First Thoughts: You've done a nice job taking something like the color orange, and turning it into a poetic story. Your themes of fear and darkness, using orange as the source of light, matched with will the imagery your created. The tone of this poem is excellent.
Errors/Suggestions: The set flow of your poem is intriguing, although at times it is hard to follow with your current structure. One suggestion would be to use more punctuation to help with reading the pauses in your poem.
Conclusion: A great poetic piece to broaden one's perception. Nicely written.
First Thoughts: Over the past few rounds of my contest I have come to learn your poetic style, and each time I find myself amazed at your talent. Your piece takes the contest prompt a step beyond the usual direction and unfolds an ethereal sense upon the reader. I especially enjoyed the spirituality of your poem.
Errors: This had a simplistic format without any flowery touches, making your poem shine is its expression.
I could find no spelling errors.
Suggestions: Your work has excellent movement, and flows as if it were living. I was captured by this poem. I have no suggestions for improvement.
Favorite Line/Segment:
Mystifying flow:
a whisper, a presence sharing time and space,
an unseeing face, demonstration of grace.
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First Thoughts: Your exploration into the emotional qualities of the heart is an intriguing read. I enjoyed the way you used the physical in a way to express the personal. This was a creative way to use the contest writing prompt.
Errors: Each stanza is cohesive and transitions well. I could find no grammatical errors.
Suggestions: The flow of the poem is somewhat choppy, but the overall impression is nice. My one suggestion would be to try and tighten the lines, allow for there to be come closure at the end of your thoughts.
Favorite Line/Segment:
The winds flowing through
My heart
Ever changing
Ever lasting
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First Thoughts: I was quite taken by your poem and the spirituality that subtly resonated throughout the piece. The visuals you created for the reader, both emotionally and physically, made reading your poem more personal. One thing I especially admired about your work how well you used the contest prompt and were able to write around the extra restrictions.
Well done.
Errors: Nove Otto is a form of poetry I've never read before, and after reading your work I've inspired to write my own. From what I could read you followed the form to the letter.
I found no grammatical errors.
Suggestions: The poetic flow was spot on and moved beautifully. I have no suggestions for improvement.
Favorite Line/Segment:
I barely see through tear filled eyes
My spirit like a phoenix rise
Above the ashes into space.
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First Thoughts: I wasn't quite sure what to make of this before I read it, and after finishing I'm still not sure. There are many things you can take your work. After reading through it a few times, I found different themes and endings. The one thing I can conclude about this is that each ending made me smile - sometimes sarcastically, sometimes laughingly. For nonsense, this is great nonsense.
Errors/Suggestions: I could find no grammatical errors and have no suggestions for improvement.
Conclusion: A lovely piece of nonsense. Nice work.
First Thoughts: I was quite taken in by your acrostic poem, "Be my everything" . The lovely words of your emotions, and the vivid imagery you've painted, draws the reader into the abundant love you feel. I find that this not merely a message, but more of a declaration, and a well-written one at that.
Errors/Suggestions: I spotted two grammatical errors while reading your poem.
>Raidiating (Radiating) my love for you like no other,
>Hearts, (delete comma) are for giving to those that you love, and
Conclusion: A beautifully romantic poem. As always, your poems have a way of expressing the great emotions of the heart. Write on!
First Thoughts: I was quite taken with your poem, "Step On a Few Toes" . Your opinion on the subject of political correctness is one that I wholeheartedly agree with. Too often we worry about with what shouldn't be said that we forget about the issues that should. Your writing has a voice, and can easily paint a picture of all the people in America - "Blend our nation with all cultures; embrace true acceptance."
A line that struck a cord with me:
Our past is tarnished, but our future shines.
Let it be known.
Errors/Suggestions: You have done well expressing your point and setting the scene on a countrywide scale. I could find no grammatical errors, and have no suggestions for improvement.
Conclusion: Excellent sentiment! It has been a pleasure reading another piece of your work.
First Thoughts: Your entry was refreshing as this is the first parody piece I've seen in the contest. Your sentiment goes along well with mine, and I appreciated the imagery of your points-of-view. Adding the inspiration of your poetry was also a nice touch as many might not understand your reference.
This was a wonderful use of the contest prompt.
Errors: I could find no grammatical errors.
Suggestions: You've done an excellent job capturing the satire in this poem. I have no suggestions for improvement.
Favorite Line/Segment:
WMD searched in vain,
In what furnace was thy brain?
What thoughts evil? What dread grasp,
How dare you liberty clasp?
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First Thoughts: You've done an excellent job capturing the metaphorical quality of the contest quote. The theme of the poem is well-suited to your writing style, making the reader think not only visual but mentally as well. You're writing is eloquent and captures the prompt well.
Errors: I could find no grammatical errors while reading through your poem. *thumsbup*
Suggestions: The poem flows quite well together, the form matching with what you have stated as presenting. This piece is wonderful as is; I have no suggestions for improvement.
Favorite Line/Segment:
Be higher than the lowly,
Be wiser than the fool.
