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635 Public Reviews Given
655 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I give constructive criticism, but always in a positive and encouraging manner. I'm honest and give advice for improvement where warranted, but I don't have any interest in shredding another writer's work. I will always do my best to focus on the areas that need attention. I like to give my interpretation of a piece (when applying to poetry) and enjoy giving a review that is both helpful and leaves the reader feeling positive about his or her work. On occasion, I will suggest rewording -- particularly in poetry -- and if you don't prefer this, you should advise me when submitting a request. I will always give the best quality review that I'm capable of, in content and presentation.
I'm good at...
My first passion is poetry, but I like all types and genres of writing and dabble in them all. I like poetry with depth and enjoy interpreting it and recognising artful use of convention. I'm good at finding the weak points in a poem and suggesting alternatives to strengthen them.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Romance/Love, Dark, and Comedy. These are my favourite, but I enjoy anything that makes me want to read on. Therefore, no genre is out of bounds.
Least Favorite Genres
Okay, if my arm is being twisted and I have to choose ... War and Spiritual. Both genres I find the least interesting, but I'm still open to reviewing them and will critique them fairly.
Favorite Item Types
Poetry and Short Stories
Least Favorite Item Types
Blogs and chapters. I don't hate them, they are just my least favourite.
I will not review...
I will review any genre or type with any content rating, providing it has a word count that doesn't exceed 3,000 words. Honestly, I prefer to review poetry. *Bigsmile*
Public Reviews
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151
151
Review by Mandy Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
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"Weekly" Review
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NOTE:Please remember that the following comments and observations are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

OVERALL SENSE:
Carol, this is such a sweet, pretty poem. It has a timeless feel to it, as if it could have been plucked from the pages of Lady Cottingham's Fairies. It plays on the desire so many of us have to know if fairies truly do believe in another realm, and glitters like the fairy-dust that radiates off the fair Dalinda Pink. I was enchanted by your poem, partially because of my own love of all things fantasy, and also because you have given a well-rounded, quality piece that left a smile on my face. I am a crazy on images, and though they can't improve the content of a poem if it is lacking, they can certainly enhance one that is already rich with imagery. Also, love the title -- it is very cute! Everything comes together so well that a feeling of poetic harmony is created ... maybe those impish folk have cast some magic on this one ... *BigSmile*

CONVENTIONS:
This rhyming verse has lovely flow to it and your end-rhyme is impeccable; never forced or unnatural. The way you describe the feeling of love in this newly-formed relationship with the lovely angel of the Fae is a treat.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I found no fault in either area, and the way you have punctuated throughout is sheer perfection. It is a pleasure to read in every way!

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I don't have any suggestions for improvement here.

FAVORITE LINES:(S)
"What's this I see
In front of me?
A beauty bright and fair.
She looks at me
With kind query
And starlight in her hair."

This first stanza is sheer delight. The picture I had was one of a shimmering, pint-sized fairy, almost luminescent in design, winning the heart of her defenseless observer.

*Yinyang* Once again, you have proved your ability in writing quality poetry, Carol. This is going on my list of Carol's favourites! Thank you for sharing with me, and I hope I get the opportunity to review your work again soon!

Regards,
Mandy Author Icon
Co-founder of Passionate Mindscapes, coordinator of The Lucky Leprechaun Raffle, and proud member of Rising Stars!

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152
152
Review of "Crystal Tear"  Open in new Window.
Review by Mandy Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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"Weekly" Review
by Mandy Author Icon
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NOTE: Please remember that the following comments and observations are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

OVERALL SENSE:
This is a mournful account of a broken love-affair. One can almost feel the desperation and sadness that flows from the narrator, and everything seems to be evolving in slow-motion. This person is projecting a melancholy aura; depression is claiming her, and moving forward seems to be an impossibility. I think the final note here is undetermined, the narrator's fate hinging on her ability to move on.

CONVENTIONS:
The rhyme in this free-verse is very good, and rarely feels unnatural or forced. For the most part your rhythm has good flow and you have used some figurative language that strengthens your descriptions. I have a couple of suggestions that I will mention below.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
These areas seem to be fine *Smile*

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
*NoteV* Changing your end-rhyme has to be at your own discretion but there are two places where I think it would sound better put a different way.
In the following lines:

"I slowly stand upon my feet,
uncertain at the fate I'll meet,"

The rhyme itself is perfect, but it still seems slightly forced; almost like the obvious is being stated in that first line because the word 'feet' will match.

"I watch it fall, this crystal tear,
shattering with my crystal fears."

My preference would be to drop the 's' in 'fears,' this way you will create an easier rhyme.

*NoteV* Even though you have no set syllabic count, I think the rhythm should still have a steady beat that doesn't feel stilted.
In the following stanza:

"I see a soul that shines so weak,
and the tear upon my cheek,
a reminder of a love so far,
a sparkling, glimmering beautiful scar."

I found myself pausing at the second line, and I think if you add in another two-syllable word it will bring the rhythm back to what you have set.
Example:

"and the icy tear upon my cheek,"
OR
"and the restless tear upon my cheek,"

*Notev* A suggestion for punctuation:

*Smile* I thought you might add a comma in the first line of the first stanza, after 'sit,' and in the fourth line of the fourth stanza after 'glimmering.' These changes might help to maintain that steady pace that you have set throughout.

FAVORITE LINES:(S)
"As I sit gazing into the sky,
a single tear forms in my eye,
not of water like dew on grass,
one made up of crystal glass."

The way you liken a tear to crystal glass, gives the impression that the tears are brought on by pain that is harsh and cutting.

*Yinyang*I hope you find some value in any of the above suggestions. I think you've done a great poem on this poem and thank you for sharing your work with me! Good Job!

Regards,
Mandy Author Icon
Co-founder of Passionate Mindscapes, coordinator of The Lucky Leprechaun Raffle, and proud member of Rising Stars!

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153
153
Review of Love Song  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
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NOTE: Please remember that the following comments and observations are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

OVERALL SENSE:
If this is your first attempt at poetry, I think you have done an admirable job. It's good for a first attempt, but it would be good coming from a more seasoned poet. I'm sure you have a lot of quality poetry to come. Though a little sad, this is a common situation; where two people that still have love for each other grow apart, and are left with memories of better times. The sentimental tone holds a lot of sadness, and the feeling is that there is no turning back, despite a longing for what has been. The underlying current is the silent question of why outside influences and life has to change the dynamic in a relationship. The message you give is that the distance between the two lovers is too wide to bridge, and their love for each other is overshadowed by other factors.

