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1
1
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)


Leaf swag clip art
Recollections of Boot Camp

Overview:

This is a well written description. Its
most impressive feature is a refreshing absence of frills.
Your touchstone experiences convey pride
and determination. It is clear this spirit is not lost
when you leave boot camp. Thinking back, you
recall passing the obstacle course and what
a typical day in boot camp looks like. I came away
from reading your memoir, pleased at having
been reminded that military men and women
have chosen a demanding profession.

I found the simplicity of your explanation appealing, Roslyn.
I assume from your description that you arrived
at Boot Camp sufficiently physically fit to give you a boost
during those rugged early days of rigorous training.

I wondered what inspired you to join the
Air Force. And, I am curious to know what
you hoped to do with your training ? Did you
remain in the military ?

Succinct, Personal, and Relevant:

Your memoir is a fine narrative. It focuses
on specific experiences shared in a way
that reflects the discipline of your training.
The layout of your story shows us you
believe in the importance of being organized
when you write good essays and stories.

Bravo, Rosie, and all the best....
2
2
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)





My Sweet Little Man


Reviewer: Gabriella

This is a loving poem. It is a tribute to
Delanora's beloved Cat.


She describes her poem:

"A Three-Five-Seven poem about my sweet cat, Tudee.
It's about my sweet cat, Tudee. We adopted him when
I was 6 and I miss him so much. He was the best
animal we ever had. Heartbreak was a part of his loss of life"

Delanora's sweet tribute:

I love him, he loves me.
I do not have him, him I can not have.
I miss his purrs in the springtime,
his sweet meows in the moonlight.

Thank you for sharing Tudee with us, Delanora.
I had two cats for 13 and 14 years.
Our pets are unforgettable and irreplaceable.

Warmest best,

Gab
3
3
Review of Cost of Secrets  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Clip art for my use



Title: Cost of Secrets

Reviewer: Gabriella


(Written for a "'A NoDialogue Contest)

This story reveals a long-concealed secret, one that has
been buried by two friends who struggled with what
to do when one of the two friends became pregnant. The
young man involved disappeared, leaving the young woman to
keep this secret while expecting her friend will do the same.

The young pregnant woman was obsessed with "keeping secrets."
After giving her pregnancy a great deal of thought
the pregnant woman decided to suffocate the baby and
bury it where it won't be found. Needless to add,
this plan includes committing a crime and persuading her
friend to never share this story with anyone.

What Happened When the Secret Was Revealed ?

This writer tell us: "secrets can never be truly forgotten. If
you never share them, they fester within until death releases
them. The once-pregnant woman is certain she will go
out of this life, keeping all of her secrets."

Many years later, the once-pregnant friend returned to
retaliate when she learns that her friend has not kept her
secret. The remainder of this story is here for the reading.
This is a dark story written by a bold, intrepid author.

Having never entered a "No Dialogue" Contest, I say
Bravo, DragonWoman, you managed to tell this story without giving
in to bring these two friends together to talk.

All the best,

Gabriella
4
4
Review of Ode of I  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)






Illustration --a line of pretty delicate flowers


Title: Ode of 1

Reviewer: Gabriella

First and Foremost

A Warm Welcome to Writing.Com, Jinks !

I've had the good fortune to visit your portfolio.
My immediate response was
to admire the grand effort you've
made to write poems that are meaningful,
heartfelt, and gutsy.

You jumped right in to create poems
that address real life challenges
without reservation. There is not a poem
in your portfolio that is slim or meager.

After reading this review, I hope you will find
you've taken an important first step
by signing on to W/Com. We are a large group
of caring individuals who will be
here for you anytime you need some support.

Most important, I hope you wil find you don't have
to struggle to feel good here:
"Defeated am I now
for I have fought till I can no more
defeated am I now
my courage has failed me, disappeared through the door"

I admire your fearless approach when
you sit down to write a poem, Jinks.
And, I look forward to returning to your
portfolio to read more.

