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1
1
Review of Petredescent  
Review by Gabriella
Rated: E | (4.0)


Petredescent by: VivianSiren

A Warm Welcome to Writing.Com, Vivian !
Reading your poetry is a great way to begin the process
of getting to know you. I hope to come back to read
more. *Smile*

This is a beautiful long, complex poem. Each line has been written with great care. This is an elegant poem from
format to your message !

And, while these lines are taken out of context, I particularly like:

"dalliance between darkness and dusk:"
"deep within the crevices, there was a stranger amidst the ignorant'

"The onlookers became sleepless and miserable
When their lethargic grimaces confronted upwards,
The fatigued physiognomy were glass mirrors to the sky's transparency"

"The foolish idealists glimpsed at the nocturnal hour
And saw a dimension of possibilities
When the two thunders clustered in a clap,
They only heard a round of applause
When the tide quavered in dividends,
They only felt a waterfall
But deep within the crevices, there was a stranger amidst the ignorant
A hound in the hills, a lone wolf in the wild"


"Now glimmering through the dusk and ran slack at dawn
The sallow abyss was dented in
With violet stars that clasped onto the night
And glistened upon its aflame underlip
And even when the night was hushed of howls,
The reticence was still ruptured"

I read your poem over 3 times. I will read it again.
It is a wonderful experience enjoying the
way you string your words together to send us
an important message. There are many in this poem. !

One writer on W.Com refers to this author as
very much in the genre of T.S. Eliot. Nice going *Smile*

All the best,

Gabriella




2
2
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


An Eventful Chapter16: Flame and Flight

Rain, Dealing with injuries, Selling Weapons, A sword for Branstons/Heading to Tallis Tower/ Fighting Dragons/Quelling the Dragons, Branstons burned right hand.

Tyollis and Robert ride with Faldashir down the street in the pouring rain in the small town of Evias. Hundreds of men form columns-many of them are injured soldiers.

Then, you guide us back to Branston's location. He was called upon to go with Bolthos to capture a dragon. This is a chapter that covers a lot of ground. There are a few pivotal events.

Like much of your story, capturing a dragon is a mystery for your 21st century readers. I imagine sitting at your computer, writing about your dragons like a pro is fun. We sit back with anticipation, waiting to see what this gray dragon will do. You decide your dragon will submit to the human who touches him. This is a very cool touch, Breach. Once Bolthos touches the dragon's head at the anticipated clearing, we can only imagine the excitement that lies ahead *Smile*

Back to Faldashir: His injury helps us empathize with this man. We have learned about his personna. He works hard to live up to his commitment to the king. He is a stalwart leader. He doesn't get thrown off course. He is a valuable player in your story.

Is it possible, these two men are like you, Breach ? You are stalwart too. You are a steady, committed writer. I've wondered if you're comfortable writing about these men because you know them well without having to spend much time thinking what they should do or how they will proceed.

You'll decide if it makes sense now and then in this story to allow a bit of the real person behind each of their roles to slip to the surface in ways that may enrich your book-in-the making. This doesn't mean changing their personalities anymore than you need to change yours. When I've seen your over burdened commander wipe the sweat from his brow, or grieve over the body of a murdered soldier...these are memorable moments! A reader who has served in Iraq will remember that moment from his own experience with war, and will be touched by it. You'll decide if what I suggest is useful. You know best. You're a fine writer and this is a GOOD book. Keep up the good work *Smile*

All the best,

Gab


3
3
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


To: Breach

Re: Chapter 15: The Punishment

Overview:

Chapter 15: This chapter, devoted to Branston's appeal to the king to let Oliver live, is another in a string of strong, well written chapters. You kept us sitting on the edge of our seats dreading Oliver's demise in Chapter 15. Poor Oliver !

Character Development:

I find the opportunities you look for and choose to give us a closer look at the real people involved in your story, the more likely it is that we'll think about, remember, and find ourselves getting attached to one or more of your characters from chapter to chapter. I thought about this while I read chapter 14.

While Faldishir surfaced as a stalwart commander, I haven't developed a clear picture of Faldishir the man. I look forward to learning more about him in the upcoming chapters. It's not surprising that I have a well developed picture of Oliver. *Smile* Branston, Oliver and the King starred in this chapter. The king struck me as the most powerful of the three characters.

You do a beautiful job with physical attributes. In this chapter,
you get high marks for the effort you put into character development. Remember, you live, breathe, eat, and maybe
sleep with your characters as you think about them and what
they will do as your story unfolds in your mind's eye.