CONVENTIONS:
You have set yourself a challenge in this structured piece, and have certainly risen to it. I think this type of poetry is one of the more pleasing to read, having a set rhythm and rhyme, and a feeling of consistency. After reading the first verse I trusted that the flow was going to be seamless. Your figurative language works well, and when you colour the beauty of your love as a rose in bloom, it gives a clear sense of how strong the love once was. Your use of enjambment creates an easy feel as you roll from one line to the next without pause.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I found no fault in these areas. You have punctuated the piece well to create pause and flow where needed.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I don't have any suggestions in this area. Any improvements would have to be at your own discretion. I'm sure if you go back to your poem on the odd occasion you will find little things that would work better put a different way, not necessarily better, but perhaps the meaning might be closer to what you initially intended. I often wonder if a poem can ever be called complete!

FAVORITE LINES:(S)
"We first met in the spring when the flowers so bright
Were abloom in their beds, all in careful tableaux.
I was drawn to your beauty and sought to invite
You to join me and stroll in the trees that enclose
That fair glade where we met and where love first arose."

These lines are full of so many beautiful descriptions that add to the visual experience.

*Yinyang* I enjoyed reading your poem, and thank you for sharing. Keep creating!

Regards,
Mandy Author Icon
Co-founder of Passionate Mindscapes, coordinator of The Lucky Leprechaun Raffle, and proud member of Rising Stars!

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154
154
Review of Catching Air  Open in new Window.
Review by Mandy Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
*FlowerY* A Miss Bee Review *FlowerY*
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Please remember that the following comments and observations are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

*MushroomR* *MushroomG* *MushroomR* *MushroomG* *MushroomR* *MushroomG* *MushroomR* *MushroomG* *MushroomR* *MushroomG* *MushroomR* *MushroomG* *MushroomR* *MushroomG* *MushroomR* *MushroomG* *MushroomR* *MushroomG* *MushroomR* *MushroomG* *MushroomG* *MushroomR* *MushroomG* *MushroomR* *MushroomG* *MushroomR* *MushroomG* *MushroomR* *MushroomG* *MushroomR*


OVERALL SENSE:
I like the idea behind this piece of flash-fiction, and think you did a good job of telling it in an interesting way that held my attention from beginning to end. Marty is definitely one of those guys that lives to stir, and you have given both characters their own voice, in a short yet concise piece of writing. The beginning, middle, and end of this piece had purpose, and I felt the emotions of each character; the narrator going from trepidation, to acceptance of her fate, to outright fear, and Marty ... all about the snide enjoyment of torturing his companion. When all was said and done I did wonder how many times Marty had actually been on that roller coaster.*Smile*

OPENING PARAGRAPH:
This is where you manage to draw the reader in by creating interest in what the 'hobby' is. I wanted to keep reading to find out exactly what the narrator didn't want to be involved in. Straight away I knew important things about the characters. Marty was all confidence, and very good at influencing his 'prey,'*BigSmile* and the lady was the more reserved, retiring type that was quite happy to play spectator. However, this very nature is what leads her into Marty's trap.

PACING AND DESCRIPTION:
Even a short piece of writing can be boring and flat. 'Catching Air' is neither of these things; it flowed pleasantly and was a joy to experience. The strength of description is in your characterization -- both characters are very real and individual. Great job!

DIALOGUE:
Ah, the precious ... This is the best part, in my opinion. Poorly-written dialogue will spoil a story every time. If it isn't natural, the reader spends the whole time questioning the authenticity instead of going with it. I think you have a lot of skill in this area, and I felt like I could have been listening in on a real conversation.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
Just one small thing that you might want to check up on. I'm pretty sure 'pussy cat' should be one word.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
No suggestions in this area!

FAVORITE LINE(S):

“Really?”

“This is the perfect coaster to ride to confront your fears. It’s a real pussy cat!”

“If I get on this ‘pussy cat’ and live, you promise never to ask me again?”

“Promise. Now let’s get in line before you change your mind.”

This is where she is duped, good and proper! I can almost see her crinkling her nose as she asks her question, giving her trust over to Marty. Also, the dialogue is great. This is the point where the decision is made and the only thing left to do is watch the fall-out.

Thank you so much for sharing your work with me!

Regards,
Mandy Author Icon
Co-founder of Passionate Mindscapes

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155
155
Review of Dark Music  Open in new Window.
Review by Mandy Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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"Weekly" Review
by Mandy Author Icon
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NOTE: Please remember that the following comments and observations are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

OVERALL SENSE:
You've done a great job of this wonderful form of poetry. This is the first time I've seen a poem written in this format; I don't know if I can tribute this to the form, or the excellent job you have done of executing it, but I feel inspired to dabble with the 'Trijan Refrain.' That is a credit to you as a poet. You have inspired me! 'Dark Music' is a poem that would be open to interpretation, concerning the identity of the 'devil's wife.' Is the narrator pitting her as the 'devil's wife,' literally, or is she simply an evil soul? I'm not sure if the 'bite' is that of a vampire, or if it is a metaphor for the pain that is inflicted by the femme fatale in the light of her coupling with the unfortunate. Then, I wonder if the devil's wife is the alias for suicide, and the lonely soul in question finds release by taking his own life. Whatever the case, the way you merge such clever writing with a tricky form is nothing short of artful, and I enjoyed it immensely. Two souls coming together with different motivations; one trying to rid himself of loneliness, and the other on some sort of macabre mission. Though your theme is dark, and could have easily had a sombre feel, you managed to lift it with some clever descriptions that contradict the premise.

CONVENTIONS:
I can only judge your form on the notes that you have provided about its requirements, but you seem to have mastered it. What you have undertaken here is a challenge by any standard. Your rhythm and rhyme have perfect flow, and nothing feels forced or unnatural. Your similes are where the poem is really lifted -- they are very strong and visual. You have punctuated the piece well, and this sets the pace to create impact where you want it. Overall, a great poem!

