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2,106 Public Reviews Given
2,109 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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576
576
Review of The window  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review number # 4 of week2/12-2/18th

Hi Juliet,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: The Window

First Impression: Interesting topic.

What I liked: By the window is the best place to be. I love looking out the window too! I always notice something new, each time.

What needs your attention: The last two lines in the second stanza I think would sound better if you changed the order.

Favorite Parts: Yes, I agree looking out into the countryside is much nicer than looking out in a city.

Overall Impression: Congratulations on your first poem.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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577
577
Review of Founder's Day  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Review number # 1 of week 2/12-2/18

Hi Cheri,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive and to welcome you to BLOG CITY!

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Founder's Day

First Impression: I love storytelling with children, what a delightful way to share a story.

What I liked: The way the children picked up where she left off, anxious to hear the story.

What needs your attention: Nothing.

Favorite Parts: The sister rescuing her sister, sisters are like that. They wouldn't bat an eye about helping or even think of the risk involved.

Overall Impression: I never saw it coming that she would die in the end. I was saddened that she lost her sister. I truly enjoyed reading this, I would love to see one of the children sharing the story with her own children about Aunt Josie that day and about her sister. Beautifully told!

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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578
578
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Review number # 3 of week Feb. 5th-11th

Hi Megan

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Jane Austen Valentines Day Newsletter

First Impression: It was entertaining to read.

What I liked: The explanation on how cards were made back in Austen's day.

What needs your attention: Nothing

Favorite Parts: Suggestions on how to make our own cards for our loved ones. The quotes were really perfect to get the ball rolling.

Overall Impression: Very enjoyable, thank you Megan for all you do!

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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579
579
Review of Bang, Bang  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review number #1 of week Feb.5th-11th

Hi Cubby,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive and to thank you for joining Blog City!

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Bang, Bang

First Impression: Eye opener

What I liked: How much the poem felt like I was inside a teenager's mind.

What needs your attention: Nothing

Favorite Parts: I was teased and seized, my heart breaks knowing how many children have suffered from bullying.

Overall Impression: Simple and Direct! Excellent reminder how easily it can change a good kid to a desperate act.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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580
580
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Review number # 3 of week Jan. 22-28th

Hi Megan,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Jane Austen Discussion Forum

First Impression: The enthusiasm of the group owner is awesome.

What I liked: How encouraging Megan is about reading and writing about Jane or her characters.

What needs your attention: Nothing, It is very informative.

Favorite Parts: All the different images and information available, so very inviting.

Overall Impression: Excellent group and tribute to an excellent writer. It's been a very long time since I have read Pride and Prejudice, I think I need to revisit it again.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.
581
581
Review of Stronger  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Review number # 6 of week Jan 1-7th, 2015

Hi Catness

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Stronger

First Impression: I thought it was a coming of age poem when one realizes that it better to move on.

What I liked: Breaking our chains, is a big step for everyone.

What needs your attention: Nothing!

Favorite Parts: We are not the same, we never will be. This is so true, everyone changes after they have been in a relationship, hopefully for the best.

Overall Impression: A very direct coming of age poem that speaks directly about taking the next step after a break up.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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582
582
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Review number # 4 of week Jan. 1-7th, 2015

Hi Joyce

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Letter from Jolene

First Impression: I remember the song, I used to listen to it quite frequently. The poem brought back the song and reminded me why a cheating man is more trouble than they are worth.

What I liked: The great advice to all the women.

What needs your attention: Nothing.

Favorite Parts: His eyes are always searching for a new life. That says a lot to me, sadly I've known men like that in my past.

Overall Impression: I think you did a great response to the song, and also to women out there with the men with roving eyes and those sweet talk lines of crap!

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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583
583
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review number # 3 of week Jan. 1-7th, 2015

Hi Lynda

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: The Trouble with Bad Eggs

First Impression: I thought it was so nice of Sue to help Jeff clean up the mess on his house. That was sweet, rotten eggs smell horrible.

What I liked: How easily, Sue and Jeff seemed to hit it off except for the trash can.

