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Review of Even Prompter  
for entry "No Taxis" 
Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your take on the prompt was so interesting that I had to choose this poem to review this week.

I love a poem that takes the prompt to unexpected places and this one did. The word play in "auto-biography" made me laugh. And what writer is not hoping to find an easy ride, whatever the assignment? But no, there are no taxis on the writer's street, he's got to navigate his writing gridlock on his own.

If we aren't famous enough to hire ghostwriters and sell books based on our name and fame, then it's a lot of work ahead. No taxis, no easy ride.

Wonderful.





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Review of Summer  
Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I noticed that you and I wrote about a similar aspect of nature for our Haiku prompts, so I decided to review your poem this week.

The poem focuses on a stretch of summer that is known for being unrelentingly hot and dry. Your word choices convey the pitiful state of the vegetation, describing them as parched - a great word for conveying their dry condition and their natural thirst that is not being quenched. I can see the heat rippling, and the earth that is cracked by the extreme level of drought. The first two lines are perfectly summed up by the last and the reader can easily visualize the time of year and the conditions you write about.

This is a well-constructed Haiku that follows the form requirements and is filled with descriptive word choices that help the reader "feel" the poem as well as see it.

Great response to the prompt!


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3
3
for entry "Invalid Entry" 
Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I am on a March Madness Review Raid. I am reviewing your poem which was entered in both "EXPRESS IT IN EIGHT"  and "Promptly Poetry Challenge"  . I think these poems are deserving of being read and reviewed more often and your poem definitely deserves to be read and appreciated.


I really liked the way you used the photo image to bring forth an important concept.
Man's evolution is no longer up to nature, he has taken it into his own hands but this is dangerous.

Your description of the robot conveys the cold, inhuman machinery that it is. Words like metallic and chrome make it sound like an accessory. Importantly, you remind us that without input,it's an empty shell. Man has the choice to activate it with programming or to even turn it or off. Your poem tells us that we should not follow this technology "don't give it anything" because "technology is danger".

And of course we have seen that humans often go too far when we think we are being clever. What if we invented these "slaves without masters"? Would we come to regret it? Would it be a disaster? I tend to think so, and am in agreement with the sentiment of your poem.

I know that the title refers to the double posting of the poem, but I would have liked to see a title that referenced the subject of the poem.

Great point made in just eight lines. Great job!

Keep Writing!



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Review of I Remember  
Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Ned and this review is based on my personal impressions and opinions. Feel free to take what you think is useful, and ignore the rest. This is just my way of letting the author know how this reader reacted to the item being reviewed.


*CheckB* TITLE: The title "I Remember" is perfect and is the repeated refrain.

*CheckR* FORM: The use of anaphora in this poem is well-executed. The repeated phrase of "I Remember" is hypnotic and puts the reader in a state of reverie as memories are recounted.

*CheckG* RHYTHM/RHYME: The repeated phrase of the anaphora makes for a steady rhythm that helps the reader feel gently lulled into childhood remembrances.

*CheckP* IMAGERY: All the senses are employed here, we see and smell and feel the wonderful images of childhood. These memories are personal to the poet, but every reader will be thinking back to the things that made them feel warm and happy in their childhood.

*CheckR* FAVORITE LINE(S): "I remember
the smell of Big Chief tobacco
mixed with the scents of diesel and dirt."
This is so specific and the reader can well imagine the scents involved.

*CheckB* SUGGESTIONS: none

*CheckP* OVERALL IMPRESSION: This is a lovely rendering of the memories of a child who experienced childhood in a close family and makes us all eel a bit homesick for our own individual childhood homes, families and special memories.


Keep On Writing!

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5
5
Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This trip to the moon is both exciting and delightful. It's just the sort of fantasy adventure that children love to hear over and over.

Your characters are solid, being both curious and skeptical, adventurous and yet sometimes a bit cautious of the unknown. Just as children (and many adults) are.

Suggestions: In some places, I would love to see more detail. For instance, what kind of food is Moon food and what does Moon juice taste like?

The readability would be improved with some formatting changes. Using a larger font helps and the lines are not always broken up as one expects, which could be the result of copying and pasting the text from another source. Punctuation also should be punched up with more consistency in the use of quotation marks in dialogue.