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I found no fault in this area. *Smile*

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
When a poem is of a high quality there isn't much advice that can be offered on improvement. It's a case of tweaking it to suit yourself if you re-read it and find that something doesn't gel as well as you thought. From my point of view, it works as it is.

FAVORITE LINES:(S)
"A pulse, like music in the night,
a melody of life,
entices like a candle bright,
calls to the devil's wife."

Your similes engage the senses, and give a sense of just how strong the allure is to the devil's wife.

*Yinyang*You are gifted in the field of poetry, and I really appreciated the opportunity to review your work. Thank you so much for sharing! Till next time.

Regards,
Mandy Author Icon
Co-founder of Passionate Mindscapes, coordinator of The Lucky Leprechaun Raffle, and proud member of Rising Stars!

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156
Review of Life's Cycle  Open in new Window.
Review by Mandy Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Please remember that the following comments and observations are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

OVERALL SENSE:
This week I have been lucky enough to have the privilege of reviewing some more unusual forms of poetry. A Garland cinquain is quite challenging in that the last verse has to pick up all of the others and still sound natural. Yours achieves this while taking the reader on a journey from the new birth of a baby, to old age and reflection on the years that have passed. In plain statement you give a sentimental portrayal of the passage of time, and though common-place, this is a story that is much-loved by anyone who has been through any of these phases of life and can appreciate the importance of them. Each of these segments of life are clearly defined and relatable, therefore each part of the story is a slide-show that I'm sure will be unique to each person that reads your poem.

CONVENTIONS:
Your form is perfect and the idea of using 'The Life Cycle' as your theme seems to suit the segmented structure of the format, the final cinquain ties up this cycle with a little piece of each phase. Your syllable count is spot-on and you use punctuation well to create pace and give pause when needed.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I found no fault in this department!

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I think you have done a great job with this piece and can see no need for improvement.

FAVORITE LINES:(S)
"Children.
The seeds of hope.
We fret, we cry, and still
family joys invigorate.
Complete."

You've used some nice figurative language in this cinquain. Naming children the 'seeds of hope' is a nice touch, and you reiterate the importance of how completion comes through family ties. What I like the most about this poem is how all of the joy and happiness you speak of comes from the 'simple things' in life. Love is the defining factor.

You have created something original here, and I think you did a great job of gluing it all together. I look forward to reading more of your work. Thank you for sharing!

Regards,
Mandy Author Icon
Co-founder of Passionate Mindscapes, coordinator of The Lucky Leprechaun Raffle, and proud member of Rising Stars!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window.


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157
157
Review of To Adam From Eve  Open in new Window.
Review by Mandy Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poetry

OVERALL SENSE:
My overall sense is that this man is a cad!! *BigSmile* Seriously, this is a twisted romance, not because it is an unusual occurrence, but because the roles seem to be jumbled. The loyalty and adoration flows from the narrator; her dedication wasted on a man who doesn't appreciate her love. He has two relationships that are serving him in different ways, and at least one of his partners knows the situation and is unable to pull away from it. The tone is sad, and the reference you make to 'Adam and Eve' is very apt to the unwavering adoration given by the narrator. My feeling is that she is living for this person, blind to his faults, and just waiting for him to realize she is what he wants. The way the narrator speaks to her love is very gentle, and has a maternal, unconditional note. I think her only wish is to orient herself around him, much the same as Eve to Adam. This is an emotional and different take on jilted love.

CONVENTIONS:
I noted that you doubted the form of this piece, calling it 'less than perfect.' I think as a free-verse poem goes, it is a perfectly good example of what one should be. The beauty of free-verse is that there doesn't need to be a rigid structure, or pattern, as long as it works as well as yours does and flows as sweetly. You have used some nice figurative language, and I want to mention these in my favourite lines! Your pleas are emotive, and I felt like I was sitting in on a person who was having a conversation with their lover. The liquid-smooth flow was matched by the thought- provoking quality of the piece. When the narrator asks questions, as she does in this piece, it involves the reader more, and draws them into the experience.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I found no fault here!

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I don't see any need for alteration in an A-grade poem. You have incorporated all of the best bits here. Well done!

FAVORITE LINES:(S)
"I keep you strong
As woman should her man,
An Eve for an Adam.
We are connected by a thread
You cannot sever."

This is a very telling stanza. It describes the depth of devotion, by referring to the union of Adam and Eve. The invisible thread is a great metaphor for the bond of love.

"Maybe one day soon
"My love,
You’ll see me for who I am;
Your wife,
Your helpmeet,
Your companion,
Your heart…"

Though you have ended with an unfinished note, the conclusion seems to be predictable. The heart is needed for survival, much like the narrator is still needed.

This is a great poem that I enjoyed reading, and I thank you for writing from the heart! Nice job!

Regards,
Mandy Author Icon
Co-founder of Passionate Mindscapes, coordinator of The Lucky Leprechaun Raffle, and proud member of Rising Stars!

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158
158
Review by Mandy Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)




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I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poetry

OVERALL SENSE:
The feeling of being constrained by fears and patterns of dependency are what speak to me the most. I could relate to the emotion, and the sensation of drowning, that you speak of. This is what happens when a person can't push past the things that are holding them back from happiness, and even though they know what they need to do, they can't always make the changes necessary. The 'gentler moon' is overpowered by the 'life-giving' sun, much the same as the narrator is overpowered by the dominating force in her life; the thing that keeps her from her own identity, and strength. The tone tended towards resignation, but awareness also gives hope that things can change.

CONVENTIONS:
If one continuous metaphor for being stifled qualifies for conventions then you have achieved this, well and truly! The flow is flawless and easy, and the imagery, sublime. I could see the silvery fish gasping for life beneath a luminous moon that is casting ribbons of light across the water. Every bit is an image. The depth of emotion that you use to describe that sense of being suffocated gives the reader an affiliation with the narrator. Great work!

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I found no fault here.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Everything seems to be sweet and perfect and peachy!*BigSmile*

FAVORITE LINES:(S
“And behind that deadly lifestar
the gentler moon waits in daylight,
A silver ghost begging for darkness
A lunar mirror of borrowed brilliance
and temporary light
Always waiting for her moment
to shine without another's strength”

These lines ooze symbolism. The sun and the moon, the strong and the gentle. The 'moon' is being thwarted by the dominating 'sun.' You definitely have a way with words.

