This is a Helping Hearts review made on behalf of drjim.
First Thoughts: Wow. There are many times where I think I'm one of the very few who had to go through the rigors of growing up in a melting pot family. However, your story reminded me that being a part of the mix is something that happens much more than people think, and often with comical results. Although religion was a definite issue and the backgrounds were different, this story could be about my family. Thank you so much for sharing the memories and the laughs.
Errors/Suggestions: This story is terrific. I could find no grammatical errors and have no suggestions for improvement.
Conclusion: Great work. This one will keep a smile on my face for quite some time.
*This is auction review one of seven for "Invalid Item" .*
First Thoughts: Reading over this your contest forum I can see you've come up with a new twist on the usual themes. Your setup is open and inviting, and from the looks of the entries the contest is quite popular. All appearances are streamlined and smooth.
Errors/Suggestions: Everything is clear and precise. I could find no errors and have no suggestions for improvement. This is great as is.
Final Conclusion: This sounds like a creative contest. I wish you a long run with your endeavor.
First Thoughts: You've done a wonderful job capturing the emotional turmoil of trying to be a good mother. Although people often judge others by unrealistic standards, the love and care most mothers feel for their children should not be so easily overlooked. You devotion to your children is easy to see.
Errors/Suggestions: There were a few errors I spotted while reading through your poem.
Brief Description -
>love (Love) them but what does it look like(?)
Text -
>You tinny (tiny) ones are
>I feel other (others) say
>I sometimes feel the groom (gloom)
>By you (your) side I stand
Conclusion: A loving poem expressing concern for your children. Nice work.
First Thoughts: Your poem expresses the pain and regret of losing memories. The structure of the piece adds a visual as the narrator is addressing someone else with the idea of memories being taken for granted. Well done.
Errors/Suggestions: In the Brief Description I found the following errors.
>a(A) worry about loosing (losing) memories(.)
Without the use of punctuation the poem tends to lose a certain rhyme to the poetic flow. I would suggest rereading the poem and adding punctuation. This, however, is not necessary as I believe poetry is more the creation of the poet than the criticism of the reader.
Conclusion: Touching and poignant. Thank you for sharing.
First Thoughts: You've written an interesting tale about an old woman, Kamama and her cat, Aarushi. There is a vast history on the symbolism of cats, and you've done a wonderful job incorporating that history into a believe yet surreal dream sequence of events.
Errors/Suggestions: I spotted a few errors while reading through your story.
>"Your eyes are so intent," (delete quotation mark) my little friend. "What wisdom lies within you?" Kamama uttered.
>"Cats always speaks (speak) with honesty and if you pay attention, you will know when danger lurks, peace reigns and visitors come.(")
Conclusion: Nice work. Good luck with your assignment.
This is a Helping Hearts review made on behalf of simply_complex as part of an auction package.
First Thoughts: You've done a beautiful job describing the life of a tree. In your poem the tree becomes more than a mundane sight. Instead you've given it a life that anyone can relate to.
Errors/Suggestions: Usually with lack of punctuation I suggest adding more. However, the flow of the poem goes well with your theme. I could find no errors and have no suggestion.
Conclusion: A wonderful work combining a tree and knowledge. Well done!
This is a Helping Hearts review made on behalf of Gothic Angel gone for Whome's Heart To Heart Auction.
First Thoughts: In this poem you've demonstrated the focus one finds through meditation. There is a peacefulness and rhythm in meditation that can be seen in your work. I enjoyed the structure and flow you've set with your wording.
Errors/Suggestions: I could one spelling error in your piece.
>...then imagiined (imagined) my soul and how it is similar to the universe.
Have you thought of expanding this work?
Conclusion: An excellent, personal poem. Nice job.
This is a Helping Hearts review made on behalf of Gothic Angel gone for Whome's Heart To Heart Auction.
First Thoughts: You're poem uses the fragility of reflection as a metaphorical state-of-mind and the mirror-like reaction of the water's surface. The imagery you've provoked in the delicate nature of being is quite vivid. It was easy to picture the moment you were describing. I especially liked the way the poem flows from weakness to strength.
Errors/Suggestions: I could find no errors and have no suggestions; this poem is great as is.
Conclusion: A spiritual and enlightening work. Job well done.
This is a Helping Hearts review made on behalf of Gothic Angel gone for Whome's Heart To Heart Auction.
First Thoughts: Within the small frame of your poem you've captured the essence of God to mankind. Simplistic in nature, yet beautiful in structure you've shared the essentials of God's love.
Errors/Suggestions: I could find no grammatical errors. One thing I would suggest for your poem, however, would be to expand it as you've done a wonderful job with the flow of it as it is. It would interesting to see what could be done if you lengthened the piece.
