Hi, my name is Ned } and this review is based on my personal impressions and opinions. Feel free to take what you think is useful, and ignore the rest. This is just my way of letting the author know how this reader reacted to the item being reviewed.
Title: The title is our introduction to the poem, and the title here is repeated throughout the poem, telling us the "why" in each stanza.
Form: This is a well-structured poem with the main concepts introduced one at a time in each stanza.
Rhythm/Rhyme: What I like most about the rhymes in this poem is that they are perfectly natural with the flow, not standing out nor demanding to be exaggerated, so natural that one almost doesn't notice them, yet they still add to the music of the poem.
Imagery: The imagery is vivid
Favorite Line(s):
Nor of the kisses pressed between
The pages of my sleep,
That flake in fragrant whispers
That their drying petals keep.
Suggestions: None
Overall Impression: This is a wistful emotional poem that impacts the reader with its evocative imagery and expressive word choice. An enjoyable read.
Hi, my name is Ned } and this review is based on my personal impressions and opinions. Feel free to take what you think is useful, and ignore the rest. This is just my way of letting the author know how this reader reacted to the item being reviewed.
Title: The title is our introduction to the poem, and the title is perfect in the way it completes the last line. This gives us a sense of completeness. Leaving those two words off the last line lets the reader fill in the blanks and appreciate the clever use of a well-known phrase.
Form: The form is free verse and it works well for this poem.
Rhythm/Rhyme: There is no rhyme but the alliteration gives a certain rhythm that one can feel in reading aloud.
Imagery: Some of the imagery strikes a chord - daisies do dance or at least seem to as they bob their heads.
Favorite Line(s): "A riot of red rimmed roses rise" which is a fine bit of alliteration and use of expressive language. It's almost too much alliteration but the near rhyme in the next line smooths and soothes while directing our gaze upwards.
Suggestions:I would have preferred that the poem took just one color, the one with the boldest imagery and really made us look and see it. The other lines involving color and the flowers associated with those colors are well written and expressive, but I want to hear more about the riot of roses, and the other flowers are much more tame such as the passive peonies.
Overall Impression: This was a different use of the prompt but one that painted a vivid picture and ended on a very clever note.
Hi, my name is Ned } and this review is just based on my personal impressions and opinions. Feel free to take what you think is useful, and ignore the rest. This is just my way of letting the author know how this reader reacted to the item being reviewed.
Title: The title is the introduction to the poem, and the title "The Storm" well describes what the reader is about to experience.
Form: The poem is in a free verse style which suits the unpredictability of the storm and allows the writer to emphasize the elements of the storm with word placement and line breaks, so this is a good choice for the subject matter.
Rhythm/Rhyme: This poem contains no rhymes as it is free verse. The rhythm and flow is a bit variable for me, if I read aloud. It is strongest in the beginning few lines and perfectly ebbs in the last few lines echoing the subsiding of the storm.
Imagery: The imagery definitely evokes the stages of a heavy storm in a way the reader can experience it.
Favorite Line(s): Raindrops
pound heavily
like wet rags
slapping against flesh
These lines are truly evocative and make the reader "hear" the rain and set the tone for the poem. These lines contain the strongest imagery in the poem. I really liked these lines and the "sound" of them rings true for me.
Suggestions: The opening lines and the end of the poem felt the most effective to me. I didn't feel the imagery as strongly in the middle, although I was kept in the storm for the most part.
Overall Impression: The poem does a good job of capturing the sounds and energy of the storm.
I chose this poem to review because of the obvious contrast between form and subject matter. To use a lilting, musical form like the rondeau to write about vampires makes it all a bit more fun. It's a little like the gory rhymes we recite as children. Notwithstanding the comedic factor, the phrase "the beauty of blood" gives the poem atmosphere and allows us to see complexity in the vampire, perhaps even evokes sympathy and understanding.
My favorite line: It's hard to explain to a priest
the beauty of blood.
Don't we all have habits or predilections we wouldn't want to try to explain to a moral authority? But it's this line that indicates that the vampire is not without conscience as he claims. His morality has not ceased, it is just that he is overwhelmed by "the beauty of blood". And yet, we cannot ignore that the priest finds beauty and redemption in blood from a different source, a willing sacrifice that the priest celebrates. The vampire, on the other hand, will never have redemption. Another contrast.
