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Review of Writing.Com 101  Open in new Window.
for entry "Create/Edit a Book" Open in new Window.
Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
I am as confused about creating my blog as ever. I am going to get this eventually. I really would like to have a blog on WDC.
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Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
WOW! Thanks for continuing to write! You are an AUTHOR. You have a story to tell, and you are telling it well. I like the enthusiasm, and the story line.

The story requires a good proofing, but I loved the story. The review is very long and I have sent it to you in an email. I offered lots of suggestions and changes, but remember, IT IS YOUR STORY, and I am only the reader!

Write on. WRITE ON!


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Review of A Bowl of Wisdom  Open in new Window.
Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Excellent read! Point driven home in a very nice and matter of fact manner. I think we all fall into this category (the know it alls) every now and then. I like how you treated the subject without stating the obvious. I enjoyed the characters you used to illustrate your points. Thank you for sharing.

Not being a grammarian, I thought the story was well written, self-explanatory, and served its purpose, at least with me. One suggestion:

I know they’ll (did you mean there will) be repercussions?

Again, thank you for sharing and write on. WRITE ON!


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Review of Lemons  Open in new Window.
Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A description o f life that is easy to read and understand. In my world, they say, when they serve you lemons you get the choice to make lemonade, lemon meringue pie or lemon pound cake. YOUR CHOICE. You laid it out and gave example f how to do that and what the results will be IF YOU choose to stand strong and not let the lemons dictate your being. Nicely done.

Your writing style is interesting, but from my vantage point, I did not see anything that I would change. I quite enjoyed the read. Thank you for sharing.

Write on. WRITE ON!


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Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am a western fan, and think your poem tells the story of the good and bad cowboy coming to town. I had a few jerks here and there as I read your poem, but for the most part enjoyed the read. Not sure, I have any concrete suggestions for changes, but I do have a few questions:

1. Did you mean to capitalize tailor? I do not think that it should be capitalized.
2. You used rhyme in almost every line, but missed a few here and there. Why?
3. You tell us Jimmy Thatcher rode into town, but call him J. T. and Jim without warning us that they are the same
4. You also have his horse cinched/hitched before having him (J.T.) spurred in (I understand why, but...) something to think about.
5. Make back ache one word (backache)

Again, thank you so much for sharing!

Write on. WRITE ON!


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Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I truly liked this poem. Life can be viewed as a board game, and I agree there are no winners or losers just people moving through life at their own pace. It (life) can be very difficult at times, but it (life) can also be very rewarding. I think that we get out of life what we put into it, and to get the best out of it (life), we have to move. We cannot stand still.

Thank you so much for sharing this piece. I enjoyed reading it. I like the fact that you stuck to your title, and then brought in the ending with the idea that there are no winners or losers, just people.

Write on WRITE ON!


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Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Thank you for writing this beautiful story. I enjoyed reading it very much. I have a few suggestions that I hope you will consider.

1. When I was finished tenderly planting the seed(s), I glanced back at the 99 cent pack(,) and slid it under my fathers('s) junk drawer, just in case we needed it again.

2.A few days later, after my father had left early for work, I went over to his shop to surprise him with the doughnut tree(.) My father was so impressed (with the tree and the doughnuts hanging from the tree) that he tasted each one, and they (all) tasted like doughnut made from paradise.

3. How did he start getting respect? Did he start selling the doughnuts in his store?

4. Consider starting a new paragraph with "Business was great for a long time... Do you really mean blogs in this sentence?

I have other suggestions, but will email you with them. Thank you again for sharing your story.

I am rating this a 3.5 because it needs some work, BUT I will come back and rate it again once you re-work it a little, IF I CAN DO THAT. I will check.

Write on. WRITE ON!


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Review of Sum Days  Open in new Window.
Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for writing this short story. It is a sad story, but one that is played out every day in our society. The elderly left to be cared for by care givers because families no longer care for their old. It made me sad, but also more appreciative of those who are older and still able to help themselves.

The story has some irony in it, since Phoebe wanted to punish them for how they treated her and for their youth. To be the carrier of the disease and immune to it was also a very good twist to the story since she was counting the days that she had lived. I do have a few suggestions, however, they are ONLY suggestions. It is your story.