It is true, the action-packed chapters give you greater opportunities to develop your characters. You showed us Faldishir could triumph over adversity when fighting a battle against terrible odds. And, we read through your chapter 15, we worried, hoping against hope, the king will come up with a reasonable solution to allow Oliver to live. He did this.
The king allowed Oliver to live while he doled out a punishment he felt was in keeping with Oliver's crime. The chapter was awash with tension and anxiety. How each character responded to the dilemma of what to do with Oliver, contributed to a memorable chapter. A clever, totally unexpected choice of outcomes, Breach ! Nice going. I will remember what I learned about your characters in chapters 14 & 15 as we move forward.

All the best,

Gabriella
4
4
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Subject: Chapter 14 Friday, July 7, 4:47



Chapter 14: Teeth & Steel-a Gripping Chapter !

An Excellent 2nd Paragraph

This is a great opening paragraph ! The sounds of the horses tramping and snorting give your story an important boost. You paint with a fine brush, Breach. You not only embrace sounds and sights with your imagination, you humanize the humans and fan the frenzy of hatred in your creatures. Danger comes with heightened awareness. A screeching Wraith adds a listening dimension to your story. *Star*Your descriptions continue to be your great strength, Breach.

What will the King gain by going to War ?
Observation
I'm not certain what motivates the King. He has been recruiting soldiers to move north. It has been said the north is dangerous for the inhabitants and the people who travel through. Talk of larger- than-life violent ogres with clawed hands and eyes like red balls of fire is an everyday occurrence. Humans don't often stand a chance in a fight to the death with the most violent of the northern inhabitants. For them, fear is a prison as impregnable as any made of stone and steel.

Given the proper preparation (swords and an army of soldiers), Faldishar believes his army is a match for any organism.

Edson's Son, Robert-- his role: Robert is a young man who has the heart of a soldier and the sensitivity of a man. Faldishar is surprised and impressed to find that his guard is solid and humane.

Commander ! Commander ! This is where the story develops wings *Smile* "Faldashir twisted in his saddle to see a man running his horse along the trail of soldiers. Faldashir spurred his horse forward, coming to a stop at the side of the road, giving the other rider enough distance to halt his horse.

"Commander, there is a force of soldiers approaching us from the south,” the soldier said. “They are Takinthad men, sir.” A second messenger rode up to say: “Commander, the Takinthad commander found us, but let me come speak to you. The other men are being held, and the Tak is asking to meet you".

Fast Forward: "We won’t be traveling together,” Tyollis answered. “Your large force would slow us down. Your men are taking up most of the road, as well.” A wind whipped the cloaks of the Takinthads and the loose coats of the Veressans as thunder crackled overhead."

Hearing the Battle Cry: Wolgs!” a man shouted. "Then Faldashir saw them. Beasts charging down the hill, winding through the trees and jumping over logs, a relentless wave of teeth and fur. Men screamed terror. Archers from both armies rushed to the gap between the two, readying arrows.

The Wolgs
Faldashir cursed, snatching an arrow from Robert’s hand. The young man watched the wave of wolgs come, his hands shaking, making it difficult for Faldashir to grab a second arrow, and a third.

"Wolgs fell tumbling down the slop. Some got up. Faldashir’s heart raced, but his head was clear. “Spears to the hill!” Faldashir roared. Most obeyed. They shoved their way past horses and men, readying their long spears. The wolgs were closing in." Twang! Twang! The bowstrings sung death, the wolgs fell and tumbled down the hill. With their size, usually two or three arrows need pierce them before they die.

" They jumped into the armies, tackling men off horses and crushing foot soldiers under their weight. Horses screamed and bolted, Faldashir yanked back on his reins, steadying his horse. He loosed more arrows at those wolgs still coming down the hill, hoping to break the tide. "Tyollis cursed and said, “We’re winning. It may not look like it, but the wolgs have stopped coming, and they’re dying left and right. I’ll watch your back. But watch mine!”

Observation: Re the battle, I hardly had a moment to breathe. Your timing is outstanding ! What I admire most is your focus and ability to move your story forward from one chapter to the next, skillfully. This episode is bound to propel your story to the next level.

The Wraith:

There stood a wraith, the trees’ shadows reaching toward the creature like dark fingers yet to take shape. Here in daylight, Faldashir saw it better than at the river. It wore armor, a breastplate of shadow that swirled like smoke. A thin elegant hand gripped an equally elegant sword, thin and curved to a razor point. No human features marked the creature’s face but for eyes of bright red light that observed the battle. It was taller than any man there, and as Faldashir had seen, much quicker."