Overall Impression: This is a delightful and creative tale that contains many fun and delicious adventures. How could anyone resist a chocolate ladder that you can eat as you climb?

I really enjoyed reading your father's story. What lucky children you were! I am glad you wrote it for us to read too. Thanks for sharing.

Keep Writing!

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Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Aww... The ending is so sad. I did not see that coming.

I really liked the way you used the form to create a light-hearted tone, created a sense of fun, then surprised the reader with a twist at the end. The repeated line drives home the point so well. The repetition lulls us, then surprises us.

The title is perfect. Illusions are not just the tricks we see with our eyes, but also those we choose to see with our hearts.

Excellent use of the prompt words and the poetic form chosen.

I am making an effort to review more Promptly entries as these poems deserve readers. This entry truly does deserve more readers. It is a very well-constructed poem that makes a story out of three prompt words. You capture our imaginations and then our emotions. Nicely done.



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Review of shy  
Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I came upon your poem through read and review.

This is a short poem that packs a bigger punch than its size would lead one to expect. It details, in very relatable words, how a shy person deals with or tries not to deal with the "rules of the universe" or, perhaps for the shy person, the way society works. The first instinct is to try to behave, stay unnoticed in the background, follow the "rules".

In the last two lines, the poet and the poem breaks free of these restrictions - both the ones imposed by the "universe" and one suspects, the rules that the subject of the poem has imposed on him/herself.

The poet gets heard, with the emphasis on the word "SOUND" and makes the point that if one wallows in one's own problems or thoughts, the universe will simply go on and not wait.

This poem feels like one of personal victory and is also good advice based on experience. Introverts and those with social anxiety will certainly relate. The "universe" is how big normal society and interaction feels to someone with those attributes. Learning how to "explode" and be heard is a great victory for that person.

I enjoyed the message this poem conveys.

Come on in and join in the fun!


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Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing in the

*ExclaimO* Superpower Summer Fun Review Raid *ExclaimO*



First Impressions I am reviewing poetry in our Summer Fun Raid and what is more summery than an ice cream truck? We all have memories of ice creams purchased from the ice cream truck, so much a part of childhood summers.


Tone The poem is written with a voice of enthusiasm and great nostalgia for something that was an important summer ritual - the arrival of the ice cream truck. The repeating of the ice cream chant (you scream, etc...) lets us hear the children's voices and keeps us right there with neighborhood friends, waiting for our frozen treats.


Form/Rhyme/Technical The poem is written in five line stanzas with an aabb rhyme scheme and each ending with the same fifth line which has an internal rhyme. There is no line spacing between the third and fourth stanzas. I think this is just a formatting mistake.


In Conclusion This is a fun and light-hearted rhyming poem that explores a common childhood experience and a traditional summer sight. I could relate to the scenes portrayed and felt those tugs of childhood memory as I read it, Good job.

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Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing in the

*ExclaimO* Superpower Summer Fun Review Raid *ExclaimO*


First Impressions I was drawn to this poem by the title. I wondered in which way the summer was a "marshmallow summer" and wanted to read the poem to find out.


Tone The poem is written in a voice of wistfulness and nostalgia. The author is remembering times from childhood, reminiscing about summers spent with the author's grandfather. There's a real feel of lazy summer days spent fishing and cozy summer nights spent round the campfire. There's texture introduced with "the muddy Chikaskia river". The marshmallow summer ends each day with roasting marshmallows over the fire while listening to grandpa tell tall tales.


Form/Rhyme/TechnicalThe poem is written as free verse though there is the occasional casual rhyme (trees, breeze) which fit the poem well.


In Conclusion This is an evocative poem that pays homage to "grandpa" and celebrates the memories of summers spent with him. It is clear that the author cherishes those memories and misses those simple marshmallow summer days. The poem will remind readers of their own cherished summer memories and certainly gets the reader in the "feels".


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10
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Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing in the

*ExclaimO* Superpower Summer Fun Review Raid *ExclaimO*


First Impressions I was drawn by the fun subject of the poem - Learning to cook from the mysterious Tess. We don't find out who Tess is, but that doesn't detract from the poem greatly.