They had all grown so (?), from whenever she last saw them.

She hoped he was eating properly, now (that) Enid, his wife was gone.

The(y) result(ed), in the fine people her sons and…

She wanted to tell Ginger that, (consider deleting one that) that it would be(,) all right.

…smile like he's done me a favour." (favor is preferred, I believe)

...gravely ill and in (the) hospital,

…meals for you?". (Check your punctuation here)

…one a.m.. (Delete one period)

“Now, what would you like for tea? (?) I could do some sausages and veges (veggies), would you like that?”

Alison is off sick (,) too (,) now.

"Are you going to give me a check up?” (checkup)

“…and we realized (realized, I believe is preferred)…

Again, thank you for sharing.

Write on. WRITE ON!


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Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
InviSiBle tHiNg, I felt blissful and happy at the beginning of the writing, and tearful and ready to cry at the ending. I felt that the ending would be about the death of someone, but did not see our particular ending coming. It is a great piece and I love the dedication. It also made me think of my granddaughter who is living in New York and just got her first job and feels like she is on top of the world. I am always in contact with her because I am old enough to know that things happen and they are not always good things.

After reading your piece twice, I wanted to share it with her, but thought better of it.

There were a few bumps in the writing, but I attributed them to your style, and left them alone.

Thanks so much for sharing, and I promise to read more.

Write on. WRITE ON!


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Review of Which is Worse?  Open in new Window.
Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Your ending was the best. I am not sure I agree on which is worse, but I get the message. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the subject. The rhyme is good. Sentence structure is good, and the message is clear. I also do not believe that there will be a cure for apathy. LOL

Your poem is interesting and well written, but takes an interesting turn at the end by actually offering suggestions for addressing boredom.

Thanks again.

Write on. WRITE ON!


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Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Now, that is funny. It is or could be a true story about me, but I don't have a husband, just a lot of grands that I periodically go to the movies with. They know I am lousy about keeping up with my keys, and they will just stand and watch me search my purse, coat, and everything else, and then laughingly give them to me. My son put them on a rope and hung them around my neck. Since then, I have done much better. Great writing. Short and sweet. Too the point, and had me laughing on my seat.

Thanks for sharing. No offers of improvement. Great poem.


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Review of You Are,,,  Open in new Window.
Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love the passion in the poem and believe that is just how memories are made, one at a time with or without the love of your life. In your case love appears to be just what the doctor ordered and is within your hand.

I enjoyed the read, and was intrigued by the format. No suggestions at all for the written piece. Personally, I loved it. Thank you very much for sharing.

Write on. WRITE ON!


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Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Thank you for sharing your short story. I believe that you have a story to tell about how you grew up, the conditions under which you grew up, and pain your are suffering because you feel guilty for speaking the truth as a child about your life and living conditions.

Suggestions: Review what you have written. Check your spelling and grammar. Look up words and their meanings so that you use the correct word, example you use were for where at least twice. See some of the corrections made in the first few lines below:

Life Through My Eyes
Imagine growing up going from house to house not knowing were (where) you'll be next, (.) w(W)ell that was me at 8 (eight) years old. I have a(n) older brother and two sisters(,) but i(I) really didn't see my older brother and sister(.) i(I)t was just me and my little sister. Well(,) let me start from were (where) (it) begins,(.) m(M)y mother is and(an) alcoholic which means alcohol is her life she drinks it...

Also check your spacing through out the document. Note that spell check will not fix some of the words, if they are spelled correctly.

Again, thank you for sharing and good luck on your writing endeavors.

Write on. WRITE ON!


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Review of Products.  Open in new Window.
Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Love the irony in your poem about where we are as a people. We have got into going along to get along, and to allow politicians and others to do just about anything they please. We put a price on things, but no value on human life. A sad state of affairs. You got my attention, and I appreciated the way you handle the message.

One suggestion: Become(s) more mature, I know. Not being a grammarian, I think man is singular and therefore become requires the "s."

Thank you for sharing and write on. WRITE ON!