Keep up your good work !

Warmest best, Gabriella
5
5
Review of Visiting Grandma  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Visiting Grandma

Reviewer:Gabriella


The Role of Grandparents

This is as lovely a tribute to a grandmother as a grandchild can deliver,
Rachel. I am especially moved by the joy you receive when you express your creativity through writing. This is a glorious example:

"As I looked into my grandmother’s eyes, I caught a glimpse of the woman she once was. She beamed, her whole face brightening and I saw the beautiful debutant, coyly agreeing to dance with my grandfather some fifty odd years ago."

How significant a grandparent's role can be.

A grandchild’ is fortunate to enjoy a bond with grandparents during those precious years from babyhood to the time when grandma talks to her fully grown grandchildren in her role as family historian, mentor. and role model.

Imagine how wonderful it is for the children of a single mother to have
doting grandparents who shape their lives and are major sources of fulfillment. A grandparent can be counted on to share a wealth of experience and wisdom.

The love you express for the grandmother in your story is heart-warming and reminiscent of those many summers my family
of 6 spent with my grandmother in Maine.

Your writing style is gentile. Your Georgia is gracious and she
is a perfect match with your tribute.
The communication Georgia had with her grandmother was
loving in ways that will be lasting.

I felt privileged to sit with Georgia while she visited with her grandmother. As always your writing is first-class, Rachel.

All the best,

G.


6
6
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


Illustration --a line of pretty delicate flowers

To: Kieran1998

Story: Michelle's Building Bother

Overall Impression:

I laughed when I discovered Kieran has written another
story that features a lady in destress. Not surprising,
this traumatic event was at once funny and terrible.

This lady got stock in a hole in a wall when
she thought it would be fun to peak inside an abandoned
building. This well developed character could be the twin
sister of another one of Kieran's characters
in one of his earlier similar stories. That lady was stuck in a tree
trunk. Fortunately, Kieran's stories are written to be
humorous. And, he manages to achieve this
goal successfully.

Characters:

Kieran's characters are perfect matches with
the situations he creates. This is clearly where he
has the most fun.

The only question I had while reading the
story was to wonder how the stuck
woman's best friend managed to find her
and save her. Her timing was perfect.
The story was a success with the exception of
this one moment when I paused to see if I
had missed something.

About The Author:

Kieran shows us how comfortable he is
with pen in hand. Each and every sentence
seems to fall onto the page effortlessly.
He seems to have a good time writing about
women in distress. I am going to make an
effort to see if he has written a variety of stories.
He is a fine writer. I have a feeling he is going to
press on to become a published author.

Bravo, Kieran and all the best,

G.
7
7
Review of Behind The Lines  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.0)

To: Seabreeze

Your Poem: Behind the Lines

I selected this poem after reading several
of your many diverse and interesting poems.
This poem is spirited and
calls on us to be brave--to step up when
it is important to do so.
I can't imagine a better time to
encourage folks to step up to be heard.

"Come out behind those tight lines.
Break free, be an independent.
Don't stifle, don't hide your brilliant mind.
Polish it, and let it shine."

I like your writing style and the format
you have adopted. This includes
the space between lines. Your poem's
presentation is delicate and elegant.

I noticed the first and last two lines
rhyme. You followed through
faithfully from one stanza to the
next. Your poem's rhythm
is consistent and it flows nicely.

During your 8 years here on W.Com,
you've accumulated a fair amount
of work. It is clear you enjoy
writing poems. I do too but I haven't
pushed myself to write enough. You
are a great example of what can be
accomplished with a bit of extra
effort over time.

Bravo and all the best,

Gab

 Celebrating our 10th Anniversary: 2009-2019


8
8
for entry "CHAPTER 26
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)


To: DMT1967

Review Request: Chapter 26

This is Part 1 of my review. I offer these suggestions for your
consideration. You'll decide if they are useful. In Part 2 we
will look at your characters and how or whether they make a
strong contribution to the story's success.