Conclusion: An excellent spiritual poem. Write on!
"Stories of Some Odd Characters" is a wonderful, inventive collection of short stories revolving around the psychological aspects of human behavior. The stories held here tackle many different issues, including some topics considered taboo. Reading through all of your work has been a delight, but this is my favorite "folder" of all your writings.
Keep up the marvelous work, and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
First Thoughts: By the end of this story I was very surprised at the outcome. I wasn't sure whether to laugh at Shelby's misguided appetite or cringe as to what she was eating. I can't even imagine what I would should I find out my young one was eating toilet paper and other paper products as a snack.
Grammar/Errors/Suggestions: Although there were a couple of misplaced commas, I could find no spelling errors and have no suggestions in this tale.
Final Conclusion: This was a nice tale with a humorous, albeit odd, twist ending. Another well-written story.
First Thoughts: You have written a wonderful short story, combining the use of local urban legend and fascination of young curiosity. This story has enough of mystery to make the reader wonder whether the woman with the butcher knife is true. You've done great work blending mystery with a touch of the supernatural.
Grammar/Errors/Suggestions: The writing in this short story is tight in structure and vivid with imagery. Everything is good as is.
Final Conclusion: Excellent job. Keep up the good work!
This is a Helping Hearts review made on behalf of ShellySunshine for Tara's Community Auction.
First Thoughts: Short and to the point, your poem reveals the inner workings of a writer's creativity. From darkness to light, you explore the spectrum of emotions that can flow from the pen. This is a work that would be great in expanded form.
Errors/Suggestions: I could find no spelling errors. However, I feel that this poem would benefit from more punctuation. If you ended more of your sentences it might help with the poetic flow.
Conclusion: The essence of your poem tells the tale of a writer's imagination. Wonderful work.
This is a Helping Hearts review made on behalf of ShellySunshine for Tara's Community Auction.
First Thoughts: You've captured a strong sense of pain and anger in Wept For A Dream Destroyed. The Trail of Tears was a horrific time in this country's history, displacing an entire people to places and land they'd never seen. The devastation of that tragedy is well represented here. The visuals at the top and bottom of the page are also a nice touch to the feel of the poem.
Errors/Suggestions: The rhyme you've set has a nice flow although, at times, the emotion of the piece seems somewhat forced. I could find no errors.
Conclusion: This poem is a poignant work highlighting a chuck of America's turbulent history. Well done.
First Thoughts: The Nightshift is a nice story with a touch of the supernatural. Jewel, the main character, has a distinct personality; her inquisitive nature and pride in perfection lead to not a stifling climax but a smooth transition making her character well.
Grammar/Errors/Suggestions: I spotted one error while reading through your short story.
>...a super-sized combination of department store, grocery story (store) and garden center, for only a few months when she was moved to the nightshift.
I also noticed that through the story you use "housewares" and "house wares". This might be something you want to look into.
Final Conclusion: I really enjoyed the subtle nuance you used throughout the story, the supernatural not being too heavy to take away from Jewel's character. Job well done.
First Thoughts: After reading several of your pieces I've come to admire your talent for looking into the psychological aspects of different, life-changing situations and this short story is no exception. Candace is a strong character faced with her worst fear coming back to life with the man responsible for shooting her gets parole. You've handled the situation well, and have captured the drama of the court well through the eyes of Candy.
Grammar/Errors/Suggestions: I didn't spot any grammatical errors. As I read through the story I noticed Candy's distress, but it felt like she was holding back and her emotions were slightly restrained at the end. This is just my opinion, but if you could express more of her fear and uneasiness I think it would add more to the story.
Final Conclusion: This was an interesting look into the life of a victim facing her greatest fear. Great work.
First Thoughts: Your story about your remembrances of S&H Green Stamps is done with humor and sincerity. Although I wasn't around during this time I could easily picture the era and the people's want for the stamps. The connection from the start to the close makes a nice circle.
Grammar/Errors/Suggestions: This short story is tight in writing and flow. One thing I enjoyed was how you compared experiences between yourself and your aunt. I could find no errors and have no suggestions.
Final Conclusion: You've done a nice job guiding the readers down your memory lane. Thanks for sharing.
First Thoughts: This is a beautiful poem highlighting the turn of nature through the sight of stepping outside during the wintry. You have captured the moment and my attention with your vivid description. This is a great interpretation of the contest prompt.
Errors: I could find no errors in my reading.
Suggestions: Your poem is great as is. However, one thing I noticed was the repetition of the word "barren" in the first and second stanza. I would suggest eliminating on of them and replacing it with something similar.