What needs your attention: In the 8th paragraph the spacing is off with the sentence. Same thing with the spacing in paragraph 31. Paragraph 36 and 38 have words that need spacing between them.

Favorite Parts: I never saw the ending coming. I just thought he was acting like some men do about women doing things for them, like their masculinity will suffer. Man, poor Sue.

Overall Impression: Interesting plot twist. The story flowed very well and the ending is awesome.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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584
584
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review number 1 # of week Jan.1-7th, 2015

Hi Lynda with a Y *Bigsmile*

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: My name is Jay and This is my life.

First Impression: My home in Maine is primitive like the cabin in your story, I miss it immensely. You can put a girl in the city but she will never lose sight of her real home.

What I liked: How easily Jay and Skeeter were able to function on their own. If you plan ahead, make the necessary arrangements, everything works. I felt Jay had all her bases covered.

What needs your attention: Nothing,

Favorite Parts: Skeeter taking on the bear, a dog is so much more than a companion. They will protect you to the best of their ability without question. I was so relieved that Skeeter survived the bear, many dogs do not.

Overall Impression: A very harrowing story with a positive ending for Jay and Skeeter. The story flowed very well from beginning to end.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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585
585
Review of Ocean Moon  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review number # 10 of week Dec. 25-31st, 2014

Hi Writerpenman,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Ocean Moon

First Impression: I love watching the moon over an ocean so the title drew me to your work.

What I liked: Salt,and sea and sand forever mingle, Nature's dance. I love watching the waves break on the sand and then disappear across the sand back to the ocean. The beautiful caress across the sand tempts me to trace my toes in the wet sand.

What needs your attention: I think that it would flow better with salt,sea and sand without the other and.

Favorite Parts: Universal forces continent against sea, yes, the beach erosion does show how powerful the ocean can be.

Overall Impression: Beautiful imagery, great job!

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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586
586
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review number #6 of Dec. 25-31st, 20114 week

Hi Mac 1

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: The Angry Young Man

First Impression: I am not sure the title works, the wise young man feels right because he learns what many do not.

What I liked: He is burdened with thoughts, I am happy that he did not look away at what he learned.

What needs your attention: Nothing.

Favorite Parts: The seeds you plant today will take you far away. This stanza is the best advice any young person could have said to them. I wish some one had told me to be true to myself and to find my own destiny when I was young.

Overall Impression: A well written coming of age poem that does inspire the reader to want more in life.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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587
587
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review number # 4 of week Dec. 25-31st, 2014

Hi Shara,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Of Lovers and Sinners,

First Impression: I've been there, it's harder than it many people think to follow your heart.

What I liked: The slowness of time, each precious moment savored on the page between the lovers.

What needs your attention: Nothing.

Favorite Parts: Tranquil moment shattered with a simple text message from the husband.

Overall Impression: I could feel the passion between the couple in each word, the visual images created made it all come together into a delightful memento that the reader felt like she should leave the lovers to their pleasure but her curiosity is peaked, what about the husband? How does he fit in this picture?

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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588
588
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Review number #3 of week Dec.25-31st, 2014

Hi Thaddeus,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Oh Captain! Our Captain!

First Impression: Robin is definitely worthy of many tributes.

What I liked: "Those who make people laugh have a special talent, some of us do the same but hurt most when silent." I believe Robin hurt in silence too!

What needs your attention: In the first stanza, I believe happy tears stream my face, my eyes keep squirting sound better. The last stanza, so now tears of sorrow stream my down my face sounds better to me.

Favorite Parts: On the deck, our captain lies and so on. This stanza is the perfect conclusion to a wonderful tribute to Robin.

Overall Impression: I felt that you covered his best movies and shared the best of him in poetic pageantry!

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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589
589
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review number #2 of week Dec.25-31st. 2014

Hi Pam

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Where has Christmas Gone

First Impression: I felt like you and I have walked in similar shoes.

What I liked: How the author created a story that everyone can relate to at different times in their life.

What needs your attention: Nothing.

Favorite Parts: God's blessing that love came two-fold. I believe love the second time around is the sweetest love of all.