Such a tender little story. Coincidentally, I once wrote a love story that took place in a coffee shop. There are a lot of nice touches in the presentation of the characters. The reader likes them and hopes things will go well for them. The situation is believable and reminiscent of the settings of many a Hallmark Movie. The piece could benefit from a little cleaning up of spacing and grammar, but everything about it rings true. I know it's a short story, but it could be expanded into something longer.
This reminds me of the time my young nephew spotted the neighbor on her lawn. She had fallen from a ladder and broken her hip and was unable to move. It was only because this little boy spotted her and ran in the house yelling "Call 911" that she was found and got help. Like the story in your poem, it was the attention of neighbor that brought help and saved the day.
And now, even though you can only wave, you have communication. And a friendship that is now deeper due to the crisis.
The poem and the rhymes have a good flow. The repetition of the last line provides an anchor to the poem while the circumstances change in every stanza. It all works very well.
I really liked this story. We understand Tom, whose life is upended by the death of his wife and everything changes for him. We start to get comfortable in his new relationship with Helen and then we are hit with the surprise twist as Tom discovers that she is a serial murderer. But there is a sense that even though he won't be seeing Helen anymore and even though he narrowly escaped being her next victim, that she did him a world of good and hes not going to go back to being barely alive. That's my take anyway, and so this cautionary tale still has a happy ending - in a way.
All I can say is thank goodness I haven't got a muse. I like the twist, and the shift in the balance of power between them, the way they negotiate and the concept of all the muses going on strike. But I am pretty sure the work will go on without him, a muse is really just what the writer calls his imagination and you have no lack of imagination.
The dilemma of one who is unpracticed in social ease - what did that mean? was it meant for me? And the vast majority of society does not understand the absolute agony of the introvert, the one who is not anti-social so much as he is asocial, accustomed to his own invisibility yet suddenly put on the spot by an unexpected acknowledgment of his existence. Startled, unsure how to respond and when the decision to return the greeting is finally made, the moment has gone. All introverts will surely see themselves in this delightful poem.
The annoyance at the obligation to: "o give a cheery wave,
or even say hello"
rings true even as the author weighs the options that could provide an alternate excuse for a wave or other type of greeting should the original gesture of friendliness turn out not to be directed at him.
Oh, how lucky are those people who never give a thought to what others think!
This poem does an able job of illustrating both the physical scene and the inner turmoil of the introvert with both honesty and humor. An enjoyable read!
It's always tough to get along with schoolmates, but this was Mean Girls on steroids! Nice twist to surprise and horrify the reader who thought he knew where this was going. Great job!
Safe spaces aren't so safe after all, and truth is little valued. Rebel poetry indeed. I suppose all societies break down and rights disappear over time. This time, it seems to be the whole world.
So sad, and yet, not sad. A lovely telling of the relationship between grandparent and grandchild. Having worked with older adults for many years, I know that the contact and relationships are the most important things. This leaves us with a "What if" and yet we know that it all happened just as it was meant to be. A last act of giving that brought joy is not bad way to end a life or a poem.
I could relate to this piece, having been a caregiver for a grandparent in my teen years, and then later in life, watched my father's agile mind deteriorate until the confusion robbed him of any autonomy and dignity. You tell a story familiar to many with compassion and honesty.
Minor suggestions for improvement would be to fix the typo from "quite" to "quiet": "If we're very quite they'll pass by and not notice us."
Inserting some space between the paragraphs that follow gives the reader's eyes a little ease.
A moving story that lets us experience the emotional impact of the situation. Well done.
I really felt the summer heat on my feet as I read this descriptive piece, in fact, I nearly sent you some flip-flops. A lot of atmosphere conveyed in those tightly controlled syllables. Nice response to the prompt, well done and congrats on the win.
This is an effective use of the second person POV, something that is difficult to pull off. Because the reader is addressed directly, the reader is forced to be the main character and to "experience" the action in the story. For this short story, it works very well.
The piece is well-titled as the story takes the character from experience to experience, finally settling her in a place that is neither heaven nor hell, but much like reality, it has both in it.