Scanning Your Story:

I was intrigued the first few paragraphs and anxious to read more. I noticed there are sentences now and then where you add one too many word or words that are over the top--a strange match with your story.
Please don't hesitate to be in touch if you have questions.

This sentence is a perfect example of one that includes a word or two that seem a poor match with the story: "Callore's rosy cheeks flushed, and emerald bedroom eyes glued on Jake who smiled and waved."
Think whether it makes sense to eliminate Rosy and emerald.
You'll decide if this is useful.

Set a little time aside to go through your story to see if there is a word or words now and then in a sentence that seems an odd addition or too many words to add a personal touch to your story..

My concern is this story is a serious, high-adventure story.
a few of the words you used to describe your characters
reminded me of a soap opera. Describing Jake's eyes as thick and fluttering reminds me of the make-up women put on before going on the stage. More female than male.

How would your sentence read if you remove "rosy" ? You point
out Rosy's cheeks are rosy. Then, you tell us her cheeks were flushed. Both "rosy" and "flushed" are the same. While you go back to read
this story again, take a look to see if there are descriptive words in your paragraphs that may not belong.

Another example,--a simpler one: "He cupped his hand and lifted her chin. He kissed her on the lips". That his hand was cupped
isn't very masculine. You'll decide if this makes sense.
One more example:: The general threw his hairy hand... Your reader
isn't interested in the general's hairy hand. I believe the sentence
is more powerful without "hairy" in your description.


Quick Fixes:

You wrote: The general took to strides towards her. Did you mean
the general took two strides toward her ?

You Wrote: Jake sky-blue eyes with thick eyelashes fluttered as he opened them and turned his head to the left. He spotted the general by his bedside, sat up, and groaned. "What time is it?"
Suggestion: Jake should be Jake's. And, fluttered seems too feminine.
You'll decide if this is useful.

You Wrote: The general frowned and licked his moist thick lips. I'd rewrite the sentence to say he licked his lips.." He wrinkled his thin eyebrows and Jake saw circles around his heavy-lidded moss-green eyes. His usual hairy deep-brown skin seemed lighter there.
Suggestion: most thick lips is too feminine. I'd skip moist thick.

You wrote: Jake swung his legs out of bed and stood. He swayed a little and held onto the older werewolf's arm. "I'm coming. Where's my clothes?" Suggestion: where's should be where are my clothes.

The general shook his head. "You're not strong enough. Look at you, you can't even stand!"

CHAPTER 26


You Wrote: The general threw his hairy hands in the air and muttered under his breath, "well I tried," He stormed out of the hut.
Suggestion: drop "hairy".

You wrote: A bear cub ventured out of a cave to Jakes right and gazed at him. Jakes should be Jake's.

You Wrote: Callore's rosy cheeks flushed, and emerald bedroom eyes glued on Jake, smiled and waved. Suggestion: Consider dropping
"bedroom."

You Wrote: Eva bit her red lips and clung to her husband. He held her voluptuous shaped body and kissed her pale delicate skinned forehead.
If I were you, I'd consider dropping "voluptuous shaped" And, I'd
describe her skin as pale-skinned.

You Wrote: Callore threw herself into Jake's arms and held him. He cupped his hand and lifted her chin. He kissed her on the lips. "When I get back I want to ask you something."
Suggestion: drop "cupped."

'You Wrote-->Jake glanced over at his parents and shook his head. "No, it can wait till I get back.""Then you better make sure you come back sweetheart," she growled as she grabbed his penis< this is not at all how you've written this story so far. This doesn't seem like a good match with this story.

You wrote: A bear cub ventured out of a cave to Jakes right
Suggestion: Jakes should be Jake's.

You Wrote: concur other creatures' territory, for some reason, they kept to this agreement.
Suggestion: do you mean conquer ?