"Faldashir gaped as pitch black arms sprouted from the air beside the wraith. They were longer than any man’s arms, and thinner. No sign showed their entrance, no breach in the Divide, only arms, as if an invisible man were doused below the forearm in shimmering black dye. "

"The hands gripped the wraith’s neck with long serpentine fingers, and both other-world creatures disappeared. When the wolgs were over the hill and out of sight, Faldashir fell from his knees to his back. "

The Battle:

Observation:
Your battle had all of the ingredients of a skirmish (unpremeditated fighting). 1,000 + men were taken by surprise by the wolgs. The only reasonable response was to repress, suppress, fight back, bite back, keep in check and ultimately wipe out the treacherous Wolgs and Wraith !

"Men died all around, the wolgs had broken their ranks. The archers were scattered, many of the spear-men dead. Rider-less horses ran screeching through the chaos, knocking into men and wolgs both. Faldisher and his soldiers were in an advantageous position to become heroes after the battle. Faldigher's men would say they are sure of fighting hard under him. They are certain he will be leading in the hotest part of it.

This Skirmish

Observations:
Everything about this skirmish was intense and fast-paced. You created a hard-hitting melee where soldiers and wolgs were killed brutally and swiftly. The dialogue has been crafted to perfection. You wasted no space in an effort to bring the battle to a successful close. Your wolgs came across as both vicious and ruthless. This battle came and went quickly. In the end, the army and the wolg survivors retreated to return to fight another day.

Once again, you hit a home run with this chapter, Breach. Nice going !!

Small Fixes:
1)A thick canopy of gray clouds gave a dark noon
OR: A thick canopy of gray clouds gave way to a dark noon ?
2)Archers loosed their missiles into the hill, wolgs fell tumbling down the slop. I think you meant slope. *Smile*

Bravo, Breach !

Gabriella


.
5
5
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Overview:

Having completed Chapter 13 of The Breach, I have to tell you, you are a fine writer, Breach. You tell this story well. ‘It is the crisp merger of language and plot that sets the tenor for your book and your readers. You write comfortably as though you've been writing for a long time. I see this more in this chapter. You seem to be growing more comfortable and confident with each additional chapter with their clean, clear, well thought out descriptions.


Spectre:

The specter of war and bloodshed looms large


"Faldashir sat outside the Wall of Murindin on a thick gray horse, clad in mail and coat, with a sword at his hip and a bow and full quiver on his back. He looked upon a thousand men. He peered down from atop a hill at the men armored in mail with coats bearing the Crown and the Tree on their fronts. Three hundred of the soldiers sat atop horses, long lances with jagged edges pointed toward the clear noon sky."

"Branston nodded. “Just us. We’ve come to aid the battle.”

"Branston nodded. He went to his knees and bowed his head. “I swear to serve you, Krassos, King of Takinthad, for the rest of my life as you so command. I offer my fealty, so you might use it to better our kingdom.”

A question for the Author: : What will happen to Oliver ? *Smile*

Keeping your Reader in Your Grip:

Anticipation and the dread of warfare are mounting. I wanted to rush ahead to what is coming. Clearly, a battle
is in the making. This chapter brings us a giant step closer to your story's ultimate destination. Still, everything
you do and say, you do with a captain's cool head and calculated risk. This author is a capable story teller
who speaks to us with his trademark restraint. He writes comfortably with the ability to write well and maintain a pace that is a perfect match with the story's plot.

One of the biggest mistakes is putting too much detail of the wrong kind in a story. This author shines as a master story teller who has the ability to tell a good story without too much fanfare. At the same time, he is building momentum in anticipation of large scale warmongering and hoped for triumphs.

A few minor Fixes:

Re the sentence that begins: "Men in various dirty shirts of gay" I think "gay" should be grey.
"The King stood tall and proud, and unconcerned"--eliminate the second "and".


Nice going, Breach... I'm enjoying this journey.

Gabriella

6
6
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Blue Ribbon Revie...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

To: Breach

This Chapter (12) is broken into 3 segments: The first: the last leg of the trip to Murindin to gain access to the city in order to see King Dendlo. Bathing and shaving came next. Finally, we will enjoy the long-awaited, somewhat anxious audience with the King. It was at this point that Faldishir would get his marching orders to join Krassos in Fangog. The King planned to send additional troops north to Takingth where Krassos is stationed. Faldashir will become commander of the new troops. At the close of the chapter, Branston decides they should get on the road to travel north.

I made a note of some trivia that isn't necessary to parade here on your review. However, as a relative stranger to this emerging story, I feel compelled to keep tabs on your players--err characters. My list has grown to include:

Branston Linnenway
Faldashir
Oliver Baltor
Edson Taroy
King Dendlo
Krassos
Anisol (body guard)
Emuss Atracci

Adding a chapter to my reading experience has been helpful. As far removed as we are from the first several chapters of your book, it's clear you are still building momentum, adding characters, and continuing your journey forward with each additional chapter. This must mean you have wildly exciting adventures waiting in one of your upcoming chapters ! This is what the guy in the fishing boat does when the yellowfin tuna is hovering around the boat but hasn't taken the bait yet. *Smile* In chapter 12, you maintain your trademark even keel---continuing to create a strong sense of the people and places that are going to become routine.