Tone The tone of the poem is light and cheerful. The scene in the kitchen is well described to the reader, right down to the "dough boy" and the rolls (a reference that nearly everyone will understand. I loved the reference to The Galloping Gourmet. I am sure that will bring back memories for quite a few readers.


Form/Rhyme/Technical The rhyme and rhythm of the poem is bouncy It encourages the reader along as the culinary adventure continues.


In Conclusion This is an amusing poem about cooking lessons and the secret ingredient that makes all food taste better. The bouncy rhythm added to the light-hearted tone. It was a fun read, but I did wonder about poor Tess being delegated to the kitchenette forever.


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Review of WINTER REST  
Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing in the
*Snow1**Burstb* WINTER FUN *Burstb**Snow1*
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
Review Raid
*Snow2**Burstb**Burstb**Snow2*


First Impressions For a very short poem, these four lines are full of vivid imagery. The word choices are excellent and convey the atmosphere of the scene.


Form/Rhyme/Technical The poem is one quartet with a rhyme scheme of aabb. The near rhyme of hung and drum works well. I wanted to insert another syllable in the third line, as in "the branches..." etc. The comma in the first line is useful and made me miss the inclusion of commas in other lines where I felt a natural pause when reading.


In Conclusion I like the imagery of this poem and the rhythm and rhyme could easily make it a poem one might memorize. It creates for the reader sights, sounds and sensations, making it a full experience. I enjoyed reading this poem.

Any suggestions made are merely my opinion and do not reflect on my enjoyment in the work as a whole.






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Review of Little by little  
Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am reviewing your poem "Little by little" . Please keep in mind that ALL of the views expressed are purely my own, any suggestions are meant to be helpful, but you are entitled to reject any and all of my opinions. I hope you find something helpful or encouraging.

*StarfishP* FIRST IMPRESSIONS: The opening lines really grabbed my attention and kept me reading. I loved the imagery of whittling away defenses likened to whittling on a stick, because it's not for attack purposes, it is to create something more beautiful in many cases.

*StarfishB* VOICE/TONE: This is a poem of tender expressions about falling in love and building a relationship. It is written with emotion and gratitude. I am sure that the feelings expressed in this poem would resonate with a lot of readers.

*StarfishR* FORM: The poem is free verse which is a great choice. Too much emotion in too many rhymes often makes light of the emotions and this poem struck just the right notes for me.

*StarfishY* FINAL THOUGHTS This is a sweet, heartfelt little poem that says a lot about relationships and how "little by little" can build a lasting relationship. The last two lines wrap it up succinctly but with great feeling:

"There is no doubt that little by little we found each other
soulmates forever bound"

I thought it was lovely.


KEEP ON WRITING!


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Review of Springtime  
Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I ran across your poem in Read & Review. I wanted to jot down a few lines to tell you what I liked about it.

I read the poem before looking at the title or the explanation and I didn't realize it was an acrostic at first. That says a lot about the quality of the writing.

Normally, I am not the biggest fan of acrostic poems because often the effort is put into finding words to fulfill the requirements of the word(s) in question and the poetry of the thing ends up being secondary. That is not the case here.

The imagery of spring is vivid in the poem's appreciation of spring and the reader is filled with similar appreciation.

Favorite line: "Imaginings of love bloom with the flowers"

This is a sweet and sentimental poem full of the loveliness of springtime. I enjoyed the transition from snow to spring as I read along.

Keep Writing!



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Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I am reviewing your poem "The Ode Master Writes" . Please keep in mind that ALL of the views expressed are purely my own, any suggestions are meant to be helpful, but you are entitled to reject any and all of my opinions. I hope you find something helpful or encouraging.

*StarfishP* FIRST IMPRESSIONS:There's an atmosphere created here from the first line of this poem to the last syllable. It draws the reader into the world of the Ode Master.

*StarfishB* VOICE/TONE:The poet helps us observe and feel, there is a sense of age, the Ode Master has trembling handwriting. There is a sense of loss and grief, the voices of those who have died are sounding in the Ode Master's head, as he writes odes to those who have passed under the scythe of the grim reaper.

*StarfishR* FORM:The poem is written in free verse and the author uses it to great advantage in painting a vivid scene with such wonderful lines as
"As smoke blows across a paper moon
leaving charcoal smudges
on the walls".
Definitely my favorite line.

