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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review number # 4 of week November 13-19th, 2014

Hi Tom

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: How The Heavens Blessed Be

First Impression: My heart instantaneously clenched in sadness for the poor man. It breaks my heart that so many people are homeless.

What I liked: My future is bleak and my mind drifts often. I sense this probably very true. I can't imagine what goes through the mind of a homeless individual trying to stay warm, and not knowing where the next meal is.

What needs your attention: In the first stanza, these particular two lines And the stench of my body the wind has blown.
The cleansing of God the wind is now don't flow well together. it is almost a repetitious thought that holds the reader wondering why those two lines. Everything else in the poem flows nicely and creates a very sad image of a homeless person's dilemma.

Favorite Parts: How strong the man's faith is that his life will change. Life without hope unfortunately exists I am glad the author chose not to make this poem that dismal.

Overall Impression: If only your words to God's ears could make a difference and no one would ever be homeless again.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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Review of Closure  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review number 3 # of week November 13-19th, 2014

Hi Luka,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Closure

First Impression: Welcome back to WDC. I hope you find what you are looking for here.

What I liked: Chemical distortion brewing in my mind, delightful imagery to the readers mind of a person drinking to make the pain go away. I felt the sadness as I read and the author mulled in misery.

What needs your attention: Nothing, the poems works well in free verse. I might suggest crystal rain piercing the sky would sound better as air since it feels to me that the individual is inside.

Favorite Parts: I like the inevitable depression hits, it summarizes the poem clearly for the reader and adds to the climatic closing moment when the individual opens eyes, and recites her broken tale, I no longer love you.

Overall Impression: It is very well done.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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Review of Closure  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review #3 of Week Nov. 9-15th, 2014

Hi, Marzo

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Closure

First Impression: Amused, that Robert wanted to contact his deceased wife before he married again.

What needs your attention: Nothing!

Favorite Parts: When the ex wife appeared and called the fiancé a skinny bitch. Then it became hilarious when the two women began screaming at each other. "At least, I have a chest, people are going to look at you and think my husband is gay." I shared that line with my husband and he laughed too.

Overall impression: Comedy does seem to be your forte. The story flows very well when read out loud, which I could not resist doing so my husband could hear why I was laughing.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn




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Review of Impure  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Review # 2 of Week Nov. 9-15, 2014

Hi,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Impure

First Impression: The title and the poem/lyrics are not just right in my opinion. Violation, or Maybe Stolen Trust

What needs your attention: Nothing, the rage is apparent and the repeated stanzas emphasize the intensity of the emotion.

Favorite Parts: I cannot face my greatest fears. Although it does get confusing when you indicate empty thoughts and then go with the next line this is my fear I cannot hide. When someone longs to die, the thoughts are not empty, they are consuming, nothing else matters. You are not distracted by other things. I've been there, it is very intense to feel such horrible pain and long death until it so much that the only way is to die.

Overall impression: I feel the author, I am sure this piece is a form of exorcism, I hope that the goal is accomplished. For me years of counselling and depression medication made a difference.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn




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Review of Untitled  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review # of Week

Hi, Mr. Bean,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Untitled

First Impression: I was expecting a lot of errors by your introductory paragraph. You under estimate your ability to write.

What needs your attention: I don't have any recommendations, it flowed very well as I read.

Favorite Parts: I enjoyed the flashback of childhood explorations and letting Amy win. I can see the two trying to maintain their balance on the logs in my mind.

Overall impression: I am very curious why the author indicated my family's former backyard. Why is Amy gone before her time? Why he is afraid to be seen/


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my immense pleasure.
Lyn




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Review of Where Did I Go?  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
}Review number # 5 of week November 6-12th, 2014

Hi Cubby,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Where Did I Go?

First Impression: I wonder that all the time. I look in the mirror and think that the woman looking back is a stranger. I don't see me anymore.

What I liked: The gentle reminder my face is the one my granddaughters know does have scars and wrinkles. The young woman in the picture is a stranger.

What needs your attention: Nothing, it is perfect!

Favorite Parts: Grandma, who's that lady? Is she someone that we know? I could easily see my own granddaughters asking the same questions. It is not easy facing our immortality, nor is it easy to accept the changes that occur beyond our control

Overall Impression: Tears rolled my cheeks, I needed to hear I am not alone seeing a face that does feel like mine. This growing older is not what it is cracked up to be. I remember as a child, I couldn't wait to be an adult. Now, I wonder why I was in such a rush. Retrospect, is interesting don't you think?