I'm still a tourist in awe of my new surroundings, Breach ! It can't be exciting for you to slog through what is for me, the breathy strangeness of the story, and the sense of foreboding that builds with each chapter. In both chapters, you inject moments that heighten our awareness a danger lurking. The story is intriguing and compelling. I hope you'll let me read Chapter 13. *Smile*

I found a few small errors--quick fixes, nothing too important.
Instead of counting lines to let you know where to find them,
I've identified the location by what is going on.

1) About half-way down your page, sentence begins with "Here
they are, Lord. Story makes reference to lit lanterns hung the walls"
Did you mean-> hung on the walls ?
2) The sentence that includes: " led them toward down the street
Drop "toward" (look after the baths)
3) (After sentence, "There was a long silence") "The headed up the stairs":
The should be-> They
4) About halfway down, sentence beginning: "Each men" should be:
->Each man.

Reading these two chapters has been a wonderful treat, Breach. Thanks for sharing your
story !

Gabriella





..

7
7
Review of My Poetry  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)


My Poetry: Jay O'Toole

Jay: this is a lovely old fashioned poem.
It is sentimental and sweet.

Calling on all of our senses

*Star* The Sounds of Brass
*Star* The taste of Honey
*Star* A Tender Kiss
*Star* Cigar's most Tender Cloud

The faculties of sight, smell, hearing, taste, and touch.

As always you speak from the heart.

Thanks for sharing your beautiful poem, Jay !
Not sure why, I thought of Percy Bysshe Shelley
when I read this poem. Maybe- the rhythmic
flow of your poem. *Smile*

All the best,

Gab






.

8
8
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Title: Another Small Bang:


Who is this author ?

Not sure...there is a cute kid with a giant bubble gum balloon in his mouth in his
bio. His name tells us Jones is a bright, bubbly guy !.

Dialogue at it's best *Laugh*

Ok Gummy one, let's get down to brass tacks here ! I've just finished reading
this funny chatter between Stinky and Little Henry. This is a beguiling exchange.
Little Henry's backup plans while waiting for his family to arrive sitting on the stoop
talking to his friend, Stinky. Little Henry's plans range from Plan A to Plan Z
if you can believe it !

This is old fashioned Tom Foolery....

As an aside, do you know the origin of this term ?
They say Shakespeare got his inspiration for the fool in King Lear from a real-life
character called Thomas Skelton who was a jester.

OK, back to Little Henry:

Little Henry said, "After the first 25 different plans didn't work out plan Z was simply
to go inside, lay down on the bed, and catch some Zzz's, because by now they
aren't showing up." Stinky said, "That's okay Henry. After thinking about it I really
didn't want to see your identical twin sister with or without a mustache."

I have to admit you're a funny guy and this visit was delightful, Jones !

I have a couple of suggestions...small easy fixes
1) In the 2nd paragraph-sentence before the last: the word suppose
should be supposed.
2) In paragraph 4, did you mean Plan A is or isn't working so well ?
3) In paragraph 6, I think "No end in site" should be No end in Sight *Smile*

Thanks for the chuckles, Jones...you're a natural born comedian !

All the best,

Gabriella





9
9
Review of Platform Lady  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with P D Gang's Newbie Spring ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Platform Lady

This is a brilliant poem, Jeff. I read it twice and then, I read it again.
I like its rhythm, the content, and your perfect choice of words !
This closing stanza is just right:

"Just the clouds, pressing cold and close
No snow or sun, just grey and brown
And the faintest yellow
Where the gate used to be"


Riding in a train, taking in what is there...
I was right there, watching and waiting for
the next line, and then, the next stanza.

Looking at her while thinking who is this Platform Lady !

"Black night, gold globe
All aboard, they’re pulling out
Dark hair, sad eyes
Waiting for her wartime ghost, perhaps"


I hope you'll continue on to write more, Jeff.
You have a wonderful way with words !

All the best,

Gabriella


.



.
10
10
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


Subject: Breach: Chapter 11: The Road Northward

Who is this Author ?

Breach is a talented young writer. His goal is to publish a "massive fantasy series." His specialty is medieval fantasy.

Overview: Chapter 11, The Road Northward.

I agreed to read this chapter, having hopped over the first 10 chapters of what could be a great deal of action and excitement. It didn't take long to recognize that the questions I had while reading Chapter 11 can only be answered by reading the rest of your story. Instead, I decided to concentrate on what I read in Chapter 11 that is reassuring where the story as a whole is concerned. And, while the 11th Chapter is filled with anticipation, you avoided traps and a constantly lurking enemy, thanks to good planning.

