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Wow!!! This is a powerful poem! I could picture the imagery throughout this as I was readling each stanza. I could picture "Mamas" rosey cheeks as daughter was drawing the picture of them holding hands.
Into the next stanza I could the light as it fitered through and her being told to clean the vomit up, along with the shag carpet! I can only imagine what the bunk beds and cradle looked like. I am scared to know what the butcher knife was for, as it seems to be important for this stanza.
The third stanza,I can see the little girl trying not to hear what the the little voice was saying, since they cheated little kids. I can see her stop rocking and she has that scared look. I think that this is really important to anyone that has been abused in anyway to know that the little voices is the abuser.
The last stanzas make me to believe that maybe the mother might have been on drugs or doing the abuse to the daughter. Sounds like a therapist or social worker is the one who is with her watching her color from memories of her mother.
If I am not right on the last stanzas then I misinterpreted this and I am sorry. I have been around kids who have been removed from their parents homes due to drug abuse, sexual abuse, and other types abuse and drugs. I was living at a Transitional Housing where parents and their kids were there to become self-suffecient.
Wow, I have to say that this is really a deep poem. You can see everything Lisa is going through with all the pain and suffering. I could feel the chills. I could hear the demon as it spoke to Lisa. I can't wait to get going with the rest of Lisa Lansing. I think that you have done a great job with Diaries of Lisa Lansing along with this poem!!! Keep up the great work!!! Keep On Writing, Creating, and helping here at WDC!!!! You Rock!!!
I always love reading what you have here on WDC!! I think that this is one of the special ones that you have with all your family pictured on here. I also think that you have some great friends on here, whom, I can personally say that I have read since I have started here on WDC almost 2 years ago!
I have to say that you have some really cute grand children. I have to say that as we go through life, you never realize that the family members are strong. The family members who are sick, seem to always be the ones that are stronger no matter what happens in life. They fight their illness to the very day they die.
I can not wait to read some more of your work. I will be back to visit and see if there are any new pictures of your children and especially the cute grandchildren!
Everyone come and read the authors mention in this piece. I have read them all and they are EXCELLANT!!! dpatrick as some awesome Haiku's!
Keep ON Writing, Reading, Reviewing, and Creating here on WDC!!! You Rock!!!
What a cool idea to do to help out WDC!!! Hope that there are lots of Clowns being made!!! This donation is worth the siggie and for helping out Angel Army and your cool groups!!! Keep Up the Great Work!!!! I can wait to see how much you were able to earn for all the charities doing this!!! Everyone come and check this out!!!!!
Keep On Writing, Creating, Helping on WDC!!! You Rock!!!
As usual you are always finding something new to do while you are here at WDC!!! Birthday party for WDC is cool!!! I think that it is awesome that you are helping with the celebration for the pool!!! Love the decorations!!! I can't wait to see what else you have planned for the Angel Army!!! YOU ROCK!!!!
Keep On Writing, Creating, and helping here at WDC!!!! You Rock!!!
THese are So pretty!! I love the cute themes too. I love the postcard one!! I think that you are the first to hasve this wonderful one!! I can't wait to see all the rest of these.
Keep On Creating, Writing, Reading, Reviewing, and Helping WDC!!!!
sssssshhhh do not tell her I might spread a rumor about her......
You have to check out this folder!! This Angel Army leader, has 3 wonderful items to get to know her personaly with her Web page "Kiya's Korner,""Confession of a Pseudonym," and "Kiya's Favorite Things!"
Sssshhhh, do not tell her I am letting you in on a cool rumor! Cause then everyone on WDC would know so many more things that this Angel has to offer!!!
Kiya,
you're an Angel helping others as your #1 priority whether be WDC Angel Army, The Review Pool, RAOK, and everything else she contributes too!!
Please everyone come and check out the Rumors I have spread about Kiya!!!!!
Keep On Writing, Reviewing, Reading, Creating, and Helping here on !!!
Just wanted to tell you that your favorite things are whole lot better than Oprah's! How many WDC members would give to know that thay are part of an Angel Leaders Favorites here on WDC!!
