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1
1
Review of I miss You  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)


To: Lisa Lancaster
Re: Letter to her father


*StarfishB* My Impressions:

I read this small piece with great interest. As this piece unfolds, we learn this "guy"
was her father. I hope this is correct. This is a unique piece, one that serves to
remind the young woman what she misses the most about her father.

*StarfishB* Communicating Your Message:

The most interesting aspect of this small piece is the surprising amount we learn
with wisps of information designed to introduce us to this young woman's father.
We learn he didn't live with his daughter. He sends her birthday gifts in the mail
each year.

*StarfishB* What I found that requires a bit of attention:

*Tackg* When you write: "with your guy watch tv together" add to between 'guy'
and 'watch."
*Tackg* When you write: "miss your guy say I love you," how about: I miss your guy
most when he says "I love you."
*Tackg* When you say: " I miss going your guy place to visit, I suggest: I miss going to
this very special guy's home to visit. "
*Tackg* When you say, "I miss your guy write back" how about: I miss your guy letters ?
*Tackg* When you write: "I miss everything we use to do." use should be used.
*Tackg*When you write: "I miss your guy take us to the lake will we was little' you might consider: I miss the trips to the lake with this guy and our mother.

This is a unique reminiscence and it is intriguing.
I appreciate this author's efforts and her
recollections. Keep up the good work !

Gabriella


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2
2
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)


To PeterElbee:
Re: Mowing


This is a whimsical piece. It is also unique.

Who is the author ?

This author is from New Zealand. The photo that accompanies this piece
shows rolling hills with a vast amount of space for the cows to graze.

His writing:

This author shares that he loves "reinventing fictitious realities to escape into."
This bit of writing is just that. He describes the passing of night to day and
back to night again. Early in the morning, he sees a cow on his front lawn, happily
munching the long grass. He decides this means he can put off feeding the cows while he goes back to bed for a while *Smile*

I liked the pictures he paints with his writing: "Rain fell. The wind blew. After the rain and wind died down again the sky dimmed and stars came out twinkling."

I found this little piece, delightful, and a lovely idea--writing in small doses.
He writes well and his encounters with the night skies and the rains are
described beautifully.

Bravo and all the best,

Gabriella

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3
3
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)


To: AMJ Wood
Re: Papa's Funeral

Greetings: A warm welcome to you, AMJ. I see you logged onto
Writing.Com just yesterday. Have you been here before ? You write like
you've been doing this forever. Bravo, AMJ !

I read this piece of yours with with admiration and appreciation.
You tell the story of Papa's demise in the mine as though you
know first-hand how it must have been for the miners and their families
to experience a disaster like this. My grandfather worked for a
large coal conglomerate back in the days when coal mining was
a necessity in the US. It was a vital fuel back then. My father
recounted stories of the mining disasters his father
had to oversee with great sadness. Needless to say, the miners
had little faith in the wealthy mine conglomerates. The
Health and Safety Act in 1969 is the one piece of legislation I
recall while my grandfather was still advocating for mine safety.

Your Writing:

You write beautifully, AMJ. I admire your ability to draw us in to
sit with the the widow while you give us a look at her
surroundings. You show us that miners and their families
must live with the reality that some miners will die each year as a result
of mining accidents.

Areas of Improvement;

There isn't anything I can add to your piece. It is authentic and
captivating. Congratulations on having pieced together such a
fine piece of writing. I hope you'll continue on to write more.

In Closing:

I particularly like these 3-4 lines: "The screen door rattles behind us. As we reach the road a breeze picks up loose dirt, and carries it away. I wonder if that will happen to papa's soul. Will the wind carry him to Heaven, and to God? I hope so. He was a good man I think. "

Congratulations and all the best,

Gabriella

4
4
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)


To: rjhjr
Re: I Saw It all on September 11

Your Tribute to NYC and the US

This noble piece is beautifully stated and reassuring; it serves as a valuable reminder to all of us during these difficult times. I'm certain I am not the only reader who wondered about this writer when, in fact, the writer is the living voice of Ms Liberty who stood in the New York harbor, watching the wretched events unfold on September 11, 2001.