I love this! You have a great skill for writing quality poetry, that is laced with emotion. You have exuded feeling in every line, and your use of figurative language is a thought-provoking treat.
Thanks for sharing. Till next time!

Regards,
Miss Bee

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159
Review of A Sister Lost  Open in new Window.
Review by Mandy Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)



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I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poetry

OVERALL SENSE:
Nikki, this is a sad example of how family bonds can be damaged, and even broken. The narrator gives the sense that her sister is self-absorbed and doesn't see the things that are most important. Sibling bonds are very important, and you tell of how time and circumstances can alter relationships; sometimes to the point where they are irreparable. I felt the sadness and longing for times past.

CONVENTIONS:
A shining example of an acrostic! I didn't even notice the form but was more lost in the content of the poem and the beautiful flow that you provided. This piece is rife with figurative language and I love the way you compare life's everyday pleasures with a field of flowers, and it gives another underlying message; that the sister isn't stopping to smell the 'roses.' The imagery is excellent, and enhanced by your vivid descriptions. You have used every word to sweeten the quality of your lovely piece.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
Grammar and spelling are faultless. One small note … tiny*Smile* Your ellipses should only have three dots, and you should have a space before and after the ellipses so it is separated from your words.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I think you have given a shining example of a poem, regardless of form. I don't see any way that you could improve upon this. It's a job well done!

FAVORITE LINES:(S
“Immersed in glamorous audacity, skin and ego
Stroked by countless people, but none who really love you. I see you
Trample down fields of flowers in reckless pursuit of nothing that matters
Eager to finger that golden horizon.
Reaching, insatiable, for the jewel-encrusted platter”

Every bit of this poem shines so it is hard to call any section my favourite, but the figurative language is so rich. The 'jewel-encrusted platter' and 'golden horizon' are both wonderful metaphors for the unobtainable.

I love what you have done with this piece! Thank you for creating something of such quality. I look forward to reading more of your poetry in the future.

Regards,
Miss Bee

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160
160
Review by Mandy Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poetry

OVERALL SENSE:
The evil eye has been cast upon the narrator of this poem! Being falsely accused isn't a fun experience but at least in this situation the accused gets to defend themselves, and emerges victorious! High drama! Your use of language gives this a very formal feel, which is appropriate for the situation described. A clever account of a little dose of reality. *Smile*

CONVENTIONS:
You have excellent rhythm and rhyme, and both things are almost perfect. There were a few things I noted in this department and I'll mention them below. Your plain statement works well and suits the theme. Rigid and perfunctory. What I have to comment on is your vocabulary! Wow! You have done a wonderful job on your ending rhymes.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I could find no fault with either thing.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
*NoteV*Depending on the form, I don't think it necessary to adhere to any set rhythm or rhyme, however, as it is your intention to have the right syllable count I will mention that a few lines had extra syllables that you might have overlooked. Every line had eight, excepting the following:


“That I construed to alienate”

“Her spouse—who’s a degenerate.”

"She did—it was inaccurate."

These are the only lines that have extra syllables. The last two lines both contain a caesura, which counts as an extra syllable.

*NoteV*Also, some of the rhymes didn't flow naturally. Aesthetically, they are perfect, but the pronunciation creates a little awkardness with one word in particular. The following:

“That he and I were passionate.”

The word 'passionate' breaks the flow slightly.

FAVORITE LINES:(S)

“The jury’s back – I palpitate
We stand before the magistrate;
My story they did validate
That she, indeed, did fabricate!”

The last stanza is definitely my favourite. It has perfect rhythm and rhyme and rolls off the tongue. You tie up the story well! What you have done here is very impressive, and overall this is an excellent poem.

I appreciate the opportunity to review such quality poetry, and thank you for providing the material. Thank you!

Regards,
Miss Bee

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Review of Storm Music  Open in new Window.
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I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poetry

OVERALL SENSE:
I get the feeling that this poem is a wistful lament to times past. Memories are something that can be very powerful and will present themselves when we least expect it. Some thought or action will trigger a slide-show of past experiences. Strangely enough, the better they are, the stronger that little twinge of sorrow can be. The 'music' in your life is always changing, and I think you are choosing to look back on memories both good and bad; listening to the notes that you like best. Childhood memories are always intense, and you give the sense that it is one of those memories that will always be there.

CONVENTIONS:
Your free verse flows beautifully. I enjoyed the smooth delivery, and your use of figurative language is very strong. You describe things in such a way that vivid imagery is created. The alliteration is so strong, and I like the deeper metaphor; likening the trials of life to a storm.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
There wasn't much that I could fault in this department. The only thing I noted, I will mention below.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
In the following line:

“into new growth, ivy-ed twists shooting forth,”

My suggestion would be to change 'ivy-ed' to 'ivied.' This is the correct way to use 'ivy' as an adjective.

FAVORITE LINES:(S)

“Mobius memories circle, entwine, spiral
into new growth, ivy-ed twists shooting forth,
climbing to new heights
unburdened by the weighted terrors—“

I love the alliteration, the quality of your descriptive language, and how you personify a memory as a blossoming vine, emerging into something positive.
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece, and thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading more of your poetry in the near future.

Regards,
Miss Bee

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Review of Dibble, Dabble  Open in new Window.
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I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poetry

OVERALL SENSE:
Writing is all about self-expression; a way of letting go of emotions, whether they be positive or negative. It's creative therapy, and the best kind of release. I believe that poetry writing is food for the soul, and you give a strong sense of that here. It doesn't matter what is going on in your life, there is always room for creative expression. This is a clever poem.

CONVENTIONS:
I think you have excelled with your rhythm, and the rhyme is consistent and natural. The flow is effortless and I like the easy, unforced feel. Everything about this is as smooth as silk, and your layout and image adds to the overall effect. Well done!

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
Your grammar and spelling are faultless.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I don't see any need for changes – the whole thing works well.

FAVORITE LINES:(S)
“Scribble, Scrabble~
Words on paper,
Words for my emotions' sake.”

(c:plum} I like the reference to 'scrabble' in the first line. Poetry is all about finding the right word to fit and sometimes it is a process of elimination, but I like the line 'Words for my emotions' sake.' It's about the emotions invested in the writing. Poetry with feeling is a natural progression, and good poetry should always feel inspired.

