First Thoughts: I wasn't quite sure what to make of this before I read it, and after finishing I'm still not sure. There are many things you can take your work. After reading through it a few times, I found different themes and endings. The one thing I can conclude about this is that each ending made me smile - sometimes sarcastically, sometimes laughingly. For nonsense, this is great nonsense.
Errors/Suggestions: I could find no grammatical errors and have no suggestions for improvement.
Conclusion: A lovely piece of nonsense. Nice work.
First Thoughts: I was quite taken in by your acrostic poem, "Be my everything" . The lovely words of your emotions, and the vivid imagery you've painted, draws the reader into the abundant love you feel. I find that this not merely a message, but more of a declaration, and a well-written one at that.
Errors/Suggestions: I spotted two grammatical errors while reading your poem.
>Raidiating (Radiating) my love for you like no other,
>Hearts, (delete comma) are for giving to those that you love, and
Conclusion: A beautifully romantic poem. As always, your poems have a way of expressing the great emotions of the heart. Write on!
First Thoughts: I was quite taken with your poem, "Step On a Few Toes" . Your opinion on the subject of political correctness is one that I wholeheartedly agree with. Too often we worry about with what shouldn't be said that we forget about the issues that should. Your writing has a voice, and can easily paint a picture of all the people in America - "Blend our nation with all cultures; embrace true acceptance."
A line that struck a cord with me:
Our past is tarnished, but our future shines.
Let it be known.
Errors/Suggestions: You have done well expressing your point and setting the scene on a countrywide scale. I could find no grammatical errors, and have no suggestions for improvement.
Conclusion: Excellent sentiment! It has been a pleasure reading another piece of your work.
First Thoughts: Your poem is both vivid and breathtaking in form. I was swept away (no pun intended, lol) by the imagery you presented in this piece. You have captured not only the scene of the poem, but the turbulent emotions created behind it. This was excellent use of the contest prompt.
Errors: I found a couple of spelling errors while reading through your poem.
>a roar and a spash (splash), the waves crash
>soothing tranquility or diminshed (diminished) stability ---
Suggestions: The poem has perfect poetic flow, reflecting water of which it speaks of. I have no suggestions.
Favorite Line/Segment:
Then with swift madness, depravity
ocean storms plot a course to erase us ---
lost is purity, beauty, serenity.
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First Thoughts: You've done an excellent job leading the reader down a certain path before dropping a surprising twisted ending. The pacing of your horror tale was well-written, and I enjoyed how you were able to control the outcome of the story without releasing the reveal too fast.
Errors/Suggestions: I found quite a few grammatical errors while reading through your story.
>...a big dumptruck (dump truck) and some of moms gardening tools she had left out earlier.
>It likely sounded more like gum ear, but it got the mans (man's) attention nonetheless.
>He made it to the far curb beforre (before) he repeated the accidentaly (accidentally) knee bow from earlier.
>Louder than the largest bomb in my tiny ittle (little) ears.
>Then I watched as the mans (man's) leg bent to the left, reformed by a shiny silver bumber (bumper).
>I watched as the glass and metal border of the windshield separated the old mans (man's) head from his body.
>When that lost old man wandered down our street I was to (too) young to understand the horror of what I had witnessed...
Conclusion: A creative story with a spooky surprise ending. Nice work.
First Thoughts: I can't say I'm an avid horror reader, but you truly had me going with your short story. The narration of the main character had me intrigued more along the lines of mystery than horror. But the strange turned to gruesome as the scene changed from what could be a dream or memory. You've done a wonderful job with description and imagery, adding enough emotion to draw the reader in without clouding what the action.
Errors/Suggestions: I spotted a few grammatical errors while reading though your short story.
>I said to myself, thinking about the party Saturday night, and the phone number I came home with. I f (delete)
>Upon peering closer I see that my work is already done, thankfully. I don’t know where my mind has been but thankfully my body kept working. (repetitious; delete or replace one)
>I never remember these sorts of things for some reason though, just hind-site (hindsight) you know.