You remind us, Ms Liberty "stands in defiance of those who wish us harm. "Yes, I am here, poised tall and proud, an enduring symbol of liberty. I still embrace those people who love and long for freedom. And as I've done for over one hundred years now, I still welcome them to the United States of America."

I kept this eulogy from Time Magazine:

If you want to humble an empire it makes sense to maim its cathedrals. They are symbols of its faith, and when they crumple and burn, it tells us we are not so powerful and we can't be safe. The Twin Towers of the World Trade Center, planted at the base of Manhattan island with the Statue of Liberty as their sentry, and the Pentagon, a squat, concrete fort on the banks of the Potomac, are the sanctuaries of money and power that our enemies may imagine define us. But that assumes our faith rests on what we can buy and build, and that has never been America's true God." I think this says it all.

Thank you for your elegant, much needed reminder. I read this piece twice and I appreciated it more with each reading.

All the best,

Gabriella
5
5
Review of The Painting  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)


To: LjLeighton
Re: The Painting

Your Story and Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf
The searing pain your couple's verbal exchanges
brings back the take-no-prisoner wife, Martha,
and her scary husband, George in Who's Afraid of
Virginia Woolf.
We see from the outset, this husband
and wife have long since passed the point of no return.

Your Story:
Your gruesome twosome become so hobbled,
so handicapped, so caught up in this vicious
exchange, they don't hear the sounds of the
night stalker who is breaking into their house.
These two are filled with contempt, each one believes
his or her partner is beneath the other. Your
ending is destined to be ludicrous.

Your Goal:
To "juxtapose the mundane and the bizarre."
Your story achieved this without question.

Your Dialogue:
It brims over with loathing. We are
so caught up in the interchange, we almost miss
what this couple misses. Nice work !

Your Writing:
You tell a good story, LJLeighton. I hope
you will go on to write more.

All the best,

Gabriella

6
6
Review of Woman Arise  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Your Poem: Woman Alive

This is an outstanding poem, Amylynne !
It is heartfelt and poignant.
Bravo on having become:

Strong
Curious
Dreamer
Creator
Woman

One tiny fix, place a comma after "So."
You are a talented writer. I hope you will
continue on to write many more poems *Smile*
Let me know if we can help you while
you're making your way around this bustling
online metropolis. We're glad you are here
and hope you are enjoying W.Com.

All the best,

Gabriella

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7
7
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)


To: Andreme
Re: A Sky Full of Stars

You mentioned at the outset you "have no idea what to put here."
Before we continue, I thought you'd like to know, this gossamer piece
can be referred to as prose-poetry. A Prose-Poem is a piece of prose
with poetic qualities, including intensity, prominent rhythms, and imagery.
Looks like your poem/story qualifies *Smile*

I have a few suggestions. You'll decide if they are helpful:

1)I Re your 2nd sentence: instead of using "got," a word I try to avoid,
how about this: When she finished a hectic day of work ?
2) Re the sentence that begins with the above: "When she finished a hectic day,"
this is called a run-on sentence--a sentence that could and should be
divided into at least two sentences.

3)How about this example: When she finished a hectic day at the office, she'd come home
to enjoy sitting outside beneath the night sky filled with stars. She listened for familiar
night sounds of vehicles rumbling past, and the scuffle of a cat fight that broke out in the street
far off in the city. Cover what is important
with the help of shorter, compelling messages *Smile* Your lovely visuals are lost in
sentences that are too long. You'll see "On this particular night" is also a run-on
sentence.. Now you know what to do to improve these otherwise delightful descriptions.

Your last few sentences are great ! See if you agree that the use of "everything"
doesn't tell us much. What do you see in your mind's eye that these two people
would describe as "everything" ? There must be a better word *Smile*

The fixes I suggested are few, and will be easy for you to repair. Once you do this, your
prose-poetry will receive the acknowledgement it deserves.

