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112 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of My first poem  
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, very deep. Good job. Hope to see more of your work. Write on!
2
2
Review of A Warm Christmas  
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there,

A really lovely poem which I have no suggestions for!

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Write On!

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3
3
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

You have a 'nice' poem here.

I only have a few suggestions.

Now, I probably do this myself.

You have a-a b-b rhyme scheme here, then suddenly in the last verse you go to a-c-b-b. Also, dimness and bliss don't rhyme, to me anyway. This could just be me however.

Otherwise, a lovely poem which is well delivered!


These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

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4
Review of ENCHANTRESS  
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sherri!

Three random reads in a row point to you!

This is a nice poem, a very nice poem in fact. You get a clear sense of who the "Enchantress" is and what affect she has on you.

I have no suggestions!


These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Write On!

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5
Review of WASH THE WALLS  
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: E | (5.0)
Haha, a jolly -if you'll excuse the pun- item here, realy quite different from the normal pieces around here.

Nicely done!

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Write On!

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6
6
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Sherri!

A lovely poem well delivered.

Maybe it's just me, but the gone - won rhyme seems very forced.

Otherwise a wonderful poem!


These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

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7
7
Review of Stone Angel  
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi there,

This is a great short story, I have no suggestions for you, write on!

Andrea Jones
8
8
Review of Tomorrow  
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there, this is a lovely poem.

I only have a few suggestions:

But those plans won't live to see tomorrow.

and

moments spent together in love so true.

Feel like they should be shortened by one or two sylables.

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

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9
9
Review of THE LAST TREE  
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,

I think this is a wonderful poem with a lot of meaning behind it, one thing I could suggest is to erase 'that' from the second last line!

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

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10
10
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am donating this to your wonderful group before it is a brilliant concept!

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11
11
Review of New Goddess  
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there,

Let me start by welcoming you!

Your poem is good, consider making it three lines to a verse : )

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

signature number one

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12
12
Review of For David  
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello!

I have no suggestions!

Great poem!

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.


Write On!

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13
13
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Paulie!

This is very nicely done!

Nothing to suggest here!

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Write On!

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14
14
Review of Reaper  
Review by Andrea Jones
In affiliation with Monster Madness!  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi there,

Very decorative and you pulled me in with 'You don't piss off Death"

Nice rhyming, a few suggestions;

Watch the shifting light cast your bleeding shadow on the wall.

Shouldn't it be either lights or casts?

Watch the vivid lights fade black, hear the toll of a somber bell.

As you've used and rather than a comma in the first line I suggest doing the same in this, or changing the first to have and instead of the comma.

Don the black cloth of the fallen and with the damned take your rest.
As always, ignore the absence of a soul and forget the rotting heart within your chest.

This is fine! Only thing would be to take out the and in the second line and replace with a comma.

Never to escape this frightening hell, you’re lost within a dream;
Lost with I who rules the night and of the dead rules supreme.

Brilliant!

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

signature number one

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15
15
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sherri!

What a lovely poem!

One thing that I could say if you forced me to say something would be;

and in the process stole my heart like a thief.

This seems a tincy bit forced, the rhyme is good but the line, eh, I don't know, maybe it's me.

A very lovely poem!


These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

signature number one

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16
16
Review of Untitled  
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there,

You have a nice poem here, a few things I picked up on;

And wake, I won’t, for sleep does not fall
Upon the most weary and desperate of all

Try to change the first four words of the first line here, and try to shorten these lines to fit more with the rest of the verse

Also consider making this poem into couplets.

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

signature number one

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17
17
Review of The Martian Girl  
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there,

This is a nice poem with a nice concept. I picked up on a few lines;

Mom said he was just chasing a rainbow,
Then saw a pot of gold and all his dough.

This feels a bit forced.

A handsome young man took me to the mall,
Although he was sweet, he was way too tall!

Maybe mall could be in speech marks, as she wouldn't know what a mall was!

Then one day a cute man came on the scene.

I feel this needs one sylable taking out, maybe take out Then, or cute.

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

signature number one

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18
18
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Donation

Enjoy!
19
19
Review of Disgraced  
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there,

Very good poem, if I had to give one suggestion it would be you see you have 'embrace and face which rhyme, and even though the three-line stanzas should make it not matter, people are so used to seing four line poems that they say 'oh, but you rhymed that with that' just to let you know

Very good poem.

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

signature number one

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20
20
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

I feel like you need to build up the tension before you tell us he is dead, give us something to feel what the man is, some of his feelings/thoughts, I know you say he has no feelings so maybe have his last thought drifting off and then make it so that when the character realize he's dead, that is when the reader realizes too, make it unexpected.

Seems to me you've given us the bones of a great story, but you just need to make it a bit longer to achieve it's full potential.

Also, I would suggest to take;

Like being in a very dark storyline and suddenly being knocked off the script.

Out and replace it with something else.

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Write On!

signature number one

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21
21
Review of Beastly Banquet  
Review by Andrea Jones
In affiliation with Monster Madness!  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi,

You have done well with the prompt, so, well done!

Only thing is some rhymes feel forced; such as yours and course.

Othersie a wonderful poem!

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Write On!

signature number one
22
22
Review of From Beyond  
Review by Andrea Jones
In affiliation with Monster Madness!  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi,

This is a BRILLIANT poem!

One suggestion;

Beware! The end is nigh.

Maybe;

Beware, the end is nigh!

Totally and Utterly Brilliant!

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Write On!

signature number one
23
23
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

You have a very nice poem here, well done!

Only thing I picked up on is;

Left in the attic from last time
we again committed to forever,
our love is a box left empty
except small nails and a penny.

I think it has to do with the last two lines in this verse, although I am not quite sure why.
These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

signature number one
24
24
Review of I Can Do Better!  
Review by Andrea Jones
In affiliation with Monster Madness!  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there,

A nice contest entry, well done.

Well chosen words and not obvious rhymes!

Write On!

Andrea x
25
25
Review of KINDNESS  
Review by Andrea Jones
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there,

Short and sweet.

Write On!


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