>I wish I could remember just why I’m here, even Mr. Peppers (Pepper's) name would satisfy me right now.
>I can see directly into the lead officers (officer's) eyes.
Conclusion: A surreal and realistic horror story. Well done.
First Thoughts: I was quite taken by your story, especially the distinct personalities of the three characters of your piece. Leiden's boyish reactions and naivete played well off of Zylene's obvious knowledge of playing to a man's weaknesses. Laurence intrigues me greatly as he shows a brotherly sort of affection towards Leiden before revealing a nicely packaged threat toward the end. All in all, this short story was a great representation of human psychology and storytelling.
Errors/Suggestions: There were a couple of errors I spotted while reading through your work.
First Thoughts: I enjoyed your story immensely as it presented a clear truth without overshadowing the issue. Rodney is an obviously caring man who feels guilt for the snap judgments he made about a young man he cared for like a son. I found I too made the same judgment while reading without taking the time to think. Your well-written story has me wondering how many times have we as a people done that to one another. Thought provoking and inspirational, you've done an excellent job getting your message across.
Errors/Suggestions: The pacing and character development in this story is spot on. The transition from the past and present flowed very well. I aspire to write with such ease as you've presented in this piece.
I found one error while reading your short story.
>Haslow was somewhat offended by this, but he held his toungue (tongue) and let Rodney continue.
Conclusion: A truly inspirational story. Thank you for sharing.
First Thoughts: Campfires are my bread and butter so I jumped at the chance of reviewing yours. Dual Lives has a nice plot to the story, and the main character Chance is easy to identify with. Imagery and emotions were also written well here.
Errors/Suggestions: You and bas have a great writing rhythm going on, especially given since you both were writing under the same character. The transition from one person to the next was excellent.
There were a few spelling errors I spotted while reading through, but since the campfire has been extinguished there doesn't seem to be a reason to correct. This was great work, and I would suggest doing another with your Angel Buddy.
Conclusion: A great, charming campfire. Well done.
First Thoughts: You definitely weren't kidding about the gruesomeness of this retold fairytale. The dark deeds by both the Queen and the princess are ones that make you wonder. I found the portrayal of the magical mirror well-written with the characteristics of sarcasm, and the end was truly diabolical.
Errors/Suggestions: I found one spelling error while reading through your short story.
>Her face was taught (taut) with rage.
Something you should look out for are your character descriptions. I would using broader, more expressive language to illustrate your point. This makes the story a smoother read.
First Thoughts: This story had me laughing for quite some time. Your portrayals of Cinderella and her fairy godmother are absolute works of art, and the moral of the story at the end of the piece was perfect.
My favorite line out of the entire piece was:
But Helen was not the smartest girl in the world. In fact, she was several fries short of a Happy Meal, so to speak.
Fantastic!
Errors/Suggestions: This was hilarous! Excellent use of speech patterns and imagery to distinguish characters. There were no spelling errors, and this is a great story as is.
First Thoughts: I truly enjoyed your new spin on the typical fairytale story. Instead of a "Happily Ever After" you have chosen to tell a tale with a message of true heart. You've created a nice short story with this idea.
Errors/Suggestions: I could find no spelling errors in your short story.
One thing I would like to mention is the use of the writing technique of "show, not tell". From reading your work I believe you are trying to write in the fairytale method which leaves out certain narrative parts of the piece, which is fine. However, to give more depth to the work I would spruce up the descriptions of characters in your story. Instead of "she had blond hair and blue eyes", expand on this to say something like "her hair was made of spun gold with eyes shade so blue it matched the sky". It makes the writing tighter and less flat.
Conclusion: This is an interesting fairytale story with an unusual twist at the end. Nice job.