You Wrote: the general took to strides towards her and lifted her up by her shirtfront.
Suggestion: do you want to say: the general took two strides ?

Gabriella
9
9
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Title: A Best Selling Book


This story begins with an introduction to a woman who spent many months thinking about and spinning a story in her head. Despite her many efforts to do so, the woman froze the moment she sat down to write. Eventually, she abandoned the story and it was forgotten. Her daughter knew her mother had it in her to write this story and was sad when her mother died without having written a word. The daughter decided to write the story her mother couldn't write.

This story is loving and heart-rending. It has real potential. There are
some errors that need to be fixed to give the story its due. These are suggestions. You'll decide if they are helpful.

You Wrote: She had many hobby's.
*BoxCheckR* Fix: hobby's should be hobbies

You Wrote: She wanted to be known bij people. bij should be by.
*BoxCheckR* Fix: I wonder if the sentence should read: She wanted her book to be widely recognized.

You Wrote: And, have the same lufe she has now.
*BoxCheckR* Fix: lufe should be life.

You Wrote: cleaning out her old roon
*BoxCheckR* Fix: roon should be room

You Wrote: She read all of it
*BoxCheckR* Fix: She read all of it should read: She read it with tears in her eyes.

You Wrote: One year later she was done and she had written the story that her mother couldn't get on paper. She went to a puplisher and published the book

*BoxCheckR* Fix: She wrote the book. When she finished the book a year later, she delivered the manuscript to a publisher who bought the book. When it went into the bookstores, In no time it became a best seller.

It may help to ask a friend to read a story when you continue on to
write more. I found it's easy to miss errors when you read and
reread a story. There comes a time when it's easy to overlook errors.

I like your story and I hope it receives lots of positive feedback once
you've made a few repairs.

All the best,

Gabriella
,

10
10
Review of Divide  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)

To Emilee

Your Poem: Divide

Overall Impression

Your great strength is your creative
spirit and your choice of words when you
write about your struggle with the pain of
loss and the mean-spirited behavior of a
malicious other.

"Consume the loneliness with a touch
Take away the burning pain
The one that seems to be too much
Leaving only an eternal stain"

Observations:

I struggled a bit with the role of the
butterflies. However, the
poem communicates what must be
said. I wonder if this young woman
is able to reach out to her friends
so that the "cold of death" isn't
a factor in moving past this loss
if the loss is one that is part of
her off-line life.

Emilee Anne is as lovely a name
as your poetry. I look forward to
visiting your portfolio to read more.

You come from PA. I lived in Chester
County, PA for many years before
moving to Vermont. I have thoroughly
enjoyed meeting you and reading
your poem, Emilee.

All the best,

Gabriella

Enjoy looking around/ please no reviews--Give 5-star ratings to reward talented artists.


11
11
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Images for my use



To Duhh Factor

Having read about this story as a result of your appeal
to the passers by on the Newsfeed, I began reading the latest entry you added to what is more than one chapter.

I should have started at the beginning to learn more about your characters and their background. I must admit I am having a little
trouble with the dialect.

When I went to your portfolio, I found this tale is
based on the the "Seven Dwarfs". My fault for not starting at the beginning of this story that is on its way to become a book.

Your latest section opens with a huge bang and what seems to
be an attack by a frightening force. It didn't take much
for me to be interested in your story. Good for you
for jumping in with both feet to write a story that
looks like it will continue to have lots of ups and downs.

That you plunged in to create a substantial story having been
on W.Com for a year is really impressive. Writing chapters is
a huge undertaking.

Keep up the good work !

All the best,

Gabriella
12
12
Review of Sea  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.0)


To: Sammy

First and foremost:

A warm welcome to Writing.Com, Sammy !
I hope you are finding your way around W.Com
comfortably. If not, I have posted a link
to W.Com's Welcome Wagon (see below). Stop in for
a visit. There are many wonderful writers who
enjoy encouraging new members in this group.

