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2,106 Public Reviews Given
2,109 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review # 8 of Week Nov. 23-29th, 2014

Hi, Kyrbglm

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title The Painful Reality

First Impression: There is nothing sadder than an unrequited love. Realizing it, is the first positive move for the author, hopefully the future will be so much better.

What needs your attention: Nothing.

Favorite Parts: Never an option, never a priority. It's painful Yes, it is I've walked in those shoes. Staying is worse than walking away with the knowledge that you richly deserve more in life.

Overall impression: A powerful poem showing inner strength and wisdom on the author's part about relationships. Hopefully, her/his words will save others from heartbreak as well.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn
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602
602
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review # 7 of Week Nov. 23-29, 2014

Hi, Nadavaramba,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Song of Afghanistan,

First Impression: A large difference from what is shown on our media. Opportunity is now in your hands where you go is now up to you and your fellow Afghanis.

What needs your attention: You have mixed tenses in your poem, some parts. We are freed, should be We are free.

Favorite Parts: That women have a chance for education. Education is power, the more you learn the more you want to learn more. You can never go back to closed doors. That is why education was denied to so many.

Overall impression: I am happy changes are happening in your country, I hope it continues in a positive direction for you and your fellow country man.

May we all find a way to live in peaceful harmony!


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn
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603
603
Review of In Rome in1965  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review # 6 of Week Nov. 23-29, 2014

Hi, Handle,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title In Rome in 1965

First Impression: I was nine years old when you were on this adventure. It is awesome to me to hear what things were like.

What needs your attention: This sentence would sound better "I found the body in my sometime cousin, Jeffrey, a New Yorker afraid of his own shadow." "A few days later, Jeffrey and I arrived in New York. We were upbeat about being home and recalling our trip as if it was some years ago. Jeffrey was staring (starting) dental school and I was going back (returned) to medical school. I recommend you space in between paragraphs, it makes it easier for the reader to pause when reading. I also suggest you read it out loud and note where you pause, there are many places commas should be.

Favorite Parts: I chuckled reading about the Polish refuge that you wanted sub-titles to understand. I know several Polish individuals, they speak very quickly and it is hard to follow so yes sub-titles would work.
Johnson mobilizing troops to go to Nam and the crowds becoming silent and drifting apart. It was a scary time and so much unknown. And our government was not disclosing the truth to us either.

Overall impression: It was a fun read. I enjoyed going on your adventure with you.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn
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604
Review of Death & Life  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Review # 5 of Week Nov. 23-29,2014

Hi, J.Q. Public

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Death & Life

First Impression: Usually it is Life and Death, so I was curious.

What needs your attention: Not a thing.

Favorite Parts: I knew the fight I had lost wasn't truly the end, life does go on even when we are oblivious. As a reader, I was glad the narrator/author finally saw it too!

Overall impression: The author wove a very heartbreaking experience in life to the early blossoming of the next relationship. I was happy for him. Beautifully told!


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn
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605
605
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review # 3 of Week Nov. 23-29, 2014

Hi, Brittany,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Calling All Insomniacs

First Impression: Now, you are talking directly to me, been there and bought many t-shirts.

What needs your attention: Visually I think it would be more appealing if it was centered on the page. There is something about seeing a poem written that way that reflects the author's confidence in their work.

Favorite Parts: My coffee pot is empty and my cup is draining fast and if by chance I do not make and to sleep I fall. I burst right out laughing when I reached the conclusion with the moral in the empty coffee pot. Misery loves company indeed. On more than one occasion, I have been tempted to wake my husband when I can't sleep because he sleeps no matter what. Just not fair!

Overall impression: I enjoyed your poem on insomnia immensely, I found it amusing that we should all gather together and make noise so they know insomniacs are not sane. We are sane, it is those who sleep at a drop of pin that are not.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn
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606
606
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review number # 5 of week Nov. 20-26, 2014

Hi

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Little China Girl

First Impression: Heartbreaking that so many people put themselves in addictive situations.

What I liked: The images the author created from the beginning to the end.

What needs your attention: Nothing, it is perfect as is.

Favorite Parts: She was nineteen and beautiful. As you noted so many young women at that age are very naïve and have no idea what drugs can do to them. My drug of choice way back when was alcohol, thankfully a good friend helped me find my way back!

Overall Impression: I wish people realized how much damage China White can do to them. It is heartbreaking to me that they don't value their lives enough. Hopefully, your poem will make more people aware that death eventually will happen to them.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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607
Review of Settle Down  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Review number # 3 of week Nov. 20-26, 2014

Hi Carlo

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Settle Down

First Impression: I felt sadness that the author feels turmoil in his relationship.