Who, What, Where:

This pace was just right for me since it is just now in the story that I met Oliver, Fuldashir and Branston. I was able to identify them by personality and how they fared on this trip. I also learned that Tyollis is to be avoided at any cost. Along with the bounty hunter, I assume these are your pivotal characters. I imagine they are key players throughout most or all of the book. These are the WHO in this story. The WHAT is the trip these warriors must take from Ft Anher to arrive safely in Murindin. The WHERE is the sticky terrain-the hills,woods, the river, and the little side streets where the enemy may be lurking.. Add to the WHAT, the stops they make en route, the tense moments, and the incidents your threesome were able to overcome almost as quickly as they started.

Ergo:

Every move and gesture is well thought out and impeccably described without melodrama. This makes you a credible, trustworthy story teller. The more I read, the more I wonder whether this story would make an excellent movie script. Breach, you have a gift for covering every important detail, from your descriptions of the men, the way the horses move, the terrain, the incidents, their surroundings. the knives, swords and bows. I admire the careful attention given to mapping out the trip, paying close attention to the smallest indicator that the enemy might be near. The flow of your story with all of its detail is like a river that moves along as rivers do without hesitation. None of what you write is belabored.

While I read your story, I had a clear picture of what you write. I hope you are fully aware of your excellent ability to maneuver the story line and your men to their destination without an overdose of fanfare. If you do this well in a chapter with strategically placed tense moments, I can imagine how well you'll do when your men undertake the battle of a lifetime *Smile*

Bravo, Breach !!

Gabriella





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..
11
11
Review of A Choice  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


 A Choice  (13+)
Mother and daughter face an uncertain future with Alzheimer's Disease.
#2122644 by ~ Pat ~


Dear Pat:

What is most wonderful about this story is what you share about yourself. We're gifted with raised awareness to add to the love and admiration we have for you that has grown over the years while you've worked hard to become a fine writer, much respected teacher, and loving friend.

For many of us, this is a time for coming to grips with old age and continuous care which means this story is poignant and carries great weight.

After caring for my father and husband, I am working on opening a Compasionate Friends program in Rutland, Vermont where I live now. There is a shortage of grief counselors. So, I decided to join hands with friends to start a program for wives, mothers, and daughters who are currently, or have been caregivers. You are telling a story that is a familiar one for many of us, Pat. Most important, this is as heart-rending, uplifting, and deeply touching as a mother-daughter moment can be.

As for the journey that accompanies this story. I can't tell if this is your personal journey. Whether or not this is your story, it struck a chord and resurrected my family's journey with my father's Parkinsons. This is a lovely piece, Pat. You're right, you write a good story *Smile*

Bravo and warmest best,

Gabriella


.


12
12
Review of Retiring Cowboy  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)



STATIC
Retiring Cowboy  (E)
A man who has spent his life on horseback chasing cattle.
#2122384 by Dartagnan


A Poetic Tribute to "The Man who Spent his life on Horseback Chasing Cattle."

Who is the author:

First and foremost, welcome to W.Com, Ricky ! I hope you're enjoying making
the shift from saddle to the chair in front of your computer. *Smile*

This poet describes himself as a retiring Cowboy. It seems to me he dropped the
reins and picked up a pen. For a fellow who spent most of his adult life herding
cattle, he has a real gift for sharing what he has accomplished in this wonderful poem.
This cowboy graduated from climbing into the saddle and "holding on to the mane" to
becoming a "trail boss" --the best of the best in the rugged world of cattle herding.

That as then, this is now:

"He hung up his bridle by his bed on the wall
His rig is preserved on a stand by the stall
His old Appaloosa has been turned out to graze
As he sits in his rocker and dreams of old days."

I particularly like:

"He was tough but fair a man no man would cross
And his horse came to be his very best friend
They stuck together through thick and through thin."

Observations

Ricky helped us climb into the saddle to feel how it must
have been to live the daily life of a cowboy who herds
cattle in all kinds of weather. I read every word of this poem with admiration. While
this cowboy worked his way up past teaching the cattle to move as a herd
to trail boss, I have a feeling he'll work his way up to captivating his
readers with many more wonderful poems about his life
on the range.

Bravo and warmest best,

Gabriella



.

13
13
Review of Curiosity  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)



Poem: Curiosity

Who is the Poet?


 
STATIC
Zeke  (E)
An in memoriam form poem about Zeke's courage following his stroke - for Zeke
#2105929 by Robert E. Baker - White Walker

I spent a little time looking through his portfolio to learn a bit about Zeke. I found a beautiful poem written about this poet who has hurdled his share of tough challenges and has met them with dignity and grace. This tribute to Zeke, written by Robert Baker, tells us a great deal about Zeke's courage, and the faith that he leans on during tough times.