Regards,
Miss Bee

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Review of Groundhog Night  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poetry

OVERALL SENSE:
This poem is sheer entertainment from beginning to end! I love the hillbilly theme that you have created and I enjoyed the imagery that came with the simple use of language. This is story in poetic form, and I envisioned the characters; Mary-Lou in her 'House on the Prairie' inspired night gown, peering out of the fly-screen door, and Pa standing on the porch in all of his hillbilly glory; shotgun poised, body rippling with determination. Throw in a missing eye tooth and you have the perfect scene! You have the ability to make poetry interesting, and the humorous angle you have taken works well. Only one question remains; did pa recover from his injury? I get the feeling that you had a lot of fun writing this – it has an inspired feel. I thoroughly enjoyed it!

CONVENTIONS:
Your rhythm and rhyme is very consistent and has an easy flow that I really appreciate. Your use of descriptive language and similes creates vivid imagery, and for me, this is your biggest strength.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I didn't find any error with your spelling but I thought some of your punctuation might need tweaking. I will mention this area below.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
*Notev*This probably comes back to personal preference, but I thought you might consider adding apostrophes throughout your poem. You have used some in certain instances but there isn't always continuity.
Example of where you have altered the style of your punctuation:

“Afore he breed another litter” “Pa fell asleep 'fore woodchuck came out ”
“ Dontcha remember when just last fall” “Sure I 'member when ya went a'huntin”

'Afore' and 'fore', and 'remember' and 'member ' are different variations of the same word. I realise they are two different characters speaking but it seems like they would use language the same since they are family. Little things like this can sometimes break the flow.

Also, I think you need to add apostrophes at the end of a lot of your words.
Example:

“ Sure I 'member when ya went a'huntin
That fat woodchuck who kept on gruntin
And shot yourself in ya big old toe
Cursin and cussin like a two bit hoe”

I think it would improve your poem if you added the apostrophes throughout your poem but this is just my opinion.

“ Sure I 'member when ya went a'huntin'
That fat woodchuck who kept on gruntin'
And shot yourself in ya big old toe
Cursin' and cussin' like a two bit hoe' ”

*Notev*There were a couple of places that might require hyphens:
:“Cursin and cussin like a two bit hoe”
suggestion:
“Cursin and cussin like a two-bit hoe”
Also:
“ Better git the phone - dial up nine one one”
suggestion:
“Better git the phone - dial up nine-one-one”

*Notev*Where you have used the word 'hoe', it should be 'ho'.

FAVORITE LINES:(S)
“Dontcha remember when just last fall
Me precious garden, groundhog ate it all
I swore to God I'd catch that vermin
And offer him a shotgun sermon”

I don't know that I have a favourite stanza because they are all equally enjoyable to read, but this particular stanza has great rhyme and it's very catchy. The last two lines are really clever.

Thank you for sharing a memorable poem. I really enjoyed reading this unusual piece of writing and I look forward to reading more of your poetry in the near future. Well done!
Regards,
Miss Bee

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Review of Before 8 November  Open in new Window.
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I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poetry

OVERALL SENSE:
Hooves, this gives a perfect example of how certain relationships feel like they are truly destined to be. You give a sweet account of true love's path, and emphasize the deep emotion that one has when they find their soul-mate. I like how you compare the wind, snow and rain, to the harsh effects of longing for something that hasn't yet arrived, but you hope is coming. I felt every word of your poem, and agree that some things are seemingly unavoidable. This is an example of two people fitting together and being in synch, so deeply that if feels like they've never been apart. I must admit, your poem does resonate with me more than most, sheerly because of the meaning.

CONVENTIONS:
As far as conventions go, the highlight for me is your superb use of rhythm and rhyme; the perfect beats – it has flawless flow. The way you use the elements to create imagery of your emotional state is artfully done, but the real beauty lies in the meaning, and open delivery of a special experience. This is a quality poem that comes straight from the heart!

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I could see no fault with your grammar and spelling and I like the way you pose questions; even if they are aimed at a special person, or simply rhetorical. They make a poem interactive and more thought-provoking.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Any improvements made here would have to be at your discretion. In my opinion it is a passion-filled ode to love that needs no tweaking.

FAVORITE LINES:(S)
“Was there a moment stuck in time,
Your hand was not yet laced in mine?
Or was our destiny in stone?
Together, not to stay alone”

This final stanza is my favourite. This is the question that shapes your whole poem. Is it possible that through all the trials and tribulations of life, there is that one special person who is meant for someone? I believe that the narrator doesn't really have any doubts that this relationship is anything other than destined to be.

I felt this poem deeply and could relate to everything; the sentiments, the longing, the depth of emotion – this is a credit to your ability to give a piece of yourself in your poetry. Thank you for sharing such beautiful writing!

Regards,
Miss Bee

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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poetry

OVERALL SENSE:
Ali, you have the Grim Reaper on the rampage! The narrator in this poem is almost welcoming death; as if it is of no consequence to the one that is daring death to do it's worst. The lack of fear for what is an inevitable part of life is a rare sentiment and gives the feeling that the narrator is almost bitter or past caring. There is an angry indifference in the voice, giving the poem a dark tone, but this is obviously the way you have intended it so it works on the right level. However, the belief in God and the afterlife shines through in the last stanza and shows the real reason for the indifference to death.

CONVENTIONS:
There is some nice figurative language and good similes in your piece, Ali, but I did pause a bit over some of your rhyme patterns. I will mention this below.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I can find no fault with your grammar and spelling, and your use of punctuation is great!

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I hesitate to comment too much on structure when it comes to free verse because there really are no rules about how you format the piece, in terms of varying lines in stanzas and rhyme patterns, however, I do feel that your poem would be even better if you looked at the rhyme scheme. There doesn't seem to be any continuity in the pattern, and it varies from one stanza to the next. I know it's hard to change a poem once it is complete, and it is only my opinion, but I do think it would strengthen your poem more if you tried to have a constant rhyme scheme. Other than that I think it is a quality poem!

FAVORITE LINES:(S)
“But here's the rub, Oh Death, my friend,
Your secret I've found out!
For though most fear thee as the end,
'Tis only born of doubt.”

This is such a meaningful stanza. Your point about fearing death because of uncertainty is the most apt point you make.