What I liked: The emotions flowing from stanza to stanza compelling the reader to keep going.

What needs your attention: Nothing, it is beautiful as is.

Favorite Parts: The last stanza reminds me that if people fight to be us instead always pointing out me or you in their marriage, it can be saved.

Overall Impression: It flows beautiful from line to line. I hope to see more poetry from you.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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608
608
Review of I Am The One  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Review number 1 # of week Nov. 20-26th, 2014

Hi Taylor,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: I Am The One

First Impression: My body immediately clenched in sadness for the author feeling this kind of anguish.

What I liked: The third stanza is the most appealing to me because it gives the reader an inkling what is causing the other emotional reactions.

What needs your attention: There should be more to the story for the reader to connect with so they can feel with you.

Favorite Parts: Nothing's really said, unfortunately many of us do this everyday because we are afraid of people's reaction. I hope the author does not really wish he is dead.

Overall Impression: The poem has potential with a few tweaks adding to the story so the reader can truly emphasize with the author. It wouldn't take much to make this exceptional.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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609
609
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review # 11 of Week Nov. 16-22nd, 2014

Hi, Callie 137

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title November Haiku Weather Changes

First Impression: Immediately, I thought of Buffalo, way more than they were prepared for. Everything wishes it is mostly gone.

What needs your attention: Nothing, it is perfect.

Favorite Parts: Warning, more is near. If the Farmer's Almanac is correct, this will be a very long winter. I hope wherever you are that you are prepared for what Mother Nature blesses us with the year.

Overall impression: Congratulations on being highlighted this week in the newsletter.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn




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610
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Review # 9 of Week Nov. 16-22nd, 2014

Hi, Jace,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title A Love Hate Relationship

First Impression: This is the first time I have seen this style poem, excellent job. I am going to try this myself.

What needs your attention: Nothing!

Favorite Parts: How easily you demonstrated when love disappears in a relationship.

Overall impression: Yes, the poetic artistry is a perfect depiction of the two age old emotions.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my IMMENSE pleasure.
Lyn




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611
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review # 8 of Week Nov. 16-22nd, 2014

Hi, Intuey,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Writers and Friends,

First Impression: Awesome, it so encouraging to new and old writers to never lose sight.

What needs your attention: Nothing, it is perfect.

Favorite Parts: All of it, I am hard pressed to pick one line over another. From A-Z you honor writers and the friendships made in such a creative manner.

Overall impression: I can see why it was chosen for the newsletter, it is sheer inspiration to all of us what can be created with an acrostic poem. Excellent job, Intuey this is a sheer masterpiece!


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my IMMENSE pleasure.
Lyn




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612
612
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Review number # 6 of week Nov. 13-19, 2014

Hi Varla (very pretty name)

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: What My Mother Should Know

First Impression: The poem has a lot of potential with some tweaks.

What I liked: The exorcism I hope the author is finding in writing, I sense her pain immensely.

What needs your attention: If you took the first two lines and made it the first two lines in each stanza of four so each stanza was consistent it would emphasis the hopelessness the young woman felt. It would remind the reader with each detail that the mother mad the choice.

Favorite Parts: That the young woman escaped the situation, I am hoping she sought help for herself. It is very difficult to create a stable life with a traumatic childhood.

Overall Impression: I stand by what I said in the beginning it is has potential with some tweaks. If you do decide to come back to it, please let me know. I will gladly review it again.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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613
Review of Meeting You  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review number 5 # of week Nov. 13-19th, 2014

Hi Arabelle, (what a beautiful name)

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Meeting You

First Impression: The first line in the poem says a lot, it creates an awesome image of being overwhelmed, clinging and weight holding the young woman.

What I liked: The images created line by line of how the young woman felt about the consuming relationship and the powerful realization that it will fade as quickly as the wet clothes dry.

What needs your attention: Nothing, it flows very well.

Favorite Parts: The young woman finding her footing and stepping out of the situation. I am glad she knows that has the ability to change her life and is doing it. So many of our young girls are afraid to walk away from a relationship regardless whether it is good or bad.

Overall Impression: Excellent free verse, powerful reminder to women that they have the power to change a situation.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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614
614
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review number # 4 of week November 13-19th, 2014

Hi Tom

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: How The Heavens Blessed Be

First Impression: My heart instantaneously clenched in sadness for the poor man. It breaks my heart that so many people are homeless.