*StarfishY* FINAL THOUGHTS I enjoyed reading this poem. It created a well-drawn character and world, bringing it to life with vivid imagery. Very well done.


KEEP ON WRITING!


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Review of Good-bye Despair  
Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" " Ghostly Hallows Raid."

This is an emotional piece that is something between a farewell note and an exculpatory essay. This relationship deteriorates not only because one person is always being grim and unhappy, but also because the other party in the relationship needs to save his/her own sanity and avoid the traps of depression.

This poem highlights the difficulties of being with someone who suffers from irrational fears and lack of hope:

         "Love cannot live without light,
         It cannot survive depression's blight."

The title's good-bye is not just to the relationship, but to the feelings that person brought to the relationship which are unhealthy for both of them.




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Review of The Vampire Blues  
Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" " Ghostly Hallows Raid."

I must admit that I really love flash fiction. It's such a challenge to fit a whole story, characters, conflict and resolution all in a limited number of words. This flash fiction pretty much does all that in a tidy little story of paranormal romance.

A lot of people will identify with both the vampire and his librarian in that sometimes the modern world goes too fast and lacks charm. There's plenty of charm in this tale of a budding romance.

I started to write that I wanted more of a twist at the end, seeing the final declaration of "I don't have forever" as being poignant and sad since their romance is doomed to end and then I slapped myself upside the head as I realized THAT is the twist. Our hero is a vampire... oh dear, I nearly missed that brilliant ending.

Now I have more of a smile on my face than I did when I started writing this review. Great story!




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Review of Whispering Walls  
Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" " Ghostly Hallows Raid."

The superstitions regarding the number thirteen are many and this story uses those fears to advantage in setting up the reader for the ultimate twist in the tale of Flint Trent.

The reader has no reason to doubt Flint as we are told of his intentions to disprove the superstition and that it can be done by purposely employing the number thirteen in everything he does. The house/museum devoted to the superstition doesn't seem that odd or out of place. However, the uneasiness begins when Flint is asked for his friends' names. I had no idea why this happened at the time it happened, early in the story. It felt eerie but mysterious. Once we know the real story, this makes sense, but is even more eerie and scary when we know why the question was asked.

I was genuinely surprised at the twist in the plot at the end and the realization that this ritual was all part of Flint trying to erase the curse that was now on him forever.

Creepy, spooky and spine-tingling, the reader feels the wrongness of the walls that whisper in the vanishing room. An effective use of the prompt. Great title that fits well into the storyline. An enjoyable read.



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Review of Autumn Ebbing  
Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" " Ghostly Hallows Raid."

*Star* First Impressions: From the first line, this poem creates an atmosphere and feeling of Autumn. I love the "crispy morning nose" that immediately tells us what time of year it is. There are so many delicious descriptions of the season using unusual and fresh adjectives, painting lovely pictures with words, involving all the senses and immersing the reader in the changes occurring in nature. I won't mention them all, but I like the leaves "complaining" when trod upon and the grates of flame logging the nights of Autumn. Very clever.

*StarB* Favorite Part: The entire second stanza.
It's excellent in every way, but especially commendable for describing the Autumn sky without using a list of colors, but instead firing the imagination of the reader.

*StarB* Voice/Tone The voice is one of observation and appreciation of the subject.

*StarBl* I really enjoyed this poem and not just because it is about my favorite season. It tackles a subject that has been written about non-stop for the last two months on this site, and yet manages a fresh angle and tone.




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Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" " Ghostly Hallows Raid."



TITLE: The story doesn't feel like it's the cat's tale as it's not really about the cat, nor does the cat narrate. It does keep the reader focused on the cat, however, which sets up the twist at the end rather nicely.

PLOT: The plot is well-constructed with good pacing and keeps the reader eager to find out what happens next, never giving away too much and sustaining the suspense throughout.


FAVORITE PART or LINE:"...the words were musty with age, resurrected from some ancient, forgotten tongue."

READABILITY-GRAMMAR-PUNCTUATION:If there were any problems, I was obviously too engrossed in the story to notice.


OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:Despite my personal doubts that Myrddin will get very far in his quest for Mankind's Better Nature, I found the story just eerie enough to captivate. I love a story with a twist at the end, so the revelation of his true identity and his true relationship to the cat was a satisfying surprise ending. A very enjoyable read.



