It certainly wouldn't class it as a room but it definitely wasn't freedom. Though I could roam wherever I wanted (needs a semicolon); I knew I would never find sanctuary, sanity or even my own trail of thought. I knew from experience I'd been here before. I always end up here and it never ends differently. You'd think (for I woman) ??? with no memory that it would be a surprise to me. Ending up in a foreign land, unknowing of anything and everything, but it wasn't, not anymore. You see, this is the place where memories are lost and never made. Never found or ever used, at least by me anyway and I've never seen another living soul here so how would I know? It's not as if I haven't tried, I do every time (,)
or I used to anyway. There doesn't seem like any point anymore. My only memories are of me being here and I don't see the point of knowing that if every time I become trapped in(,) what I can only presume is a hell of my own creation.
These are only suggestions that are bracketed. The last part of this paragraph, There doesn't seem like any point anymore...does not sound correct. Can you revise this? ...There doesn't seem as if there is any point anymore.
Like I said, these are only suggestions. I like the concept of your story.
It is such a shame and time so wasted with hate. One wonders where it comes from.
Some are passed on to the child and thus begins a journey of resentments. Shame.
I love the story and understand where you are coming from. I too cherish life, any life. I pray the little critters get out of my way just in time so I won't hit them. I am 75 (soon), really soon.
I have already prepared my declarative for my children in the event of my demise. I hope they don't run over me...lol
Awww, I loved this letter to your father. I believe all of us have been in that 'dark place' at some time or another in our lives. We, who are lucky ones survive. That that does not kill us, only makes us stronger.
[ her present, but I didn't show her it yet.] Can you try rephrasing this. You have [ ruin the surprise quite yet.] in the next sentence. Perhaps you could say, "I wasn't ready for her to see the gift. Then you could finish with [no need to ruin the surprise quite yet.] This is only a suggestion.
I loved it. Because I am up in years and have children that treat me the same way, I could relate. I related to all of it. Moving from a spacious home to an apartment near my children. Out of four, only one spends quality time with me. Only one calls. The other when she needs something.
Will he find another love or[ was I it]? I think it would read better if you put, Will he find another love, or was I the love of his life?
How will my parents get over losing their only child; most of all you think, why me? I mean, I know that everyone dies at some point. No one lives forever, but to die young is a tragedy.
I mean I know that everyone dies at some point, No one lives forever but to die young is a tragedy. To know that I am lying here dying and it is my entire fault is the worse thing that could be happening. (Rule of thumb: Things lay, people lie)
I knew there was something going on in the house. I knew it was more than odd shadows made up from my imagination. I knew it was something darker, more sinister then I wanted to let on. However, I stayed, and I poked around and I ultimately brought it out. I confronted it face to face, and I lost. The most important battle of my life and I lost. I should have listened to everyone when they told[ me toove[] to move out, sell the house and get on with my life. Nevertheless, I [ didn’tve] Nevertheless, I didn't [ after all], this was my family home.
and leave this nightmare [on] with another family. It was my family history. It was my family’s fault. And if that meant I had to die to make sure it ends with me [ then it is the sacrifice] I must make. to make sure [certain] it ended with me; then it is the sacrifice I must make.
I honestly thought [ that when I was on my death bed], Omit the word 'that' I honestly thought, when I was on my death bed, I would be surrounded by family and friends, after living a long and wonderful life with the man of my dreams. Little did I know, I would be in the attic of my house all alone straining to hear if someone would be here soon enough to save me. (try not to use the word 'that' too often.
I would be surrounded by family and friends after living a long and wonderful life with the man of my dreams.[ Little did I know] Little did I know
I would be in the attic, of my house all alone.
[ I would be in the attic of my house all alone. Straining to hear if someone would be here soon enough to save me]. Knowing that there would be no savior coming. [ Knowing that there was no savor] coming. Again, watch using the word 'that' too often. Part of me hoped someone did not listen and someone would be coming to rescue me, but, I knew that was just an empty hope.
[that I had sent them all away and told them not to come back until they heard from me. Part of me hoped that someone did not listen that someone was coming to save me. But I knew that was just an empty hope.]
Wait. What was that noise? [Could it be someone coming?] I prayed it would be somebody coming to deliver me, to save me, and not something else. I could not handle the thought of facing pure evil again; not when I am so weak and so near death.
I hope it is someone coming to save me and not something else. I could not handle the thought of facing pure evil again. [Not when I am so weak and near death].
I loved the write. The above are only suggestions. I use 'word web. It is a free download. When want to use a word more than once, I can find other words there that mean the same thing and I incorporate them in my writings.
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