I look forward to reading more of your work *Smile*

Warmest best,

Gabriella




8
8
Review of Chapter Day 5  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

To: Writer18:

You asked what these recollections should be called.

Your recollections could be considered a story, or a compilation of events and
memories you could call a Memoir: Or you can call it
Looking Back, or Reflections without having to come up with a more formal label.
One more thought: you can label your recollections a Personal Journal.
Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best,
It is wonderful to be able to sit down to reminisce--especially
if you let the pen take you where it wants to go. *Smile*
I look forward to reading more.

All the best,

Gabriella

You'll decide if this is of any usel:
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/jan/...
http://www.barbaradoyen.com/writing-nonfiction/wha...
9
9
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)


To: Celtic Seawolf:
Re: Road Map to Jupiter

Your poetry:

This poem mirrors the "storm spinning in her soul."
It is devastating, as is your loss.
You tell us "the cathartic destination is
to "drive out her heartache,"
and "jettison my memory."
You write beautifully, Celtic Seawolf !
I'm grateful to have had this opportunity
to get a glimpse of your work.
This poem is as intoxicating as it is
painful. And, it is flawless.

I hope you will go on to write many
more poems.

All the best,
Gabriella
10
10
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Newbie Alert *Smile*

Dear "weird" Daniel,

A warm welcome to Writing.Com ! It is a pleasure to greet you. Your introduction is delightful.
For a guy who doesn't like people, your introduction is cheerful, outgoing, and friendly.
You can't be a great cell phone salesman and not like your customers *Laugh* Seriously, I think of
you guys who work in the cell phone stores as miracle makers. Over the years you've
saved the lives of a number of cell phones in our family.

If you love writing stories, you've come to the right place, Daniel. *Smile*We will enjoy reading your
stories almost as much as you love writing them. I can't say that I'll stand in line waiting for dungeon
and dragon stories. Fortunately, there are many writers here who will be pleased to share
this love of yours. *ThumbsUpL*

When you post your first story, I hope you'll share it.

All the best,

Gabriella

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11
11
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)



To: lazarus j. Blacksmith
Your Poem: Never Trust him, he's Lying.

My Impression: This is a good poem.

Suggestions:

I think it may be helpful to place a comma between He's lying, he's lying.
The second stanza is just fine. No help needed there.
Where you say: "You he never cared for," try adding a comma after You,
Where you write: "He thinks your all comedy," the line should read: He thinks you're all comedy.
I like your poem. Not sure about the line: "He never spoke through the mouth of apology,"
I think I know what you mean. *Smile* Perhaps you could work on that one line.
All of the others work well. The last two stanzas are excellent.
You have real potential, I hope you will continue on to write more *Smile*

I see that you just arrived on W.Com. I hope you're enjoying the time
you're spending here. There are many warm, welcoming writers here
who will enjoy stopping by to give you a bit of encouragement.
If you need help making your way around W.Com, don't hesitate to
ask for help. My internet door is always open.

Warmest best,

Gabriella

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12
12
Review of A Time Warp  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)



To: direwolf


A Time Warp

This man drops back in time, in his sleep, to recall the chilling conclusion of the war between the United States and Japan in 1945.
This was a war that raged on, killing tens of thousands of American troops since 1941. On July 25, 1945, President Harry Truman and fellow Allied leaders, Josef Stalin and Clement Attlee, issued the Potsdam Declaration, an ultimatum for Japan to surrender unconditionally or face “prompt and utter destruction.” Japan refused to accept these terms on July 28, 1945. As a result, was it was decided that dropping America's first atomic bomb on Hiroshima would mark the end the long, agonizing war.

Building Suspense:

The startling piece you wrote must mean you have more suspenseful stories up your sleeve. I look forward to reading your next pos.