I love the way you have this set up! I love the different awards given to everyone!! Some of the Top Authors here on WDC deserve all the awaards given to them!!
Just remember this WDC members, Oprahs are physical gifts for everyone!! Kiyas are Acknoledgement for The Site to see!!! I am so glad that you did this with all cute graphics!!!
Sover one come and look at Kiya's Favorite things!!!
Keep On Writing, Helping, Reading, Reviewing, and Creating here on WDC!!!
This is an awesome map to find where everything is in your port! I will definitely coming to you for help with mine! IF you have not, when the next POrt theme contest is going you need to enter!!!
You have done a great job with the descriptions of each folder! You would not even have to have the cool siggies you have to link to each of your folders!
I think that Kiya has done an awesome job with your siggies!! All the other siggies from other wonderful artist here on WDC did a great job too!!!
This is one of the best themed ports I have seen here on WDC!! I can't wait to see what else you have added as you add to yout port!
Keep On Writing, Reading, Reviewing, Creating, and Helping here on WDC!!!
As ususal you have another awesome except to go into the CSI series you are writing about!!! I could picture this as I am reading this! Descriptions are awesome. I can't wait to see which story this will go into out of your series!!!
I think that you are one of the authors on here that really loves the stories that you write. You enjoy writing everything, whether it be for the Writer's Cramp, Home of Red Foxx, or about Walker!!! I get so excited when I See that you have a new story up!!!
Keep On Writing, Creating, Reading, Reviewingm and Helping here on WDC!!!! You Rock!!
This is an awsome way to get WDC community in to having fun and have a writing contest too!! A treasure hunt is so much fun to do too! I can't wait to go enter the raffle!! Having it be a daily one should be interesting! I can't wait to see how to do this!!
Thank you for thinking of WDC and Having fun while doing this!! Keep On Helping, Reviewing, Creating, Writing, and Reading here on WDC!!! You Rock!!
This is Review 3 of 10 that you have won from one of my auction donations! I just want to say thank you for standing up for the home less for the youth!!! I love that everytime I read something of yours, you alkways want to help others!
Thank you for this informative article about the founder of Invisible Youth. I love how you have the reader actually picturing this as you are reading this article. I think that this founder has done an awesome job on starting this program for the youth! I love that he decided to find something to help keep the children from going to jail.
Keep On Writing, Creating, Helping, Reviewing and Reading on WDC! You Rock!!
Fred is a smart and sneaky cat that likes to get his way. I am so sorry that he decided to mark his spot on you! I tell you he has to be the boss. I think the best part though was with the Calamity Catnip and him passing out in the drunken stooper!
I can just imagine how he was with the catnip in full affect! I think that he should have tried to catch the birds or catch the mole like that! I also love the part when he had cobwebs and dust all over him too! That was all hilarious!
I can not wait to go on to the next year of the Diary! This has been enjoyable to read!!
Keep On Writing, Creating, Reading, Reviewing and Helping on WDC!!!!! You Rock!!
I Like the different ways that you have Evil potrayed as wind, a virus, just in spirit! I really like how you have Evil portrayed as a voice too. Evil is worst when it is by voice when the words of hate come out in everyone!
I will definitely be back to visit your port again!! Keep On Helping, Creating, Writing, Reading, and Reviewoing on WDC! You Rock!!
I have to say that this is similar to the Fox and the Bear haiku's. I think that you have Toad and the cat pictured perfectly. Mr. Toad is killed by the cat. Comes back reincarnates as the Samuri.
I love the imgery that you see with this as you are reading this. Your descriptions are short and simple. You have the nature spirit in this as in traditional Haiku form. I can't wait to read more in your port!
Keep On Writing, Reading, Reviewing, and Helping on WDC!!! You Rock!
I think that this is a cute way to keep memories of your cat. This way as fred gets older and eventually passes away you can share these memories with your kids. Especially when they ask if you had a pet. I look forward to read more adventures of Fred.
I think that my Favorite part is about the closed door and Fred. Cats and closed doors are so fun! I had kittens and that was my favorite thing to do with them.