But never challenge either,
Even the meek may rule.
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First Thoughts: Your poem is both vivid and breathtaking in form. I was swept away (no pun intended, lol) by the imagery you presented in this piece. You have captured not only the scene of the poem, but the turbulent emotions created behind it. This was excellent use of the contest prompt.
Errors: I found a couple of spelling errors while reading through your poem.
>a roar and a spash (splash), the waves crash
>soothing tranquility or diminshed (diminished) stability ---
Suggestions: The poem has perfect poetic flow, reflecting water of which it speaks of. I have no suggestions.
Favorite Line/Segment:
Then with swift madness, depravity
ocean storms plot a course to erase us ---
lost is purity, beauty, serenity.
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First Thoughts: You've done an excellent job leading the reader down a certain path before dropping a surprising twisted ending. The pacing of your horror tale was well-written, and I enjoyed how you were able to control the outcome of the story without releasing the reveal too fast.
Errors/Suggestions: I found quite a few grammatical errors while reading through your story.
>...a big dumptruck (dump truck) and some of moms gardening tools she had left out earlier.
>It likely sounded more like gum ear, but it got the mans (man's) attention nonetheless.
>He made it to the far curb beforre (before) he repeated the accidentaly (accidentally) knee bow from earlier.
>Louder than the largest bomb in my tiny ittle (little) ears.
>Then I watched as the mans (man's) leg bent to the left, reformed by a shiny silver bumber (bumper).
>I watched as the glass and metal border of the windshield separated the old mans (man's) head from his body.
>When that lost old man wandered down our street I was to (too) young to understand the horror of what I had witnessed...
Conclusion: A creative story with a spooky surprise ending. Nice work.
First Thoughts: I can't say I'm an avid horror reader, but you truly had me going with your short story. The narration of the main character had me intrigued more along the lines of mystery than horror. But the strange turned to gruesome as the scene changed from what could be a dream or memory. You've done a wonderful job with description and imagery, adding enough emotion to draw the reader in without clouding what the action.
Errors/Suggestions: I spotted a few grammatical errors while reading though your short story.
>I said to myself, thinking about the party Saturday night, and the phone number I came home with. I f (delete)
>Upon peering closer I see that my work is already done, thankfully. I don’t know where my mind has been but thankfully my body kept working. (repetitious; delete or replace one)
>I never remember these sorts of things for some reason though, just hind-site (hindsight) you know.
>I wish I could remember just why I’m here, even Mr. Peppers (Pepper's) name would satisfy me right now.
>I can see directly into the lead officers (officer's) eyes.
Conclusion: A surreal and realistic horror story. Well done.
First Thoughts: I was quite taken by your story, especially the distinct personalities of the three characters of your piece. Leiden's boyish reactions and naivete played well off of Zylene's obvious knowledge of playing to a man's weaknesses. Laurence intrigues me greatly as he shows a brotherly sort of affection towards Leiden before revealing a nicely packaged threat toward the end. All in all, this short story was a great representation of human psychology and storytelling.
Errors/Suggestions: There were a couple of errors I spotted while reading through your work.
First Thoughts: I enjoyed your story immensely as it presented a clear truth without overshadowing the issue. Rodney is an obviously caring man who feels guilt for the snap judgments he made about a young man he cared for like a son. I found I too made the same judgment while reading without taking the time to think. Your well-written story has me wondering how many times have we as a people done that to one another. Thought provoking and inspirational, you've done an excellent job getting your message across.
Errors/Suggestions: The pacing and character development in this story is spot on. The transition from the past and present flowed very well. I aspire to write with such ease as you've presented in this piece.
I found one error while reading your short story.
>Haslow was somewhat offended by this, but he held his toungue (tongue) and let Rodney continue.
Conclusion: A truly inspirational story. Thank you for sharing.
First Thoughts: Campfires are my bread and butter so I jumped at the chance of reviewing yours. Dual Lives has a nice plot to the story, and the main character Chance is easy to identify with. Imagery and emotions were also written well here.
Errors/Suggestions: You and bas have a great writing rhythm going on, especially given since you both were writing under the same character. The transition from one person to the next was excellent.
There were a few spelling errors I spotted while reading through, but since the campfire has been extinguished there doesn't seem to be a reason to correct. This was great work, and I would suggest doing another with your Angel Buddy.
Conclusion: A great, charming campfire. Well done.
First Thoughts: You definitely weren't kidding about the gruesomeness of this retold fairytale. The dark deeds by both the Queen and the princess are ones that make you wonder. I found the portrayal of the magical mirror well-written with the characteristics of sarcasm, and the end was truly diabolical.
Errors/Suggestions: I found one spelling error while reading through your short story.
>Her face was taught (taut) with rage.
Something you should look out for are your character descriptions. I would using broader, more expressive language to illustrate your point. This makes the story a smoother read.
First Thoughts: This story had me laughing for quite some time. Your portrayals of Cinderella and her fairy godmother are absolute works of art, and the moral of the story at the end of the piece was perfect.