Re Your Poem: SEA

Overall Impression:

This small poem is lovely. It is always a treat
to read the work of an author who seems to be
writing effortlessly. I believe you have real
potential, Sammy.

Ship to Shore:

There are just a few words that need attention:

You Wrote: She is natures greatest
Suggestion: natures should be nature's

You wrote: and then your on the bottom
Suggestion. your should be you're
(meaning you are)

You wrote: So keep your guard.
Suggestion...while its not critical that
you place an apostrophe after "So"
this is probably the most correct:

So, keep your guard up is a legitimate
sentence that includes adding "up."
.
I hope you are going to continue on to
write poems. It has been a pleasure
to meet and greet a wonderful
new addition to our W.Com membership.

FORUM
Newbie Welcome Wagon  (ASR)
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#1814944 by River the Jolly Jingler


.All the best, Gabriella

Enjoy looking around/ please no reviews--Give 5-star ratings to reward talented artists.

.
13
13
Review of Ladybug Beach  
Review by Gabriella
Rated: E | (5.0)


Howdee Itchy Barn !!


What is itchy in the barn ? Straw, sheep, swarming fleas and flies
or all of the above ? I'd like to know why you chose this name ?

I thoroughly enjoyed reading Ladybug Beach and am astonished
to find that you wrote this when you were 5. It is easy to see, you are
a talented writer. I hope you'll find time to write more poems
when your dad doesn't need you.

I don't think you need to consider remaking your poem, IB !
I still have the first poems I wrote on W.Com. It's fun to
see I've made a little progress. I hope you are able to
dig in to write and make a few young friends here on W.Com
who are also talented.

I particularly like this, *Star* Itchy !
"Once I saw a log on a beach.
As I got closer, I started to reach.
Ladybugs were crawling everywhere!
Some were even in my hair!" *Smile*

Bravo and thanks for sharing your wonderful poem !!
I look forward to seeing your next poem soon. I hope
you'll share it on the Newsfeed so that all of us can
see it. In the meantime, thanks for the good work you
are doing to help your mom and dad on W.Com *Smile*

All the best,

Gabriella

giraffe for my use

.
14
14
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)


To: Baloney Bill
Your Poem: My Real Favorite Things


Your "Sound of Music"

This is a stunning derivative work, Baloney Bill !
As soon as I read the first few lines of your poem,
I was inspired to share these two lines from the
original lyrics:

"To laugh like a brook as it trips and falls over stones on its way
To sing through the night like a lark who is learning to prey"

My favorite refrains taken from your poem:

Two Refrains:

Fluffy white popcorn well buttered and salted
Chocolate-y ice cream all mixed up and malted
Pizza with everything Pizza Hut brings
These are a few of my favorite things.

When I’m angry
When I’m worried
When I’m feeling sad
I simply start eating my favorite things
And then don’t feel so bad.

How fortunate we are. The Copyright laws
allow us to borrow an original song to make
a parody. This is called "fair use."
You're a smart guy, you probably already
know this.

Given your good work and delightful selection of poems,
we should call you Bounteous Bill.

Bravo and all the best,

G
15
15
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)


To Vindhya,

Re Your Poem

*Cherries* In My Mother's Arms

These three stanzas are beautiful
and for many of us, reminiscent
of those times in our lives when
a mother's hug was a blessing.

"None can hear
my crying heart.
None can feel
the numbing loneliness

Closing upon me, making
my life a dreary desert.
She alone has the
kind of warmth.

The magical touch to
soothe my grief-stricken
soul, the tearful eyes,
the trembling limbs."

This poem seems to have been written
on the heels of a sad occasion.
It is warm, heartfelt, and a
wonderful tribute to your mother.

Now that I'm a mother and a
grandmother, I love being
a source of encouragement
and support for my daughter
and grandchildren.

