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Review by bob county
Rated: E | (3.5)

Ascetics can be obsessed with evil temptations:

Saint Jerome, who translated the Latin version of the Bible known as Vulgate
wrote that married couples should not partake of the Mass unless they had
refrained from intercourse for seven days, "I too, who ardently love his own wife
am an adulterer. My mind burns with the cravings of the flesh that flare up.
I fancy myself amongst bevies of dancing maidens."

Don't beat yourself up.

Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)

It is especially poignant when the bully is a girl.
A boy expects a girl to gentle.
But, we are all capable of bullying.
The same part of the brain that provides a sex drive is also the
source of aggression.
My guess is that girl was trying to come to you, or she was psycho.
There is a film about a female serial killer: Monster.
You might find it informative.

There is always a motive behind bullying.

Good rhyme.

Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

I asked Mr. Deigi what his dreams are like, since he has was blind from
birth. He said they are noisy and there are bright colors. Mr. Deigi is a
sculptor and he has had his work exhibited at the Cambridge Museum of Arts.
He sculpted an exact miniature of the Statue of Liberty. It was 4 feet high.
He asked me to help him select the right color green for the weathered look.
I picked an aqua marine. With his knowledge of design, he can sculpt any
picture of a subject. His computer provides the measurements.

His freestyle art work is amazingly passionate and colorful.
I mention this, to make you understand that creativity is not just for the
sighted. It comes from within.

Keep Writing!

Review of Content ratings  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)

I thought I was being singled out for content rating changes.
It's reassuring to see that so many others have had their ratings altered.
There is an obsession with perpetuating thought control. If someone can
read, how can they be stopped from reading on the internet?
You just get some "adult" to open the site for you. Has anyone
read Lord of the Flies? Should it be rated +18? Huckleberry Finn is banned
from grammar and high schools, because it uses the "N" word. What rating
would it get here?

Oh, well.
I just got 28 rating changes.
I must be another Mark Twain.

Review of Haunted  
Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Very true. If I only knew what I was thinking.
That conscience is so pesky. I like to remind myself
that no matter how bad things get, I can die only once.
That's my bucket of sunshine. I was expecting a ghost story.
I had a dream or maybe hallucination that I was haunted by
Jesus Christ. He was upset that after all his preaching and
sacrifice for sins I was still a jerk. God he just wouldn't stop
nagging. But, that's a conscience for yah.

Nice piece of muse...

Review of Why?  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)

Well, my old pick up has not increased in value, but the cost of repairs has.
I guess your unhappy with the deceptions and injustices in life.
This is human nature. If I may extend the premiss, why does God allow it?
I'm not as optimistic as atheist. I think there is a God, but it is not as compassionate
as we would like. If someone kicks you down a flight of stairs, should you assume
they love you? That's my dirge.
Here is Socrates test of ethics: you have a helmet that makes you invisible.
Do you still obey the law?
Nietzsche did not believe the superman was bound by ethics or laws.
I love the fight scene in Superman II; evil Kryptonians vs the good Superman.
Does might make right?
I digress.

This is a series of questions that could lead to actions.
My assignment for you is to write a story about a villain.
Is this an antihero? Can with sympathize with Cain over Able?
I think you'll have fun with it.

Professor Muzzy
Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Catholics believe in invincible ignorance. So, you can be an asshole all your
life and still go to Heaven, because your stupid. Then, there is the death bed
reclamation. Adolf Hitler could be in Heaven, because of these loop holes.
One of the big tests in Heaven is to accept God's judgement.

That's theology. I saw one typo: "running we swoops down."
I think you meant (he swoops down).
Whenever, I start reading about "Guardians" I flash back to SHAZAM.
A little American boy is given superpowers by the Guardians of SHAZAM.
These Guardians are ancient pagan Arab Gods. Now, that's multicultural.

Digressing further, it is ironic that Islam, which is strongly influenced by
Jewish Talmud Law should now be used against Jews. Mohammed was
anointed by the Angel Gabriel. The Angel Gabriel told Mohammed to fulfill
the Law of Issac and Abraham and Moses and Jesus. Yes Muslims believe
Jesus is a Muslim Prophet. Arabs and Jews are brothers.

Oh, well.+

Very thought provoking story.


Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)

Who was that stalker that shot John Lennon?
I think stalking is pursuing someone with intent to do bodily harm
or make unwanted advances. A paparazzi is a stalker.
I like to read the tabloids while I'm shopping . I'll leave it on the bags
of kitty litter. They have some very intrusive pictures of celebrities.
I'm waiting for a snap shot of Miley Cyrus on the toilet. That I'll frame.

Your diatribe is funny, but I'd like to see more paragraphs. It's easier to
read on a computer screen.

You Face Book is part of Homeland Defense.
The FBI is watching you.
Those chat rooms are mostly Arabic.
I can't even read what their chatting.