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my immense. pleasure!
Lyn


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Review of SWEPT AWAY  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
}Review number 1 # of November 6-12th, 2014 week

Hi Sherri,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Swept Away

First Impression: There is no doubt from reading this poem that love has touched your heart, I felt like I was interrupting a special moment with my presence.

What I liked: Swept away to another place, sensuality is what we chase. I love the feeling the images this sentence brings to mind. There is nothing more magical than those moments between two people in love.

What needs your attention: Nothing, It flows well to me.

Favorite Parts: As you probably noticed, I always leave a smile when I have been there. I really love seeing a smile, it makes me feel joy. I loved the line, you flash a smile too. Yes, those moments when one smile leads to another and you can see the twinkle in their eyes the world stands still. Nothing but the other person matters, that is what the poem creates visually in my mind too.

Overall Impression: I feel as a voyeur seeing love unfold, I don't want to move because I might miss every magical moment, yet I don't want to interrupt it either. The poem sweeps you along with every word, inviting you to feel love like this.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my IMMENSE pleasure!
Lyn


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for entry "From Romantica" Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
}Review number 5 # of week October 30- Nov.5, 2014

Hi tHiNg

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Romantica

First Impression: I wondered about Bootes, where the story is going from here.

What I liked: Rebecca's destiny and the mystery I sense behind this poem.

What needs your attention: Nothing, I really enjoyed the intrigue and like filling in the pieces in myself.

Favorite Parts: Betrayal, is it really a one way street. I think Rebecca definitely has choices and this tale of two men could go in either direction.

Overall Impression: I really enjoyed the images that came to mind as I read. I enjoyed exploring your poetry.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


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609
609
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
}Review number 4 # of week Oct. 30-Nov 5th, 2014

Hi Whitemorn

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Seashore Serenity

First Impression: Yay, I would love to be at the ocean instead in the house watching the wind blow. Take me away!

What I liked: The very easy flow of the poem, it has a nice rhythm and does not feel forced when read out loud.

What needs your attention: Nothing.

Favorite Parts: Seagulls singing, squawking is more like it but I do love hearing them. I enjoyed the images you created throughout the poem. One of my favorites is pockets full of nature, all that I can steal. I never thought of it that way when I collect seashells. I am a very good care taker of the shells I have collected.

Overall Impression: A refreshing view of the ocean done in a rhyme pattern that works.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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Review of Monster Mash 2014  Open in new Window.
for entry "Grim Reaper" Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
}Review number 1 # of week Oct 30-Nov 5, 2014

Hi Ken,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Grim Reaper

First Impression: Wow, he knows his Lento Chain, I concede this one to the master.

What I liked: It flowed very well and did not sound forced when read out loud.

What needs your attention: Not a dang thing.

Favorite Parts: Seems stupid folks abound, deems them all not worth a whit. Amen

Overall Impression: A one star you seek, thou this is supposed to be bad, I am really tempted to shriek, its the best to be had. I cannot suggest a tweak so I will give you a gold*Star*.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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611
Review of Look!  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review #6 of Week Oct. 25-31, 2014

Hi, Skeason,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Look

First Impression: Awesome, this is my favorite style poem. I couldn't wait to see what you did with it.

What needs your attention: I think you totally rocked this one.

Favorite Parts: I love the image of the mystical departure complicit in leaving the simple mundane. It is like having your muse visit and then leave, you don't see her come but you feel her intensely and when she leaves that feeling is so desolate. If only the magic would last forever but then we would not cherish it as much.

Overall impression: This is very well done, the poem flows beautifully in its etheree grand style. Have you tried doing it inverted it makes such interesting images when you do more than 2 stanzas.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn




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Review of bonus 24  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review # of Week

Hi, Ida,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Bonus: minor # 2 voice

First Impression: Nano prep, I've not come across anyone's before this is interesting.

What needs your attention: Before you decide on whether or not to stay, you have whiter.

Favorite Parts: I use ritual spells to keep balance in the world. If only that was possible, our world is so out of balance at this time. I am curious why the concern for the young child and the public proclamation. Are you intending on taking the story in a dangerous direction is that why you are planting a seed of concern.

Overall impression: I would change several sentences around, maybe putting the public proclamation last, like one more thing did you consider the influence my public proclamation might have on your child. It leaves the reader wanting to know more. With it in the middle like that, it sounds like an old woman rambling. Other than that I liked the names and the brief discussion on witchcraft.