What this Poem is about:

Zeke, this is a wonderful poem. I can't imagine a life without
curiosity, challenges, taking risks, regularly trying something
new, and hurdling road blocks. Writers combat apathy,
learn how to climb the publishing learning curve, and we
embrace helpful criticism. Writers are a special breed. We
live with daily ups and downs and we prevail.

The Mood of the Poem:

"Curiosity’s gift
Adding zest to your life
Causing you to wonder
Will there be good or strife."

And, I will remember this:

"So revel in puzzles
And possible meanings.
For they are the center
And spice of our beings."

Rhythmical movement of the Poem:

I read the poem from line to line with great ease.
It doesn't matter that some lines rhyme and others
don't. The rhythm of the poem is what carries us
through. We are not distracted by the use of
an awkward word or line. The message is clear.
We learn a great deal about
the poet and his outlook from this poem and its
positive message.

In Closing:

I've enjoyed my visit to your portfolio and hope you'll
continue on to write more poetry. Your words seem
to slip easily onto the page, Zeke. I admire your talent.

Bravo and all the best,

Gabriella

14
14
Review of KEYBOARD  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB**TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB*



Dear *StarfishP* Sonali,

I LOVE your Keyboard ! This is a gorgeous poem and a
wonderful format. I stopped by to wish you HAPPY 10th
W.Com Anniversary, my friend. This is the first item I
opened. I look forward to reading more *Smile*

You've been one of my heroes on W.Com, always interested
in what your friends and colleagues are doing. You are
a one-person marching band, cheering us on. W.Com
is better for your involvement and participation, dear Sonali.

Here's to another decade filled with good company and
great accomplishments to match your first decade on
W.Com.

Warmest best,

Gab



.*TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB* *TrophyB*
15
15
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with WDC Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)


The Brothers Grimm Fairy Tales

Overview: This is a fascinating article, Megan. I learned a great deal about the Brothers Grimm. This article tells us that the Brothers Grimm had native writing talent from the start. I particularly enjoyed:

"In the Grimm's original "Snow White", the evil stepmother is forced to dance in red hot iron shoes until she falls dead. This would be offensive to young children and that part was edited. At the time, Jacob and Wilhelm were viewed as patriotic folklorists, not entertainers of children. Germany had been overrun by the French and Napoleon and were suppressing local culture. The Brothers
Grimm were trying to save the endangered oral tradition of Germany. They were serious scholars of medieval literature and were loved for the tales they spun. "

Your article inspired me to learn more about the Brothers Grimm. I discovered there was a movie made about their lives in 2005.

https://www.miramax.com/watch?v=p5bXluZjr8zeiMuvba...

The great merit of Wilhelm Grimm is that he gave the fairy tales a readable form without changing their folkloric character. The results were threefold: the collection enjoyed wide distribution in Germany and eventually in all parts of the globe; it became and remains a model for the collecting of folktales everywhere; and the Grimms’ notes to the tales, along with other investigations, formed the basis for the science of the folk narrative and even of folklore. To this day the tales remain the earliest “scientific” collection of folktales.

Thank you for sharing this wonderful introduction to the Brothers Grimm, dear Megan. As always, I love your beautiful artwork !

Warmest best,

Gab







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Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with WDC Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

The Story of When War Ended:

A Tolkien Story:

When I read the title of this story, I wondered if this is Tolkien's Arlen and Aragon. After his father was killed battling orcs, Aragorn was sent to live in Rivendell with his mother, Gilraen. Around his twentieth year, as he walked in the woods singing a part of the Lay of Lúthien, he witnessed the beauty of Arwen for the first time, clad in a mantle of silver and blue. Mistaking her for Lúthien, he called to her, and, from that moment on, loved only her. Gilraen warned Aragorn of the folly of his love for Arwen, a high-born elf such as she was. Aragorn soon left Imladris, and for thirty years fought against Sauron on whatever front which was deemed necessary.

In his forty-ninth year, after years of strife and toil, he wished, once again, to be at peace. He came into Lórien, not knowing that Arwen also was there, and stayed with her for a season. "It then that Arwen first beheld him again after their long parting; and as he came walking towards her under the trees of Caras Galadhon laden with flowers of gold, her choice was made and her doom appointed." On Cerin Amroth, in the midst of Lórien they plighted their troth looking toward the shadow of the east and the twilight of the west."

Your Story, Walknbird:

I read your story with great interest in an attempt to piece together
what I recall with the story you tell. I enjoyed every word. The story the father retells is fascinating and delightful to read, especially when the children chime in with questions. Clearly, they have heard the story many times before. Their curiosity seems to be what fuels their father's zest for telling this tale. You are a talented story teller, Walknbird. You put a great deal of effort into creating a compelling story.