First Thoughts: Depression can be like a bottomless pit where you are forever falling and sinking, bringing on a fear of hitting the bottom. I was quite taken aback by the swirling sense of hopelessness and shame in this poem. The emotions come off the page, almost as if the person is crying out for help while the rage that they only want to be left alone. It is nearly impossible not to feel for the narrator of this poem.
Errors/Suggestions: You evoke dark emotions with a saddening ease in this poem. The flow works very well with the theme you are speaking, and I found the imagery haunting in its despair. There were no errors to be found. This piece is well-written.
Conclusion: Your poem is a glimpse into the helpless walls of depression. Expressive and poignant. Excellent work.
First Thoughts: Your poem touches on a topic that not many feel comfortable talking about. The influence parent's have on their children is great in value, yet too many times adults exhibit behavior that impresses the wrong ideals into young minds. Your style with this poem adds a depth that captures the mind of the young boy. This is excellent in form and voice.
Errors/Suggestions: You have captured the voice of a young boy well, and the rhythmic pattern of your poem flows very well. I could find no grammatical errors and have no suggestions for improvement.
Conclusion: A powerful piece exploring the influence parents have over their children. Well done.
*This is auction review three of five for "Invalid Item" .*
First Thoughts: Your poem reads like a melodic song, singing of heartbreak and pain. Love that turns sour is always a painful experience, but you have managed to make the pain into an experience that is beautiful in appearance and sound.
Grammar/Errors/Suggestions: I could find no grammatical errors while reading through your poem.
One things I did notice while reading is the color scheme of your poem. I enjoyed with, especially with the Valentine's Day theme, but to keep everything cohesive you might wish to consider the changing the color of the first line to red.
Final Conclusion: A heartbreaking poem. Nicely done.
*This is auction review two of five for "Invalid Item" .*
First Thoughts: The subject matter of the poem is hard to fathom or even to write about. You've tackled it the harsh with poetic ease, describing a scene of abandonment. The reader automatically feels for the girl narrating the poem as she speaks to her father, looking for understanding and forgiveness for his crimes. Even through all the darkness and the loss of her life at the end, you ended the poem on a touching note for the girl. Nicely written.
Grammar/Errors/Suggestions: The poetic rhythm and rhyme in this poem is spot on. I could spot no grammatical errors and have no suggestions for improvement.
Final Conclusion: Tragic, powerful, yet inspirational with the possibility to forgive. Wonderful work.
*This is auction review one of five for "Invalid Item" .*
First Thoughts: Your poem grabs the reader's attention right off the bat with a picture of a withering rose. The well-written imagery you've created in this piece matches the emotions of pain and rejection the girl in the poem feels after her lover has left her. You've done an excellent job involving both expressive and visual feelings.
Grammar/Errors/Suggestions: Your rhyming scheme and poetic structure flow very nicely together. I could find no grammatical errors, and have no suggestions for improvement.
Final Conclusion: A powerful piece speaking of love and heartbreak. The awardicon on this piece is well deserved. Well done.
*This is auction review eight of eight for "Invalid Item" .*
First Thoughts: In your poem you speak of being barren with great expression. With poetic flow, you create a scene of being lost in an ice-covered land. You give the reader a picture to go along with the sharp emotions of being broken and alone while hiding behind a mask of what others wish for you to hear. I was extremely moved by the picture you've painted with your poetic work.
Grammar/Errors/Suggestions: You've written this poem with excellent flow and great imagery. I could find no grammatical errors and have no suggestions for improvement. This poem is great as is.
Final Conclusion: Another fantastic, poignant piece.
It had been an honor reading through your collection of poetry. You have such great talent, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
*This is auction review seven of eight for "Invalid Item" .*
First Thoughts: Pattern tells the tale of someone who's looking the mirror image of someone they once had. You speak of a lifetime in this piece - of heartache and want for something is no longer possible. In the end no amount of drinks or fake laughter will cover the pain evident here.
Grammar/Errors/Suggestions: The poetic structure of 3-4-3-4-3 fits nicely here, adding a visual context to the pattern presented in the poem. Your poetic flow and rhythm are spot on in this piece. I could find no errors and have no suggestions.