A few suggestions you are free to ignore as this is just my opinion:
In the second paragraph the word "gives" appears a few too many times. He gives you the warmest of hugs and the sweetest cuddles. He whispers promises that could make you swoon. He gives you forehead kisses like he was the knight protecting you from bad dreams. He gives you affectionate pats and meaningful advice. He cooks you food and gives you drinks
Perhaps you could replace "gives" with another verb in one or two places, such as - "he wraps you in the warmest of hugs" or "he cooks you food and mixes your drinks" or some other descriptive verbs you prefer.
Due to your insistence of drinking sleeping pills just to reach a slumber, I feel like there's a verb missing. I would change it to "insistence on drinking and taking sleeping pills" or "due to your insistence on consuming both alcohol and sleeping pills" or something similar.
He was the type to wait no matter how long it would take for you to warm up to him because you got all e I don't like "got". I think because you "have" or even "had" all eternity sounds better.
Again, these are just suggestions that I think would make this good piece just a little easier to read for your audience. The ideas behind this piece are imaginative and well-expressed. I enjoyed reading it and it gives me much to think about. I wonder if the character has finally reached that in-between state through pills and drink, ending up in a permanent state of sleep, or coma? I may be wrong, but it feels that way to me.
I probably shouldn't like poems about suicide but this one reads like a Woody Allen description with not just abject defeatism, but also some dark humor peppered with interesting facts (such as how fast a body will fall).
I particularly liked: Concrete reality
Certain lethality
Flat and smooth
Brutal efficiency
To be abused
From this height
and Life brought me here
I will let myself down…
As well as Melodramatic
Is the fool
Who stands here
Relaying the facts
With regard to
All that he has done
Because, you couldn't really do a suicide without melodrama. Whether or not the suicidal one has ample reasons or only reasons that others don't consider serious, they have to reach the height of melodrama in the mind and assessment of the suicidal person.
Overall, some interesting insights and unique approach.
A very touching poem with a lot of emotional impact. The questions that haunt those left behind when a loved one commits suicide, they are never answered. A brave poem that lays it all bare for the reader to see.
This is an honest, moving story that, although it deals with a somber subject, leaves the reader with a smile. A realistic, but gentle treatment of an experience we all face eventually and the very human ability to both smile and cry through it.
I like the way the third stanza brings a stark reality in to strip away the magic of the first two scenes and replaces the idealized blush of dawn with the soot that bleeds the color from the day. The descriptions paint the picture and the imagery rings true with the reader. Nicely done.
This is a powerful poem full of honest emotion. I can relate to the experiences and feelings detailed in the first part of the poem and felt uplifted by the ending. I enjoyed reading this.
I just knew they would eventually discover what a good team they made! The meter is steady and the rhymes enjoyable without being cloying or sing-song-y (is that a word?). A tasty little poem about friendship,teamwork and the sum being more than its parts. I enjoyed this tale in rhyme. Thanks.
The powerful emotional impact of this poem may initially distract the reader from its masterful use of language and consistent imagery through the ocean/sailing metaphors, from sudden storms to the doldrums and the shallows and the double meanings that express this helpless time of life exactly as in "washed up and beached". Wonderful, evocative, painful portrait of the human condition.
I really liked this story, it has a certain cheeky surreal approach to fiction, and the reader is not required to have any relationship with reality at all. It reminds me of a story I once wrote about mayonnaise and time travel. I don't think many people understand the intricacies of science fiction cuisine. I might assume that the bolded words are the prompts, but I don't think that knowledge is necessary or even helpful. I would rather just enjoy the story and try to live with the final image of Mark eating spaghetti wherever he could find it haunting my evening meal. Great stuff.
This is a very amusing poem. The tone is friendly, the imagery and the situations are accessible and relatable to the reader. The rhyme scheme is consistent and it flows well. A poem of excuses could be a very useful thing to have if one is ever called upon to go to the gym. I enjoyed reading this.
Now that's the kind of ending that puts the twist in plot twist. Teaches you also to never do anything on a dare, never trust a small boy and don't mess with trolls - even if you think they don't exist. Nearly an Aesop's fable. Very good, thanks for the link.
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