I wish you luck with your NANO challenge.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn




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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Review # 2 of Week October 26-31. 2014

Hi, B. Scholl

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Jump

First Impression: You have got to be kidding, a publicity stunt.

What needs your attention: Nothing, except I would have pushed him myself.

Favorite Parts:
“Yeah. They’re down there. Just waiting for a splat. If you want to help them out, you need to jump now to get on the six o’clock news. It’s just before five now. They’d just have time.”

I love this paragraph, so direct. I could easily see a tired cop saying that. Especially one that has seen this kind of stuff happen to often.


Overall impression: Excellent job with the flash fiction. I was quite surprised with the direction, the author took. *Smile*


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn




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Review of I Write  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review # 5 of Week Oct. 19th- 25th, 2014

Hi, Carly, you never know where I will appear *Smile*

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Talisman Holds Protection

First Impression: woohoo, Carly is doing Marci's challenge, I get to read some more of her work! You do very well with darker topics.

What needs your attention: Nothing, Carly! This totally rocks!

Favorite Parts: The school teacher fingering the lovely work of art around her neck knowing the talisman keeps her free from harm. Excellent images through out the poem.

Overall impression: Great poem, I loved what you created visually as well as in the text. Good Luck in the contest!


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my IMMENSE pleasure.
Lyn




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Review of Talisman  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review # 4 of Week Oct. 19-25, 2014

Hi, TJ Screams Marie,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Talisman

First Impression: Interesting take on the prompt, very well done.

What needs your attention: You centered the title, but then not the poem. In my humble opinion, a poem centered on the page reflects an authors confidence to present his work. My initial thought was, hmm the author thought about it but for some reason held back or hurried to post without thinking it thru.

Favorite Parts: The last two stanzas show the reader the individual has chosen to make his stand. His dreams have prepared him for what is ahead, he knows he cannot escape his destiny. He alone holds the talisman.

Overall impression: I enjoyed immensely how you wove us thru the story and how he faced the challenge of owning the talisman. Other than deciding how you visually want to present your poem, I feel it is really good.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn




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Review of Monster Mash 2014  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
Review # of Week

Hi, Ken,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Headless Horseman's Revenge

First Impression: How could anyone be mean to Fluttershy? The old coot deserved it.

What needs your attention: Nothing! Perfecti as is!

Favorite Parts: The couplet, is my favorite especially the translation. I burst right out laughing!

Overall impression: At the Wytch's request to award only one star in the contest, you as a poet certainly are blest! I am happy to do a one star review, on this awesome poem just for you.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my IMMENSE pleasure.
Lyn




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Review of I am Free  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Review number # 6 of week September 16th-22nd, 2014

Hi Jewels,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: I am Free

First Impression: The format for this poem is definitely unique.

What I liked: I hear footsteps coming near me. I enjoyed the suspense wondering who was approaching to help this very unhappy soul.

What needs your attention: I believe in this context you mean sun not son "The Son is shining yet I feel so cold. so so cold....

Favorite Parts: The pasture is full of silence. The birds are no longer singing and the wind is very gently. I look up.
He is still smiling with His arms stretched out.His smile is as radiant as the sun. My heart races and I close my eyes. "Jesus.""Yes, My dear child.."
The images of the surroundings as Jesus spoke to the individual are very beautiful and inviting. Thank you for creating such a positive moment.

Overall Impression: I have the feeling the intent was to show the individual's confusion and desperation as to the structure of the poem. It appears to shrink on the page as the individual speaks her Jesus and is comforted. I feel you could make this tighter and still have the same creative flow. By tighter I mean less spread out across the page so it is easier for the reader to follow the individual's thought process.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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Review of Crystal  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Review # 2 of Week October 12-18th, 2014

Hi, John

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Goddess, would work if you wanted to name it.

First Impression: There is no mistaking your heart is taken, she is a very lucky woman.

What needs your attention: It really needs a title to be complete.

Favorite Parts: Voice of the angel, nails of the hawk. I love the vivid image that comes to mind when I read this line.

Overall impression: Very well written as it is, I would not change any of the lines. My only suggestion is to name the poem to give it completion.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn




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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Review # 1 of Week Oct. 12-18th, 2014

Hi, Steve,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Love, Life and Lilacs

First Impression: My curiosity was peeked with the title and then the mention of a teenager coming to age. Most teenagers don't pay much attentions to flowers, so I knew there must be a reason so I kept reading. I am glad I did.

