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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/marim
Review Requests: ON
74 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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for entry "The Diagnosis
Review by Mari McKee
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I actually snorted from laughing so much after reading your story! Laura was a lucky lady!
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Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Once upon a time there was a girl who tried to express her thoughts and emotions through writing poems and stories. Every day, she would practice writing about her life experiences with passion and her creativity began to flow. One day she got the courage to show some of her writings to a well respected professional. He actually cried after reading one of her poems. Because of that totally unexpected reaction to something she had penned, she joined the WDC community, yet still felt inadequate, until she began to win contests judged by other authors. She still felt almost like she was an imposter posing as an author, until finally she began to slowly realize that she did have some talent to share with other writers.
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Review of Lady Day  
Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (5.0)
As a member of the Rising Stars of WdC, I am reviewing your poem, "Lady Day" This poem is to pay tribute to Billie Holiday. Comparing her to gardenias is brilliant! Lush, full, waxy and many petaled are great analogies for Billie Holiday, considered one of the best Jazz singers of all time. Unfortunately, she lost her life due to addiction. This is a very good poem and I like it. I see no errors and have no suggestions for improvement! Great job!
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Review of dandelion  
Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello fallon pacific,

As a candidate in the Rising Stars Program, I am reviewing your poem, "dandelion".

First, I really like the title of your poem, It evokes fond childhood memories of wishing on a dandelion, blowing on it, and watching the seeds float away in the breeze.

Your poem evokes a sadness of unrequited love, despite wishes on dandelions. I really like how you expressed this sadness.

Technically, the meter throws me on your poem. While every line rhymes, the meter is such that it doesn't flow as well as it could. I always count the syllables on each line and keep each line close to the same number of syllables,so that it reads smoother. Also, "everytime" should be two words, every time. these are simply my suggestions.

My favorite lines are "around my heart, the dandelion seeds spun

and every time we touch i am still undone"

Very good poem. Keep writing!

Mari

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Review of Treason  
Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Ahmad Danial,

I really like your poem, "Treason".

The first think I noticed is that the first two stanzas do not rhyme, while the last four do rhyme. I would have them all rhyme or all be free verse. This is only a suggestion.

Good job and keep writing!

Mari
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Review of Simplicity  
Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Ahmad Danial!

I looked at your portfolio and found only two of your items have not been reviewed. I believe this one has not been reviewed because it contains only one sentence. Is this a form of poetry? It is a wonderful statement, but I am unsure if it qualifies in any of the writing categories. The same goes for the other one you wrote. I will ask around and if I learn anything about how to review single sentences, I will let you know! Keep writing!

Mari

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Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, S.E. Martin!

As a candidate of the Rising Stars Program, I am reviewing your poem, "The Best Laid Plans".

Technically, the only grammatical error I see in this Free Verse Poem, is "roads" in the next to the last line. How often have the roads' next bends (plural) OR How often HAS the road's next bend (singular).

Your poem captured my attention from wondering about the elusive "home" "just right around this bend". It evokes some melancholy with the last two lines "How often are the roads' next bend(s) Been party to your plan?"

I love your poem! Keep writing!

Mari



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Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really like your poem! It is a beautiful gift that you give!

Mari
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Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very touching poem is one with which I can identify. The only thing I can suggest is making each line shorter...

As the song played, I smiled,
Shortly, it went away,
If only about a mile, etc.

This is only a suggestion on my part, so please do not think I am being critical! I am no expert on poetry but it what i love to write the most. It is a beautiful poem!

Keep on! Mari
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Review of Remembrance  
Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful poem!

Mari
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Review of The Wall  
Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really like your poem. I love the analogy with the sturdy window blinds. The only thing I would change is on line six. I would remove "and" as it isnt necessary to the next line. Great job and keep writing!
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Review of Blueberry Pickin'  
Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (4.5)
This story left me a little sad at Gram's painful memory of her lost kitten. She believed the kitten had been eaten, perhaps by an alligator, leaving her a fear and hatred of them. She had fear for her granddaughter with an alligator close to them.

I enjoyed this story and find no problems with it. Punctuation, spelling, and format look good! Good job and keep writing!
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Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Bubblegum! This is a delightful story! When you described the culprit, I thought it might be a young bear at first. I love that it was a dog stealing Mr. X's dog's toy! Well written and fun to read!

Mari
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Review of 68 Minutes  
Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem portrays a sad, ever day occurrence of cruelty at the hands of children. It evokes feelings of sadness and compassion both for the victim and for the narrator. Your poem also makes me feel angry at the ignorance and evilness of those that bully. You made the guilt of consciousness very real for this boy who was weak and unable to stand up to the bullies. I love this beautifully written poem!

Mari
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Review of Canyons of Light  
Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an outstanding poem! From dawn to dusk, there is a promise to the future. Your poem is perfect and I have no suggestions. You are an awesome poet!

Mari
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Review of A Haunted Memoir  
Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your story had me captivated from the beginning! Yes, I have had experiences with "spirits" so it is easy for me to believe you saw a hand at the curtain! Great story and well written!

Mari
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Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Most people are as conditioned as the dogs used by Pavlov in his experiments. Early men salivated and grunted with excitement at the sight and smell of food. As man evolved, we learned how to control our senses and not eat like Neanderthals (well, some still do) Your setting is pure genius...a car! All of the senses are perfectly described.

For sight you write about a gray glow, green mile markers and the yellow and white stripes of the road.

For smell you mention the new car smell being overpowered by the scent of French fries.

For touch you describe sticky fingers, the feel of the fries against her teeth and the crisp air on her face.

For taste you describe "a mushy, salted/sweet mess" then the sweetness of the tea.

For sounds you describe the wrinkling of the paper bag, the sound of teeth grinding. and a deep breath.

I hope you won first place in the contest! This is a wonderful short story!

Mari
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Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (5.0)
This beautiful tribute to your beloved daughter brought me to tears. There is nothing I can say to improve your poem. There is nothing meaningful I can say about the loss of your daughter. "Your laughing eyes and smiling face" tells me all I need to know about how wonderful and loving she was with you."Much more than I ever knew" says it all about how much you continue to love her, and the overwhelming pain and loss. I truly admire you. You were very brave to write this wonderful poem. All I can say, with absolute conviction, is that she is still smiling at you and that one day you will be reunited for eternity. You and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers.

Mari
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Review of To My Teacher  
Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (4.0)
As I am a college instructor, I found your poem amusing because I wonder if this is how my students think of me! I wonder why you did not like Mrs. J. (besides what you have written).Your descriptions are very good and leaves no doubt about how you feel about her. Nicely done!

Mari M
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Review of Mom  
Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love your poem because i can identify with some of the same things you about which you wrote. That was a nice touch about the photographs!
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Review of I Stand Amazed  
Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a beautiful poem about God and faith! "I stand amazed" is the way I feel when I see the wonders from God's Hands.
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Review of A Love Poem  
Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love this poem. The Bible, however, says there are no marriages in heaven. But I don't think that matters in this poem!

Mari
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Review of Duplicity  
Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (4.5)
Awesome poem!
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Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great analogy for epilepsy!
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Review by Mari McKee
Rated: E | (4.5)
A wonderful Cinquiano!
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