mainly got to be something you want to do--not something you force yourself to do. Otherwise it just doesn't turn out that well, from my experience anyway.
Again, great job overall. I also don't think you rambled too much with this.
This is a really well-written story--I ended up wishing there was more to it. As a reader, you're kind of left with questions about the main character and his thinking.
What happened in his life that would make him feel that way towards the grass? I can see it's a much deeper situation for him, and I like the way you did that last paragraph.
The only suggestion I have is maybe dividing up the paragraphs a little more. I think it will help it some since the whole thing is short. The imagery is great, so don't change any of that.
Take care,
Tricia
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