You quoted from some very wonderful men who stood up for what they believed and they preached peace. So often, people of color, who can do something with their lives choose not to. These great leaders would have wanted young men and women to make something of themselves. I am white, and have people in my own family that choose to find an 'easy' way out. It hurts my heart, because at the age of 45 I became a police officer and worked with some great black families, great and not so great officers. I chose to continue my education after raising a family of four children.
This is only a suggestion: If you break your story into paragraphs, It might be easier to read.
Someone, on WDC, told me that awhile back. It made sense.
Shadow grew up in the alleys of New York with his brother, sister and a friendly dog who helped take care of them. His father was a stray, caught by the animal pound and never seen again. His mother died after giving birth to him. After she died, a friendly and loyal dog named hazel took care of the puppies until they were big enough to take care of themselves. Hazel often checked in on the puppies and brought them food and made sure they were ok. Sadly, a few months later, Hazel was hit by a car and the pups were on their on.
The oldest of the puppies, Ginger (,) always told her brothers (that) [omit the word 'that'] in new York, they have to watch their surroundings and never fall into the wrong group. She [Hazel] looked out for Shadow and Max and made sure they were street smart dogs. Because of her advice and warnings, they survived many (run ins) [run-ins] with the dog police, people (and) [omit the and] cars, and everyday life. Then [,] when Shadow was two, Ginger was caught and taken to( a) [an] animal pound, so Max and Shadow had to make do with each other. Max looked out for Shadow and kept him out of trouble with other dogs until one day, shadow wandered too far and ended near a
vicious gang of German Shepard's
, who was Julius[,] to
]f and at the same time(,) [omit the comma] called for max,r max(, ) [omit the comma] who was wondering where
he heard (shadow) [Shadow]
Does this make sense? Pay attention to your punctuation and over use of the word 'that' and overuse of the word 'and'.
This was pointed out to me by an author on OurEcho.com I have known Mike for several year.
I can tell you are going to be a wonderful author one day. Keep writing.
I love your writing. I found no errors and I do believe you are correct. I grew up in the WW11 era and the bombing of Pearl Harbor. Although my parents kept abreast of the current news, we were in a loving secure family who knew how to spend time with us. We played outside most of the time, usually until dusk, then it was bedtime. Mother stayed home while my father worked. We did not know how severe the war was.
We, often, as adults do see the world with calloused eyes.
That is such a wonderful write. I found no errors. You sound like a lovely young lady. Your situation is one several young people find themselves in. I worked in a University setting and was able to connect with the students. I was a police officer at NCCU and Duke University in Durham NC in the late 80's and early 90's. I loved the students.
The woman crested the rise in the road only to be stopped by all the television vans crowding the intersecting roads ahead. Satellite dishes on raised metal poles reached ( nto ) the air and men and women dressed to the ( nines ) with perfectly coiffed hair paced nervously about, holding microphones.
Oh Wow! Did you bring back memories. I have written an article, from my book, (I am working on) Grandma's Wisdom or Not. Are You a Lady
and how I grew up in the forties and fifties.
First and foremost, I love the story line. It kept me interested to the very end.
she read over his drinking, drug experimentation, self mutilation, and suicide attempts. He had a few steady girlfriends, and it was at these times was when he was the least destructive. (Did you mean and it was at these times when he was ...)?
He had gotten a new new (check your grammar) I think you need to find another word for 'gotten' Perhaps: He became involved with a new girl,
Jaime, around that time etc.
which he had (you could use: that he had uncharacteristically) it might read more smoothly. (sharpened but) Does that get a comma after sharpened?)
"Scott, how many times are we going to go through this," (needs a question mark) and I don't think they would talk about 'shacking up'
Guardian Angels are sent from God and He would not condone such language
I don't think angels say 'god-damn'
to see Kirsten today, it (does this get a semi-colon)?
has tens of kids." (tens or tons)?
Please, these are only my opinions and not carved in stone.
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