Here's a career move; be a paparazzi.
You can stalk and get paid for it!


Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

I knew a mean little gypsy. I never got to like him.
But, the story plays well on the social prejudices facing
gypsies. This is also a good example why prisons should
be used to rehabilitate criminals. How large are the prison

This little gypsy I knew like to steal lawn chairs and bicycles.
He even stole sprinklers. He wasn't bold enough to steal cars.
He was only 11 years old. His parents were embarrassed and
returned everything. I think he just liked the thrill of stealing.
Long time ago, I think he drives a cab now.

Any who,

Great story!

Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Vampirism is everywhere. There are the sick, who need fresh blood.
There are those, who crave it. How much blood has been spilled?
This is a solid dialogue between lust and virtue.
The rules of engagement with Vampires are fantasy.
Vampires believe only in blood. Try waving a crucifix in front of a tiger.
Contrary wise, a tiger could kill Vampire.
The best way to kill a Vampire, according to Grimm's Fairy Tales,
is to cut them up and burn the pieces.
Maybe, a tiger could do the first part.

Fun topic,

Review by bob county
Rated: E | (4.5)

Adam lived 800 years.
How long could Jesus have lived?
Jesus was born in June sometime
during the tax census of Tiberius.
The wise men brought gifts.

Your X-mass tale is nice,
but tedious. A good story should have
conflict. Maybe, a little sibling rivalry.
Some dark family secret.

Nice just doesn't sell.
Just trying to give some pointers.

Review by bob county
Rated: E | (4.5)

Ah.. I guess humor is an acquired taste?
But, there is a lot of reverse psychology to it.
For instance if you say that the vacuum salesman is Puerto Rican.
The gag is his sauve pitch.

"Hey with this attachment you can have a lot fun." the Salesman smirks;
"And you don't have to wear a condom."

"That's disgusting. I'm going to be a teacher... maybe." Student checks
out the attachment, "This might make hot porn."

Vacuum Salesman gives a dirty laugh.

I'd tighten up the dialogue and use more action.
And space the lines out to make it easier to read.

Just my two cents..

Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)

Wow. This reads like Gnosticism; "Is it better to commit evil and attempt
to balance it with an exalted act, than to live a resolutely neutral life?"
"Who knows the truth, knows everything and nothing." Zen in the art of
Archery by Eugen Herrigel. But, the arrow was must travel forward.
Did you hear the news on particle acceleration? A particle can move
faster than light. This means a rewrite of Einstein's theory of Relativity.
Maybe, the arrow can travel backwards? Imagine if Hitler was never born
or if someone turned him to a peaceful life. Would we have been born?
So, many choices and so many effects.

Review of Broadside  
Review by bob county
Rated: ASR | (4.0)

Circomloquacious. This is a round about way to get to the point.
My first impression is you were keeping the reader in suspense.
My second impression was to find the point to this introspection.

Recently, I saw a car accident .. The traffic slowed down to view
it. And as I sat in the grid lock of exhaust and honking horns, I
could see the geese flying over. I wondered at their V formation
and then I saw a body on a gurney. How many lives would be torn
by this tragedy? The traffic moved on and the sun still shined down.
It was a beautiful autumn day.

I think your essay would be clearer if you described the event first.

Write on!

Review of My saintly mother  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)

Now ask yourself, could a Muslim have the same conviction and joy?
Is it difficult to imagine people of other faiths with the same love for family?
The Apostle Paul said that women should remain silent. But, we all know
that is impossible.

This piece is a keeper.

Review by bob county
Rated: E | (4.5)

"She ambled over to him." you wrote.
Ambled is a bit saucy . It sounds like a western.
maybe she could shuffle sleeplessly to him?
Other than that, this is a good short story.

If you can find a copy of The Seven Golden Vampires(Hammer Film)
you'll see a lot of Vampire fighting. Some of the vampires are killed with
a bow and arrow.

It's a fun topic.
Why are Vampires sensitive to daylight and streams?
They are symbols of purification.
The Brides of Dracula(Hammer Film) is another example of natures
attack on the vampire. Dracula is caught in a thorn bush, symbolizing
the crown of thorns Jesus was forced to wear.+

Review of Time To Get Real  
Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

This reminds me of my blog (Vertago). It jumps all over the place.

107 Sweet Dream: "I just finished shotting a scene." did you mean shooting?
"Shotting" is a slang for poop. I might see The Help at the Red Box, but I just
don't see films worthy of paying $10,50 for. Have you noticed how shotting they've

Calling Doctor Frued! When ever you have dreams about nudity that is a body
image issue. Are you worried about drooping? Look at Demi Moore she's posting
half naked picks and how old is she?

Don't be afraid to be honest. Most of the readers here are on heavy meds.
They'll love an enema bag story!

So good luck!
And happy pooping!

Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

"We must all forfeit our lives at the end of this game." Mark Twain.

Well, there are a lot of typos in this tragedy:

"With is sword" did you mean "(his) sword."?

"And how I should up his father." I think mayhaps you (showed) up dad?

"And my grave was dag" I don't think that's Elizabethan language for dug.

"The King want(ed) me to be his wife. He had fall(en) in love with me."
I drop letters all the time in my haste to create.

What I would like you to do is described the encounter with the King.
Did you know Castle Island in South Boston? There is a civil war lady ghost
there. She was hanged for helping her husband escape prison. She walks the
battlements and corridors moaning. That's it. She dosen't have anything to say.
Oh, don't touch her. She'll scratch you up.

Any Who,

Nice ghost story.

Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

Hmm. Well, Patrick I guess this story is about hunting safety?
Hunters in my parts are not suppose to be drinking and should
wear bright vests. We had a woman shot in her kitchen by a stray

But, let's get down to nuts and bolts. Your story starts out with some
confusion, i.e. who is telling the story:

"As I rose from his the bed... Her shadow passed by.." at first glance
I thought the story teller was gay with a female roommate, kind of like
Three's Company TV .

"Her shadow passed by the hallways as (she?) heard the sound of my
father's truck." you wrote. You have some declension issues. Is the story
told in the present or past tense? Did he feel or felt her?

"Now a days" is one word.

I think you meant proposition instead of "preposition."

"(I) turned around" maybe you dropped the (I) intentionally?
In brief your syntax is a mess.

I started to think this was intentional too. Sometimes this method
can immerse the reader in the mind of an illiterate killer.
I like to experiment with that style.

I liked the surprise ending.
It reminded me of Cain and Able.
Who was Cain's wife?

Keep a diary!


Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)

The egotist is essential to any muse.
However, it can become tedious.
For example, "I was just having a fun chat with Sandra.
We always discover the most amusing things in our talks.
Were just so, you know. And this time we stumbled on
a wonderful idea. Why not write a book about our chats?
People say I'm so wise and Sandra too."

"Why are older men chasing younger women" you asked.
Maybe its the T&A or it could be Darwin's natural selection.
Charlie Chaplin fathered a baby girl at 90 years young.
Then, he had to leave the country to escape the statutory rape charge.
Men are horny monkeys.

But, his is a legendary silent actor.


Review by bob county
Rated: ASR | (4.0)

Here is the problem with your editorial it keeps off the mark.
You need to let the reader know where you stand.
Are you a theist or an atheist?
You can be anti-religion and still believe in God.
All the people, who have been martyred and murdered
in the name of God were put to death by religion not God.

Now is there a similarity in believing in faeries and Jesus?
Of course, but Jesus has his Apostles and the Messianic prophesy
in the Talmud. This is a very linear history of the Jewish people with
prophesies of a Great Leader, who will perform miracles and rule
the world.+

Faeries pop in and out. There a lot like the UFO encounters.
They don't appear to have a plan other than messing with a farmer's
prostate or his daughter's ovaries. There is a big gap in mythology
when you deal with Roman and Greek God's. They just do what they
please and impregnate the farmer's daughter too.

So, it all comes down to good story telling...
Remember, science can only tell you what a thing appears to be.
They look for patterns and hope they are not being deceived.
Wouldn't it be funny if a faery popped out of a molecular accelerator?
That's the missing link in science. It can't always predict things.

I would tighten up your argument.
Be more direct. Do you want prayer in schools?
Can a child pray to Athena on her lunch break?
Does Jesus want us to be tolerant of nonbelievers?
The Spanish Inquisition was a Christian campaign to
weed out Witches and Jews. Is that what Jesus wanted?

There are so many ways to practice religion.

Review by bob county
Rated: E | (4.5)

A vertical anagram .. that's fun.
I think the whole piece is woven well.

Nice work

Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Very tantalizing. May I suggest you get a copy of Bell de Jour; Dairy of a Call Girl?
It's about how a college student got herself into the British call girl service.
She liked the casual sex and adventure and of course the money.
Elie sounds a lot like her.

I most confess after reading your erotic mystery I was disappointed that
Elie did not pursue her fantasy more. Out in here-yah, there are girls that hit
on guys for "a little lovin." They're not prostitutes, they just like to cut loose
on the weekends.

It doesn't always have to be about marriage.

Sweet tale.

Review of Light  
Review by bob county
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)

Peace is a lost art.
This poem evokes the need for love.
I really hope the powers that be
are still human....

Review of Dark Peace  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (4.0)

A dark poem. When you have taken away every kind of good thing
there is nothing left, but death.
War is bloody, but there are just wars.
This is my reservation about this poem.
Never have so many died for what they did not know.

The symbolizism is reflective of the Greek poet Homer,
"Consider the river of darkness and all the inhabitants there in."

Keep writing!

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