Overall Impression: Excellent! I loved the visual images created from beginning to the end.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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590
590
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Review number 6 # of week Dec. 19-24th

Hi Ellis Rosser,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: A Little Perspective

First Impression: Wow, life here is so different.

What I liked: The initial opening stanza because everyone gets excited about opening packages.

What needs your attention: Please take this in the spirit that it is given. There is an underlying tension that makes the reader wonder why the author is implying that she is the only one in the family that understands managing finances and price of giving a special gift. I find it difficult to accept that a parent would risk starvation for the family as a whole. It does not ring true.

Surely all parents in the second stanza sounds better as surely a parent might shed a tear. In the fifth stanza I say my family don't have... sounds better when said I say we don't have any money. And in the final stanza, the last sentence would sound better I hope, my family doesn't regret this present forever.

Favorite Parts: A pear where I live is a treasure. I enjoy eating pears as well, they are one of my favorite fruits.

Overall Impression: I think the author should have someone read this out loud to them so the harshness and tension that is apparent can be heard. Living in a first world country does not mean that everyone only cares about money, etc. You poem indicates stereotyping and unfortunately takes away from the joy of receiving the first actual gift.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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591
591
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Review number # 5 of week Dec.19-24th

Hi Ken,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Day 12 -I Believe

First Impression: I believe in the spirit of the holidays and family like you.

What I liked: The tribute to the Soldiers so far from their families.

What needs your attention: Nothing!

Favorite Parts: For just a moment, his eyes tear and so did mine as I read. My heart breaks that war is still a part of our existence. I pray for a time that all wars will be a thing of the past.

Overall Impression: Thank you for reminding each of us, especially me how lucky we are. God Speed to each and everyone.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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592
592
Review of SILENT DISBELIEF  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Review number # 4 of week Dec.19-24th

Hi DRSmith

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Silent Disbelief

First Impression: Wow, a very strong story, yet only 200 words! I am impressed!

What I liked: "Someone inched aside a blackout curtain, our stupefied faces" It is like I was with them watching the lights criss cross on the horizon and the dawning realization the world isn't what I thought it was. Everything is different.

What needs your attention: Nothing, that I saw.

Favorite Parts: Holy Christ, we truly are in the middle of a war. I cannot imagine the horror so many of our young men and women have faced fighting in wars. I pray for a time when wars are a thing of the past for all. The way you chose to end this powerful piece hits home, my dear fellow writer.

Overall Impression: Powerful, direct reminder of the harsh realities that exist in war time. Excellent piece. I am in awe that this is only 200 words! Incredible!

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


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593
593
Review of Don't Leave Daddy  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Review # 4 of Week December 7-13th

Hi, Nik,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Don't Leave Daddy

First Impression: It is so hard to say goodbye to a loved one, you did a wonderful job writing this.

What needs your attention: Nothing, it is perfect

Favorite Parts: I need you, Daddy, It's a big cruel world out there. Sadly, times are changing and they are not for the better. Take strength in knowing you are never truly alone, he is watching over you.

Overall impression: Excellent tribute to your father, the poem clearly expresses a heart felt message.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn
** Image ID #1873619 Unavailable **


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594
594
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review number #5 of week Dec. 4-10th

Hi Beth

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: WDC Soundtrackers: 12 days of Christmas

First Impression: Wicked awesome!

What I liked: How many new faces have joined the Soundtrackers to create a WDC masterpiece.

What needs your attention: Nothing, the directions are clear and there are many choices to make contributing easy for all WDC writers.

Favorite Parts: The great variety that has appeared already and it is only Day 2. This list should totally rock.

Overall Impression: You are a very good at organizing fun activities on WDC and we are all blessed to have you.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my IMMENSE pleasure!
Lyn


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595
595
Review of Another Year  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review # 4 of Week Dec. 4-10th

Hi, Stevie

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Another Year

First Impression: Yay, you are a survivor!

What needs your attention: Nothing, it flows very well as is.

Favorite Parts: I'm no longer muted, scared nor dumb. So many women are beaten, verbally and physically that they feel the words said to them are true. It is such a vicious cycle, because of the fear and insecurity a victim feels until they escape.