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Review of Breakfast.  
Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing your item "Breakfast." . Please keep in mind that ALL of the views expressed are purely my own, any suggestions are meant to be helpful, but you are entitled to reject any and all of my opinions. I hope you find something helpful or encouraging.

*StarfishP* FIRST IMPRESSIONS: At first, I wondered about where this story was leading us, as the conflict in the plot wasn't immediately apparent. But as the story unfolded, it all became clear. Presentation wise, the grammar is correct, there are no typos and the font and spacing make this easy to read for which I, as a reader, am grateful.

*StarfishB* PLOT: Shweta is a student and her mother is head of the Biology Department. Her mother has a presentation and is nervous so they are leaving for school early. Shweta is more concerned with her empty stomach and missing breakfast than she is her mother's success with her presentation, even though an important person, the Head of the Board, is going to be there.

*StarfishR* CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Shweta is completely believable as a school student who has to deal with all the usual difficulties of being school age as well as having her mother there at the school. We don't get to know the mother as well, but we do see her struggling with her various responsibilites and stresses in life.

*StarfishY* FINAL THOUGHTS The predicament that the mother finds herself in, namely having prepared a lesson on the importance of eating breakfast yet having neglected to give her own child any at all, is amusing and true to life. Perhaps the buildup to the embarrassing part for them both could have been more dramatic. Overall, this was a well-constructed, pleasant read.


KEEP ON WRITING!


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Review of Quilted Memories  
Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Ned and these are just my thoughts after reading your story {item:}. These are my personal opinions and I am not a professional editor so feel free to use or discard any suggestions. These are just my impressions of what I am reviewing

TITLE:The meaning of the title becomes clear as we read the story of Lydia and her personal history.

PLOT: The story is a kind of "day in the life" sort of story and so doesn't follow a plot line that requires resolution of a conflict.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT:Lydia suffers from Alzheimer's and so getting to know her is difficult, we can't learn much from her inner dialogue. Enter Margie, the caregiver who supplies information that Lydia can't, and also helps Lydia remember. This way we learn about both characters through this device.

FAVORITE PART or LINE: I like the way Margie takes care to name each object for Lydia, it shows that she is trying to keep her from slipping into dementia for as long as possible. I also liked the image of Lydia being afraid of the shadows from the plant on her legs, as it helps the reader see into Lydia's state of mind.

READABILITY-GRAMMAR-PUNCTUATION:If there were any problems, I didn't notice them.

SUGGESTIONS:It's a minor point, but in the first sentence, we are told Lydia is in a wheelchair "letting the sun bathe her in warmth". However, it is not clear that Lydia could do anything about her position since Margie moves her and Lydia doesn't move herself, so not sure the word "letting" gives an appropriate picture.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS: This is a sympathetic and realistic portrayal of a woman losing her memory and herself to Alzheimer's. Anyone who has witnessed this in their own family or circle will understand how difficult it is to watch the deterioration. The author makes a good attempt at trying to explain what is going on in Lydia's mind and how certain familiar things bring flashes of memory back for short periods. The story leaves Lydia in a moment when she is remembering love, her husband and daughter and so avoids leaving the reader in all the sadness, but gives us a bright spot to concentrate on, even if it is fleeting.


Keep On Writing!

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22
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Review of Reluctant Santa  
Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Ned and these are just my thoughts after reading your story {item:}. These are my personal opinions and I am not a professional editor so feel free to use or discard any suggestions. These are just my impressions of what I am reviewing.

TITLE: The title is certainly appropriate and describes the main point of the story - Brad is definitely a reluctant Santa.

PLOT: The plot follows a familiar theme but introduces new problems and conflicts to keep it interesting.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Brad undergoes a change of heart after e becomes Santa but returns to being reluctant once the night's trip is over. We can imagine Brad fairly well from his actions and reactions in the story. We are not told much about Santa, but everyone knows pretty much all they need to know about Santa before they start reading the story, so unless the story was going to recreate Santa in a nonn-traditional way, not a lot of character development is needed.

FAVORITE PART or LINE: "Come Dancer, come Prancer, come stupid and wicked ..." This line really tells us how Brad feels about taking over for Santa.