What I liked: My future is bleak and my mind drifts often. I sense this probably very true. I can't imagine what goes through the mind of a homeless individual trying to stay warm, and not knowing where the next meal is.

What needs your attention: In the first stanza, these particular two lines And the stench of my body the wind has blown.
The cleansing of God the wind is now don't flow well together. it is almost a repetitious thought that holds the reader wondering why those two lines. Everything else in the poem flows nicely and creates a very sad image of a homeless person's dilemma.

Favorite Parts: How strong the man's faith is that his life will change. Life without hope unfortunately exists I am glad the author chose not to make this poem that dismal.

Overall Impression: If only your words to God's ears could make a difference and no one would ever be homeless again.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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615
615
Review of Closure  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review number 3 # of week November 13-19th, 2014

Hi Luka,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Closure

First Impression: Welcome back to WDC. I hope you find what you are looking for here.

What I liked: Chemical distortion brewing in my mind, delightful imagery to the readers mind of a person drinking to make the pain go away. I felt the sadness as I read and the author mulled in misery.

What needs your attention: Nothing, the poems works well in free verse. I might suggest crystal rain piercing the sky would sound better as air since it feels to me that the individual is inside.

Favorite Parts: I like the inevitable depression hits, it summarizes the poem clearly for the reader and adds to the climatic closing moment when the individual opens eyes, and recites her broken tale, I no longer love you.

Overall Impression: It is very well done.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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616
616
Review of Closure  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review #3 of Week Nov. 9-15th, 2014

Hi, Marzo

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Closure

First Impression: Amused, that Robert wanted to contact his deceased wife before he married again.

What needs your attention: Nothing!

Favorite Parts: When the ex wife appeared and called the fiancé a skinny bitch. Then it became hilarious when the two women began screaming at each other. "At least, I have a chest, people are going to look at you and think my husband is gay." I shared that line with my husband and he laughed too.

Overall impression: Comedy does seem to be your forte. The story flows very well when read out loud, which I could not resist doing so my husband could hear why I was laughing.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn




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617
617
Review of Impure  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Review # 2 of Week Nov. 9-15, 2014

Hi,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Impure

First Impression: The title and the poem/lyrics are not just right in my opinion. Violation, or Maybe Stolen Trust

What needs your attention: Nothing, the rage is apparent and the repeated stanzas emphasize the intensity of the emotion.

Favorite Parts: I cannot face my greatest fears. Although it does get confusing when you indicate empty thoughts and then go with the next line this is my fear I cannot hide. When someone longs to die, the thoughts are not empty, they are consuming, nothing else matters. You are not distracted by other things. I've been there, it is very intense to feel such horrible pain and long death until it so much that the only way is to die.

Overall impression: I feel the author, I am sure this piece is a form of exorcism, I hope that the goal is accomplished. For me years of counselling and depression medication made a difference.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn




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618
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Review of Untitled  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review # of Week

Hi, Mr. Bean,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Untitled

First Impression: I was expecting a lot of errors by your introductory paragraph. You under estimate your ability to write.

What needs your attention: I don't have any recommendations, it flowed very well as I read.

Favorite Parts: I enjoyed the flashback of childhood explorations and letting Amy win. I can see the two trying to maintain their balance on the logs in my mind.

Overall impression: I am very curious why the author indicated my family's former backyard. Why is Amy gone before her time? Why he is afraid to be seen/


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my immense pleasure.
Lyn




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Review of Where Did I Go?  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
}Review number # 5 of week November 6-12th, 2014

Hi Cubby,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Where Did I Go?

First Impression: I wonder that all the time. I look in the mirror and think that the woman looking back is a stranger. I don't see me anymore.

What I liked: The gentle reminder my face is the one my granddaughters know does have scars and wrinkles. The young woman in the picture is a stranger.

What needs your attention: Nothing, it is perfect!

Favorite Parts: Grandma, who's that lady? Is she someone that we know? I could easily see my own granddaughters asking the same questions. It is not easy facing our immortality, nor is it easy to accept the changes that occur beyond our control

Overall Impression: Tears rolled my cheeks, I needed to hear I am not alone seeing a face that does feel like mine. This growing older is not what it is cracked up to be. I remember as a child, I couldn't wait to be an adult. Now, I wonder why I was in such a rush. Retrospect, is interesting don't you think?