Favorite Line/Segment:
The seasons have changed;
the nurturing breast of nature
has withered, awaiting renewal.
Yet, I feel her holding me,
I feel I belong; I feel…
…home.
First Thoughts:Earth Abides is a wonderful story documenting the things in life we can take for granted. Your tale was inspiring, the way you were able to circle the theme from one emotion to another through the guide and the narrator. This was an excellent and creative use of the contest prompt.
Errors: I could find no grammatical errors in my reading.
Suggestions: Your story has great flow and description. I have no suggestions.
Favorite Line/Segment:Man may come and go but Earth abides.
Your short story is an interesting twist on the usual dragon tale. I enjoyed how you took the medieval village setting and reworked it into a new idea.
Errors: I could find no grammatical errors.
Suggestions: You've done a great job writing your story. One thing I would mention is the introduction before meeting Alex is a bit long. If you could tighten that section up, I think it would be easier for the reader to get into the story.
Favorite Line/Segment: "An immense feeling of curiosity drowned out the common sense that told him he should be afraid." Nice expression of Alex's emotion, and capturing the inquisitiveness of a young boy.
This was an intriguing take on typical dragon myths. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
First Thoughts: Your poem describes a chilling scene painted in blood. This poem can be read from many angles, the nightmare that feeds on fear or a soul screaming for redemption from past sins. You've done an excellent job detailing the scene while making the reader think.
Errors: I could find no spelling or stanza errors. This is a great poem, but doesn't necessarily link with the theme.
Favorite Line/Segment:
I cannot bear that on my soul,
That of Satan be fed
Vivid imagery.
First Thoughts: Your article discusses the inadequacy of a 50/50 relationship, arguing the points that people should be flexible to bend with their partner through life's many fluctuations while having enough self-worth not to be kept last in a relationship. I agree with you wholeheartedly on this.
I liked the way you used your own relationships as a way of illustrating how you came to your conclusions. Your candor, I believe, helps the reader see your views on the subject while not bashing them over the head with it.
Look less for blame and more for love.
A perfect closing statement.
Errors/Suggestions:
>Sure, you are probably thinking,"Who (add space) is this person to say this?
>While I admit all of my relationships aren’t successful ones especially the boss/employee one,I (add space) have learned from them.
>(pride isn’t the word I’m looking for - maybe (delete space) worth) to not allow yourself to be taken advantage of continuously.
>The thing is if we are only willing to give 50/50 we aren’t taking into account the needs of our loved ones concerning what is happening in their life,(.)
>Heck(,) I don’t know.
Final Conclusion: I enjoyed your article immensely, and hope you might consider expanding your work.
First Thoughts: In Search of Inspiration is a wondrous mix of whimsy and comedy. Your narrator, frustrated with the confines of a writing prompt assignment, ventures to relax by with woods with a bottle of wine only to come across the imagination of her childhood. Short and sweet, this story has an outcome I would wish for when seeking creativity.
I decided since my hallucination had been kind enough to give me a nonthreatening animal as such poise and stature, I could have the courtesy to answer it.
Reading this line gave me a nice chuckle.
Errors/Suggestions: The fourth and fifth paragraph from the bottom are combined and should be separated.
Final Conclusion: This is a keeper when it comes to inspiration. I'll be adding this one to my favorites.
First Thoughts: This is a lovely poem, speaking of the virtues of winter. You've done an excellent job providing a vision to the gifts of the snowy, giving vivid detail to world you're guiding the reader.
Don’t dismiss winter to get to spring;
each has their own unique gift to bring.
This stanza sums up your poem with ease. Unique indeed.
Errors/Suggestions: >White of snow (delete extra space), a purity cover
Final Conclusion: Another beautiful piece. Best of luck in the contest.
First Thoughts: I was very moved by your short story about George and his life as Ginger. Both are heartfelt characters, trying to make it in a world where they don't feel quite whole in their roles. One things that shines through in this story is George/Ginger's emotions and how the fight to be authentic is a day to day battle. Even though George is a fiction character, I'm rooting for him what ever decision he makes.
Errors: There was one error I found while reading.
>>>For two whole days there'd be no worry about playing the right role or (delete) of prying bosses.
Suggestions: A good portion of the story focuses on George/Ginger's thoughts. I would suggest putting these into italics so there is a clearer distinction between the action and the inner dialogue.
Favorite Line/Segment:We should not allow other people - any other people - to decide how we should live our lives. The heart of the story.
A truly moving tale. Thanks for sharing.
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First Thoughts: Reading over this your contest forum I can see you've come up with a new twist on the usual themes. Your setup is open and inviting, and from the looks of the entries the contest is quite popular. All appearances are streamlined and smooth.