Great poem, Ali! It was an interesting read. I hope you continue writing poetry because I think you have a natural ability for drawing the reader in, and involving them in the intimacy of the poem. Thank you for sharing!

Regards,
Miss Bee

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Review of Roses in Heaven  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poetry

OVERALL SENSE:
Winnie, this is a lovely poem. I really felt the depth of emotion, and could relate to all of your expressions of sorrow. Anyone who has lost a loved one can understand these feelings of loss and sadness. I liked how I got a sense of the mother in the poem and the sort of person she was, the kind of relationship the narrator had with her; all from a few simple lines. Strong relationship bonds cannot be broken by death, but they are dearly missed, and the way you speak of the aching heart is very apt – time does ease pain but you can never forget the people you love the most. A very heart-felt poem!

CONVENTIONS:
The strength in this poem is the rhythm and rhyme – it is impeccable, and it floats along so smoothly that all the reader has to do is enjoy the beautiful sentiments. If there is a definition of short and sweet, this would be it. There is no halt in your flow and the rhyme is so natural and easy. Writing from the heart lends itself to flawless writing.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
Perfection! Your use of grammar and spelling add so much to the quality.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Any improvements made here would have to be at your discretion. I found 'Roses in Heaven' to be a perfect piece.

FAVORITE LINES:(S)
Okay, this is tricky because I honestly don't have a favourite stanza within the three. However, I chose the following because it tugged on my heartstrings just a little bit more than the other two.

“If roses grow in heaven, Lord,
Then I beseech of Thee:
Please place a bunch in Mama's arms,
And tell her they’re from me.”

What I love about this stanza is the imagery of roses growing in heaven, and how you give some insight into the mother's appreciation of roses without actually spoon-feeding the subtle points of character. The last line in this stanza is very sad, but sweet. It is artfully done!

Thank you so much for writing a deeply emotive poem that really showcases your skill. Thank you for sharing your passion!

Regards,
Miss Bee

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Review of Winter  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poetry

OVERALL SENSE:I always enjoy poetry that exemplifies the beauty of the seasons. Winter is possibly the harshest of them all but can be the most beautiful. Though you give the prettiest of pictures here, there is still the underlying threat of a the harsh reality of nature. It is easy to see the birds fluffed and chilled, picking frantically at the seed. There is an almost sombre tone in the narrator's voice, and there is the sense that he or she is longing for Spring to break through the confines of winter.


CONVENTIONS:
This is a flawless poem, as far as I'm concerned. The flow, rhythm, and rhyme are impeccable, and there is nothing that breaks the progression. I wonder if this is something that you tweaked a lot because it has a perfected feel to it. Your use of figurative language is sublime, and the imagery, beautiful. You really have it all in here, some nice alliteration that adds so much, and your subtle use of personification gives a heart beat to the elements.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I could see no fault with your spelling and grammar.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I don't see any way that this poem could be improved upon. It is sublime!

FAVORITE LINES:(S)
“Their urgency is broken now
by a cat upon the couch
and all the noise outside the glass
lends credence to her crouch.”


The imagery that comes with this stanza is some of the best within this piece, and I love the alliteration in your final line. That is my favourite line of the poem – it's fabulous! This is a 'wow' stanza.


“Locked beneath my backyard stream
spring secrets softly flow,
reflected in the rippled ice
where sunlit dreams will grow.”

I was spellbound by your descriptive language here – the imagery is amazing and in these few lines you create the picture of Spring emerging from Winter in all its glory. Two seasons are put on full display in one stanza.

I enjoyed this poem immensely and I am so impressed with your ability for stringing words together in a clever and beautiful fashion. This poem is definitely one of my new favourites and I look forward to reading more of you art! Thank you for sharing your passion!

Regards,
Miss Bee

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Review of Dew of Dreams  Open in new Window.
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I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poetry

OVERALL SENSE:
One thing that always shines in your poetry is the gentility. You have such a way with portraying the beauty in everything; nature, animals, and people; the one place where it is not always easy to find beauty. For me this poem is very spiritual and gives a feeling of how deeply connected we are with nature, how everything is linked, and how everything in the universe is a reflection of ourselves. No matter what your beliefs are of how creation began, there is the deeper meaning here – everything is a chain, and we are dependent on every facet of nature for our survival; even those things that may seem so insignificant have a profound impact on life as we know it. I'm struck by the purity, understanding and freedom of this piece, and it feels like you are having a revelation of your own when you create something with this depth of passion. The single lines that you use for impact work well, and affect the message that colours this whole piece; unity and appreciation for what sustains us.

CONVENTIONS:
Your free verse flows very well and only gives the slightest pause for thought when you break the stanzas with a single line, however, they are well-placed and add to the impact of your message, so it works really well. Metaphorically, it is overflowing, and so rich with imagery; the way you compare two such different creatures and somehow manage to merge them as one united entity.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I could see no fault with your spelling and grammar.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I think any improvements made to this poem would have to be at your own discretion. It flows well and is beautifully descriptive; the structure is clearly a matter of choice in a poem with this form.

FAVORITE LINES:(S)
“We are the mirror where our images blend,
And the lines become blurred because once,
Our souls danced as one.”

I love how you give that feeling of interconnectedness here, and the emphasis on the soul, not the image.

“We are tethered by a golden thread
That wraps us in a cradle when we are lost
And becomes the gossamer wings that lift us
When we are ready to soar.”

This is my favourite stanza simply because of the beautiful language used!

Calli, you have your own unique style with poetry – I think it comes from a very sincere place and that shows in the quality and depth of feeling. I get the sense that you write sheerly for love and the finished product is always a treat. Thank you for sharing!

Regards,
Miss Bee

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Review of Little Questions  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poetry

OVERALL SENSE:
This is an interesting and thought-provoking style of poetry. I like the questions that you pose but don't plan on trying to answer them – since they are rhetoric! They are interesting to ponder, and each person that reads this piece will draw their own conclusions. It's unusual to find a poem that actually makes you consider it's content so I give you credit for your clever thought process and delivery of an interactive poem. I think you should definitely write more in this style or continue adding to this piece in separate installments because you have used some engaging material, and the possibilities are limitless.

