This is good! You write well and I enjoyed the read. It entraps you and keeps you reading to see how it will end. I, personally, think that it is well written and captures, those things that are experienced by mothers trying to raise their children, train them in the way that they should go, and then finally letting them go. And, shows how the cycle repeats itself.
I am a newbie, and showed my newness all weekend by reading and reviewing works online and giving credit to the Newbie support and help group. Tiggy just informed me that I should be reviewing works of other newbies to encourage and support them in their writings. I laughed out loud because that is something I want to do and thought I was doing. Alas, the problem is finding work by newbies, i.e., getting back to the page after I joined.
I bring this up because I would like to join this group also. I like its setup and want to improve my writings, but also want to help other newbies.
Long and short, I am sending this email because I would like to be a member of the WDC Angel Army. Thank you and may I hear from you soon.
Isn't that the way we've been programmed? To never be happy with who we are. To take a pill for whatever ails us. It keeps us frantically wondering who we are, how we are, if we are, and most importantly what we are.
As fleeting as summer, so is love at camp or even on summer vacation in the country. I relate to this poem because I was once young and had at least two or three summer loves that ended with promises to write, stay true and forever in love. Just to get home sad, depressed and despondent until someone new came along. That usually did not take very long.
Writing is light, flowing, and the purple gave it a nice texture and feel. I enjoyed the read and would not change anything.
I read the first three stanzas and stopped. I had to think about all of the other writings about the potter's clay, and how they were written to help the reader understand how each day they are being molded.
We don't often think about everything that we do. We spend more time thinking about what others have done to us. We waste time believing that the beauty of life is in what is in front of us and not what we are becoming.
I finished that last few stanzas and enjoyed the fact that the question was asked of the potter, and loved the explanation. We are the medium that shape so many lives, and yet we mostly go through life acting like a bull in a china shop.
Your writing reminded me that I am a part of this great universe, and what I do or don't do really matters.
The stanza were well written. Short enough to grab the reader's attention, and long enough to cause the reader to pause and consider what the words meant as well as what the writer was trying to convey.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I enjoyed it. WRITE ON!
Awesome. I love it. We shall really enjoy this. Your style is very similar to mine, and that is funny. I love poems that are free flowing and capture my point of view on an item or an issue. You do this extremely well, and it shows that you have been writing for a while.
I got it. I have not looked at other sites, and only found this one by accident. Having been on it for over a month now, I am hooked. It is refreshing to have a place to just put everything that you write in one place. It is rewarding to have others critique your work and offer you suggestions for improving. And, it is educational to just read some of the postings here. It is a great site. I am appreciative for those who made it possible and those who help to keep it alive and active.
Very nicely stated. I am in love with the concept. It speaks volumes about our lives. We always think that we are the first or this never happened to anyone else, but honestly, I have always said that there is nothing new under the sun, it is just new to me. You have stated that point of view very elegantly.
Very well written! Story line absolutely clear. Message is even clearer, and one that needs to be shared.
Abused children finding a way to escape their abuse and their abusers often live life with many scars even though they do not show. Many run blindly without any place to go. I imagine that "Over In Waves" envision that many of those abused actually get away. I hope that is true.
The style is good and makes you re-read the poem to be sure that you got the message, but also make you wonder was the writer also abused or just knows children that have been abused.
As a social worker, I know children and women that are victims of abuse -- mental, physical, financial and spiritual. Your poem cries out and should be widely shared so it will help others.
Strong religious inference, and the presence of God as He leads and guides you. He provides the assurance you need to face each trial and tribulations that are hurdled toward you, and you hold on firmly knowing that He will never let you go. He is the rock on which to build your strength and your life.
The poem seems to be free style, sticks to the subject. It is well written, and easy to read.
You are a very good writer! Thanks for sharing your wonderful poem. I like it, lived it, and remembered being in love, losing my love, and still feeling the love when it was long gone. I thank you for putting those feelings into words.
Great job on emotions and feelings as well as uncertainty. I also wrote a poem on feelings, but with a different twist. Thanks so much on sharing your feelings.
Nice tribute. Stuck to the title. Simplistic, but has genuine feelings and the love shines through.
Thanks for sharing. (NOTE: I think I am suppose to be able to help you improve, but I am too new to know how to do that. I liked it the way it is. <smile>
WOW! This is well written, conveys the authors point of view re government and the role of government, but also speaks only to a few examples of government over stepping its boundaries, and never states that the "people'" are the government, and people allow those people in government to do as they please without being regulated or held accountable.
The tone is open and inviting a response to the subject matter but clearly lays out why there will no financial help forth coming.
I've rated it a 4 because the author actually thought about what was being written and expressed his view point very well.
I read it because I support newbies and the author appears to be a new writer on this site. I liked it a lot when others read my works and provided me with feedback.
Big Bad Wolf, that is one way to handle the review of a piece that you really don't like. However, how does it help the author to really learn how to write, if like myself I want to improve, AND learn what I am doing wrong.
I for one certainly do NOT want to be crushed on this site by someone (and I have been by one of the authors here), that just wants to be nasty. However, I do want honesty in my reviews and my ratings. So, here is my idea.
Review the piece, even if you think it is bad, and maybe do not rate it on your first read, but contact the author and ask if s/he is open to "constructive feedback." If they are, you might ask how long have they been writing; what prompted them to write that particular piece; compliment on grammar, punctuation and other things that are correct/good, and then offer suggestions for improving. IF THEY are not, thank them for sharing on www.writing.com and move on. They may just be here for the friendship; a place to express themselves to themselves; or they just may be very young and dreaming of being a published author one day.
I have a very young writer on here that I met who became a fan (I don't know what to do with fans yet), but because of that young person reading my stuff and giving me feedback, I actually made some changes in at least one of my writings. I believe the person was UNDER 20.
NOTE: The writer can also write back and provide some insight on the written piece.
My thoughts. My suggestions may or may not be possible, but I think it is a more helpful approach.
You express your feelings very well. I have always wished that I had gotten to know at least one of my grandmothers. I did not have that pleasure. Since I did not, I have tried to be a really good grandmother to my sixteen grandchildren.
Through your poem I feel the love of your grandmother and how you felt about her. It is my hope that my grandchildren will remember me with love and fondness and will share those memories with their children. I believe that we should keep our loved ones alive through memory, poems and other writings. YOU have done that with your poem, and I think you so much for sharing.
I cannot critique it for grammar and punctuation because I am a newbie, but for me the words were quite appropriate and appropriately used!
Your poem brought tears to my eyes! THANK YOU so much for sharing your heart.
I liked your poem a lot. It was interesting see that you had lots of words at the beginning like a new days with lots of promises and became less and less as you ended the poem like a day gone by and fewer promises let to explore. NEAT.
I pretty much agree with your rationale. My Mother once told me that the man that wrote the book got an "A" so if I got a "B" on the assignment that was pretty good, and until I write an entire book that is worthy of its price, then, I earned a "B" and I still have something left to strive for.
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