How blessed your mother must have
felt to have such a wonderful daughter.
We hold dear those lovely attributes
of love and kindness she passed on to
you, dear Vindhya. *Cherries*
16
16
Review of Expanse  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)


To: GBMaria
Your Story: Expanse

First and Foremost: A warm welcome to you, GB Maria. We're delighted to have you here with us ! I hope you're finding your way around this bustling metropolis comfortably. Should you need guidance or support, I've included a link to Newbie Welcome Wagon. This wonderful service can be extremely helpful for new members.

Overview:

I read this story with great enthusiasm. Throughout this celestial tale, your writing and descriptions caught my attention. The only difficulty I had was reading this large clump of a story without a break. I think your story will benefit if you decide to break it into paragraphs.

I especially enjoyed the description of the family in the small space craft. You paint an beautiful, positive picture of the future when women will serve as world-class astronauts. The beautiful space crafts and the happy family you described served as wonderful introductions.

"By 17, the daughter in this story was deemed as educated as any other elite astronaut in a space program. She could do anything, if she dared. She was her own role model, her own celebrity, her own self. Sitting in the pilot seat of the bridge of the ship, nothing in front of her but the expanse of stars, she smiled and knew, deep in her heart and soul, this is her present. Her future. Her soulmate, Her life. The Hutchins, the parents, were under extreme amount of pressure to find impossible life forms.

Dreaming of a time when many brilliant young women will sit in the pilot's seat of space ships
may not be far off in the distant future. Record-breaking astronaut Peggy Whitson believes this is an exciting time for space exploration. The U.S. space endurance record holder has had many opportunities to discuss the biggest challenges she faced on the space station, and why more women need to lead the future of space flight.

I thoroughly enjoyed this first visit to your intriguing story and portfolio, GBMaria. I expect to return to read more. In the meantime, bravo and all the best,

Gabriella

FORUM
Newbie Welcome Wagon  (ASR)
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#1814944 by River the Jolly Jingler
17
17
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)



Your Story: Paris for the Last Time

First and foremost: A warm welcome to you, Phil.
We are delighted to have you here with us !

I hope you are finding your way around this busy writing metropolis.
Below, you will find a link to a program designed for new members like you.
The Welcome Wagon can be extremely helpful, especially if you
need help locating writer's resources, programs or activities.

Re: Your trip to Paris

Your trip to Paris, including the chaos the lost credit card caused,
is well written, Phil. Your story is the epitome of a foreign traveler's nightmare
given this guy's inability to speak or write the language. This has to be a
concern for every traveler who takes a trip to a country where everything
is foreign.

Re: Creating Tension

Re: That one last attempt to grab the money in another account !
It is clear you know how to build a good story. In this story you arranged
to have us sit nervously with your character in front of the
computer while the time allotted to solve this dilemma is running out.

With this story you managed to drew us in to:

Care about and Connect with this character
Worry about the resolution
Keep us on the seat of our chairs throughout the story
Breathe a sigh of relief

While this is a relatively short story, you deserve credit for
having been able to create an uncomplicated nail-biter
without getting derailed from focusing on the imminent
danger.

I hope you will continue on to write more stories, Phil.
I look forward to making a return visit to your portfolio.

PS. I noticed that you submitted this piece to a contest. This review
shouldn't interfere. I hope your story does well, Phil.

FORUM
Newbie Welcome Wagon  (ASR)
Do You Enjoy Reviewing NEW Members to Welcome Them to WdC? Earn Goodies for Your Reviews!
#1814944 by River the Jolly Jingler


Gabriella

18
18
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)

To: Jacky aka CliffJack

Your Story: Mr Garret's House

Overview:

This is a refreshing story. It is well written and fun to read.
Jenny, her husband Ted, and their kids. decided to
make an adventure of walking in the woods one day. Of course,
the kids would have preferred to explore on their own.
Instead, Jenny and her husband Ted watched carefully to
be nearby when their kids, while running
full-steam ahead, found a rickety old house.

