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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/fyndorian
Review Requests: ON
1,158 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review of K-8  
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Using this in this week's For Authors newsletter. And, thanking you for your service.
2
2
Review of Sea Story  
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Knew I was right! You are an EXCELLENT writer and well know how to spin a 'yarn'! Well done! Well crafted and knotted, nary a typo to be found and I could literally hear and see characters conversing! Missed chances taking their toll as they often may.
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3
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Mmmm... I liked this, your moments, inspirations and connections. Curious where 'home' is? Welcome, again, to WDC!

Though I have lived in many a city, I vastly prefer my 'country' life in my one stop-light little town that ( unfortunately) grows more crowded by the day. I liked the 'finding the good' in wherever you are and that you find those 'moments' that make a day special.

Another friend of mine is also teaching in China! I find it most adventuresome and is one of the things I missed doing in my younger years, although I did meander the planet for months at a time - just wandered, free-spirited, moving on in a moment of boredom perhaps or necessity or even because I needed something new or wondered what was around the next bend in the path. I learned adaption in those journeys.

Little thing - the apostrophy in can't in the title as I doubt you meant tilted! :)

Looking forward to reading more of your work! ~fyn
4
4
Review of AUTUMN (1)  
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Using this in this week's Poetry newsletter. Excellent imagery - the sheets over furniture, rusty hinges and more. YES!
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5
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
AND ... she does it again! Excellent take on the prompt! There are some extemely well written lines like the following, for example:Rage bubbled up at her brother’s sneer, choking back the spoken word as surely as the written had failed her.

Great denouement!
6
6
Review of Cloudstepper  
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: E | (4.5)
Using this in this week's Poetry Newsletter
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7
Review of my brother  
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Using this in this week's Poetry Newsletter!
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8
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked this, only wished you'd included snippets of 'their tales' or something. But I get it, and oft hear those voices mtself!
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9
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Powerful!!
Welcome to wdc!

Had both spider and fly moments myself! Loved the lazor focus on specific details in this...adds so much to it. Last line was great, especially coming on the heels of the killer previous line!! Well done!

Using this piece as an editor's pick in this week's For Authors Newsletter!

~fyn
10
10
Review of Claire de Lune  
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi and welcome to wdc! I'm using this piece as a featured pick in my For Authors newsletter this week!

Loved the line -- A vessel for unrealized dreams

Also the play on words, the use of 'port' - brilliant! ~fyn
11
11
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Loved this and it made me laugh! I remember reaching essays as a grad student. Something I taught them was that finding was to make even the most boring subject interesting would go a long way with a teacher who is reading his 250th essay of the night--make him or her smile and I could pretty much guarantee a better grade!

Using this in this week's For Author's newsletter!
12
12
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Using this in this week's For Authors newsletter
13
13
Review of FIRE! FIRE!  
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: E | (5.0)
*giggling!* Love it --A LOT to work in and using all those clues! Feeling as if I should know the tune...not sure tho. Still, the one I came up with worked! :) I seriously doubt I could write a styory in 18 sentences! I have a hard time keeping one down to 2000 words! Kudo, my friend, KUDOS!!!
14
14
Review of Chardonnay Summer  
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: E | (5.0)
using this in this week's Poetry newsletter
15
15
Review of THE BROKEN DREAMS  
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Using this in this week's poetry newsletter :)
16
16
Review of Gone  
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Using this in this week's Poetry newsletter
17
17
Review of Author bio  
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: E | (4.5)
re:After self-publishing her first book, This New Life in 2012 and Miscellanea in 2015

I would suggest something along the lines of:

Her first book, 'book a' was published in x followed by Miscel... in y. ~F
18
18
Review of social illusions  
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: E | (4.5)
How very, very true! Twitter-lying<--- Good phrase.

Welcome to writing.com!!!
19
19
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Found this while crediting reviews ... this rocks!!! Truly a stellar job!!!
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20
Review of Torn Loves  
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Liked this...curious what work you do that has you researching pirates! ??? A couple of things. Vain, not vein. Did you mean 'wander' eternity?

silhouette bends broken <--Excellent image!
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21
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Whew! Have SO seen this, walked this hallway. Grizzled comrads... good image. As is brothers born ...

