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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/omstar/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/14
Review Requests: ON
775 Public Reviews Given
776 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to say how I relate to an item. Spelling and grammar are less important.
I'm good at...
Giving encouragement
Favorite Genres
Thiller, Detective.
Least Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Sci-fi
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Free verse.
I will not review...
Items over 4k words.
Public Reviews
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326
Review of A Simple Rivalry  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (3.5)
A somewhat alternative form of flirtation although I believe it does happen in the animal world. They say there is a very fine line between love and hate. The hate usually comes later, with divorce.

The class divide is still there, no matter the setting.

Write On
327
327
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
No obvious problems with spelling or grammer.

A very grumpy mountain - sounds a bit like a children's story. Volcano perhaps. Not sure about the last line. Maybe show rather than tell.

Characters developing nicely. Humour gentle rather than too obvious. I've had the same conversation - foodwise - with my 5 foot tall, 18 stone friend.

Write On
328
328
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Old Will's shaking (pun intended) in his boots. But could you keep it up long enough to write a full length piece?

Thine act of vengeance
Well contrived
Is writings beauty
Not denied

Canst thou not
With quill of steel
Write more of that
Which doth appeal
329
329
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Very dark, but very well written (apart from the typos). The bit where he approaches the pyre is a bit confusing. You need to make the remembering bit separate from the current journey; I had to reread to realise it was not the baby on the pyre.

I like the contrast between the caring father making the ultimate sacrifice to the heartlessness of Gorin, who is obviously no god.
330
330
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Let me just lock the door and check the windows... OK, it's safe. I was there with this guy all the way. I have given witness statements a couple of times myself and although it was nothing this serious I shared some of this guy's feelings of intimidation. Apart from the odd typo I see nothing to correct with this work. I look forward to reading more.
331
331
Review of You Are,,,  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.0)
A very good attempt at concrete poetry. First I've seen since college. Not easy to do on computers that don't always keep formatting in tact. I like the sentiment of the work; especially the bit about making memories. The simple things that mean so much at the start of a relationship.
332
332
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I did not make it to the end of this piece because the words started to blur into each other. To make it easier to read on the screen you need more spacing. From what I did read I got the gist. I like the way this young man takes his personna from the book he is reading. However, you need to make a clear defining line between his way of speech and the language used in the narrative to clearly highlight this. Your writing style is somewhat reminiscent of Martin Ames.
333
333
Review of Censor  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 18+ | (2.0)
You have made a good beginning. You have your heroes, now you need your protagonist. What goes wrong with this great idea? How does it end and what twists and turns might be encountered on the way? Research some realistic sounding scientific jargon and you are on your way.
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334
for entry "Holdup" 
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Your story reminds me of a real incident when I was at Dartington. My daft IRISH mate staged the kidnap of a female student as part of his piece only to be dragged from his bed by ARMED officers and interrogated for 24 hours.
335
335
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.5)
Philosophy such as the ancient myths are made of; but also humorous. Which animal inspires we writers: the owl who stays up all night thinking, the woodpecker tapping away at the keys, or maybe it's all those monkeys they say could create the works of Shakespeare given time?
336
336
Review of Djinn Tonic  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Really funny and I've had two husbands I wish I could have done that to. lol
337
337
Review of Red Chicago  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I feel I already know your detective. You have done a good job of establishing his character without the need for lengthy description. I read a lot of detective fiction and so far you are up there with the best. I hope you have already outlined your plot points so that you don't make the mistake I did when I first started writing and get lost half way through. I want to read more...
338
338
Review of Loss  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (3.0)
Have you thought about turning this piece into concrete poetry? By the placing of the words you could create new ways of understanding/new meanings.
339
339
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I can tell that you are an experienced writer. The setting is unusual; not many novels are set in that time period other than biblical ones. Have you told the reader too much in the opening chapter? Will you have enough material to turn it into a novel? I have fallen into that trap myself.
340
340
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.0)
It did not take long to realise that Charlie was a young creature of some kind although it took a while to realise he was a bee. This piece was very well crafted. My only slight criticism is in the formatting; leaving a space between paragraphs makes it a bit easier to read.
341
341
Review of Decisions  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Very well written but is there more to come? Feels more like an exert from a novel than a short story.
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