When they entered the house, there was a squeeky noise in the
first room. It turned out to be a baby mouse stuck behind
a wall board. Jenny and Ted rigged up a tiny ladder
for the baby. With the help of the mother mouse, the
little mouse was able to escape captivity.

The Story's Highlight:

At the end of the story when the family went out to the porch,
the mice followed them. The mother mouse thanked the family for
rescuing her baby. Since we know meeting the family is only a first encounter,
thanks to the bits of language, we were certain this would mean
he'd always love hearing the presence of the ghost of Mr Garrett.

"No problem my friend,” said Mr. Garret’s ghost, smiling as he watched
Ted and Jenny go, “Needless to add" the family ghost spoke
with warmth and kindness. He said: "I think I’m ready to have
some people around again.*sadness*”

I admire this story's format, including the space this author created between
events, communications and the communications
between family members.

Thanks so much for sharing your wonderful story with us,

All the best,

Gabriella


19
19
Review of Fears of a Newbie  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (3.5)


To: Alyssa

Re: Your analysis of your writing skills

First and foremost, a warm welcome to you ! We are delighted to have you here with us.

Re: Your Writing

You expressed your concerns well, and you've done a fine job convincing yourself that you have little-to-no writing potential.

Most of all you were convincing

You are not a person who is incapable of expressing yourself, Alyssa. I saw in this piece someone who has potential to overcome your fear that you will never be able to write "a long beautiful sentence."

Like you, I started out here on W.Com

wondering if I'd ever be able to write a simple poem. For a long time, I was certain I couldn't after reading and rereading the poems I attempted to write. I learned from the feedback I received that I couldn't see that my writing isn't terrible. The writing tips and help I have been given made a huge difference. I learned the way forward is to dive in and be willing to take good advice to improve.

Creating Your Own Personal Writer's Journal

If you think it would help, we can show you how to create your own personal writer's journal here on Writing.Com. Your journal can serve as a retreat--an escape for you when you need to exhale and share your frustrations and progress while you are working on writing and moving forward.

You took the first important Step when you signed on

You will find there are many wonderful writers here on W.Com who are encouraging. And, there are a few very special programs set up to provide guidance and support for new members (see below). I hope you will let me know when you are ready to share a story.

I look forward to keeping in touch.

All the best, Gabriella


FORUM
Newbie Welcome Wagon  (ASR)
Do You Enjoy Reviewing NEW Members to Welcome Them to WdC? Earn Goodies for Your Reviews!
#1814944 by River the Jolly Jingler

20
20
Review of The Roses  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
To Hullaballoo22:

Your Story: The Roses

While I found this chilling story on Read & Review, I also noticed this piece is reserved for a Contest. I'm not quite sure what I should do to avoid interfering with your chance to win
a contest. I figured I should avoid giving the piece an award.

As I'm sure you expected, I thought more than once what these roses symbolize.
While reading this story, I imagined the persistent chill of loneliness
this young woman may have been experiencing with the delivery of as a single mystery rose
to serve as her only company. This woman may have been so alone that fear set in as
she gives up hoping this is a romantic gesture. The selection of each color seems
intriguing until the black rose took her life.

I was sufficiently enthralled by this story, I paused to learn what I could about the color of roses: A Red rose= love and passion. Yellow=during Victorian times meant jealousy. Today, it means friendship or a sign of sympathy while White=loyalty and platonic love. Pink=grace and elegance. Orange means to be proud of someone. And Blue=A Miracle. Finally, a black rose is most often sent to an enemy or it might represent mourning.

The sudden slicing of the woman's neck was as devastating as I'm certain you intended it to be. I found it sufficiently alarming and chilling.

Killing this poor woman certainly advanced your plot and shocked your readers.

Best of luck with your story,

Gabriella
21
21
Review of Random Thoughts  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.0)

For Reviewing, 2018

Shaista, is a new member here on W.Com.

A warm welcome to Writing.Com, Shaista. I hope you are finding your way around
this busy writing metropolis. If you find you need a little help during these first
several months, please feel free to get in touch anytime.