CONVENTIONS:
All of your questions are presented in a very eloquent manner and I love your use of personification to give the inhuman a human quality. Some of your couplets live and breathe because of your use of this technique.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I could see no fault with your spelling and grammar.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
The only thing I would suggest is that you use consistent capitalization at the beginning of your couplets; maybe start every line with a capital or eliminate the capitals from the beginning of the second lines in the couplets. It doesn't really alter the quality of your writing but I think it makes for a neater form.
Other than that you can improve it by writing more of these quirky questions!

FAVORITE LINES:(S)

“Does the ink miss the pen,
When its fate is sealed upon the page?”

You started with one of the best couplets. This is where your use of personification brings an inanimate object to life. Giving life to ink is a clever trick!


“Are evergreens better parents,
Since they don't drop their children in winter?”

This couplet is a tie for my favourite, for the same reasons that I mentioned above. Yes, trees are living but simply by calling them parents you add a sentimental edge and give them feeling.

Thank you so much for sharing an unusual style of poetry. I hope you write some more!

Regards,
Miss Bee

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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poetry

OVERALL SENSE:
I have to say, the narrator in this poem is quite a mess! It's the sad story of alcohol addiction and how it can ruin lives and families. You have given the sense that the demons are an unrelenting force; a constant reminder of mistakes made and endless regrets. I could feel the narrator's sorrow and misery and it made for a slightly morbid yet very real, tone. There is a definite feel of hopelessness; as if there is no coming back from the downward spiral. There are no frills or happy endings in your poem but it is an honest account of how addiction can take control of a person.

CONVENTIONS:
I don't think I have read many poems that have such seamless rhythm and rhyme as this one does; it has flawless flow! I like the fast pace that you have set – it suits the theme of your poem perfectly. Your figurative language is very nice and I liked the personification; the way you gave alcohol life and shape it into a monster that you call 'friend.' The days ripping apart, fears taking flight – it makes for a very visually effective poem.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I could see no fault with your spelling and grammar. The punctuation is excellent and doesn't impede the flow at all.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I can't see any areas that are in need of improvement! The whole poem works and it is so skillfully written. It was a pleasure to read!

FAVORITE LINES:(S)
“My life is lonely; I’m afraid!
My only friend has since decayed
The whole of me, I’m so depressed.
My pal, the drink, has hence transgressed.”

This stanza speaks perfectly about the pitfalls of reliance on addictions and how something that can seem like a refuge can become a curse.

I really enjoyed your poem – It wasn't all hearts and flowers but it did contain a good message and it oozes emotion. Thank you for sharing a heartfelt poem!

Regards,
Miss Bee

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Review of The Ignited Flame  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poetry

OVERALL SENSE:
For me this poem is about breaking free of a situation that isn't working, regardless of guilt or any outer forces. The narrator tells the story in a gentle way, and gives that sense of the inevitable nature of his love. It is all about bringing the heart back to life and feeding the soul, that would have died if it didn't receive it's sustenance; this comes in the form of a true love or soul-mate, someone who expands your reality and gives you a whole new outlook on life. There is no doubt that the narrator has been brought back to life, and it is a gift that he won't deny. There is a definite message here; life is too short to live it in half measures.


CONVENTIONS:
Your rhythm is pretty consistent and I like the rhyme; it never feels forced or awkward. There were just a couple of areas where I thought your flow was broken slightly, through choice of word, but I will mention this below. You have used some nice figurative language, particularly where you use the sun and moon in metaphor. I like that.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I could see no fault with your spelling.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
There were a few little areas where I thought you could improve the flow of your poem. It was just things where I paused to re-read, and I think a small adjustment would make all the difference. There were only three instances of this and they are all within the first few stanzas; after that the flow was effortless.

I thought your very first line was a bit confusing at first, and I only mention it because it is the first line.
“There was a little while”

suggestion:
“It wasn't long ago”
It has the same amount of beats as the other line but doesn't create any confusion for the reader.

Second stanza; last line:
“hoping I don't care”

“no desire to care” or “lost desire to care”

In your fourth stanza; last two lines:
“Of no love and just content
Like a child when annoyed”

I thought it might make more sense if you changed 'just content' to 'discontent' because an annoyed child is never content!!
They were the only lines that I thought didn't gel as much, other than those I think you have done a great job!

FAVORITE LINES:(S)
The last stanza is my favourite; it sums up the whole theme of your poem. It's the idea that anyone can be rejuvenated by love, and if that happens, no external forces can affect that feeling.

“The sun brought back the dead
It created something new
A love that makes this very world
Revolve all around you”

I really enjoyed your poem! Thank you for your passionate poetry.

Regards,
Miss Bee

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Review of MAD COW DISEASE?  Open in new Window.
Review by Mandy Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
*FlowerY* A Miss Bee Review *FlowerY*

These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poems, not as a copy-editor.


OVERALL SENSE:
DR, I was attracted to this poem by the title, it hooked me, and I guessed it would be humorous in nature. It definitely is humorous, and I laughed out loud at certain points. Putting a funny slant on something as dreaded as 'Mad Cow Disease' is a very original idea, and I sensed that you were fully inspired when writing this poem – it's a credit to your abilities as a poet. Very funny!

CONVENTIONS:
This poem is sublime. The rhythm and rhyme are impeccable and I don't think I have read many poems that flow as smoothly as this one – I am totally impressed. Your descriptive language and dialogue are excellent and so funny. The stand out for me was your use of alliteration. Wow!

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I found no fault with your spelling or grammar.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I don't have any suggestions to improve upon your poem.

FAVORITE LINE(S):
The whole thing is perfect so it is hard to call any lines my favourites, but here is my effort:

“But hon,” says I, “I'm scared to death.
'Twas you who said I've 'alf a brain.”
“Oh, hush my luv, and save your breath;
a half-wit, yes, but not insane.

“They're slipp'ry pitch men, thick as thieves;
it's how Gitano's ply their gigs.
Why, you can't catch mad cow disease,
cuz doncha know that men are pigs?”

These last two stanzas are so funny and a great way to sum up your poem. It is a clever poem and you are a very talented poet. I would have to call myself a fan! Thank you for writing something so entertaining – it was a pleasure to read and review.