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my immense. pleasure!
Lyn


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620
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Review of SWEPT AWAY  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
}Review number 1 # of November 6-12th, 2014 week

Hi Sherri,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Swept Away

First Impression: There is no doubt from reading this poem that love has touched your heart, I felt like I was interrupting a special moment with my presence.

What I liked: Swept away to another place, sensuality is what we chase. I love the feeling the images this sentence brings to mind. There is nothing more magical than those moments between two people in love.

What needs your attention: Nothing, It flows well to me.

Favorite Parts: As you probably noticed, I always leave a smile when I have been there. I really love seeing a smile, it makes me feel joy. I loved the line, you flash a smile too. Yes, those moments when one smile leads to another and you can see the twinkle in their eyes the world stands still. Nothing but the other person matters, that is what the poem creates visually in my mind too.

Overall Impression: I feel as a voyeur seeing love unfold, I don't want to move because I might miss every magical moment, yet I don't want to interrupt it either. The poem sweeps you along with every word, inviting you to feel love like this.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my IMMENSE pleasure!
Lyn


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621
621
for entry "From Romantica" 
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
}Review number 5 # of week October 30- Nov.5, 2014

Hi tHiNg

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Romantica

First Impression: I wondered about Bootes, where the story is going from here.

What I liked: Rebecca's destiny and the mystery I sense behind this poem.

What needs your attention: Nothing, I really enjoyed the intrigue and like filling in the pieces in myself.

Favorite Parts: Betrayal, is it really a one way street. I think Rebecca definitely has choices and this tale of two men could go in either direction.

Overall Impression: I really enjoyed the images that came to mind as I read. I enjoyed exploring your poetry.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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622
622
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
}Review number 4 # of week Oct. 30-Nov 5th, 2014

Hi Whitemorn

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Seashore Serenity

First Impression: Yay, I would love to be at the ocean instead in the house watching the wind blow. Take me away!

What I liked: The very easy flow of the poem, it has a nice rhythm and does not feel forced when read out loud.

What needs your attention: Nothing.

Favorite Parts: Seagulls singing, squawking is more like it but I do love hearing them. I enjoyed the images you created throughout the poem. One of my favorites is pockets full of nature, all that I can steal. I never thought of it that way when I collect seashells. I am a very good care taker of the shells I have collected.

Overall Impression: A refreshing view of the ocean done in a rhyme pattern that works.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
623
623
Review of Monster Mash 2014  
for entry "Grim Reaper" 
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
}Review number 1 # of week Oct 30-Nov 5, 2014

Hi Ken,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Grim Reaper

First Impression: Wow, he knows his Lento Chain, I concede this one to the master.

What I liked: It flowed very well and did not sound forced when read out loud.

What needs your attention: Not a dang thing.

Favorite Parts: Seems stupid folks abound, deems them all not worth a whit. Amen

Overall Impression: A one star you seek, thou this is supposed to be bad, I am really tempted to shriek, its the best to be had. I cannot suggest a tweak so I will give you a gold*Star*.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
624
624
Review of Look!  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review #6 of Week Oct. 25-31, 2014

Hi, Skeason,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Look

First Impression: Awesome, this is my favorite style poem. I couldn't wait to see what you did with it.

What needs your attention: I think you totally rocked this one.

Favorite Parts: I love the image of the mystical departure complicit in leaving the simple mundane. It is like having your muse visit and then leave, you don't see her come but you feel her intensely and when she leaves that feeling is so desolate. If only the magic would last forever but then we would not cherish it as much.

Overall impression: This is very well done, the poem flows beautifully in its etheree grand style. Have you tried doing it inverted it makes such interesting images when you do more than 2 stanzas.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn




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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
625
625
Review of bonus 24  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review # of Week

Hi, Ida,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Bonus: minor # 2 voice

First Impression: Nano prep, I've not come across anyone's before this is interesting.

What needs your attention: Before you decide on whether or not to stay, you have whiter.

Favorite Parts: I use ritual spells to keep balance in the world. If only that was possible, our world is so out of balance at this time. I am curious why the concern for the young child and the public proclamation. Are you intending on taking the story in a dangerous direction is that why you are planting a seed of concern.

Overall impression: I would change several sentences around, maybe putting the public proclamation last, like one more thing did you consider the influence my public proclamation might have on your child. It leaves the reader wanting to know more. With it in the middle like that, it sounds like an old woman rambling. Other than that I liked the names and the brief discussion on witchcraft.

I wish you luck with your NANO challenge.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn




** Image ID #1873619 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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