What a wonderful testimony to our Nation's symbol this is! I finished reading it and just had to listen to Johnny Cash's "Ragged Old Flag". Your poem speaks of loss and sacrifice endured, and of that yet to come. Day and night our flag flies, in weather fair and foul, a reminder to those who serve and to those who see them off. Thank you for sharing.
A lovely poem, Teresa. I've seen a fair number of poems and stories about our Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines, and they're all good. Hidden inside yours, though, is a glimpse into the cost borne by those who love the ones that serve. Thank you for sharing it with us.
As a retired soldier and father of 4 girls, I am more than familiar with the declaration, "I gotta go NOW!", usually heard on some lonely stretch of Interstate in the dead of night. Although we saw our share of questionably sanitary restrooms, we never suffered quite the disaster you so clearly described. I'm with you, though. I wouldn't want to have been the next guy through the door, nor the station attendant subsequently hearing about it (at an elevated volume, no doubt). Thanks for sharing!
I'm not the world's best writer--let alone, the best one here at WDC--but I thought I'd provide some feedback regarding this item from the "Recent Review Requests" page.
First Impressions: A nice little 4-stanza poem with a aabb ccdd eeff gghh rhyme scheme, it tells the story of dandelions lifted from the ground to float through the air.
Grammar and Spelling: Grammar and spelling were both fine.
Character/Dialogue: "I" did a fine job narrating the tale. The imagery of the dandelions as tiny dancers or ballerinas was perfect.
Setting: There weren't any details about where the dandelions started (which is not a problem), but their landing spot was clearly pictured.
Overall: It's easy to visualize the dandelions being scattered by the wind, only to land here and there. A nice poem.
Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no offense is meant by any criticism offered.
Your story brought back some great memories of my own time in Germany. I liked your descriptions of the US Army hotels--the General Walker in Berchtesgaden, and the General Patton in Garmisch--and your day trip details were great. Thanks for sharing!
Hi, sindbad. This is such a sad story, but one with joy, too. I've had to have a few pets put down, too; it's really tough.
You easily tell Pepcee's life story: how she became an integral part of your family, how she persevered through illness, and how she finally said goodbye. It's a very moving tribute to an important part of your life. Thank you for writing and sharing it.
I'm not the world's best writer--let alone, the best one here at WDC--and I certainly prefer reading writing to analyzing it, but I thought I'd provide some feedback regarding this item.
First Impressions -
Setting: All the action takes place in the character's room. There's no description of the room, save for the original and eventual color of the walls. Adding a few details may help readers create a clearer mental image of the scene.
Grammar and Spelling: Nothing jumped out at me, except for 'whole' vs. 'hole' in the last paragraph.
Character/Dialogue: The character could be either male of female, but the reader isn't told which, and there's no dialogue.
Overall: The fly's buzzing may be seen to represent some mental crisis being endured by the character. He/She tries various therapies, concluding by opening a window--opening himself/herself up to another person, perhaps?--which seems to provide some relief.
Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no offense is meant by any criticism offered.
I'm not the world's best writer--let alone, the best one here at WDC--but I thought I'd provide some feedback regarding this item from the "Recent Review Requests" page.
First Impressions:
Grammar and Spelling: Not to get super nitpicky, but you may want to consider the following: drop the dash from each 'back-lot', capitalize each 'corvette' (as it's a proper noun), drop the dash from 'gym-socks', drop the extra letter 'p' from 'man-shapped', change 'burley' to 'burly', change "I wan't you to tell me..." to "I want you to...", and change each 'pain of glass' to 'pane of glass'.
Character/Dialogue: The dialogue fits the situation, and I liked your use of dialogue tags. I also think you did a great job punctuating the dialogue; not everyone can do this.
Setting: Your description easily evoked memories of a basic trailer park, and helped set an eerie tone for the ending. To add a last little bit, perhaps Harlan can wonder, if Corky has taken Gibby's place as the ghost-in-residence, allowing Gibby to rest in peace.
Overall: A nice little story about spooky goings-on at a trailer park.
Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no offense is meant by any criticism offered.
Hi, Christopher Roy Denton. I saw this item on the "Recent Review Requests" page and decided to take a look. When I hear two versions of the same song, I usually prefer the version I heard first. So it was, with your sonnets; I prefer the first version, where your love affair with (presumably) fine chocolates is explained. The second line in the alternative version only hints at your lover's identify and, to my mind, it's a little too vague.