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Review of Chlorine  Open in new Window.
Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Thank you for sharing this piece. I admit that it has several interesting twist, but actually give rise to thoughts about why you named it Chlorine. It is well written, and shares storylines that are clear and good.

Had a suggestion: But Time's (lower case t) hardening always strikes.

Write on. WRITE ON!


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Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
First thank you for a well written piece with examples and explanations of what, how, and why for doing or not doing something when trying to get someone to accept and read an article or book that you are seeking to publish. I have not dared to dream that big about my writing, but was very glad to see what you wrote about this topic.

Secondly, I learned something from your piece about caps, bolding, and exclamation points. I thought using them helped to bring emphasis to a particular part of the letter or written word. Glad for another opinion from someone in the field.

Finally, I found that the writing style was good and straight forward. Overall, very informative. Thank you.
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Review of Butterflies Die  Open in new Window.
Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Now, that was a good poem. I liked it very much. I chose it to read, review and rate because I thought it would be about nature. Okay, I was wrong. It was about innocence and the loss there of as well as the pain and suffering we go through as children to reach this great can't wait for adulthood. (At least that is what came through for me.)

I read it twice, and enjoyed each read. Do not have any suggestions for improving it. Thanks so much for sharing.

Write on. WRITE ON!


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Review of Shaman's Trance  Open in new Window.
Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very interesting. I enjoyed the treatment of the material, and thought that you used your words well to express what the hypnotist might be saying to a patient. It also expresses to some degree what the person might be hearing and feeling as the power of suggestion is being used to bring about calm. Also interesting was the placement and sentence structure.

Thank you for sharing.

Write on. WRITE ON!


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Review of Tie Dye  Open in new Window.
Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Very interesting subject matter treated in poetry form to express feelings that are generated by clothing that was worn at different times with someone your loved. The rhyming was good for the most part, and made for an interesting read.

A few suggestions: That make (makes) me smaller...; As I convince myself I'm same (or sane?); As the dark gains more allure. Seems to need another word to bring out the meaning of this line.

Thanks very much for sharing. Your first attempt was quite good. Write on. WRITE ON!


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Review of Baby  Open in new Window.
Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Robin you write with purpose and with a message. It is life right on, full of questions and repletion. It is a very good poem and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you so very much for sharing.

I have no suggestions for improving this.

Write on. WRITE ON!


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Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I think this would make a GREAT story for little ones who are meeting new fears and challenges every day. It is well written, pleasant, and entertaining. Initially, I thought by the title, it had something to do with the fear of flying (I am scared to death of flying, but fly any way). Then I thought of flight from fear, so you can imagine my delight when I realized that it was neither, and had to do with an insect overcoming the fear of flying, the light and the perils of flying to collect nectar.

Thank you for sharing.

Write on. WRITE ON!


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Review of Feelings  Open in new Window.
Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your love flow through your words. I am always interested in reading poems, items or articles that have the same or similar title to a piece I've written. I love your treatment of and how the last word from each line began the next line. That was creative and good. I would not change anything with this one.

Thank you for sharing.

Write on. WRITE ON!


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Review of The Bike Ride  Open in new Window.
Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I actually enjoyed this story. It was long, but it had some twists and turns that kept me going. I was surprised at the ending and at the treatment of two of the characters in the story. Good job.

Under separate cover, I sent you an email with lots of suggested changes. Hope they are helpful. Thanks for sharing

Write on. WRITE ON!


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Review of Regrets  Open in new Window.
Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Nice treatment of what seemed like a very critical situation that involved two but one actually got away. Not sure I connected the title with the piece you wrote. Maybe it is not supposed to be. The writing is tight and good, and I enjoyed the read.

Thank you for sharing.

Write on. WRITE ON!


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Review of Gone  Open in new Window.
Review by G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Gone! She's gone. Nice title, and great writing. I like the poem and the way you took time to connect your feelings with the words. The entire house was talking, the kettle, windows, the paint, the floors because your love had walked out the door. Nothing seems to ever take the place of true love, and you can't drown it in tears or liquor.

I have no suggestions for changing or improving your poems. I LOVED IT!

Write on. WRITE ON!
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