You did a great job describing the old, outdated rooms you dream't about shortly before the early morning of August 6, 1945.
I remember my grandfather's description of the events that took place. At 8:15 a.m. local time, the Enola Gay (airplane) dropped "Little Boy," our first American atomic bomb, onto Hiroshima in Japan. Just 43 seconds later it exploded 1,900 feet above the city. Approximately “Then, the brilliant morning sunlight was slashed by a more brilliant white flash." Nearly five square miles, over 60 percent of heavily populated Hiroshima, was destroyed. “All around, they found dead and wounded,” described one Japanese official. “Such an awesome sight, their legs and bodies stripped of clothes and burned." All green vegetation, from grasses to trees, perished in that period.” The official Japanese death toll, calculated a year after the explosion, is 118,661. Within eight days of this bombing, Japan surrendered, ending World War II.

This writer's dreamer watched the Japanese people looking up at the Sun, it was far too bright. At a closer look this man could see the Sun was expanding in size. It was not the Sun!! He knew what it was. He was stunned.

Nice going, direwolf !

All the best,

Gabriella

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13
13
Review of Late  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)



To: TDrowe
Re: Late

Your Subtitle: Better Late than Never


Will this piece surprise and Impress us ?

I liked this from the get-go. I have to admit I suspected
this piece was going to have a twist. I couldn't tell when or how this
was going to happen *Smile* I think you did well ! Congratulations
on having achieved a surprise ending.*Star* I laughed with
admiration. This was nicely written.

I was determined to find out what this fellow was up to before you revealed
your surprise ending. Naturally, I thought he dressed in his tux
because he was getting married. I have no doubt you hoped I would
fall into that well placed trap ! Well, I was dead wrong .*Laugh*
You pulled this sham off beautifully. They (not sure who "they" are) tell us
when the body expires, the spirit lingers on. You counted
on this, I imagine. *ThumbsUpL*

Thanks so much for sharing this *vignette with us.
I hope you'll continue on to write more.

All the best,

Gabriella


*vignette: a brief description, account, or episode

__
14
14
Review by Gabriella
Rated: E | (4.0)



To: Chimera
Re: Fahrenheit451

Your Continuation:

I read your piece on Fahrenheit451 with great interest. I loved the book when I read it.
I still have it on my bookshelf. I also loved George Orwell's 1984. He was a brilliant author
whose book, like Bradbury's, was concerned with deception, secret surveillance, and
manipulation of recorded history by a totalitarian or authoritarian state.

I attended a lecture not long ago where it was said the government (in the 50s) during
Bradbury's time, didn't ban or burn books. It was the American people who demanded that
Bradbury's and Orwell's books should be burned and kept out of American libraries
across the US.

I have to admit, I don't have a clear memory of the ending of Bradbury's book. From what I
recall, they stood on the hillside looking down on Chicago to see that it had been burned
to the ground at the end of the book ? I may be wrong; I thought they retreated to the woods
where the intellectuals lived, to live and rebuild. You'll have to enlighten me...and tell me where
your "continuation" kicks in on Fahrenheit451.

Your Writing: You wrote a wonderful paper. It is extremely well written and polished to perfection.
You are a talented writer. I hope you decide to come back to write more.

Bravo and all the best,

Gabriella

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15
15
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)


The Casino Catastrophe

Greetings Nick *Smile*
It's great to meet you ! W.Com is a wonderful writing forum.
This is one of several ways to get started:

GROUP
The Newbies Academy Group  (E)
Need assistance and guidance. Stop on by!
#1949660 by ~ Sisco ~


Your Story:

FORMAT

First and foremost: I suggest you break the story down a bit. How about starting the 2nd paragraph where you tell us you heard a loud bang for the first time ? Your wife had just won $50. *Smile* Then, create another paragraph where you say: "The robbers continued to rob everyone." I think you may agree, this is a little easier on the eyes *Smile* If you find a better way to split this one large paragraph, I hope you will do so.

A GREAT STORY

This is a captivating story, Nick. WOW, what a scary experience that must have been ! I agree with you. It is shocking to see that an event like this can take place, especially in a casino where there are cameras, guards galore, and alarms that are supposed to go off long before robbers make their way into the main hall where the action and guests are located.

