Great take on the prompt.

The story was compelling and well-told. I would have liked a little more detail on the nature of the creature that convinced them to not even bother trying to retake the tent so that the reader understands why risking freezing to death was a preferable option to the alternative, but it was otherwise an excellent story.

Both Bergen and the protagonist were engaging, interesting characters.

The dialogue worked well in the story.

None that I could find.

This was an entertaining story and a good take on the prompt. Nice work!

Good take on the prompt.

Good use of detail and description. The story worked well, and packed a lot into comparatively few words.

Cecile was an engaging character that kept my interest.

Not applicable.

No spelling or technical errors that I could find.

I enjoyed reading this entry and thought it was a good take on the prompt.

I had a hard time seeing how the prompt was integrated into the story. While the prompt doesn't necessarily have to be heavily featured, I always look for the threads of connection and I had a difficult time finding them in this story.

The narrative felt a little scattered, jumping from event to event often with very rough transitions. This is especially prominent when Sheena shows up for the first time at the wedding with very little introduction and a backstory dropped into the reader's lap at that very moment, and again toward the end where Sheena shows up at the house in a tense moment and the very next paragraph glosses over that conflict and starts with, "Here is a wrap-up to the story." As with the character note below, I would recommend taking the time to set up later payoffs in the story so the reader has a sense of satisfaction with the narrative playing out rather than being surprised by rough transitions and information that wasn't known until the very moment it's needed.

Like the story, a lot of the characters feel a little rough around the edges. Sheena isn't really established at all, except when she pops up at the wedding and her entire detailed backstory is provided at that point, and we don't really get a sense of what Donathan thinks about this complicated love triangle beyond his surface level thoughts that he obviously loves Sweetie and Sheena is the odd one out. I'd try to work a little more characterization into the piece so that the readers have some context and details about each character to form a mental image around.

The early dialogue in the story where Donathan approaches Sweetie and all at once asks her to dance, introduces himself, tells her he knows who she is, compliments her physical appearance, details how he planned to approach her that evening, and then asks her out all in a single bit of dialogue feels a little disjointed and unnatural. Take the time to play out the conversation between these two characters a little. Give us some back and forth, sparks of interest, time for the relationship to develop rather than a one-sided flurry of information.

No technical errors that I could find.

Overall, I liked the characters themselves, and the idea behind this story. I think there's a lot of room for improvement in the execution, but there's the potential to make this a really compelling story of a love triangle between the three primary characters.

This was a very unique take on the prompt. I like the fact that the idyllic summer quote inspired a fantasy rather than reality. Nice job!

The story was well presented and well-told. It moved along briskly and included just enough details to create a vivid image in the reader's mind while still moving the narrative along at a quick pace.

I like the fact that the only well-defined characters were the images/memories of the narrator's family and that everyone in the real world (e.g., the paramedics) were sort of indistinct. It really worked well given the nature of the story being told.

The dialogue was minimal but really worked for this story.

I'm at the hospice, watching my mother [breathe] through tubes.

This was a really unique take on the prompt, which helped it stand out. Nice job!

Good take on the prompt.

The description in the story was absolutely stunning. In just a few short words, you really painted a vibrant picture of the setting and made it's beauty easy and clear to imagine.

Sussan's relationship with her husband and her boss is unclear. She clearly dislikes her husband... but why? She and her boss clearly have some deeper connection than she does with her husband... but why? All three characters and their relationship to one another is compelling, but we're missing some key information about why they find themselves connected in this specific way.

The dialogue was effective and moved the story along nicely.

No technical issues.

This was a really enjoyable story, thanks in large part to the absolutely stunning descriptions of the setting. It made for a memorable read!

Good use of the prompt, incorporating it as a song lyric.

The story felt a little too melodramatic and predictable for my tastes. Everything worked out perfectly in the end, and while the narrator's choices seemed to shock and appall her family, there were never any real consequences or risk that things wouldn't work out in the end. I was hoping for a little more sustained, engaging conflict to make the resolution to the story more satisfying.

The narrator and most of the family are fine characters, if a little cliched. They work for this kind of story, but I was hoping for a little something to make them stand out. The brother character was fantastic and what really made this story stand out. You could feel his protective concern for his sister, and the way he was used to anticipating when she has a misstep (sometimes literally!).

The dialogue was effective and kept the story moving along at the right times.

No technical errors that I could find.

This was a solid story with the brother as a standout character. I think it's missing that little something to give it a fresh, unique spin outside of what's expected in these kinds of stories, but overall it was an effective story well-told.

Interesting take on the prompt.

There were several points where the story made jarring, inconsistent jumps. From Mitch and Tina on the beach jumping immediately to Tina screaming at her parents, and again when the doctors repeatedly saying "We don't know what's wrong with Tina" going right into Victoria saying Tina is going to be okay a few paragraphs later because "Now we know what is wrong with her."

Jackson and Victoria were interesting, well-developed characters. Tina felt a little like a plot device more than a fully-realized character, but all three of them were compelling and enjoyable to read about.

The dialogue felt a little on the nose and expository. Each character says exactly and fully what they're thinking in any given moment, and provides a lot of backstory that feels written more for the benefit of the reader, or for drawing out the narrative, than something a person would naturally say in that situation.`

No technical errors that I could find.

I found the characters compelling, and the premise interesting, but execution-wise I think there's some work to be done to refine the dialogue and smooth out the progression of the narrative. This is definitely a good start, though!

Good take on the prompt.

The worldbuilding is excellent. The location you picked, especially once the story got to the mountains, felt vibrant and alive. The narrative of these two characters finding one another was compelling.

Camila and Francisco were both unique, compelling characters.

The dialogue felt a little flat for me. Especially the conversation with the young sisters at the mountain home about what Francisco looks like, when Francisco is describing himself it Camila is consoling him, the back and forth feels a little forced and expository, as did the part at the lake where Francisco is telling her his backstory.

No technical errors that I could find.

I enjoyed this story. I thought it was a good take on the prompt, and the characters were compelling enough to keep the reader's interest throughout.

I really enjoyed your take on the prompt, and think you fulfilled all of the requirements for this round of the contest.

I like the fact that your poem focused on the genre of death without being too obvious about it. You do a great job of referring to the concept of death with imagery which makes this piece really stand out.

Thanks to this piece, I learned a new form! I had no idea what a Coronach poem was before reading this item, and it was a pleasure to research the form and see how you applied it to your particular piece. I could find no issues with the form.

No technical errors that I could find.

I thought you did a really great job with this poem. It's well written, impeccably structured, and flows really well from line to line. The imagery was excellent and it's an all-around solid take on the prompt. Well done!