My favorite line out of the entire piece was:
But Helen was not the smartest girl in the world. In fact, she was several fries short of a Happy Meal, so to speak.
Fantastic!
Errors/Suggestions: This was hilarous! Excellent use of speech patterns and imagery to distinguish characters. There were no spelling errors, and this is a great story as is.
First Thoughts: I truly enjoyed your new spin on the typical fairytale story. Instead of a "Happily Ever After" you have chosen to tell a tale with a message of true heart. You've created a nice short story with this idea.
Errors/Suggestions: I could find no spelling errors in your short story.
One thing I would like to mention is the use of the writing technique of "show, not tell". From reading your work I believe you are trying to write in the fairytale method which leaves out certain narrative parts of the piece, which is fine. However, to give more depth to the work I would spruce up the descriptions of characters in your story. Instead of "she had blond hair and blue eyes", expand on this to say something like "her hair was made of spun gold with eyes shade so blue it matched the sky". It makes the writing tighter and less flat.
Conclusion: This is an interesting fairytale story with an unusual twist at the end. Nice job.
*This is auction review six of eight for "Invalid Item" .*
First Thoughts: The theme of opposites attracting is one for the ages. With your poem you've explored the ramifications of it, even going so far as to say its illogical. However, the heart wants what it wants and you've captured all those points and emotions quite well in this poem.
Grammar/Errors/Suggestions: Your poem centers around the theme of night and day. I enjoyed the way you played with the words, speaking not only of contrast but of time and need. I have no suggestions and could find no errors.
Final Conclusion: A lovely, romantic piece. Nice work.
First Thoughts: Your poem is the first Cleave poem I've ever read, and I have to say I was surprised by the outcome. The three-in-one poem makes an interesting read, and I'm thoroughly impressed with the connection you made between all three of them. This is one of the most creative uses of the prompt I've seen.
Errors: I could find no grammatical errors.
Suggestions: This is fascinating as it. I have no suggestions for improvement.
Favorite Line/Segment: I can't pick just one line as the entire poem is unique and essential.
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First Thoughts: With your short story you've demonstrated the effects of what arson has on the community and on the individual. You've done a wonderful job examining the scope of the consequences through each person involved and what happens when things get out of hand. You've used the prompt well.
Errors: I found one error while reading your story.
>...at home with their families or just minding (delete space) their own business.
Suggestions: One thing you should be careful of is the context of which point-of-view is being presented. At times it felt there were multiple people presenting there case in the telling of the fires instead of Chris narrating the tale. I would suggest rereading and sharpening the points where this might be hazy.
Favorite Line/Segment:When toying with fire, someone is sure to get burnt --- in more ways than one.
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First Thoughts: Your poem provokes emotion from the deepest part of oneself, using the essence of fire to ask questions of the heart. I was touched by the use of the prompt. You've created a truly expressive poem that will reach out to all of your readers.
Errors: This is a flawlessly written poem. I could find no errors.
Suggestions: The poet is a lovely sonnet that speaks of the fire even when there is no mention of it. You've done wonderful work. I have no suggestions.
Favorite Line/Segment:
What light can brighten a heart that is dark?
What softness can melt feelings that are hard?
What joy can vanquish a gloom that is stark?
What fate can bring prize to a luckless card?
Excellent job.
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First Thoughts: You've taken the emotional quality of fire to the extreme, writing a poetic story that is horrifying in its realism and end result. I was shocked where you took the plot and impressed with the creative twist you put on the contest prompt.
Errors: I could find no errors.
Suggestions: This is great in the darkness you project. I have no suggestions.
Favorite Line/Segment:
As flesh melts from my bones and my fluids steam
I have a final thought – "This time it's not a dream."
A very spooky piece!
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This is a Helping Hearts review made on behalf of simply_complex.
First Thoughts: This is a wonderfully written tribute to a cup of hot tea. Many times I feel the same way after savoring a cup of tea, and the world seems to right itself if only for a few moments. You've done the author of the quote and tea drinkers everywhere proud with your poetic style.
Errors/Suggestions: Wonderful structure and rhythm. I have no suggestions and could spot no grammatical errors.
This is a Helping Hearts review made on behalf of drjim.
First Thoughts: After reading through your short story it makes me questions whether or not I should volunteer for anything in the near future, lol. I enjoyed you story immensely, and particularly appreciate your use of words and imagery to describe a sense.
My favorite line is caught between:
We return another time to hell's gate, where mercy does not exist, to hang curtains and place the various other purchased items where they needed to be.
And...
The brave and brilliant boy threw himself onto the washing machine with all the grace and energy of a fifteen year old, while reaching far behind it and turning off the water valve.
Errors/Suggestions: This story has great structure and no errors that I could find. Nice job.
Conclusion: A terrific story that kept me in stitches. Excellent work.
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First Thoughts: The theme of opposites attracting is one for the ages. With your poem you've explored the ramifications of it, even going so far as to say its illogical. However, the heart wants what it wants and you've captured all those points and emotions quite well in this poem.