MAKING A FEW REPAIRS

Nick: there are some errors I'm happy to help you with. I think you'll find this will help you get the positive feedback and high marks you deserve for sharing this riveting story with us:

*ButtonPlay* 1st paragraph: Open with My girlfriend Kim and I.
*ButtonPlay* The third sentence: remove however
*ButtonPlay* Where you say: "Kim was playing on the slot machines, put a period at the end of that line.
*ButtonPlay* In the next sentence, say: she was doing relatively well (instead of good) Start the next sentence right after she was doing relatively well. Finish the sentence: While I was playing*Smile*
*ButtonPlay* At the end of "there was a man playing with us" you might add a . Start the next sentence after "Frank." You referred to Kim as your girlfriend and your wife--an easy mistake to make since she may have been a girlfriend longer than she has been your wife. *Smile*
*ButtonPlay* Loosing is losing *Smile*
*ButtonPlay* After you say: "Get on your knees" continue on to say: he screamed. No period needed between that and the first part of your sentence. "Forty five should be forty-five. "Grenades" should be
grenades. " You will die ! The man said" should be: You will die, the man said. "Men were all gone" should be The men were all gone.

This may look like a lot to fix. Not to worry, these are small errors, Nick. I hope you will find these suggestions are helpful. Bravo on writing your first gripping story on W.Com. I look forward to seeing more of your work. *ThumbsUpL*

All the best,

Gabriella



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16
16
Review of Confession  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)


To: The Bald Writer
Re: Confession

This will be almost as brief as your confession, Jeff *Smile*
After reading this, I look forward to reading The Dark Unicorn.
As for starting over, you've come to the right place.
Now that you have opened up your portfolio to read this brief review,
I hope you'll be inspired to sit down to write something new.
I peeked for a brief moment at your two other entries. Clearly you are a writer
with real ability. We have much to look forward to when you add
a few new entries. *ThumbsUpL*

Best of luck to you, Jeff,

Gabriella


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17
17
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)




A Thalassophile is a lover of the Sea

A warm welcome to Writing. Com, Nina ! This is a wonderful writer's forum. Be sure to get in touch if we can help you navigate your way around this bustling writer's metropolis.

Overview:

This is a wonderful description, Nina. I loved reading about your favorite place with the beautiful beach surrounded by long palms, white sand, and the ocean divided into different shades of blue. I grew up going to Maine each summer when we were kids to visit my grandmother. My brother and I would run down to the beach and the docks where the fishermen prepared for a day of fishing early each morning. We never grew tired of the time spent in Maine. Now that I live in Vermont, I can drive to the beach again each summer. I say this because I know exactly how you must have felt coming and going from your paradise on the water.

Nina, I am happy to give you a little help repairing some mild errors. This will make the experience of reading
a satisfying one for your reviewers. You'll decide if these suggestions are useful.

*BoxCheckR* In the 2nd sentence, tomorrows should be tomorrow's. Tomorrow's is possessive.
*BoxCheckR* Place and between "white sand and ocean divided" --also in the 2nd sentence.
*BoxCheckR* In the 3rd sentence, start off by adding of the ocean} after the first layer...of the ocean.
*BoxCheckR* Instead of commas, break the sentence that begins with "The first layer" into 3 sentences.
*BoxCheckR* the floating boats "who" should be: that sailed by...
*BoxCheckR* " the more her body started tingling" should be: started to tingle.
*BoxCheckR* Where you write: "because of every year, you should remove of
*BoxCheckR* Where your write: "but things she left there never could she bring her home" should
read: but the things she left behind she didn't want to bring home.

I know this looks like more fixing than you want to deal with, Nina *Smile* I think you'll find
it will only take a few minutes to make these changes. This lovely piece is worth the effort.
You'll find it will receive some positive reviews once you've made these improvements.

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to get in touch. I'm happy to help.