I love how they would slide their little paws. You can take your finger and barely touch them and they attack back! It is the greatist!!
Keep On Writing, Reviewing, Helping, and Reading!! You Rock in!!
Thank you for entering the Precious Gifts Contest! I hope to see you in future rounds of the contest when I have started this back up!
Due to circumstances outside of WDC, I have taken longer than expected with this round of judging. I am also the only one judging this round! I hope to see you again in future rounds of this contest When I have opened the next round up!
I love the imagery in this poem!! I am so happy that your dad was able to move back home from the nursing home! I have to say that is a Precious Gift for your family! I can feel the emotional description that has been put into this as you were writing this! I really love the part about the angel telling him it was not time for him to get there yet. That was an awesome line for imagery and emotions!!!
Thank you again for entering the contest and hope to see you in future rounds of this contest!
Keep On Writing, Creating, and helping here at WDC!!!! You Rock!!!
Nothing I could really see. I think that you might want to add spaces between each stanza. It will make it easier to read.
Grammar:
Review for content over grammar. I do think that you need space between lines that the beginning wheren the lullabye actually starts.
Plot:
I think that this is a sweet poem about Trish and this baby. I would make this clearer if it is lyrics or poetry. With the beginning saying a lullabye, this would be lyrics. Please make sure that you are actually doing a poem or lyrics.
Setting:
Singing this lullabye to him or her. This needs a little more emotions into this as you read this out loud when writing it. I know it is hard to add emotions into your poetry or proses because you are reading it to your self. Not quite sure where the setting is for sure except for the baby and Trish!
Characters:
Trish, the baby. and yourself.(Thinking it was from reading this and being dedicated to Trish}
General Comments:
Like I said: more emotions, spaces between stanzas, whether this is poetry or lyrics.
Due to circumstances outside of WDC, I have taken longer than expected with this round of judging. I am also the only one judging this round! I hope to see you again in future rounds of this contest When I have opened the next round up!
Nothing I off hand I could see that was mispelled.
Grammar:
A few Long paragraphs that made it hard to read. Other than that nothing else. I review on content over grammar. This was a slight problem that can be fixed.
Plot:
I love the ideas that of writing about your experience with taking your wife to the hopsital for the final stage of the pregnancy. I being a mother of three will sympathize with you on her squeezing your hand so hard it is turning white!
My ex hubby had scartches on his from me. I also told him to go home and get his dad during the labor of my second child. He also had white hands from me squeezing them too.
Setting:
In the car on the way to the hospital thinking about the last time your wife was pregnant, but realized this one was going to be here soon. You are hoping that the doctor would be there so you did not have to help deliver!
Characters:
You, your wife, and the little one on the way!! This is a great way to tel the story from the farthers view of this!! Happy Fathers Day Early!
General Comments:
Excellent Imgaery thought out the whole story. I could picture you worrying whether or not you were going to have to help deliever Amanda! Dr's seem to always come in right in time! Awesome story!!
I was laughing all the way through this, remembering the way my Ex hubby was with me all the way through the labor of the last two. I had my first as he was getting ready to get on the plane.
Dads are REALLY IMPORTANT too!!! I am glad that you have wrote this and you can picture this all they way through it. Great imagery. I would write more but I do not want to give to much away so that others will not come and read this!
Due to circumstances outside of WDC, I have taken longer than expected with this round of judging. I am also the only one judging this round! I hope to see you again in future rounds of this contest When I have opened the next round up!
First of all, Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you have had it easy getting around the site. If you need any help there are many groups around here that help out newbies! I would reccomend "Noticing Newbies" where you can have you work reviewed! I also would recommend "I Remember When Group" and "Angel Army"! Noticing Newbies Newsletter is very helpful too!
I want to thank you for entering the Precious Gifts Contest! Due to some Circumstances outside of WDC that is taking most of my time lately. I am also the only one judging this round hope to see you in future rounds of the Contest.
I have to say that I love the way the seed represented the growth of a friendship. I could actually picture this as the friendship grows until the bloom. Whether it be a marriage, long time school friend, or just a new friendship! I think that by representing the stages in your descriptions of the seed growing to the bloosom!
