Overall Impression: I don't think you have the life experience or education to be an authority about love. But I appreciate the effort you have put into this lengthy piece. And I can sense an authentic desire to offer to share your experiences (perhaps to a young adult audience ). I hope you do continue to explore and write.
Hello Sweetgurl29
I found your poem in the noticing newbies listings.
Something I have found with poetry is, it's a great tool for us to releasee purge energy
1. Overall Impression: ouch I feel your pain here.
2. Style and Voice: I loved these ... It’s as if only thing never left
was loneliness
I have been there too.
3. Grammar and Mechanics:You can work out those.
4. Suggestions: missing the word "of" before book.
Abound me. All my suppose I don't under it?
I hope you don't mind but for fun.... I played with the style ...like this
If
my life was
any kind book
It be a sad one.
It’s as if
any
time in my life
I ever been
happy
something happens
I end up losing
what made me smile
or made
my cloudy days
little less
dark.
You reviewed one of my poems so I am here to return the favor.
This free verse poem paints a hopeful picture. Your use of the prompt ( to give human traits to objects) was delightful. You fulfilled the challenge from the sunset to the wine bottle and my favorite “ the proudly gleaming cutlery”.
I loved this article. I imagine this piece could be sent for publication somewhere. It is a historical documentation to the grit it took to be a postal carrier in those days. More importantly it demonstrates how one man’s determination can move over mountains!
Thank you Naomi for this wonderful poem. You let me see a slice of your life. Looking in that window I see a beautiful woman who sacrificed a lot to be with her grandson.
Your writing was good. But the dreamer in me got excited. I spent years journaling my own dreams.
You can discover so much about your sub conscience mind by recording not only your dreams but your day as well. If you journal enough you will be able to see how your minds is using symbols to give you messages.. Your symbol may not match the books but they don't have to because every mind in unique.
Hi
This is a typical lucid dream/nightmare!
Some might slip in “ sleep paralysis. “
For fun you might want to run it through a dream analyzer based on symbolism.
google for starters
Dream Dictionary – Dream Interpretation & Dream Analysis
The title kinda confused me but you use the word enough I get it as a place. So I think it means the starting place.?
typos :
what else are you suspected to do when (supposed to ?)
area I heard others talk about in brief moments to themselves when they thought no one was looking.(listening)
I get it. Good rants and I agree with your take on the Oregon bottle recycle system. I haven't had to deal with bottles or cans since moving back to Medford, four years ago, because my brother always takes them in. He usually has complaints when he returns.
Nice write up about my stomping grounds. There is so much to digest in this single blog post. I like the poetry, I like the city blurbs and the short stories, it's all good.
Your experience is a true testament to
1. the power of friendship
2.the power of journaling
And most importantly
3.the power of purging (letting go)
I journalled my way out of a bad heart break. I filled three of those notebooks for subjects. It took a few years but finally after rereading them many times and realizing that I was hurting myself over and over…I burned them. But I was alone. Through all. It would have been nice to have a circle of friends.
I liked this piece. We are from the same time period. I am sorry that happened to you.
I was the bad one in the 60's. and then lived with its karma the rest of my life.
One thing a typo
"The ring was two swirling hears with a small diamond in each one."
Very well written. I pondered consciousness long and hard when I was young. I could never articulate it as you just did. It's one of the great mysteries of life.
I loved: "My opinion is that imagination is the spark that elevates mere thought into consciousness."
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Overall Impression: I don't think you have the life experience or education to be an authority about love. But I appreciate the effort you have put into this lengthy piece. And I can sense an authentic desire to offer to share your experiences (perhaps to a young adult audience ). I hope you do continue to explore and write. 