Gabriella

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18
18
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)




To Pattiec
Re: Cornelius Gets a Cold


Overview:

This is a throughly delightful story written for children like me
( I think a teenage reader would like this too) I laughed from
your story's first line all the way through to the story's end.
Cornelius (Corny) develops a miserable cold, complete with
runny nose and an awful cough. The story begins there.

When the first of a series of movie producers approaches you
to purchase your script, I hope you'll ask to play one of the lead
roles you know so well. Mucus and Phlegm are your 5-star
characters--funny and clever from beginning to end. I'd
add to this a comment about their dry humor but I'd be booed
off this page with laughter if I ventured a cold calculating remark.

{b]Welcome to W.Com:

Having shared my delight at having tripped over this wonderful
story in the "Newbie Review" center, I am pleased to offer a warm
welcome to Writing.Com. I hope you're making your way around
this busy writing metropolis comfortably. If you need help, feel
free to get in touch anytime.

Summary:

You write beautifully, pattiec. The story is well written and polished
to perfection with the exception of one tiny error that can be fixed easily.
I wasn't quite sure what you meant when you said: "When he
opened them he way lying on his bed"

Thank you for sharing this wonderful story with us.

Warmest best,

Gabriella

19
19
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
To Kodandaram
Re: The Day My World Fell Apart

Your Letter to your former Girlfriend:


A warm welcome to you, Kodandaram. I hope you are navigating your way around Writing.Com comfortably. If you need help, there are several wonderful programs here that provide guidance and support to new members, including:

GROUP
The Newbies Academy Group  (E)
Need assistance and guidance. Stop on by!
#1949660 by ~ Sisco ~


Overview of your letter:

You write a touching letter to remind your former girl friend how much she meant to you and how much you miss her. You tell us this relationship was an important part of your daily lives. You spent almost every waking hour together. When you look at the phone, you are reminded of the long, loving phone calls you shared. Two years is a long time for a first important romance.

Your letter doesn't share what it is that drove you apart. If the challenging parts of the relationship were greater than the wonderful parts you describe so well, could it be that your relationship was a beautiful but rugged journey-- a tug-of-war between all that was good and the shared problems that caused the relationship to break up ?

Your Goal: You write a compelling letter. When you think about this letter and what you hope to communicate, before you send the letter if you haven't already, take a minute to think about what it means when you say you should have pushed harder to make the relationship work. Perhaps this is true. You will pay attention to this as life goes on. Right now, keep in mind: this was a wonderful relationship in many ways. This is a time in your life for learning and growing. You can't become an expert at making a relationship work until you've had a chance to learn from experience what it is you want from a relationship, and how to make it work.

When you remind your ex-girlfriend that there were many difficult times when you might have left but you didn't, this can be as helpful for you to think about as it might be for your girlfriend, when you think back on the relationship. Do you think the relationship had shared problems that eventually caused the relationship to fall apart ? Perhaps it wasn't a question of who was at fault as much as it is a question of whether the problems you shared were greater than what was wonderful about your relationship. This may also mean the arrival of a new boyfriend came when your relationship was past the point of recovering. This is just food for thought.

Dating is all about discovering whether two people are right for each other. Instead of wishing you could have changed to meet your girl friend's expectations, it might be better to accept that being right for each other required both of you to be different people. Now, it's time to move on with the hope that you'll find a better match for yourself in time.

Suggestions: As I read your letter I noticed a few writing errors. They are small and easy to fix. When you say "Good morning message" ..it should read good morning message. The same correction can be applied to (Good) good night messages. Add and between good night messages and studying together. The sentence: "I thought would last forever, but forever isn't as long as it used to be anymore" might read: I found it wasn't possible for us to stay together forever.

How you shine in this letter: the brief but wonderful few lines you write to share what was wonderful about the relationship is what your girlfriend will love reading and appreciate the most. It is a way of making peace while reminding both of you that you grew and benefited from the time you spent together.

Your closing sentence: " I may have had a messed-up life. I may have tons of problems, whenever you need me and I will be there for you "forever." Do you want to say: Although I have problems and a messed up life in some ways, I still care and I want you to remember, I am here for you. If you need me, I will always be just a phone call away.

