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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/missy0201/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
Review Requests: OFF
482 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I pick the item apart and give as much feedback as I can about potential problems that may need to be addressed.
I'm good at...
Most grammar and punctuation issues.
Favorite Genres
Horror, Supernatural, Suspense, Thriller, Dark, Ghost, Non-sense, Comedy, or anything relating to these.
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica, Fanfiction, War, Military, Spiritual, Religious, Nonfiction, Arts, or anything relating to these.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Novels
I will not review...
I'll not review any item that has not be edited to the writer's best ability, or that I find impossible to read and review because of an abundance of grammar and punctuation mistakes that I feel the author could have corrected during editing.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 -5- 6 ... Next
101
101
Review of First Contact ~  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey Kate,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


This the first of the three reviews that I will be sending you. I really liked the details that you put into the first two paragraphs. I could sense the pain he felt at the loss of his father and the bond they shared. The rest, although it was good, seemed to pale in comparison, even though you did have good detail throughout the rest. In the third paragraph, I could understand his anger and feelings at his father's death. One thing that troubled me was that just before that it seemed like they were very close and then it seemed like they weren't because of the lake and sailing. Did his father die in a sailing accident? I thought he must have since Mark was throwing his ashes into the lake. I also wondered why he wasn't normal. What was different about him besides his size? Since he was supposed to be evolved, did he share any other physical characteristics with the aliens? You did a very good job with the conversations. The language was what I would expect. I liked the story and you seemed to have everything in order and gave just enough information about the lattice theory. You explained it without going overboard on details. Good job.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

captured and were held in (captured and held)

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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#1768032 by Tiggy

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102
102
Review of Cute Guy Tim  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*UmbrellaB* This is a Member to Member Review for Showering Acts of Joy! *UmbrellaB*


Hey aralls,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*

This was another great story. I found it an absolute pleasure to read. I laughed all of the way through it. In all of my life, I could never imagine having as horrible a date as this one. It almost makes most bad dates look like fun. The picture of his dead grandmother was a hoot just by itself, but when you pointed out that he lining matched her dress, I almost fell out of my chair.

“Tim, I gotta tell you somethin’. I believe that if you combined Jeffrey Dahmer’s DNA with Charles Manson’s, it would create a less creepy guy than you.”

“OMG! I love those guys!”


I absolutely loved this part. It was another one of those fall out of my chair moments. You have such a way of writing comedy stories. You seem to be able to take something normal and everyday and turn it into the most extreme and mind blowing version. I think you have a natural gift for this type of writing. While I read this story, it just seemed to flow naturally, without you having to think about what you should write. Great job.



Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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#1768032 by Tiggy

"Newbie Help And Support Review Central
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103
103
Review of Meddeling Parents  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*UmbrellaB* This is a Member to Member Review for Showering Acts of Joy! *UmbrellaB*


Hey acemckean,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*

First of all, congradulations on becoming a member of SAJ. Now to your story...You did a fine job on this story. I liked the way it was wrote from Frank's point of view. It sounded real and honest. I could see from his descriptions of Anne, that she was a little quirky. Frank's inner thoughts were really good. I thought that he said when Anne came into the bedroom and moved his feet to sit down, was funny. I could almost picture all of it in my mind. All of those little things that you threw in made the story. The dating sites, Armando who could have possibly been a dating site stalker like Anne. It seemed like she was willing to go to any lengths to get Olivia married and get those grandchildren. You did a good job with this story, and I enjoyed reading it. It was fun and entertaining. Good job.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

great first, Max (greet first)
I think it could use a couple of commas here and there. Maybe just two or three I think.


Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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#1768032 by Tiggy

"Newbie Help And Support Review Central
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104
104
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*UmbrellaB* This is a Member to Member Review for Showering Acts of Joy! *UmbrellaB*


Hey Asiah,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*

First of all, welcome to WDC and SAJ. Both are great places to be. As for my thoughts on your story...I thought that you did a great job writing the story. Your telling of the events were easy to read and you didn't get tangled up and loose site of what you were writing. I liked that you based your story around a common inanimate object such as a Beret. Being a little superstitious, I could sympathize with Rusty's fear. I thought the part where Rusty got the package, opened it, and died was a unique way to prove her theory about the cursed beret. Good job.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

the bottle shop to (I was a little thrown off by this. I understood what you were talking about after I read further. I've never heard it called that. I'm use to package store or liquor store. That may just be what it's called around here but it may need a universal description.)
We hadn’t had partners (The hadn't and had throws this sentence off. I felt that they are too close together. you could try 'We didn't have partners')
We had had a (I think you could get rid of one 'had'.)
and shared many (and we shared)
day my friend’s cat (day that my)
There were several places throughout your story where I got lost due to missing commas. All other punctuation seems fine.


Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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#1768032 by Tiggy

"Newbie Help And Support Review Central
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105
105
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*


Hey Pat,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I'm honored that you asked me to look at this story for you. You really brought to life the struggles of a child who isn't the first or last born. I can relate to the character because I was unlucky enough to be the middle child with a brother before and after me. It's really hard to get your mother's attention when you are competing with that. I liked the way that you added in the small details that showed her desire to gain approval. I could understand the guilt they felt at lying to their mother and hiding the evidence of that lie. You did a good job on the detail in this story.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

my effort was perceived (efforts were..I thought this might work better because the character listed more than one quality)
wanted us to be “big-headed” (to get the "big-head". This may just be me, but we use this phrase where I live. That may be just around where I live though.)
us was ever accused (have ever been)
that enough determination (that with enough determination I)
One bright, sunny (One bright, and sunny)
twizzle (I couldn't find this any where. maybe curled or twisted?)
I had heard (I have heard)
The drug store was the place to hang out if you didn’t need a haircut. (I can understand what I think you mean by this sentence, but you might need to clarify it for those who don't know that the barber shop is a popular place for men to hang out. My first reaction was..what does the drug store have to do with a haircut?)
red, raw pieces of meat (pieces of raw meat..It felt like too much description in one spot, and felt a little off.)
A few things I mentioned seemed to fit better because most of the language your character used gave me the impression that they were more mature and educated.



Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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#1768032 by Tiggy

"Review Central Plug Page - on hiatus
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106
106
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hey Bmao,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I'm so glad that I happened upon this essay of yours. It shines a light on the major problem with some reviewers. I hate getting those bs reviews. I don't offer GPs for any reviews. I can't afford to do it, nor do I want to reward someone for taking their time to open an item, scroll to the bottom, tell me my writing is either pure gold or a piece of crap, and rob me of my hard earned GPs. You did a "good job" of writing it. It cracked me up. Maybe I should memorize this so I can afford to reward other reviewers for it. Come to think of it, I have been to ports where the only things reviewed were the shortest things in there. Wow, You learn something new every day. I did catch that misspelled word. It kept getting my attention every time I saw it. When I got to the end, I knew you had done it on purpose. Smart move. Copy and paste is another good way to bs if you do it just right.

These are just a few observations that I made. Feel free to use or disregaard as you see fit. *Frown*

mind,that if you try it on this piece that you can sucessfully fool me into thinking that you read this work and my 225 points of GP did not go to waste.(mind. If you...piece, and can...this, then my...waste.)



Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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107
107
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*


Hey Pat,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


This was a nice little story. You did a good job with the language and describing Jess's everyday life. You captured the life of a small town and farm life very well. I liked the conversation and related to the story. In many ways this story reminded me of my childhood. Life was all about the simple pleasures and your imagination could take you anywhere. Good Job.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*

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108
108
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hey Legerdemain,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I enjoyed reading this story. Of all of the dragon stories that I have read or seen, I've never heard of one being killed by stabbing it in the eye. Very interesting. You did a good job of telling it, and making it seem real. I thought that Johnathan was a good character and you wrote him with all of the qualities of a great warrior. It moved along nicely and kept me interested and wanting to read more. Good job.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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109
109
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey Legerdemain,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


Wow...What a dream. You did a good job writing this. It got my attention and I felt like I was sitting here just watching it happen. The ending was quite a surprise. You did a good job of describing the scene, your actions, and fright. I enjoyed reading it.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

checking the ditch (ditches)

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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110
110
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*