Regards,
Mandy Author Icon
Co-founder of Passionate Mindscapes

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Review of Mists and Visions  Open in new Window.
Review by Mandy Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. "Weekly" Review by Mandy Author Icon
Your poem was selected for review by the leaders of "Passionate Mindscapes."
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I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poetry

OVERALL SENSE:
As far as soul mates are concerned I think this poem gives an adequate portrayal of just how strong the pull is. There is someone out there for each person, someone who shares part of your soul and fills the feelings of emptiness that can't be filled by an ordinary love. Someone who shares your thoughts, desires and dreams; someone who knows as much about you as you know about yourself. I like the way you compare a soul mate to a dream that has become reality; two halves that are only really complete and functional when they are joined together. The narrator gives the sense that no obstacle would have stood in the way of this union.

CONVENTIONS:
There isn't much I can pick on as far as structure goes. I think a free verse poem can do pretty much what it likes, and I actually like the way you have increased your stanzas and lines in length as the poem progresses, it matches the growing emotion and intensity that the narrator is feeling; a blossoming. There is always room for some more figurative language in poetry but I enjoyed your descriptive language. There was some subtle personification that added to the overall piece.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I thought your spelling and grammar were both good, and the only thing I would question is your spelling of 'absence.' In your poem there is a 'c' after the 's.'

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
There wasn't much I could offer you, other than the small spelling error.

FAVORITE LINE(S):

"I felt your touch as whispers,
drifting from a dream,
rising within my heart."

This is a stanza that says a lot about the narrator's need for that love that rises above, something that makes your heart yearn for a deeper connection.

"Light poured into my being,
As kisses poured onto my lips.
You did not become mere reality,
but a dream revealed from mists and visions."

These are my favourite lines of your poem; the image of a person that is brought to life by love and elevated to new heights – this is an awakening. There is that belief that dreams are always better than reality but you offer a convincing argument against this.

You give a sense of how wonderful that feeling is, the feeling of being consumed by love with someone who you would call your soul-mate. Thank you for sharing your ode to the ultimate romance!


Regards,
Miss Bee

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Review of Christian Faeries  Open in new Window.
Review by Mandy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. "Weekly" Review by Mandy Author Icon
Your poem was selected for review by the leaders of "Passionate Mindscapes."
For the premise of our group’s activity, please see:"Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poetry

OVERALL SENSE:
This is simply an impressive poem. It is what I like to call 'inspired' because it has that clever, effortlessly-crafted feel to it. You are probably shaking your head at that! It might not have been so easy for you, but it was an easy read. That might be what I'm trying to get at. Christianity and mythology, both valid beliefs, and I like the way you incorporate so much variation of belief while offering what I interpret as a mind that is open to each and every one of them, or at least, a mind that is willing to humour those with different beliefs. I agree that both things are necessary and a very important part of life, now and through history. They both have a hand in our dreams, passions, art, inspiration, and daily life. I think the underlying sentiment in your words is “Live and let live.” Don't condemn others for their beliefs, but rather, bask in your own. And let's not forget that fairies are simply awesome!

CONVENTIONS:
I think a poem of this length, that is so interesting and well-written is a credit to the writer, without even mentioning the fact that it has such great rhythm and rhyme. You don't miss a beat. Your use of figurative language creates great imagery, and I enjoyed the personification in your first couplet; the trees speaking and the wind singing – it breathes life from the start.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I found no fault with your spelling or grammar.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I don't have any suggestions to improve upon your poem.

FAVORITE LINE(S):
I had a real issue with this because each couplet was as good as the last. I could choose any lines from your poem and call them my favourites. This is my attempt at a choice!

“The trees speak to each other,
And the wind sings songs of joy.

I know that Fays do exist,
And the world is just my toy.”

As I mentioned above , I love the first stanza and the imagery it creates, and the idea of the world being a toy to the narrator, gives him that light, free-spirited air that is carried through the poem.

“Christ was born a humble Jew,
And the mother just the same.

I am no Jew or Frenchman,
And the English are not me.

I do not pray with fashion,
And the mass ends not with tea.”

I am impressed by the momentum you achieve in these lines. It seems to propel itself forward and is a treat for the reader.

I really like what you have created with this poem – the content is so clever and artfully-delivered. From beginning to end it is a pleasure to read and I like the originality of your idea. This is one of my new favourites. Thank you for sharing!

Regards,
Miss Bee

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Review by Mandy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. "Weekly" Review by Mandy Author Icon
Your poem was selected for review by the leaders of "Passionate Mindscapes."
For the premise of our group’s activity, please see: "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.


I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of poetry

OVERALL SENSE:
Star-crossed lovers will always bring to mind a maddening, desperate love that isn't meant to be. Such a romantic sound, yet negative connotation; doomed to failure but a path that cannot be denied. I wondered if this were a real flesh and blood person that the narrator was in love with, or was it the vision of everything she longed for but couldn't have because of a sense of duty. I don't know if there is any amount of strength that can deny the heart what it wants the most. The emotion is overflowing in your poem, Jim, and I felt the sadness of the situation, but also hopefulness. This poem is a story and I felt it deeply.

CONVENTIONS:
Your use of descriptive language was very effective and gave me some good images. I had no problem creating a visual of every step of your poem. The slow pace you force is fitting, and it makes the reader take in every word and emotion, letting them appreciate the depth of longing. Your rhythm and rhyme were very good and your ability to mold words into a dreamy picture is commendable.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
Jim, your grammar and spelling are good but I thought you might make it even better by adjusting some of your punctuation marks. However, this is my opinion, and how I would punctuate one of my own poems. I think punctuation in poetry is subjective so this is merely suggestion. If you would like my opinion , feel free to email me. Because it is a long poem I won't give you my suggestions here.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I don't have any advice, other than the punctuation placement. I think revising this would make for a five-star piece!

FAVORITE LINE(S):
I really enjoyed every line of this poem equally but the first stanza was enhanced by figurative language.

“The stars in the midnight sky were abnormally bright,
Especially for this location, and this time of night
But the brightest star of all stood totally alone
Standing as if waiting, alone outside her home,”

These lines endeared the narrator to me from the beginning; giving her the image of being a star, and it made me want her to fulfill her desires, because she must deserve them.

This poem touched me and I'm glad I was given the opportunity to review it, otherwise I might not have stumbled upon it. It is really a beautiful compilation of words and a credit to the writer who obviously has a lot of passion for poetry. Thank you!

Regards,
Miss Bee

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