Regarding the sonnet's form, I must say you used the English sonnet rhyme scheme to good effect. Great job, Robert!
Hi, hellokitty! I really enjoyed your word search. You included a lot of well-known people and places--Lewis and Clark, McGwire, Gateway Arch--as well as some not as familiar to folks not from the area (e.g. Meremac and Grant's Farm). Thanks for setting it up!
I saw the Five Second Fiction folder in your port and thought I'd take a peek.
I really like this comparison of two disparate activities - baking bread and writing. The fact that you folded it into the challenge of telling the tale in exactly 100 unique words makes it even better.
You did a very nice job describing each stage of the bread baking process and then explaining how it relates to writing; the maxim at the end is right on target, too.
Hi, yacolt! I thought I'd take part in all the account anniversary reviews and take a look at something from your port. The brief Item Description caught my eye, so that's the item I chose
for my review. If you're considering submitting this item for publication somewhere, I think you've a good framework on which to build.
In general, I liked the description of life in the Old West. In particular, I thought you did a fine job describing the loneliness and stress a gunfighter endured back in those days. Where the subject is mentioned at all, I can recall getting that same sense of dreadful existence from movies I've seen, movies ranging from comedies like "Blazing Saddles" to serious films like "The Shootist".
Phrase/Sentence I liked: A slight cooling breeze had come up and blew at the dust his boots made as he walked in the dirt. Very nice imagery.
Grammar, Punctuation and/or Spelling Suggestions: You'll want to carefully review your text for extra quotation marks, such as “Don’t know for sure,” I’m thinkin’ it..." found right at the beginning or missing speaker tags such as "...shooting our street.” said “because it ain’t looking like..." from the sentence following the one previously mentioned. Using a global Search & Replace to change "Solon" to "Saloon" will take care of a number of the improvements you indicated at the top of the story. You also might want to think about ma'am versus mam'.
You can go back and make one, some or none of my suggested changes; it's entirely up to you.
Please remember that these are my personal thoughts and comments, and that no offense is intended. Thanks for sharing your story!
Hi, Sam N. Yago! I really enjoyed your story, particularly as it brought to mind a few memorable-bordering-on-traumatic incidents from my own school years. Your word choices painted a vivid picture of a class of young schoolkids, starting at the class photo--what a hoot!--and moving on to them getting to do something different from what they'd done in kindergarten. I liked how you described the whole process of making a choice: you laid out the two options available to you, you came up with a perfectly good reason for your choice (after all, there's nothing wrong with a little nonconformity), and then you told how each choice has consequences. Certainly the life lessons hidden inside your little story are applicable to much more than cooked poultry products.
These are my own personal thoughts, and no offense is intended. Email me, if you have any questions. Thanks for sharing!
Hi, Valet_Dave. I hope your essay was only intended to comment on practices you've observed in the IT world, rather than a description of what your own company and IT department are like; it would be pretty depressing to have to actually work in such an environment. The IT gang at my company certainly has its own jargon, but the group very considerately keeps it to a minimum when communicating with non-techies.
That said, you did a good job of communicating a problem certainly faced by many companies today. If the IT group thinks it can create job security by using confusing language to describe critical-sounding processes, because they know that management is more intent on doing what's best for them rather than what's best for the company, they may be safe for awhile. One day, though, management might realize that at least some of the hundreds of freshly-graduated IT types may be able to cut through the fog and even figure out how to run or access those cherished legacy systems everyone seems to have, and then the bloodletting will be on.
I hope my comments are helpful. Thanks for sharing!
So, a little Roswell with our prompt, eh? I can easily get a sense of how she heard a noise that startled her, but was immobilized before she could cry out, thus making it the first thing she said after being released. One has to wonder just what it is that makes Susan so special, that her abductions are almost routine to both her and her husband. A fine story, Jim!
Overall, a lovely description of life at its best.
"A place untamed, Living, breathing, Alive with color." - a wonderful way to describe the future's arrival, one moment at a time. Very nice, indeed!
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Although we saw our share of questionably sanitary restrooms, we never suffered quite the disaster you so clearly described. I'm with you, though. I wouldn't want to have been the next guy through the door, nor the station attendant subsequently hearing about it (at an elevated volume, no doubt). Thanks for sharing!
