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355 Total Reviews Given
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26
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Review of The Rising Dawn  
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello firefly_2! I read "The Rising Dawn"  and wanted to offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:

Images, seemingly at random, came at me from your poem. The words were powerful, filled with meaning perhaps too deep for me to fully fathom since their meaning would lie deep within the heart of the author of this poem. This thought brought with it a bit of sadness.

I felt a sense of movement within this poem, things were happening. It turns out that the ‘maker of the dawn’ was a ‘magical painter’, a tiny leprechaun! Such big things from such a small creature made me want to dis-believe. I felt a bit put out by the thought of a leprechaun granting such beautiful gifts for the world to see. Leprechauns are greedy creatures, after all! (This is how I felt)

The use of the ‘leprechaun’ did color the poem with vivid, rainbow colors, naturally.



Effectiveness of Form:

Diatelle, abbcbccaccbcbba, 1-2-3-4-6-8-10-12-10-8-6-4-3-2-1, fifteen lines in all. Pulling out your "c": fawn, swan, dawn leprechaun, strong, dawn. I probably wouldn't have pronounced "leprechaun" to match the other words but your use of assonance, brushing momentum...leprechaun brilliantly pull it off. Great job!

Use of consonance appears heaviest on "s" and then "a". Elegance, dancing, see, his, soft, eyes...to point out a few.


1-2-3-4-6-8-10-12-10-10-6-4-3-2-1, That stanza should be 8 syllables.


Punctuation and Grammar:

Sun rise is one word for me, though I understand your usage. I thought to point it out simply because I stumbled there a bit.


*Star*Closing comments: I enjoyed reading your poem. I don't often review poetry so I am glad you stated this was a Diatelle, else I might not have been able to do such an in-depth review. I like the name of the poem, "The Rising Dawn". It suits the poem. My favorite line is "earth wise"; it rings true for me. Thanks for sharing. Keep writing!
Here, you have the makings of a wonderful poem. I will be happy to take a look at it and re-rate accordingly. Have a great day!

-Jimminy-



Someone was thinking of me!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you, oriana999, for entering the Writing Resolutions contest in the Student Lounge. You have resolved to write at least three poems for the "Invalid Item" , Write two reviews with a recently learned review format, and write a short story and post it here on WDC. I think you have your work cut out for you but I believe you will achieve your goals by the end of January.

It is great that you commit yourself to a single contest as part of your resolve. I sure hope KerrieAnnS learns of your resolve here. I would certainly feel good about this.

Writing two reviews using a different review format is a great way to get some hands on experience reviewing.

Good luck with your Writing Resolutions and keep up the good work!

jimminycritic

Someone was thinking of me!
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Review of Mind Workers  
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I found it difficult to find the rhythm to this poem until nearly the end where it all came together and it all made sense. Then I said my 'WOW' which meant I was really impressed. This is one of those poems that stand for multiple re-readings because there is reference to so many topics and so much to understand that it may take those multiple readings to understand.

My favorite line was "Up his nose, to clear his mind", which, I believe to be a reference to a lobotomy. In a way, this was the theme of the poem. Sometimes you need the bad to live, but it is our own attitude that should remain positive- by choice.

Thanks for sharing! Keep writing!


-Jimminy

Paper Doll Gang reviewer group member
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Review of Emptiness  
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello djjuillett! I read "Emptiness"  and wanted to offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:

Your words, "Dark poem about grief" shadowed this poem. I was just talking about a wishing well with someone when I opened and read the first line, "You fall deep inside" and the emotional impact of hitting bottom in a dry well was shocking. So, your words and my wishing well became one. Sorry about that. It just seemed to fit in with what you were writing in such an uncanny way.

Getting away from the well, I can see endless despair. A pit of emptiness which can never be filled. No one to help, no one to care. Very depressing.



Effectiveness of Form:
Thirty-eight lines? I only counted 27. I don't think you count the title or the spaces between paragraphs.