As for errors I did not notice anything wrong, but them I only review on content. No mispelled words either as I went through. The flow of the poem was easy to read. Sentences were not hard to read as you are saying the poem outloud!
Again Good Luck in this round of the contest, and hope to see you in future rrounds when I open the contest back up again!
Keep On Writing, Creating, Reviewing, and Helping WDC!!! You Rock!
First of all, Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you have had it easy getting around the site. If you need any help there are many groups around here that help out newbies! I would reccomend "Noticing Newbies" where you can have you work reviewed! I also would recommend "I Remember When Group" and "Angel Army"! Noticing Newbies Newsletter is very helpful too!
ANother great haiku that you have done!! Everytime you are improving on these!! I love the imagery you have done with this. Just wondering if you are meaning Dear or Deer. I am guessing you are meaning the women in the couple which would make since of useing the Dear. Or were you meaning Deer staying with the tradition of Bature? Awesome job!! I can't wait to read more of your work! I saw a few more in your port I will be back to read!
Keep On Writing, Creating, Reviewing, and helping! You Rock!
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First of all, Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you have had it easy getting around the site. If you need any help there are many groups around here that help out newbies! I would reccomend "Noticing Newbies" where you can have you work reviewed! I also would recommend "I Remember When Group" and "Angel Army"! Noticing Newbies Newsletter is very helpful too!
Well first of all I went into thinking you were going to have some kind of contribute to the soldiers that are over in Iraq fighting for the Iraqies freedon. I also thought you were going to talk about all the Verterns who have fought for the US and all the Allies.
Instead I read about something that has nothing to do with the soldiers who are over there right now fighting for Iraqie Freedome are being killed everyday for their freedom. I guess I am not sure what exactly you are trying to say about the war, the money, congress, and The whole Bush-Chaney campaigne but I Do not think this is the way to go about talking about the war.
I do not vote, or have anything to do with politics, but I DO believe that on Memorial day, you do not put down the US soldiers who are putting their lives on the line to help the IRAQ's have freedom.
How do you think the families of this soldiers would feel if they read this becuase you want Bush-Chaney impeached. Has nothing to do with this at all! I believe in helping other countries for freedome, but I do not believe in Iragies or Us soldiers being killed to get Iraq's freedom.
Again, you have done a wonderful job on this! You can see the imagery and feel the emotion in this poem! You have manage to get all the emotion of ending eternal life along! You have kept this to the traditional haiku form too! Keep On Writing, Creating, Reviewing, and Helping WDC! You Rock!!
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This review is being done as part of "Invalid Item" !
Punctuation/Spelling: Nothing I noticed reading this.
Grammar: Review content over grammar.
Plot: I liked this story alot! I love the idea of using one of the cards that sing the songs! My favorite is Somewhere over the Rainbow. You could picture the grin of delivery man as he was going to her cubicle.
Setting: The office setting is a great place to have the delivery man to deliver the flowers. I like how the fellow worker had pretty sneared about the flowers and how they will die soon. Sounds like she has had soem bad dates...
Characters: delivery man, the lady who received the flowers, her fellow co worker, and the lady's boyfriend that sent the flowers and the sweet card.
General Comments: I have to say that this did remind mo of the commercial where she gets the floweres that say "for my something, something..." and they think that he did something wrong. Convinces her that he did something wrong. hehe...
I want to state that I do not want to spoil the stories so I do not say who the characters are and what all goes into the plot becuase I want everyone to read this with a surprise!
Not a Newbie and more and not a yearold here at WDC, come to visit the "Under 12 Months Group A"
I think that this is a cool excerpt of your novella! I really like how you took many years of memories by undoing them as the trees grow older. I think that this had awesome imagery. I could picture this as I read the descriptions and the emotions that were involved with the excerpt! I am definitely going to be stopping by to read the novella when I am able to fullfill my obligations!
When I do review on something I really like, I try not to tell the details of the item so tht others will come and read it!!! I think that many should read this!!!! You Rock!
Keep On Writing, Creating, Reviewing, and Helping here at WDC!!
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