Something strange is going on at the police station, and Ms. Moore is obviously not being taken seriously. It appears that something is playing tricks on her mind, and clearly the receptionist is not seeing what Ms. Moore is seeing.
Suggestions/questions/comments:
"Hello," Said (said) Ms Moore…
...a second to realise (realize) what the receptionist was getting at. (consider rewriting this sentence.)
..."I just need to talk to…(I just need to speak with…)
These are merely suggestions. Thank you for sharing.
Huntersmoon, your work keeps popping up for me in the random reviews. I also enjoyed reviewing this poem. I have never had a class in the various types of poetry, but WDC has been providing me with lots of information on the various types. When I come across a new poetry style, I look them up, and learn more about them.
Back to your poem. I think it is well written, and I enjoyed the read. I also appreciated the explanation re the type of poem that was being tempted. Based on that definition, you achieved your goal. On another note, I agree with the premise, in that we do seem to destroy that which we think of as beauty in one way or the other -- putting it on a petal, corrupting it, or in some way marring the beauty.
Thank you for sharing and for writing. It is definitely a poem that rhyme. In fact it seems to rhyme at almost any cost. I am not sure, but the title and the explanation for the poem did not seem to work together. I am also a poor critic on writing a silly poem since I do not believe that I have ever written one.
Suggestion/questions/comments: You state up front that it is an office "person" with a bad attitude, I looked for the connection, but could not make the connection.
Through random selection, I am getting quite a few poems written in this style. I understand the poem, and like the style, but now that I have read several of them, I not sure I would ever find this form of poetry fulfilling. That the does not take away from your written word which is quite well done based on my present knowledge.
What I liked: The way you made sure the poem was read correctly by the spacing.
Suggestions/questions/comments: Thank you for sharing. Write on. WRITE ON!
That is so awesome! The most fascinating thing about WDC is how much I learn here. Believe it or not, I have never seen let alone read a palindrome! Very well written and educational for me. Thank you for sharing. Now, I have to go and learn more about this wonderful way of expressing oneself through poems.
Suggestions/questions/comments: None for improving the poem as presented.
WOW! Short and pointed. Your diary entry is sad, and shares your loneliness. You are not alone and certainly not the only person in the people exclude group. I think we all have some of those days, but then it is up to us to reach out and make friends. Drowning in your sorrow only lead to more sorrow.
Suggestions/questions/comments: So (,) here i am),) 5 (five) weeks into my new life(.) (I am) i'm drowning in sorrow and loneliness from lack of friends. I seem to be the only person in the people exclude(.)
Very well written! The message is easy, and very clear. Two people in love, together, change, drift apart, and eventually break up. It happens in life in many different ways. We simply outgrow each other or "Disconnect."
Suggestions/question/comments: I have no suggestions for change. The rhyming was good.
Thank you for sharing your story. I enjoyed reading it. It had lots of turn and twist, and there were characters than I could keep up with. I was very interested in what happened to Megan and Jennifer in the caravan wagons and as to why they were half dressed rather than fully dressed or undressed. I think your build up for the next chapter is good. What will they tell their boyfriends?
Suggestions/questions/comments:
I stoled (stole) them from a fancy
Calin looked inton(into)Jennifer's eyes.
Okay, I read this, and was looking for the comedy in it since it was a comedy piece. I either missed it or did not understand the story. Please forgive me for that! It was interesting, well written, and sad. It was also very confusing for this reader.
Suggestions/questions/comments:
There were no glaring grammatical errors that stood out.
Unless your use of "grandad" is cultural or on purpose, it should be spelled granddad.
Thank you for sharing your work, and allowing me to review, comment and rate it.
This is a serious poem about a previously lose and new found relationship. I quickly identified with the poem although my lost relationship is many years old. I liked the "but hey" part of the poem as well as the way it was written.
I know, I am not suppose to consider the line spacing, but it made the poem a bit hard to read, and it would be much improved if you would consider fixing it the way I know you wrote it.
Suggestion/questions/comments: The last few stanzas are very different from the first several stanzas and made the poem more difficult for me to follow. Not sure how to fix that or even if you need to fix it.
Thank you for sharing your heart with me. I am trying to write about death and relationships, and your poem is certainly about relationships.
Your blog caught my eye this morning, and this entry in particular. First of all, let me offer you and your family condolences. Secondly, let me say, that I am certain that it is not easy not knowing the cause of death. I pray that chapter has also been closed and that the death was not violent even if it was not expected. Thirdly, I found this piece well written, and pasionate. Thank you so much for sharing it.
I also hope that you will not find the following rude or un-tasteful. I recently had my brother cremated, and have often thought that I wanted to be cremated and sprinkled around a large oak tree. My children find the idea horrifying. How did your family members react to this? Was it the first time that a member of your family was cremated?
O would appreciate a response, if you have one. If not, thank you for allowing me to visit your page.
Still the memory is just as fresh as if it was yesterday. The poem tells the story of the expectations, the birth, life, and death of your son. It is well written, and shows true talent for writing. Thank you so much for sharing, and I am glad that you are writing and sharing with us here on WDC.