Punctuation and Grammar:

I am not sure but I think "permeates through" is redundant.

"You are numb curled there" I would put a comma between numb and curled.


*Star*Closing comments: Thank you for sharing. You write a great poem. Keep writing!

"Gang's Monthly Review Board" 
A Rocking PDG gift review

-jimminy
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Review of The Light  
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Joejhensleysr! I read "The Light"  and wanted to offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:


For me, this poem was progressive and changing, though only in small ways. This was important in that "I" go from being "A" light to "The" light. This is change.

I also felt this poem to be something of a dare to see the message and the messenger and I liked that. Somehow, this 'dare' was something of wonder. Personally, I don't find the light as something either good or bad, but just something that is. I can't know your point of view, but I can take a moment to imagine that I can.

I defy the wind’s resilience This line didn't really fit with the poem. It didn't strike me as something pure, rather more like an angry kid saying, "You can't make me!" It is a very interesting line but it takes away from the believability of the poem. If I am growing from 'a' light to 'the' light, the anger in being defiant would be a step back for me.



Effectiveness of Form:


I am not the best at specifics but I believe this to be written in quatrains, ABAB



Punctuation and Grammar:

Easy to read and I uncovered no errors. Great job!


*Star*Closing comments: This was a joy to read. I caught a glimpse of your understanding of divinity and I didn't feel threatened by it. Well, there was a bit of intimidation involved (Tower of might from above and that sort of thing) but it felt like a good thing.

-Jimminy-
Paper Doll review gifting station alumni status update
"Gang's Monthly Review Board" 
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Review of Melody of Madness  
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1685811 Unavailable **

(An auction review win)


Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ! I read "Melody of Madness"  and wanted to offer you this review:

I believe poetry relies heavily upon the readers state of mind as they read the poem. For me, this was a man's video game dream. An escape from reality for now and a promise to return, which ends the poem. Perhaps you meant things to be more literal, perhaps not.

I imagined Chernovog, the evil druid or Green god, once I realized the desired loved one was something dead and visitations were regular. My imaginings may be a bit farfetched for the poem but this is where I went with it. I loved the ending of it: "We will dance again tonight..." That really hit it with me.




Emotional Impact:

I felt this sense of 'cold' throughout the poem and also a sense of helplessness. Some things can't be undone and still work.

I wondered if the "winter's symphony" had a sound like a heartbeat.

All in all, I felt the sadness of loss.





Punctuation and Grammar:

"The wind bows..." Perhaps should be "The wind blows..."


*Star*Closing comments:

This is just the type of poetry I like to read. It is open to interpretation in many different ways. Thanks for sharing! Keep up the good work!

-Jimminy-
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Review by Jimminycritic
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1685811 Unavailable **

(An auction win review)


Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ! I read "The Resurrection of Edward Gein"  and wanted to offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:

I felt as if I was peering into a dark, dark world filled with malevolence. In the beginning, I imagined my eyes closed as I followed the vision. At the end, with the coming of sunlight, I felt as if I opened my eyes and the dream was over. I believe it commonly accepted that dreams don't have to make sense and this poem had a lot of dreamlike qualities for me. I followed this fellow as he did what he was made to do and suddenly the joke was on him? I had to laugh at this because I realized my eyes were still closed. Then, you told of an 'outline' of a pentagram in blood and bone? My eyes were open here and I found this sign a bit hard to imagine, and I must admit it was quite horrific and perhaps historic as well.

If I had to stick a number to this I would have to say I am 98% satisfied with this. Very masterfully done!



Effectiveness of Form:

Thanks for pointing out your form of aab ccb. I found this a bit harder to get into at first but once I got a feel for the rhythm, I did okay.



Punctuation and Grammar:

Last stanza- "except" should be capitalized I believe.


*Star*Closing comments:

I didn't miss the "parodical Mass" reference. I would like to say shame on you for the biblical references found here, but since you used them in such a cool way, I would say you are forgiven.