I enjoyed my visit to your portfolio and look forward to returning to
read more.

All the best,

Gabriella





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17
17
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with WDC Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)


How I Came to Drive the Disney Monorail

Overview

IZ: I must confess I started to read your story well after midnight, having promised a friend I would review for Power Reviewers to support this fine program this weekend. I was fighting off sleep as I sat at my computer to begin reading your story. It is down-to-earth delightful and fun to read, IZ. I read it with great pleasure, enjoying all of the asides as much as I enjoyed your adventure on the monorail. I can only imagine what would have happened to the lazy primary driver's job if Disney caught him trading places with his passengers. Still, it sounds like you had a great time. Imagine being able to tell your family you drove the monorail *Laugh* I know how my mother would react. She'd be one step short of having a stroke.

My Impressions:

What I liked almost as much as your story about driving the monorail, is the fact that you enjoy alone time and, in fact you must have some as you traverse your way through each day. I come from a family of 6. I loved any excuse I could find to escape to my room to climb up on the windowsill to read. Occasionally, a friend and I would slip out of our houses late at night when our families were sleeping, to enjoy the most peaceful part of each 24 hours. To this day, I love the night. It is tranquil and quiet. And the moon is beautiful.

Back to your story: did you keep the photo that was taken of you in the driver's seat on the mono-rail? Your photo is the only item that is missing from this wonderful, well written story *Smile* You have a lovely sense of humor, IZ. This adds a great deal to your story.

Nice work, IZ. You write well and tell a good story !

All the best,

Gabriella






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18
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with WDC Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Down Through the Looking Glass

Overview:

I thoroughly enjoyed your poem, Carly. As you look through the Looking Glass, I am taking a ride down memory lane, recalling Alice's wonderful and whacky adventure. Alice's safety is your main concern. You remind us she is looking to escape, to avoid contact with the Red Queen and the knights and pawns who "await to make their moves--to carry out the Queen's grizzly orders." The poem ended as Alice thinks how she will climb out of the rabbit hole to return to all that is normal."

Observations:

Your poem is nicely formatted and I'm happy to point out, there are no type-os or misspellings. This is a huge plus, Carly. You've done a good job and you've given Alice's fan club here on W.Com a great treat with your poem.

Bravo and all the best, Carly,

Gabriella



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Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with WDC Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Back to Alica Again

Overview:

This is a wonderful poem, Victoria. You took on a mighty challenge and, you managed to create a substantial poem in the process. I admire the effort you put into contemplate what Alice's curious adventure is all about, and what it means to us while we are are young. You point out what we think about and want when we're still young, living in the safety of our secure homes, enjoying being able to think how wild and wonderful Alice's adventure was. What a great opportunity her story is for a writer like you who is able to see, with a certain amount of maturity, how life has a way of teaching us what is most important by experience.

"Maybe these journeys are needed in order to grow;
To see who and what is really important to us,
Which is most significant to know."

There are a few small fixes needed in your poem. You'll decide if these are useful suggestions: Where you say: "Her fears gave life to turmoil, I wonder if it would be better to say her fears fueled her turmoil. Also, when you write: "Her fears in the flesh chased her crazily, I'm not sure what "in the flesh" had to do with her fears.
Maybe her fears overcame her and chased her crazily. Finally, when you say: "How many times have you gave." is incorrect. I wonder if you meant: How many times have we given way to our fears...or given in to tears.

Thank you for this great treat, Victoria. I loved visiting your portfolio
and I look forward to returning to read more.

Wamest best,

Gabriella







20
20
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)


Re: Ode to the Pea Head
A Poem


This is a delightful poem, Seshat. A tiny photo of a
tiny dog accompanies this poem.
Clearly this is a little pup whose inner strength
is greater than her size. She is adorable and
she is obviously a momma's girl. *Smile*
Thank you for sharing her with us. The
following tells all:

"Suddenly She perks up her great big ears
Goodness I know exactly what she hears

Oh! a squirrel at the window eating a nut
Time to chase, she's no ordinary mutt! "

I've thoroughly enjoyed visiting your portfolio,
SeShat. I look forward to returning to read
more.

Warmest best,

Gabriella




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Review of Less Than I Was  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


Re: Less Than I Was
A Poem


Dear Scarecrow: I hate to address you by this name *Smile*
especially after reading your powerful poem. It is hardly the
work of a scarecrow. In fact, it's a strong, soulful piece, the
work of a fine writer whose work has depth. While you are
hurt to the bone, your poem is never overwhelmed by the haze
of a loss of this magnitude. You describe yourself, before,
during, and after this relationship with clarity.