READABILITY-GRAMMAR-PUNCTUATION: There are a couple of typos with missing letters or the failure to capitalize "I" as in "i'll" but nothing serious or that interferes with reading or understanding. My reviews are often riddled with typos so I will expect the same courtesy of overlooking them, thanks.

SUGGESTIONS: My only suggestion would be to expand on it a little but there's the possibility it was written to a word count. So I will only say that if you wanted to expand it, there's a good story here as the foundation for a longer piece.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS: I liked the twist that Santa is brought back to Brad's house and the use of the old pick up truck instead of the sleigh. When the truck disintegrates and Brad gets his teeth knocked out, it leads to a very amusing line for Brad and a laugh at the end of the story. An amusing, light-hearted holiday tale that made for an enjoyable read.

Keep On Writing!

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23
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Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I came across your story while reading and reviewing so I thought I would take a moment to share a few thoughts on it.

First let me welcome you to WDC. I hope you will enjoy being here.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: Your story is about a little girl who gets some dolls as a present but the dolls do something scary and no one believes her. It reminded me of a story about dolls that my daughter and her friend read at a sleepover when she was a little girl and they were very scared by it. For that reason, your story appealed to me.

PLOT: The plot revolves around Brooke's efforts to get others to believe her story about the dolls' heads flying around. Everyone thinks she is either telling lies or that she is crazy. Finally, Brooke arranges for another person to see the dolls lose their heads.

SUGGESTIONS: I would have liked to find out more about the dolls and find out the reason that their heads came off and flew around. I think the story would be great with a strong ending.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS I felt like this was a great start to a story, but it felt like only part of a story. It could be improved with a backstory on the dolls - are they possessed? cursed? Why did the grandmother have them?

Thanks for writing this enjoyable read. I hope to see more from you and maybe even a sequel on the dolls.

KEEP ON WRITING!

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24
24
Review of Do Not Be Him  
Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Ned and this review is based on my personal impressions and opinions. Feel free to take what you think is useful, and ignore the rest. This is just my way of letting the author know how this reader reacted to the item being reviewed.


*CheckB* TITLE: The title tells us immediately to whom the poem is being addressed. And like the poem to follow, it tells us that the poet is afraid of past mistakes and disappointments happening again in a new relationship.

*CheckR* FORM/RHYTHM/RHYME:The poem is written in quatrains. that follow an abcb rhyme scheme. There are many near rhymes that satisfy without taking over the poem. There is a definite rhythm and flow that comes from the repetition of "Do not".


*CheckP* IMAGERY: The poem uses expressive language to evoke the feelings of being in a bad relationship, such as "suffocate" and "bury". This is effective to convey these emotions.

*CheckR* FAVORITE LINE(S):
Be instead what I do not know
Be instead true love
For I know only of the things
That I state above

These lines give the poem hope, and take us from the past into the future.



*CheckP* OVERALL IMPRESSION: I think this poem conveys very relatable experiences and emotions. While it begins speaking of insecurity and fear, it brings the reader to the hope of the new relationship its possibilities. I think many readers will see elements that they can identify with.


Keep On Writing!

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25
25
Review of poems  
Review by Ned
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I came across your poems while I was browsing Read & Review. I wanted to write a few lines to tell you my impressions.

I see you are new to WDC, so let me encourage you to spend some time reading the Writing.com 101 which you can find in the left hand column of your screen under Writing.com Tools. It contains a lot of good info to get you started.

I see you have posted several poems here in one item. I would highly recommend that you post each as a separate item so that they can be reviewed separately. But let me address a couple of the longer poems.

Your poem entitled Love Eternal is quite beautiful in describing a deep devotion and does a good job of conveying the depth of emotion and desire to protect the object of the poet's love. It contains a few spelling errors (or typos, not sure). Fixing these will greatly improve readability.

The poems Rose Thorns and Dagger are similar - they express powerful concepts in vivid imagery but suffer from spelling errors which will make it difficult for the reader to appreciate the poem as they should.

I think your poetry contains strong imagery and could be made more powerful with some editing. This reader felt the emotional impact of the poems. Keep writing and share more of your work. It is best to post each poem individually for the best chance of being read and reviewed.



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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