In the meantime, if you haven't already,
be sure to visit:
FORUM
Newbie Welcome Wagon  (ASR)
Do You Enjoy Reviewing NEW Members to Welcome Them to WdC? Earn Goodies for Your Reviews!
#1814944 by River the Jolly Jingler


NOW: Let's Visit Your Poem:

Random Thoughts

First and foremost, you selected a topic for this poem that is universally
experienced and understood. At one time or another, many of us
have been reluctant to share our feelings where doing so feels risky.
Needless to add, we have a saying: "Nothing Ventured/
Nothing Gained." while acknowledging jumping in with both feet isn't easy.

A couple of Questions/Suggestions:

Where you write: "So its better if I remain quite"--quite should be quiet.

Where you write: So its better, its should be it's. (it is).

Where you write: "But by mistake you ever open your mouth, They will throw you out.."
This is an awkward line. Did you intend to say: If you make a mistake-you open your
mouth. When you express your feelings they will throw you out. ?

While deciding not to take this risk is understandable, it is also sad
and it's tempting to become cynical once we adopt the belief that most people
are motivated chiefly by ambition or greed.

Most Important: your poem makes a good case and it shares
an experience that all of us can appreciate. I like this poem
and look forward to reading more of your work.

Bravo and all the best,

Gabriella


22
22
Review of I see you  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)


To: Browngirl

Re: I See You

For Reviewing, 2018

When I began reading this brief story, I did my best to
resist the temptation to rush ahead to see what
is going to happen to this young girl whose invisible friend
appears to be a full-time troublemaker and an annoying
addition to this family.

I loved the ending. And, to be completely honest,
I laughed out loud when it read it. While you describe
this piece as laced with "horror" and "scary," I
thought the last line was not only perfect, it was
also clever and very funny--a great punch line !

Nice going, Ms Curvy. I look forward to returning
to read more of your work.
23
23
Review of The reality  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)


To: Somik Bandopadhyay

Welcome, Somik ! I hope you are
enjoying W.Com and you are
making your way around comfortably.
If you need a bit of help, be sure to
get in touch anytime.

Today, I read Your Beautiful Poem

The reality

Neither the variety of colours
Nor the fragrance of the flower,
Attract a bee.
They are attracted by the honey
Inside the flower.
Same way, apparent beauty
May fed with our age
But we shall remain relevant
As early as before,
In our own world

This is lovely, Somik. I wonder if you
meant to use fade instead of fed
in the 7th line of your poem ?

I look forward to reading more of your
poetry.


24
24
Review of I'm not yolking  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)


To: Jaelynn

Your Story: I'm not Yolking

You captured service on Sunday in an overpacked restaurant
taking care to focus on the experience rather than providing detailed descriptions
to make your case. The restaurant you chose is typical of a breakfast eatery
expecting to serve breakfast to the masses. The delivery of that all-important
first cup of coffee serves as a much needed buffer.

What you describe is too familiar. While you made me laugh, I was also
mildly nauseated by the frustration and oversight caused by the waitress
who randomly waited on tables, stepping around her obligation to keep
tabs on her customers.

The most appealing feature of your "tale" is its down-to-earth approach and the
"morning after" communications.You remind us that writers and waitresses
should never dawdle.

Nice going, Jaelyn !!



25
25
Review of Autumn Strings  
Review by Gabriella
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


To: Blue Carrisole
Re: Autumn Strings

After reading this piece, I was
struck by your ability to
transform this story
into a powerful painting that uses hostility to
coax the painful truth of this broken
relationship to the surface.

I have to admit, I found your glorious
ability to paint what you see
with a striking selection of colors
and profound descriptions that
is most memorable. You
have a passionate voice--one that
adds greatly to the ways you
describe your surroundings.

I admire your writing. Keep up the
good work, Blue !

Bravo and all the best.......
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