I really liked "a resurrection in reverse." Though, the next-"No peace for the dead” might be better as "No peace until dead"

Thanks for sharing. Keep writing!
-Jimminy-
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Review of Orion's Keep  
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ! I read "Orion's Keep"  and wanted to offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:

This was a fantastic poem which struck a chord for me. The idea of striking it rich from digging for gold is something I have imagined all my life. The reality of it is that it can be real work, more so because I wouldn't know real gold from fool’s gold. Right from the start you took me on a trip and I could feel the need to go west and strike it rich. Miner 49rs was top on my mind. I felt sadness when the gold was found but the man's life lost, but this in itself wasn't deterring. I really had to wonder if being rich was worth it at any cost. After reading your poem, I came up with an answer of sorts. So long as it is a good story, that life is worth the cost.



Effectiveness of Form:

AABB I didn't have any difficulty reading this. It flowed quite nicely across my tongue. Whenever a story or poem ends where it began, I can't help but imagine a circle and that leads me to question the futility of things. With the slight change in wording, it made things a bit more final. Good Job there!



Punctuation and Grammar:

No mistakes found. Great job!


*Star*Closing comments:
Sometimes the best treasures are left buried. When this fellow imagined divine inspiration, then, I believe he got what he was meant to find. Keep writing the good stuff!

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1685811 by Not Available.



-Jimminy-
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Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Hi the0hawk! After reading "Touching the Hand of Fate (2nd Place)" ,I offer you these comments:



*Check1*First Impression:
A successful, modern woman loses sight of memories valuable to her and is sent back in time to better times...unless it was all a dream?



*Check1*What I liked:
I felt this story unfold as if I were a part of it. Great job!



*Check1*Suggestions:
It may be just me, but I have a hard time imagining a successful, woman such as Kara giving venomous looks and still accepting a helping hand. I wonder if it might be better to show better people skills even in the face of (loss).



*Check1*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling:

Is there an ad vice president? Or should it be just vice president? (Can't hurt to ask)



*Star*I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest!



-Jimminy-
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Review of Eyes of the Birds  
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Great story! I am not sure what you meant by a murder of crows? Maybe flock of crows? I liked your use of the birds in the story. It seemed as if they were patiently waiting and felt ominous to me. I think you made good use of an abandoned amusement park as the setting for your atrocities.

One line could be a bit better I think. "Soon would come the scream that...off to silence then..." It just read awkward to me.

Thanks for sharing!
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Review of The Review Game  
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi plscholl2! After reading "The Review Game" , I offer you these comments:

First Impression: Very creative use of the prompt, 'bad review'. This story told of many of the worries I also have had from time to time. I think the lasting impression this story left with me is that I shouldn't try and force what makes me happy on other people.

Suggestions: Keep doing what you are doing. Your use of dialogue really brought this story to life! Good job!


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:I didn't notice any such errors.



*Star* Great job! Keep up the good work! Jimminy
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Review of Blue moon  
Review by Jimminycritic
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi sssam and dstaley! After reading "Blue moon" ,I offer you these comments:



*Check1*First Impression:
This is a story about a city girl who inherits property in the countryside. A storm overshadows her and she runs into trouble but somehow she manages through it all and finds her place.



*Check1*What I liked:
Vivid. I was very impressed with how well you worked together to deliver this campfire.




*Check1*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling:
"drove of into the darkening country road." Should be "drove 'off'...
"Jenny loved that old Mazda, despite it's fits and starts." Should be 'its'



*Star*Great job! Good luck in the contest.



-Jimminy-
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Review of Live Life  
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1512371 Unavailable **



Hello ladypsych26! I read "Live Life"  and wanted to offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:
I felt the helpless feeling of giving up while reading this poem. On the first reading, I couldn't decide whether the rope was the final answer or not. On the second, I felt it was the answer. I was impressed at the cool resolve and thought which must go into the process of suicide.



Effectiveness of Form:
'Live life' is the acrostic message.
I was looking for a pattern to the rhyming and realized the rhyme pointed to the first letter of the stanza's-spelling 'LVIE' which is an anagram of 'LIVE'. Very cool!