I applaud your effort and the courage needed to sit down to write a difficult letter like this, Kodandaram. After reading my thoughts and suggestions, you will write what you feel is best for you and your girlfriend. I admire your efforts to express your feelings and your sense of loss.

All the best,

Gabriella
20
20
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)



To: Janet E Hammer
Re: "Hi There all you wonderful people !"


Dear Janet,

I see you're a night-owl like me *Smile* I found you in W.Com's "Noticing Newbies."
I read your introductory message with great pleasure. I noticed that you celebrated your birthday
on August 16. Sounds like you had a wonderful time with good friends. A belated warm welcome
to Writing.Com, Janet...and Happy Birthday to you too. I hope 2018 is a wonderful productive
year for you.

Your introductory piece tells us that you carry the weight of a troubled childhood.
I hope you will be able to trade some of the sadness from your past for a warm, gratifying
experience here on W.Com, with new friends who are encouraging and kind.

It is comforting to read that you have been published, Janet. This must mean you are
a determined writer. Clearly, you are in the right place if you are hoping to
pursue your dream to publish a book. *Smile* We have a first-class novel workshop
here on W.Com. I know you will enjoy checking it out.

In the meantime, if you need help of any kind, don't hesitate to ask.
Keep on writing, Janet *Smile*

Warmest best,

Gabriella

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21
21
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)


To: Pk Arianne
Re: Year Comes with the Birth of the Flowers


Greetings !

A warm welcome to Writing.Com, PK ! I hope you are finding your way around this busy writer's metropolis :) If you find you need a bit of help, don't hesitate to ask. You will find many wonderful friends here. These writers are kind, caring people who love to write.

Your Poem:

I love this poem, PK ! You are a talented writer. This poem is gracious and beautifully articulate. I read it several times, enjoying it more with each reading. I hope you will continue on to write more poems. I expect to check back to see how you're doing.

Minutiae Matters:

One small error: In this line: "The year has finally started for the likes such as I. Some things will never change"...I suggest you replace "such as I" with the likes of me.

And a question: I wondered about this phrase..."the scent of memories was brought by soft blows." I wondered if you meant the memory of those sweet scents ?? You'll decide if this is helpful.

Bravo and warmest best,

Gabriella


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22
22
Review of In The Meadow  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)

To: Jacquin Schamus
Your Poem: In the Meadow


Greetings !

A warm welcome to Writing.Com, Jacquin ! I hope you're finding your way around this bustling writer's metropolis. Don't hesitate to ask if you need a bit of help navigating this place.

Overview:

Your poem is magnificent, Jacquin. I read it again and again. It's beautifully
poetic and elegantly written. It is both touching and descriptive in ways
that are at once, wrenching and sensitive. You are a talented writer.
I hope you will go on to write many more poems !

Minutiae Matters:

A couple of questions for you: Did you mean ball or bawl--to weep noisily ?
What does the word "spout' mean near the close of your poem ?

Bravo and warmest best,

Gabriella

23
23
Review of Elinor, Take 2  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)


To: Diane
Re: Elinor, Take Two


The Big Picture:

This is a wonderful story, Diane. I read your introduction in "Noticing Newbies." I must say, I'm impressed that you made the leap from writing for business to creative writing, a remarkably smooth one. The writing you've accomplished over the years has clearly played a part in your ability to write stories like this. The trade you made from carrying a calculator to writing this first story while riding the train to NYC or spending long hours sitting at your computer through the night, has produced great results :))

You seem to have made the transition from a city girl to a sage suburbanite *Smile*--a remarkably comfortable one. You are smart and articulate, Diane. You have achieved a level of confidence in the work you have accomplished over the years that has to have been a help in more ways than one.

Up Close and Familiar:

Your description of this young woman's personal crisis is compelling and it rings true. This story took place in an era when becoming pregnant out of wedlock was a humiliating experience. It was not uncommon for a teenage mother-to-be to be sent off to live in a home for unwed women--more often than not, an unappealing place where young women lived until their babies were born and very quickly handed over to couples whose identities the agencies were required by law to guard and protect And, while this young woman went on with her life, she forgave her parents for forcing her to do what they wanted, but she never forgot.