Thank you for sharing. I feel your passion, and your admiration for the person that inspired your writing. Clearly that person has the ability to voice whatever s/he is feeling and you admire that so much so that it encouraged you to find your voice, GOOD FOR YOU!
Suggestion/questions/comments: A few of the stanzas should be reviewed and possibly re-written to help the flow of the poem. I did not see any incorrect spellings etc.
Another random pick for review. Glad I got to read your piece! Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed the poem, but found it to be a little choppy to read, and I thoroughly did not understand the ending even when I read it the third time. For my brain, it did not fit the rest of the poem, but I am sure you know exactly what was intended and that is as it should be! I also did not get the title, but I am sure it has significance for you.
Suggestions/questions: twere (t'were) or is it a typo?; Sharons (Sharon's); Shannon''s )Sharon's)
Again, thank you for sharing, and write on WRITE ON!
Random selection. I believe this was my first time ever reading a review about a restaurant. I found it to be interesting, and filled with details about the restaurant, the food, and the clientele. Very good descriptors provided on each. I would be inclined to remember Felini's should I perchance visit Norfolk.
Suggestions/questions: ...appeared to be ?prom night? Did you mean to use question marks? There is a typo in this line: ... I consider to be thebest (the best) of what I like to call "...
Overall impression was that Felini's is a good place to eat and you presented a fair and accurate picture in a very well written piece. Thank you so much for sharing. Until I read your review, I had never thought about writing my own review on restaurants that I frequent. Just might start doing that just for m.
Thank you for writing this poem. It made me go and review what I know about poems, rhyme, and rhythm. The introduction made me think that the writer was having a conversation with him/herself. However, the ending made me think that the writer was apologizing to someone that was very much cared for and had walked away from the relationship. The poem seems to say, that words were spoken that were at best left unsaid.
Because I was off taking a lesson in poetry to get a better grip on your writing style, I ran out of time, so I did not read your poem twice which is my practice, and have no suggestions for improving it. That said, I would suggest that you read it out loud just to be sure that it conveys the message that you wanted to convey.
Example: whispering the fancy the thoughts come in too
Thanks again for writing and allowing me to review your work.
I absolutely loved this one! Thank you for writing and sharing it. I love poems that deal with the seasons. At first, I thought you were writing about a lover, but in the end, it seemed more about the life cycle of a flower. Well written.
Not sure why you chose not to use capitalization or punctuation, but I some time do the same thing simply because of where I start with the poem.
LOL! The poem was well written and quite humorous. It could easily be a satire on police response to crime in many neighborhoods. The rhyming was good and the tone and tenor of the poem was equally as good.
I actually liked it and would not make any recommendations for changing it since it is written to be funny.
This poem was randomly assigned for my review. Thank you for taking the time to share your works with me.
This one was hard for me. I read it three times to see what was in the author's mind. Here's what I walked away with: That the stare from a loved one cold as ice, and drained the moon of its usual color; that denial came slow, and accepted slowly as the person displayed a more deceptive acceptance of the condition, and gave back a fake s,mile of acceptance. I believe that the poem is advance for 13, but provides a great lesson in presenting a subject that is all to hard to grasp -- relationships.
I was also stumped by the use or "rime." Had to look it up. LOL. Thanks again for sharing.
Your writing speaks volume for your inner faith and reliance on God. I much enjoyed this very brief but wonderful poem! It is a "welcome mat" and the words speak clearly to my heart. I recommend that it also be listed as spiritual to get a wider reading audience.
Great futuristic story! I truly enjoyed reading it. I love the way the writer wove together the past with the future and managed to get and hold the reader's attention throughout.
I have one suggestion, and it may even be incorrect, but think you should check: ...front door and in to (into) the night.
I clicked on this on the front page and was surprised when it popped up with your name. Two of your pieces in one week.
Once again, the title of your piece drew my attention. What's the point? The point is, that you and I seem to ponder similar questions about our existence and the existence of others. We arrive at different conclusions, but at least we are thinking about the possibilities.
Suggestion: Consider a hard rewrite. and a tough editing job. This appears to be a first write or draft. Also, consider the layout and design. Written together and the breaks makes the piece a little hard to read.
Thanks again for taking the time to share your thoughts and for forcing us to think about things that might otherwise be dismissed. So, what is the point -- stretch your boundaries.
Thank you for writing these tips. They definitely helped me better understand how to view the different types of writing. I agree that each requires a different kind of review and that there are critical differences and distinctions that should be made when reviewing and rating each. My difficulty in reviewing and rating items is more pronounced when the piece is just down right good, and it has no room for improvement from my vantage point. I like those, but those are hard to offer any suggestions, and I feel that I should be able to offer them something so I give them GPs!
Very short, but got my attention on the first line! The third line made me think that the guard was targeting to shoot the two people hiding. And, the last line, took off the edge! Well done. I believe that you summarized the joke complete when you said there or no ghost yet! Well written. Thank you for sharing.
My overall impression is that the author addressed the subject matter, and gave the reader a very well written poem. The length of the poem was suitable as well as the rhythm of the poem. I love the topic and believe the author stayed with the topic in the poem. The author also quietly stated a preference for winter while making it clear that there was no great love for summer or spring.
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