Punctuation and Grammar:
I think you should change the 'no' to 'know'. Making it "know a vale".


*Star*Closing comments: I enjoyed reading this immensely. Great job!

-Jimminy-
39
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Review of Halloween Party  
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1512371 Unavailable **


Hi sticktalker! After reading "Halloween Party" ,I offer you these comments:



*Check1*First Impression:

I had to laugh about the arguments these kids were having over the existence of ghosts. I could really see this happening. Really, the best place to prove the existence of ghosts would likely be a cemetery and it would also be a great place to become a believer. That is what I thought this story was about.



*Check1*What I liked:

It was easy to read the slang in the dialogue and I didn't have to guess what they were saying.

‘Tough’ isn't always what it is cracked up to be, is it?


*Check1*Suggestions:

You might play on the cats being known for being witch's familiars. This might lend a bit of weight to the cats fighting later on.



*Check1*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling:

"Miss Abernathy, the third grade teacher sat" Comma should be after teacher.

"The two boys, got up..." I don't think the comma should be there.



*Star*Great story! I could tell you put a lot of thought into this. Thanks for sharing!



-Jimminy-
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Review of Breaking Point  
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1512371 Unavailable **


Hi spidergirl! After reading "Breaking Point" ,I offer you these comments:



*Check1*First Impression:

There was definitely a sense of madness and familiarity with madness found in this story.

I was touched by your prelude to the story, though I still can't see how it relates to the story, except that somehow it made me feel the story was a true story. It could have happened.



*Check1*What I liked:

"circle of the mentally wounded" This really stood out when I read this.

The theme seems to follow the word "lost" and so many things were lost up until the end where the whole world was effectively lost (to Beth).



*Check1*Suggestions:

I thought the paragraph starting with "Group therapy" was a bit awkward. It was unclear at first that the patients were leading the discussions rather than Dr. Gale. Perhaps ‘discussion’ should be plural?



*Check1*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling:

Half-way through the story you had two sentences which began with 'while' and I thought that was distracting from the story.


Flames of red...hard night; A baby’s helpless cry" 'A' should be lowercase 'a'.

I loved the ending but though it came off a bit too smoothly for imagining the horrid feelings. I think it could use a bit of a stutter? Hoarse throat, guttural?




*Star*Thanks for sharing this wonderful story! I enjoyed reading this!



-Jimminy-
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Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #1512371 Unavailable **


Hi Georgelasher! After reading "The Werewolf of Sault Ste. Marie" ,I offer you these comments:

*Check1*First Impression:This is a story about an encounter with a werewolf and a towns missing persons. I had a feeling that werewolves didn't exist and nobody wanted to talk about them or missing persons.


*Check1*What I liked:From the beginning I was drawn into the story. I like how you showed Gwen feeling 'exposed' and later, the werewolf’s breath steaming like a locomotive.

I also like that even though I thought I had the werewolf figured out, I proved me wrong in the end.


*Check1*Suggestions:This work relies heavily upon coincidence. The radio always seems to be playing the right songs. My feelings for the music, I am sure, won't match the scenes they are brought up in. In fact, I stopped reading the story just to try and remember where I heard the songs!


*Star*Fun to read! Keep up the good work!

-Jimminy-
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Review of ANONYMOUS RATERS  
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Sheri! This is a review of
ANONYMOUS RATERS  (18+)
An opinion on anonymous raters
#1209577 by SHERRI GIBSON


You have much to say about anonymous raters and I can really feel emotions quite clearly. I feel for those hurt by anonymous reviewers and wish there was a support group for such a thing. I really liked your point about 'review as you would want to be reviewed'. Great point!