Final Conclusion: A poem of longing and heartbreak. Terrific work.
*This is auction review six of eight for "Invalid Item" .*
First Thoughts: The theme of opposites attracting is one for the ages. With your poem you've explored the ramifications of it, even going so far as to say its illogical. However, the heart wants what it wants and you've captured all those points and emotions quite well in this poem.
Grammar/Errors/Suggestions: Your poem centers around the theme of night and day. I enjoyed the way you played with the words, speaking not only of contrast but of time and need. I have no suggestions and could find no errors.
Final Conclusion: A lovely, romantic piece. Nice work.
*This is auction review four of eight for "Invalid Item" .*
First Thoughts: You start this poem off strong, speaking of life inside a cardboard box and the pain one feels at being homeless. You center your theme on observation and deep emotion, trying to compel the reader to understand. There is a story for each person, and you do a great job trying to understand that here.
Grammar/Errors/Suggestions: I could find no spelling errors while reading through your poem.
One thing I would suggest is to expand this work. It seems while I read through this piece that there was more to be said, yet it ends abruptly. As a poet, you must write where the muse takes you. However, if you were considering expanding some your poetry I would this one to your list.
*This is auction review three of eight for "Invalid Item" .*
First Thoughts: The topic of addiction is one that is not easily talked about, especially from the point-of-view of the addict. Your poem tells the story from the side not usually viewed and brings to light the needy battle many face on a day-to-day basis. Your insight is poetic and enlightening.
Grammar/Errors/Suggestions: I could find no grammatical errors while reading through your poem. The structure and rhythm you've set for this piece fits nicely for the topic at hand. I have no suggestions for improvement as this poem is great as is.
Final Conclusion: An expressive poem about a hard topic. Well done.
*This is auction review two of eight for "Invalid Item" .*
First Thoughts: Your poem struck a deep cord with me, speaking of things very similar to my own past. Your repetition of certain lines resonates the power of the poem, and the starkness of the situation for someone who takes the blame for abuse. It was easy to see the each stanza as circling explanations inside the mind of the narrator, trying so desperately to convince themselves why the horrible things are happening the way they are. You've done a tremendous job capturing the essence of the scene.
Grammar/Errors/Suggestions: I could find no grammatical errors in your poem.
One thing I would suggest is more punctuation. In poetry, I find that punctuation should be used at the poet's discretion. It is something that should be left to the muse. I noticed you use it sporadically in this piece so I see you have some intent for it. Adding more may help with your poetic flow here.
Final Conclusion: A very powerful poem. Well done.
First Thoughts: Your poem is the first Cleave poem I've ever read, and I have to say I was surprised by the outcome. The three-in-one poem makes an interesting read, and I'm thoroughly impressed with the connection you made between all three of them. This is one of the most creative uses of the prompt I've seen.
Errors: I could find no grammatical errors.
Suggestions: This is fascinating as it. I have no suggestions for improvement.
Favorite Line/Segment: I can't pick just one line as the entire poem is unique and essential.
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First Thoughts: With your short story you've demonstrated the effects of what arson has on the community and on the individual. You've done a wonderful job examining the scope of the consequences through each person involved and what happens when things get out of hand. You've used the prompt well.
Errors: I found one error while reading your story.
>...at home with their families or just minding (delete space) their own business.
Suggestions: One thing you should be careful of is the context of which point-of-view is being presented. At times it felt there were multiple people presenting there case in the telling of the fires instead of Chris narrating the tale. I would suggest rereading and sharpening the points where this might be hazy.
Favorite Line/Segment:When toying with fire, someone is sure to get burnt --- in more ways than one.
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First Thoughts: Your poem reads like a melodic song, singing of heartbreak and pain. Love that turns sour is always a painful experience, but you have managed to make the pain into an experience that is beautiful in appearance and sound. 