The words you use and the way your poem is constructed are
powerful. Each line is a perfect marriage with the one before.
The poem flows beautifully. It is riveting. I found it
captivating and a wonderful tribute to your sense of self,
your ability to communicate who you are. and how devastating
your loss has been.

I hope you'll continue on to write more poetry !

I've thoroughly enjoyed my visit to your portfolio and I look
forward to returning to read more.

All the best

Gabriella









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Review of writing prompt  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)


Re: Writing Prompt: "Write about the Color Green"

I enjoyed reading about your childhood experience with green
uniforms, made complete by the green cardigans your mother
made for you. I laughed thinking back on all the ways my
classmates came up with to turn our uniforms into fun
outfits. Turning our cardigan sweaters around to button in
the back was the most popular alteration we made *Smile*

A couple of small fixes for you to consider:

Spelling help: "primray" should be primary.
When you say your mother "use" to, you
might have intended to write: your mother used
to knit you green cardigans.
Where you say you love "luxuriance" green hills,
do you mean luxurious green hills ?

After reading that your mother made green
cardigan sweaters to go with your uniform, I
especially appreciated your dilemma *Smile*

I enjoyed visiting your portfolio, Jacqueline.
I look forward to returning soon to read more.

All the best,

Gabriella




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Review of Forgotten  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


Dear Shannon,

This is a remarkable Haiku Sonnet.
I was deeply touched by it
and by your talent and sensitivity
when you write. It's a perfect
Sonnet. This is a great way to get
started here on W.Com. A warm
welcome to you. I hope you'll feel
free to get in touch if you need
help navigating this forum. There
are lots of wonderful people here
who will be encouraging and
supportive.

Warmest best,

Gabriella

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24
24
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)


To: Espero

Re: Your Book Review:

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr.

While I haven't reviewed these reviews, I couldn't resist this opportunity to share how much I enjoyed reading your book review. It is well written and thorough. I'm impressed, Espero ! You covered the waterfront with your review. I was delighted to read that you enjoy Anthony Doerr's writing. This is his 4th book. I read that he hadn't written a book in four years. When this book came out, it received a half dozen of the most prestiguous book awards in 2016. Most important of all, the book received a Pulitzer Prize for fiction.

I appreciate how connected you were to this book where the two primary characters are a young blind girl and a German orphan boy who was selected to attend a brutal military academy to make use of his engineering skills. The girl's father takes his daughter to live with relatives when the German's invade Paris. He carries with him a precious blue stone that belongs to the Museum he works for to keep it from being stolen by the Germans.

I had forgotten this: "The war nears and the museum packs up it's valuables. They make three copies of the Sea of Flames stone and send them off with museum employees. No one knows who has the original one. Marie-Laure and her father leave France and find their way to a reclusive uncle where they take up refuge."

I am so pleased that you enjoyed this poignant book. I found your review absorbing and beautifully written. This is a 5-star book review. You point out Doerr's remarkable ability to develop characters. I must admit, I thought Doerr must be German. He drew us in to sit by his side while he writes about Nazi occupied France. All of Doerr's descriptions are substantial and beautifully crafted. Later, I discovered that Doerr was born and raised in Cleveland. He now resides in Boise, Idaho-- a huge leap from Europe in World War II.

I thought you'd like to know how Doerr is described by a
fellow author. "Anthony Doerr sees the world as a scientist, but feels it as a poet. He knows about everything—radios, diamonds, mollusks, birds, flowers, locks, guns—but he also writes a line so beautiful, creates an image or scene so haunting, it makes you think forever differently about the big things—love, fear, cruelty, kindness, the countless facets of the human heart." Clearly, Doerr has a great deal in common with his character, Werner.

With admiration,

Gabriella



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25
Review of Lost!  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)


SilverRaven:

Overview:

This is a tragic story, one that is familiar. My daughter lost her dad this way. He was her rock. It has taken a year or more for her to begin to feel like her old self. I don't know if your story is based on a real event. If not, you reported on the goings-on with Aleeya's Mom with sensitivity and an understanding of what it meant to the daughter to watch her beloved mother pass away. You are perceptive and you told this story well, Raven.

Suggestions for you to Consider:

Instead of "laid" use lay. Correct: She lay there thinking.
Try replacing "When they finally got home" with: When they were able to go home. Note: You used "finally" twice in 2 back-to-back sentences. Remove "But" in the second sentence, third paragraph. Also in the third paragraph, try changing "stood up, went to her mother's side" to: Aleya stood at her mother's side, crying, Raven.

I see you are a new member here on W.Com. A warm
welcome to you, Raven. Let us know if you need help
as you find your way around this remarkable forum.

Warmest best.

Gabriella


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