Of poems posted today ...we all seem in an odd place. The weather, maybe? Just kind of odd and off-settling.
22
22
Review of Found out  
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I am reviewing your story as I was a judge for
Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  [E]
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
by Writing.Com Support
with the May prompt being: Westers

Please note: I tend to look for fresh descriptions that fit well within the genre, using unique descriptions, new ways of observing.

Thanks for entering!

*Vine2* Initial Impressions

I did like the fact that the main character was a writer. That being said, it was important that the reader feel a connection to the lead characters beyond that so that there is an emotional connection that makes the reader truly care what happens to the characters. The writer needs to do this so that the reader will become invested in the outcome of the story.


*Vine2* What I particularly liked.

The first two paragraphs were quite well written and gave the reader a clear picture. This level of writing throughout would have added much to the story.


*Vine2* What I think could use some work or revision.
Accuracy is important. I would suggest doing a bit more research in this case as the FBI began as the Bureau of Investigations (BOI) and did not become the FBI until 1935.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Federal_Bureau_of_In...

Just a thought: a governess would typically live with its charge, in the same house; not in a rooming or boarding house.

Also, it is often valuable to have a 2nd set of eyes peruse a piece when submitting it to a site contest, or, really, any place one submits to. Typos can be a real turn off in the real world (for publishing, etc.) For example, "You lying, thieving, shyster!" <---no comma after thieving. (The lying and thieving are describing shyster.) Another example would be the sentence:Roy put his arms and leg through the window the rest of his body still on the wide ledge outside.<either missing words and/or punctuation here or perhaps a rewording of the entire sentence.

Another example which offers a typo-type mistake that it is most important to avoid is: Here's everything I found and its a good case against them.<---it's (It is) --not possessive.



*Vine2* Final Thoughts.
There was so much potential here. An idea to keep in mind would be to use a flashback or something to keep the story with action rather than the majority of the read being in her mind. Dialog is excellent to move a story along, and often times better that having the majority of a story being a character rehashing the 'what happened.'

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23
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I am reviewing your story as I was a judge for
Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  [E]
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
by Writing.Com Support
with the prompt being: Western.

Note: I look for fresh ideas, using unique descriptions, new ways of observing.

Thanks for entering!

*Vine2* Initial Impressions

I liked this story and how it wound around to where I thought it (happily) might go.




*Vine2* What I particularly liked. Flat out loved this line: The prairie wind seemed to blow for untold years-- as well as the part about working on the kid's aim :)

*Vine2* What I think could use some work or revision.

Back in the day 'epitaphs' were short 'n sweet, so I thought what was written on the gravestone a bit much.


*Vine2* Final Thoughts.

Thought this was well written, liked the dialogue.
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24
Review of Salvation  
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
I am reviewing your story as I was a judge for
Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  [E]
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
by Writing.Com Support
with the prompt being: Western.

Note: I look for fresh ideas, using unique descriptions, new ways of observing.

Thanks for entering!

*Vine2* Initial Impressions

Just a little thing, but when one is reading online, a space between paragraphs is helpful as well as using consistent spacing. (doubling space when a scene changes, etc. Just easier on the eyes and anything that gives forth a favorable impression helps.


*Vine2* What I particularly liked. Interesting take on a 'Hunger games-y' slant, or that of the famous short story, "The Lottery."

*Vine2* What I think could use some work or revision.

I wasn't nearly as convinced as I wanted to be. Some of the 'rules' seemed to be ones no townspeople would ever agree with, under any circumstances. I think playing around with the dialog could be helpful as well as it didn't feel consistent veering from arrogant to uncaring. I didn't 'feel' their thoughts and the emotional connection I wanted to feel.

*Vine2* Final Thoughts.

There is potential here, but I don't think it is 'there' quite yet.
25
25
Review of The Marshal  
Review by Fyndorian
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I am reviewing your story as I was a judge for
Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  [E]
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
by Writing.Com Support
with the prompt being: Western.

Note: I look for fresh ideas, using unique descriptions, new ways of observing.

Thanks for entering!

*Vine2* Initial Impressions

Liked the spacing and bolded type as old eyes really appreciated it!


*Vine2* What I particularly liked and *Vine2* What I think could use some work or revision.

I lumped these two together because there were so many excellent descriptions that then were disjointed from the surrounding story. Example ... woman rarely wore pants. Another - they did not buy milk, they went out to the barn and milked the cow. Also, there were typos and in a site contest, one needs to be very sure there aren't any!

*Vine2* Final Thoughts.

I think, with some revision and playing with that this story has a lot of potential! :)
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