Ergo:

I have nothing to add to your story, Diane. You're off to a great start with this piece. I hope you go on to write many more stories. You have real ability. This is an enthralling first piece, Diane. I look forward to reading more of your work. In the meantime, welcome to Writing.Com. I hope you're enjoying this writers forum almost as much as I did very soon after I joined Writing.Com. I know you'll develop wonderful friendships here. Most of these writers are kind, encouraging, and supportive.

Warmest best to you,

Gabriella

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24
24
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars Member-to-Member ...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


To: Breach

A lot is happening in this, the 22nd chapter of your book. And, while
much of it is debated and decided seated at tables, the decision to go north to "combat" the Carlessen army remains unclear for much of this
chapter. {/b}“What is happening today?” Branston asked with a mouthful of early morning eggs.

The woman spoke. “The commanders are working on it.”

“What do you mean?” Branston asked.

“The commanders are in the grand hall, deciding what’s to be done now.”

Branston nodded, then focused on his food. He drowned out the sound around him, ignoring those around the room who spoke of Faldashir’s death.

“I was in the company that captured him,” one man said at a nearby table, pride in his voice.

Branston turned to Olivar. “What will you do today?”

Olivar shrugged. “I want to see the dragons. I want to get used to them in case I ever need to use one.” Having entered the Mess Hall early in this chapter, Branston meets a woman with a scar on her cheek. Wow,
a woman enters Breach's story at last *Laugh* Branston closes the chapter with a statement: He will go with the leader who needs him most as long as they avoid the danger in the north.

The Warden cursed, the word echoing through the room. He ran his only hand down his face, muttering something unintelligible. He turned his gaze on Visicleus. “So you’re in charge now?”

“I,” Visicleus looked around the room, and Tyollis nodded when the other man’s gaze fell on him. “Yes, it’s been decided I will lead us. I assume you know of the danger?”

“Then it will be done,” Visicleus said. “The foreign force will go north, and combat the Carlassen army.

There was a plethora of advance and retreat motions being discussed in this great hall. In the end, Visicleus accepted the challenge to take down the Carlassen Army.

You dealt with the various challenges and positions of the leader types in
these discussions. You did a great job resolving what will happen next
in these traumatic chapters.

Keep up the good work, Breach,

Gabriella

25
25
Review of Petredescent  
Review by Gabriella
Rated: E | (4.0)


Petredescent by: VivianSiren

A Warm Welcome to Writing.Com, Vivian !
Reading your poetry is a great way to begin the process
of getting to know you. I hope to come back to read
more. *Smile*

This is a beautiful long, complex poem. Each line has been written with great care. This is an elegant poem from
format to your message !

And, while these lines are taken out of context, I particularly like:

"dalliance between darkness and dusk:"
"deep within the crevices, there was a stranger amidst the ignorant'

"The onlookers became sleepless and miserable
When their lethargic grimaces confronted upwards,
The fatigued physiognomy were glass mirrors to the sky's transparency"

"The foolish idealists glimpsed at the nocturnal hour
And saw a dimension of possibilities
When the two thunders clustered in a clap,
They only heard a round of applause
When the tide quavered in dividends,
They only felt a waterfall
But deep within the crevices, there was a stranger amidst the ignorant
A hound in the hills, a lone wolf in the wild"


"Now glimmering through the dusk and ran slack at dawn
The sallow abyss was dented in
With violet stars that clasped onto the night
And glistened upon its aflame underlip
And even when the night was hushed of howls,
The reticence was still ruptured"

I read your poem over 3 times. I will read it again.
It is a wonderful experience enjoying the
way you string your words together to send us
an important message. There are many in this poem. !

One writer on W.Com refers to this author as
very much in the genre of T.S. Eliot. Nice going *Smile*

All the best,

Gabriella




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