What needs your attention: I would consider using less passive verbs and used some strong verbs to help carry the story at a quicker pace.

Favorite Parts: Ahh, Katherine, what am I going to do with you. It made me smile, so much like a father catching a child daydreaming instead of doing their homework.

Overall impression: Her joy when she realized how easy it was to get money from her Dad. My daughter always went to her Dad, even though I wouldn't have said no! He always gave her more than she asked whereas I would give what was aksed. Dad's are like that.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn




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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Review number # 6 of week Oct. 9-15th, 2014

Hi

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Jeff's Jibber-Jabber

First Impression: I feel like I am sitting across from you at the table and we are simply talking.

What I liked: How enthusiastic a writer you are, it radiates in every blog topic especially when you are discussing music.

What needs your attention: Nothing, it totally rocks as is.

Favorite Parts: I've been reading about the musicians you chose in Beth's Resurrection October contest. There are so many artists you have discussed that I have never heard, it's been a great learning experience.

Overall Impression: Very enjoyable read, always filled with great information, amusing commentary and a great personality.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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Review of Nothing.  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Review number # 3 of week Oct.9-15th, 2014

Hi AlMason,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Nothing

First Impression: I wanted to embrace the young woman so she knew she was more than a blank page.

What I liked: How every line built on the next one emphasizing her emptiness.

What needs your attention: "But she feels like she has no story and no meaning to life." I read poetry out loud, this one line hangs so much longer than the rest. What if you tried this instead.
What story, what life, what meaning

Favorite Parts: She tries to write about herself but just erases it all. I remember those days all to well. I didn't want anyone to know what really existed in my world. It was much easier to deny its existence.

Overall Impression: I feel you did an excellent job portraying the young woman's emptiness and denial to her unfortunate reality. It is very compelling read.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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622
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Review of "Made To Fly"  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review #6 of Week Oct. 5-11th, 2014

Hi, Poet4Him

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Made To Fly

First Impression: the title initially drew me into your work. Once reading it, the title should Mad to Soar.

What needs your attention: I feel a poem centered on the page reflects the author's confidence in his work. This poem should be centered, you have every reason to be confident.

Favorite Parts: I shy away when the pressure is on afraid to make the wrong move. So many of us hold ourselves back. Afraid of the outcome that might occur, if I speak of the truth inside me. That definitely speaks to all of us, we all struggle with speaking our mind and risking a lot or walking the line when we should soar as God intended us to do.

Overall impression: Very well written. No God does not want our candle hid at all, she wants us to soar.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn




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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Review # 5 of Week Oct. 5-11, 2014

Hi, Ali Stone,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title Words are wind,

First Impression: Storms are fascinating to watch and fel.

What needs your attention: Nothing, it works for me. Freestyle gives the author lots of options.

Favorite Parts: The biting frost digging under her fingernails, the breathe of the sea as salty as a sailors blood. Those words create powerful images in this readers mind. The haunting image created now is compelled forward with shrieking music telling an endless tale as terrible as sin. Excellent stanza.

Overall impression: I thought it flowed very well when read out loud, The images created tossed the reader into the storm as it thrashed and then went silent... and gone.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn




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Rated: E | (4.0)
Review # 4 of Week Oct5-11, 2014

Hi, Charles,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title I Saw Her Face Last Night

First Impression: I could feel the loneliness of the narrator.

What needs your attention: I would put a comma after Last night, I saw her face. I paused when I read it out loud so it feels right to me. Read it out loud and see if you do as well.

Favorite Parts: The excitement of being a grandmother. It never grows old that feeling of holding a small baby, the sweet smell they have and the softness of their skin.

Overall impression: Short and direct to the point. Grief is difficult, saying less at times makes it all the more apparent to the reader. I think you could elaborate a bit more and make it more powerful than it is.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn




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Rated: E | (5.0)
Review 2 # of Week October 5-11th

Hi,

My name is Lyn. I am doing a review for Sisco's Good Deed Group. I know what it is like to be reviewed. Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only you know what is best for your writing.

Title A Purple Pumpkin in the Patch

First Impression: I love how easily it flowed from stanza to stanza.

What needs your attention: NOthing, in my opinion.

Favorite Parts: The pumpkin trying to seal the deal but the boy recognizing the leprechaun first with the pot of gold and then the genie. Clearly, he was weighing what his Mom had said in the back of his head but the temptation of candy is hard for a child to resist.

Overall impression: Excellent! A very creative twist with a purple pumpkin and a young boy.


Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure.
Lyn




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