By the way, you are the very first 'random read' using the new button. Thanks for sharing!
!
43
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Review of ~Burned~  
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #1512371 Unavailable **


Hi Heftynicki! After reading "~Burned~" ,I offer you these comments:

*Check1*First Impression:

Often times I can tell from the first line whether or not I am interested in reading further. Yours, I read to the end. What came to mind when I read this story was the question of what happens after the cat is out of the bag? In my mind, that is what this story was all about.


*Check1*What I liked:

I felt you were showing me a story rather than telling me. I didn't need to have the answers to all the questions which later came to mind. You showed me what I needed to know to enjoy the story and that is hard to do in so few words.

I really enjoyed the subtle hints that 'Vingansa' was the cat from the bag. Very nicely done!

I felt a part of the close knit society within their environment. It's dangerous because it's a jungle out there!


*Check1*Suggestions:

The paragraph beginning with "The menace" "letting it drop four feet and land..." I suggest making it "to" land

(Shohnee smiled) "Aping Koto-Nzapa, he trained a hard gaze as a small mob emerged from the jungle." Instead of 'trained' I would use "kept". I thought 'trained' was a bit awkward.
I was wondering if you could relate the boys fear of his father to his costume rather than the father- because near the end he could whine and break his fathers will.




*Star*I truly enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing!


-Jimminy-
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Review of Murder Mystery  
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am re-rating this to the five-stars it deserves after a couple of minor errors were corrected. Thanks again for the wonderfull story!
45
45
Review of Murder Mystery  
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
You did an excellent job telling this story. I really enjoyed the killing of poor Jimminy and it seemed most of the other characters did too. I found a couple of misspelled words which did slow the story a bit for me and had they been correct I would rate this a five star piece. It really was very good. I promised not to get too technical here but if you want those details, I would be happy to send them on. You did have the magic name which was worth 1K, and the name is Sticktalker. Thanks for playing the game!
46
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Review of Summer Recreation  
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Simply wonderful. You took this contest and made it work better than I thought it would. Great job! This was easy to read and had everything in it I was hoping would be in it. I was really looking for details which would add depth to the characters and you had them. Thanks for entering the contest! I am awarding you second place. You also had the secret name which was worth 1K for having it in your story. Sticktalker was the name I picked. Thanks again!
47
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Review of Hell  
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Wow! I am not sure exactly what is tormenting you, but I can feel your feelings coming through quite strongly. Personally, I don't care much for the rhyming aspects of poetry, and I think you would do better without the rhyme. I may be the minority in this, but it can't hurt to see how it would feel without, eh?

I read this poem and said this must be a marriage thing. The love and Hell thing gave it away. Thanks for sharing!
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Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wonderful story! I am simply amazed at how good this story came out; especially since I know it was rushed to meet unexpected deadlines. I have read it several times in the hopes to find something I might improve upon, but I drew a blank. You did a great job writing this. There are some places where I wondered if it should have a comma after, but I decided that it might be better as is.

I really like how you led up to "Grandma's" demise with her knowing about it before anybody else did. That really made me think about it. Thanks for sharing! Keep up the great work!
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Review of The Anniversary  
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wonderful poem. I must give this a 4.5-star rating because of the quality of it, which is very good. I think there are a couple of things that might better the poem and I will include my thoughts on this shortly. Really, I was moved by this poem because of a soldier killed in a war unknown to me, but was made to believe because of the grieving widow. Heart wrenching, this one.

Okay. What I think could be improved is:

"She patted it as if it were his back"- 'were' should be 'was'

"medals of honor"- ‘Medals’ and ‘Honor’ should be capitalized

"Today however, marked"- comma after Today. =Today, however, marked...

"Twenty five” This would be better as "Twenty-five” using a hyphen


Thank you very much for sharing this. Keep up the excellent work!
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Review of Dry Leaves  
Review by Jimminycritic
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent! I can think of no way to improve this poem. I think it is perfect as is! For me, the fall implies a spring to come. I particularly like that you put a scent to the idea of a dying year. You have a lot of thought in such few words, it is amazing! I suppose that is how haiku's work. I think you have mastered this one. Great job writing! Thanks for sharing!
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