Hey S.J,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I I saw that it will soon be your 1 year anniversary. Congratulations! Thank you for asking me to come back and look at your extended story. I think you did a good job with your additions to the story. They helped explain why she was there. Depending on how long you feel like making this story, I saw where more could be add. I think it could actually become a book if you wanted to put that much into it. You have introduced two characters, her brother, and her captor, and another place(The Sirine). You don't have to focus all of your energy on that right now. Just make a place for notes and ideas in your word processor to save for later. If it helps, let this story rest for a while before going through the reviews. Please feel free to contact me if I can help you in any way.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

ears. Before the heavy (ears. The heavy)
tracks and causing (tracks, and causing.., tracks, causing)
pain as she watched (pain. She)
space which was steadily (space, steadily)
she opened up (she woke up,)
close, her (close, and her)
more she heard (more, she)
door to the right swung forward (door swung forward,)
towers Ms. Balshine” (towers, Ms. Balshine,"
accent which gave (accent, giving)
brother who (brother, who)
here as I have been instructed to tell (here, as..instructed, to)
now Ms. Balshine.” (now, Ms. Balshine,")
children then why (children, then)
assault her she (her, she)
silence as questions (silence, as)
with it she screwed (it, she)
It was to her relief (She was relieved)
ring and the locks (ring, and the.., ring, and locks)
by one she made (one, she)
long sigh her (sigh, her)
place and quietly (place, and)
bed and a royal (bed, and)
“Come Ms ("Come, Ms.)
now” said (now," said)
bed she (bed, she)
again as she (again, as)
cologne and (cologne, and)



Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*

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111
111
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey aralls,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


When I read the title and description of this story, I knew I had to read it. It was better than I expected. I have never thought about how a glass of milk felt, but now I know. I wonder how exciting he would think it was if he fell off of that edge and cracked up on the floor.You do have a wild sense of humor, and I like it. I liked that it was a whole conversation from that glass of milk. He's a funny character.I really liked it when he was talking about the dishwasher. It may have been a short story, but I enjoyed it enormously.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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112
112
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey aralls,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


This was some story. I couldn't help but laugh. It seems like every time I turn around, someone is saying that to me. Poor Dr. Carrie. With those three patients, I think I would have been pulling my hair out. I especially enjoyed when Mr. Cayhill and Mrs. Downing ran into each other in the lobby. I enjoyed the whole story, but I think, I liked that part the most. I liked the way you expressed her thoughts throughout the story, and the conversations. I think you did a very good job writing this story. I could see all of that happening and understand the thoughts she had. She really did have the worst day ever.


Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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113
113
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*


Hey Shannon,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I enjoyed reading this story about Willow. She was a great character. I liked the details that you provided, and I thought that the story moved forward very well. It definitely kept my attention and interest throughout the whole story. The little black kitten was a nice addition, as well as, the way you worked in the dream. I think you did a great job writing it.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

sun as well as the (sun, as well as, the)
seeds, a (seeds, and a)
motion and (motion, and)
creature, and it (creature. It, creature; it)
fork and poking (fork, and poking)



Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*

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114
114
Review of Phantom Man  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey Kevin,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


You had some good descriptions throughout this poem. The way she looked,smelled, and how she felt when she sensed him. I liked it, but it was hard for me to read at times. I'm no professional when it comes to poetry. It represents the writer's own personal feeling and style. There is no right or wrong way to write it that I have found. The best I can say is that I could read it, understand it and liked it. I did all three, and I say to you now, "Good job."


Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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115
115
Review of Elizabeth  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hey Ida,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


This seems like a good background for a scary story, but In itself it's not scary. I'm left wondering what any of this has to do with anything. It feels incomplete. What you have written could be used in any type of story that you wanted to write. What kind of person did Elizabeth become? What did she do that would make us cringe? Where does the servants being beaten fit into her actions? I know it can be hard to write in genres that are new to you. It is easier for me to write horror and such, but I don't think I could write something like romance. It's just not something that I normally read. It is good to try different things so that you can get the feel of your own style, and what makes you comfortable. If this is a genre that you are seriously considering writing in, then feel free to look at some of my writing and see if any of those may help. If you do have any questions, please feel free to ask me. I'll try to give you any help that I can.


Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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116
116
Review of Morgansville  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey Nat,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


This was a really good story. Pardon the pun but it sucked me in. I tried not to miss anything but at times I lost track of what I was doing. I'm thinking that Mrs. Day didn't like her because of her great,great grandmother? It does need some work but I really enjoyed the story. I'm glad that I found it.Good Job.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

and Mrs. Day and we were taught (Mrs. Day. We were)
Add a period after the numbers of the rules and capitalize the first word following it.
but some reason (but for some reason)
already learnt (already learned)
One a week (Once a week)
bracelet to say they (to show that they)
figured I go to them (I would go, I'd go)
I reach the center of town and made (I reach ...and make, I reached the ...and made)
vampire, he held my hands (vampire. He held)
and was leaning against and leaned against me)
my feel could obey (my feet)
'how is that possible' I (How..Possible?)
confusion she (confusion. She)
ill take you back (I'll)
cant control you (can't)
close to fire (close to the fire)
dracular. (Dracula)
He diapered (disappeared)
time i was due (I)
one though (thought)
I think I saw some missed or misplaced punctuation and your conversations need quotation marks instead of apostrophes.)


Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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117
117
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey S.J.,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


This was a good story considering your word limit. I think that you could get a bigger story out of it if you wanted to. I was wondering how and why she was in this situation. You had some pretty good descriptions in here. You have enough to build a longer story.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

an, oh so ironic symbol of victory she (an oh so ironic..victory, she)
ear and she viciously pulled hard ripping (ear, pulling viciously, ripping. ear, pulling hard, ripping)
allow and the echoes (allow, and)
screaming “Thief, (screaming,)
her!” Before (before she hard a)
thud, as something (thud as something)
her head stopping (her head, stopping)
tracks, before she collapsed (tracks. She)
room which steadily grew (room growing)


Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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118
118
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey Anita,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


Thank you for asking me to look over this for you. You seem to have a good idea about where your story is going and I believe that it will be a good story. I'm sorry that I couldn't go on to Chapter 2 yet. I would like to give you some time to work these over a bit and come back. Just let me know when you are ready. I would be more than happy to look them over again.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

Chapter 1

crazy she (crazy. She)
bun its (bun. Its)
tacky, she (tacky. She, tacky, and she)
I looked up (looked up.)
to earth I would (earth, I)
Ms. Sims yelled (yelled.)
I shouted (shouted.)
red-headed rocket Ms. (rocket. Mrs.)
voice was only an echo (voice only)
Suddenly I decided to stop being in rush and (I decided...being in such a rush, and)
I had a Tally (at Tally)
I slowing walked (I took my time walking)
thought then I went pasted (thought. Then..past)
room "I had (room. "I spent)
school I glanced (school. I)
threw the glass (through)
dancing and talking (dancing, and)
eyes I quickly brushed the (eyes. I...them)
stumbling his brown hair was flopping (stumbling, his brown hair flopping)
He yelled (he yelled.)
I shouted I took (shouted. I)
He asked (he asked.)
“Yeah totally I ("Yeah, totally.)
driver after (driver, after)
And as we jumped (As we)
ask a question (question.)
Oh no! ("Oh no!")
See she’s a girl (She's a girl)
ago Galaxy Middle (ago at)
She only fifteen (she's only)
I said (I said.)
like i was (like I)
He said (he said.)
year 3,000 (3000)
galaxies there (galaxies. Their)
powers for instance (powers. For)
lungs I have nothing to wear!” (lungs,"I have)
bad” said Princess she (bad." said Princess. She)
3,000 (3000)
on it and the pink (it, and)
I said! (I said.)
Princess she's the (Princess, she's)
than me 5"2 to (then me,)
years I've known her she's (years that I have known her. She's)
and strong (and strong,)
skinny doesn't (skinny, doesn't)
curves she has long (curves, and long)
grows up me on the other hand I don't (grows up, me on the other hand, I don't)
I'll having for dinner (I'll be having)
“Okay thanks got to go time ("Okay, thanks...go. Time)
Princess yelled (Princess yelled.)
bed, I was (bed. I)
person not a kid anymore but (person, not..anymore,)
I know this looks like a lot, but most of it is just some forgotten punctuation and missed words. It's nothing major. If you can, try to do away with as many passive words as you can. I know in some places you can't, but I saw places where it would be easy to. You have a few things that you really don't need but I can go into that later if you want.



