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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/fyndorian
Review Requests: ON
1,169 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of BETRAYED  
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Whew! Using this in this week's Poetry Newsletter on emotional poetry. You'll see why, and the main reason I'm including this is that, while reading it, I could actually hear it! Kudos for both a difficult poem to write and an exceptionally well written one. ~fyn
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Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was super! Using it in this week's For Authors Newsletter! ~fyn
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3
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I need to preface this review by stating that I really don't care for fanfiction. Even, perhaps ESPECIALLY, fan fiction about a show I love. Fanfiction writers always seem to mess with the best, well thought out parts of it, they don't (logically) see or know the long view. More, you are a truly good friend. Because of that, I knew that I'd have to write/tell you what I honestly felt. I know you are an excellent writer, one who has grown exponentially over the years, but still, fanfiction. I faced reading this with trepidation, to say the least.

All that being said, I flat out loved this! You didn't mess with my beloved characters in a way that felt untrue, just wrong or ill-considered. You added a logical twist that could work; albeit opening up several cans of worms. But what the hey -- fishing! *grin*

John's characterization was totally spot-on; I could hear him speaking the dialog. His mannerisms were very 'him.' You nailed it!

Aside from that, I found no typos or inaccuracies or any other editorial type stuff to correct.

You wrote a well-crafted story that was true to all aspects of the show. Given Taylor Sheridan's writing ... well done. WELL DONE!
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Review of Color Chaser  
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love, love this and am using it in my For Authors Newsy this week! ~Fyn
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5
Review of K-8  
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: E | (5.0)
Using this in this week's For Authors newsletter. And, thanking you for your service.
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Review of Sea Story  
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Knew I was right! You are an EXCELLENT writer and well know how to spin a 'yarn'! Well done! Well crafted and knotted, nary a typo to be found and I could literally hear and see characters conversing! Missed chances taking their toll as they often may.
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Review of AUTUMN (1)  
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: E | (5.0)
Using this in this week's Poetry newsletter. Excellent imagery - the sheets over furniture, rusty hinges and more. YES!
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Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
AND ... she does it again! Excellent take on the prompt! There are some extemely well written lines like the following, for example:Rage bubbled up at her brother’s sneer, choking back the spoken word as surely as the written had failed her.

Great denouement!
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9
Review of Cloudstepper  
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Using this in this week's Poetry Newsletter
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10
Review of my brother  
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: E | (5.0)
Using this in this week's Poetry Newsletter!
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11
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked this, only wished you'd included snippets of 'their tales' or something. But I get it, and oft hear those voices mtself!
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Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: E | (5.0)
Powerful!!
Welcome to wdc!

Had both spider and fly moments myself! Loved the lazor focus on specific details in this...adds so much to it. Last line was great, especially coming on the heels of the killer previous line!! Well done!

Using this piece as an editor's pick in this week's For Authors Newsletter!

~fyn
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Review of Claire de Lune  
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi and welcome to wdc! I'm using this piece as a featured pick in my For Authors newsletter this week!

Loved the line -- A vessel for unrealized dreams

Also the play on words, the use of 'port' - brilliant! ~fyn
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Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Loved this and it made me laugh! I remember reaching essays as a grad student. Something I taught them was that finding was to make even the most boring subject interesting would go a long way with a teacher who is reading his 250th essay of the night--make him or her smile and I could pretty much guarantee a better grade!

Using this in this week's For Author's newsletter!
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15
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: E | (5.0)
Using this in this week's For Authors newsletter
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16
Review of FIRE! FIRE!  
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: E | (5.0)
*giggling!* Love it --A LOT to work in and using all those clues! Feeling as if I should know the tune...not sure tho. Still, the one I came up with worked! :) I seriously doubt I could write a styory in 18 sentences! I have a hard time keeping one down to 2000 words! Kudo, my friend, KUDOS!!!
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Review of Chardonnay Summer  
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: E | (5.0)
using this in this week's Poetry newsletter
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18
Review of THE BROKEN DREAMS  
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: E | (5.0)
Using this in this week's poetry newsletter :)
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19
Review of Gone  
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Using this in this week's Poetry newsletter
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Review of Author bio  
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: E | (4.5)
re:After self-publishing her first book, This New Life in 2012 and Miscellanea in 2015

I would suggest something along the lines of:

Her first book, 'book a' was published in x followed by Miscel... in y. ~F
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Review of social illusions  
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: E | (4.5)
How very, very true! Twitter-lying<--- Good phrase.

Welcome to writing.com!!!
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22
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Found this while crediting reviews ... this rocks!!! Truly a stellar job!!!
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Review of Torn Loves  
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Liked this...curious what work you do that has you researching pirates! ??? A couple of things. Vain, not vein. Did you mean 'wander' eternity?

silhouette bends broken <--Excellent image!
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Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: E | (5.0)
Whew! Have SO seen this, walked this hallway. Grizzled comrads... good image. As is brothers born ...

Of poems posted today ...we all seem in an odd place. The weather, maybe? Just kind of odd and off-settling.
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Review of Found out  
Review by Fynspookular!
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I am reviewing your story as I was a judge for
Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  [E]
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
by Writing.Com Support
with the May prompt being: Westers

Please note: I tend to look for fresh descriptions that fit well within the genre, using unique descriptions, new ways of observing.

Thanks for entering!

*Vine2* Initial Impressions

I did like the fact that the main character was a writer. That being said, it was important that the reader feel a connection to the lead characters beyond that so that there is an emotional connection that makes the reader truly care what happens to the characters. The writer needs to do this so that the reader will become invested in the outcome of the story.


*Vine2* What I particularly liked.

The first two paragraphs were quite well written and gave the reader a clear picture. This level of writing throughout would have added much to the story.


*Vine2* What I think could use some work or revision.
Accuracy is important. I would suggest doing a bit more research in this case as the FBI began as the Bureau of Investigations (BOI) and did not become the FBI until 1935.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Federal_Bureau_of_In...

Just a thought: a governess would typically live with its charge, in the same house; not in a rooming or boarding house.

Also, it is often valuable to have a 2nd set of eyes peruse a piece when submitting it to a site contest, or, really, any place one submits to. Typos can be a real turn off in the real world (for publishing, etc.) For example, "You lying, thieving, shyster!" <---no comma after thieving. (The lying and thieving are describing shyster.) Another example would be the sentence:Roy put his arms and leg through the window the rest of his body still on the wide ledge outside.<either missing words and/or punctuation here or perhaps a rewording of the entire sentence.

Another example which offers a typo-type mistake that it is most important to avoid is: Here's everything I found and its a good case against them.<---it's (It is) --not possessive.



*Vine2* Final Thoughts.
There was so much potential here. An idea to keep in mind would be to use a flashback or something to keep the story with action rather than the majority of the read being in her mind. Dialog is excellent to move a story along, and often times better that having the majority of a story being a character rehashing the 'what happened.'

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