Overall impression: I love the closing line It's another year to prove I won. I know that feeling all to well myself. It took me a long time to stop hearing all the horrible things he said to me in my head and gain confidence in myself. Congratulations on a splendid poem, tribute to women that it is possible to win.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn
** Image ID #1873619 Unavailable **


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596
596
Review of For Me  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review number 1 # of week Dec.4-10th

Hi Bryan,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: For Me

First Impression: A scene of love and sadness is what led me to visit, I am a romantic at heart.

What I liked: The third stanza to me is the strongest in your piece, blood on her crown creates an interesting visual image for the reader and her curiosity was aroused why.

What needs your attention: I am curious why but one stanza has four lines, is there an intentional emphasis here that I am missing. The second stanza I had to read several times wondering if there was someone else there as well.

Favorite Parts: The final stanza satisfies the readers desire for passion to unfold, the story evolved beautifully.

Overall Impression: I think 1,3,4,5 and 6 flow very well but there is something about the second stanza that just hangs up when I read it out loud, it feels forced to me. maybe a simple word change will help it sound more relaxed to me.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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597
597
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Review # 2 of Week Dec. 7-13th

Hi, Nixie,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Child by Child- Create a Caring World

First Impression: Our world needs change and I was curious what your thought process was.

What needs your attention: The thoughts are organized and it flows well, nothing needs to be changed.

Favorite Parts: The dog food and your grandson, made me chuckle. I've been there with my grandchildren and cat food.

Overall impression: It is definitely a encouraging read for parents to try new tactics with their children. Most young parents are at a loss how to change parenting skills. Your suggestions are easy to do with children.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn
** Image ID #1873619 Unavailable **


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598
598
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review # 12 of Week November 23-29th, 2014

Hi, Emelie,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Just Another Possession

First Impression: Men that abuse their daughters of sons should be castrated and branded as a molester.

What needs your attention: First stanza would read better like this or something similar the second line is just too long and throws the flow of the poem off. Everyone knew he loved her, his love exceeded his tolerance of me. She was held in such high regard, she was his ultimate prized possession.
Third stanza- I have never seen such a horrible creature.
Fifth stanza should have For both, the one who left me alone...
And the one who claimed me as his mere possession.

Favorite Parts: There is indeed only such much a child can bare especially from their parent, the one they should be always be safe. I know, way far more than I want on this topic. I was molested by my father at nine years old.

Overall impression: This just needs some minor adjustments to help balance the flow. I am so sorry that the author and sister were victims of abuse by their father. It takes a lot of strength to put it down for others to read. You are never alone! Nor were you ever to blame for your father's behavior.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn
** Image ID #1873619 Unavailable **


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599
599
Review of The Combat Medic  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Review # 11 of Week Nov. 23-29, 2014

Hi, Adrik,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title The Combat Medic

First Impression: I feel bad that anyone has to feel that kind of pain from a wound.

What needs your attention: Nothing, it flows well as it is.

Favorite Parts: The guns muffle their shouts, in my opinion it must be terrifying to have guns firing and the man is lying their wounded not sure if he is heard or not. The images are not good for this reader.

Overall impression: I know the role of medic is not an easy one and in this poem with the style you chose, it is clear to the reader that the medic feels he is doing all that can and will not give up.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn
** Image ID #1873619 Unavailable **


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600
600
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Review # 9 of Week Nov. 23-29, 2014

Hi, Emelie,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title The Boy Across the Hall

First Impression: This flows like a story being told from the heart.

What needs your attention: Across in the title should be capitalized. In the stanzas you have repetition that takes away from the poem, like for instance in the second stanza- The guy my friends were crazy for, the guy behind the smile. It could be..The guy my friends were crazy for, the real one behind the smile. The simple change makes a difference.
In the fifth stanza, You promised to be my shield and protector. You said, you weren't going to let anyone hurt me. Instead...You promised to be my shield and protector, No one would ever hurt me.

Favorite Parts: The walls stanza says the young woman was vulnerable and had not been ready for the relationship to change. The reader could feel her pain.

Overall impression: This needs some work by the author but has the potential to be very good.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn
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