If you have a writing program on your computer, you could copy this onto that, and work on it in your free time so that you don't have to do so many edits on here. I find that to be very helpful. If you don't have one, let me know and I will tell you where to find the one that I use. Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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119
119
Review of A fairy Tale  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey Nat,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I really liked reading this story. It started off well and finished well. I liked the conflict when she thought she would have to kill Garus. It was a good story that just needs some simple corrections. I have listed the major things that I found but I may have missed some. I hope this helps you.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

step from the door way (stepped from the doorway)
'please Lady, I beg of you, help me' ("Please...help me,")
'not another' ("Not another,")
'I take care of that for you' ("I'll take..you,"
I.....I' the womans (I...I." The woman's)
return' with (return." With)
Punctuation goes before the last quotation mark.
wish to remain (wished)
Alunyu kill (Alunyu, kill)
herself Shadow (herself. Shadow)
lunge forward (lunged)
with step (with a step)
same twine together (wine)
Altos, she (Altos. She)
this is ("This is)
'and this is ("And this is)
stomach, the man (stomach. The man)
bowing to her 'the (her. "The)
she was unable (She was)
said her voice choked with emotion 'I cant....I' she (said. Her...emotion. "I can't...I." She)
Garus, her (Garus. Her)
Garus, she (Garus. She)
did not know, he back (his)
One she was (Once)
sitting their (there)
'another ale?' ("Another ale?")
said 'two enough for me with some vagabond running around' each man nodded his agreement (said, "two is...around." Each..agreement.)
check all of your conversation, punctuation and capitailzation.
skip a line between each paragraph to make it easier to read, and separate long conversations line by line in their own paragraph.



Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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120
120
Review of A Different World  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey Silent,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I was just like this once. I hated it. At that time I didn't have the social network to fall back on. I spend most of my days and nights on here now. I know that I should be doing something productive with my life but I'm always here. The computer is sometimes all I have to chase away the boredom of life. I have traded my facebook addiction for WDC. This was well written with so much truth. You did a very good job.




Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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121
121
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey M,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I enjoyed this story. It kept my attention and the ending was a shock. You were very descriptive in your narration and I liked hearing her story.It may have been me but I thought that I could detect a small change in some of her dialog. I thought you did a very good job with it and the story line was good. I didn't find any major mistakes or much that needed correcting. Good Job.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

Hues of deep green, black and blue-gray spark out as the moon too, swept into her gaze, dazzling across them. (I'm not sure about what you are describing in this line.)
as intense blue as this sea. (as intense a blue, as intense as the blue of this sea)
as had become routine. (as had become his routine., as had become a routine.)
Silvia or her father and I would (her father I would)
settles down into side of the rock, (settles down into the side, settles down on the side)
neither him nor Silvia (neither he nor Silvia, neither he or Sylvia)
sensation only one could consider (one could only, sensation that one could only)



Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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122
122
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey Arman,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I Think you did a good job with this subject. The conversations felt real. If I had to guess, I can honestly say that I don't have a clue what it means or may mean. I know that it was entertaining. The biggest things that I saw as far as mistakes was some spelling and capitalizing mistakes. The opening paragraph could use just a tiny amount of detail added if you wanted to do that. Nothing big.Nice subject. I would like to read more if you ever think about adding to it.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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123
123
Review of Fifty Seconds  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey Naomi,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I thought that you did very well with this piece. it felt honest and real. It left me wondering if it was real. It felt very enotional and I couldn't imagine it not being real. I don't think there is anything major to work on here. I've made a few notes below but that's all my opinion. I liked it and it follows along with how I believe a seventeen year old girl would feel. I do truly hope that this is a story and not reality for you. If it is just a story than you have succeeded in writing a good story.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

but nether answer. (answered)
was at the moment (that moment)
Threatening to spill over my eyes, I swallowed back my tears. (you may need to switch these two parts around, and find another word to use besides swallowed or change the other one in the paragraph.)
I was moved here. (I moved here)
hands her the (hands me?)
take my mum’s and father’s wedding bands and string them through the necklace. I hold on tight for a moment and squeeze before I put them on the necklace. Check these sentences. The first one you put them on and the second one is before you put them on.)



Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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124
124
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey SWPoet,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


Here I am back again to give you another review. I read both versions of your poem and I liked them both. I'm not familiar with this type of poem, so I'm not a very good judge of it. I'm not actually good at judging any poetry. The only poetry I've ever written had rhymed and I still can't judge anyone else. I guess all that really matters is that I understand what you have written. I did understand it, and I think you did a good job. Keep up the good work.




Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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125
125
Review of Absence of Time  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey Pat,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I thought that I would poke around your port some more and see what other goodies you had to share. You have such a gift for poetry. I have enjoyed every poem I have been able to read from your port. Your descriptions are mind blowing. You have done such a great job writing this and it just seems to flow so naturally.




Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*



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