*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/omstar/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/11
Review Requests: ON
775 Public Reviews Given
776 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to say how I relate to an item. Spelling and grammar are less important.
I'm good at...
Giving encouragement
Favorite Genres
Thiller, Detective.
Least Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Sci-fi
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Free verse.
I will not review...
Items over 4k words.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 7 8 9 10 -11- 12 13 14 ... Next
251
251
Review of Rumor Has It...  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Love it. This is ideal for the young adult market. You would have to change the title though; there is a film of the same name. Not sure what the maximum word count was but once the contest is over it would be nice to see a bit more description of the other people involved.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
252
252
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Is this a work of fiction or a political statement? Certainly it contains a lot of truths yet Elsa is mistaken if she thinks college would make everything fair. Having to work to back up a meagre scholarship, relying on the library because you can't afford your own books, missing out on field trips and much more, divide you from the wealthy students and often result in poorer grades.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
253
253
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You are off to a good start. I presume this is a first draft as there are a few typos, sudden changes of POV etc. It felt a bit rushed; I think you need to change each scene into a chapter and build on the emotions. Who is Liz and how did she worm her way into his life? What was the purpose of the DNA Genome? Are Section 15 some kind of blackops Government department?

So many questions need answers. Take a paragraph at a time, check for errors, think what you can add to it: description, emotion, action.

One thing I will say, drop the boy drinking bleach; believe me - he wouldn't survive.

Keep Writing,
Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
254
254
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
You have really captured the world of the school child in this piece. Tyler Frieman, your narrator, is very much like me; an independent free spirit who has no need for close relationships. He knows everyone by name and nature but has no wish to hang out with any one in particular. Abraham, on the other hand, is a leader; he comes up with plans that need followers to achieve. They are unlikely allies yet their differences could lead them to achieve great things.

I look forward to their combined exploits in future chapters. This is a novel well worth pursuing. I see it as appealing to ten to fifteen year olds although it does have some adult appeal. I don't know whether you intend to keep it in the schoolyard or bring it forward to the adult world, but I would not go further than college years.

I like the gentle humour in your writing style. I see no obvious problems with grammar or punctuation. Keep going with this.

** Image ID #mask2 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
255
255
Review of Running  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I want to know more. When I have written this review I will go to the other site. You built up the suspense very well. The twist in the tale was double fold. Wrong girl in more ways than one. It makes a nice change for the killer to be female.

Write On
Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
256
256
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am intrigued by this little story. I want to know their back story to fully understand what is happening. It is a tender moment but taken out of context. Are they human or alien? What happened before? And who or what is the evil watcher? We need to know more.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
257
257
Review of Leah  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (3.5)
It is an all too familiar story. Maybe a little background could have been brought in. Also you could have used outside influences like the wind and the noise from the street to add to the interest. And the question has to be asked, who is the watcher telling her story?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
258
258
Review of The Twenty-Nine  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Although this story is set in the future it is not far from what is happening today. Great swathes of land have been given over to agriculture and upset the ecobalance. There are references back to things that happened in Scotland and Ireland in the 18th century but also to the eco warriors of the seventies and eighties.

This would make a great start to a novel.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
259
259
Review of The Castle Dragon  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.0)
As a stand alone piece it doesn't really work; too many questions are left unanswered. As a vignette from a much longer piece it is charming. I feel we need to know more about place and time to fully understand. There is no word count shown but I don't think it is close to the 1000 word limit. A little more information could have been written in.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
260
260
Review of Meeting  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Are we talking vampires here? I am not up on the latest YA offerings but could this be connected to the Twilight series? It is always difficult looking at a chapter in isolation. This does have a beginning, a middle and an end but there is very little character development. Maybe I need to read the previous chapters?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
261
261
Review of Sunbath  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A charming little tale of the wee folk. I like the way you set it up in the first couple of paragraphs then allowed the dialogue to move it on. The model is right, nobody will believe even with photographs. There have been too many hoaxes in the past.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
262
262
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am not sure I follow the thread of your plot points. The dream, I presume, is some sort of prediction. But what is the map? Where does it come in? Who is Van Rossum? Obviously you know the answers but maybe a little more detail would keep you on track.

The research about Native Americans, early settlers and caves suggests something haunting as does the second plot point. Is this spectral aspect part of the story?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
263
263
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
There is a surprising amount of detail in such a short piece. It is a complete story yet it is open to becoming something a lot longer. It builds a vivid picture of the girl and her situation. There are some questions left open but they are not needing an answer.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
264
264
Review of X Marks The Spot  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A simple tale well told. It is true that treasure is not always of intrinsic value. As the poem says - to each his own. You did well to include the given word list. This type of prompt is not easy. Well done for finding the alternative meaning of posy. I had to look it up.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
265
265
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Although there are good ideas here it is more of a synopsis than a story. You have no characters leading the story forward. If you turned each paragraph into a chapter, established your main characters and the narrative voice you could build this into a novel. As it stands it goes against the rule of 'show, don't tell.'


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
266
266
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
It seems like you were in somewhat of a frenzy when you wrote this. I can indeed identify with the feeling. I do most of my writing at night; at least the best stuff. There are fewer distractions at two in the morning and as my brain is in overdrive anyway I use it.

Even when I am not writing I am writing; in my head, scenarios running around like maniacs, merging into one another, keeping me awake.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
267
267
Review of Breaking the Seal  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.0)
I knew immediately that you were talking about a security seal as used with bonded goods and high value cargo. However, it has been known for seals and other creatures to be transported by truck so the confusion is possible.

You need to re-read your story and check that it is how you intended. There are a few places were words appear to be missing.

I thought your story was very funny. Have you thought about entering
FORUM
The Comedy Club Contest  (E)
A Contest For The Funny Side Of Life. CLOSED
#1965952 by GeminiGem of House Lannister
?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
268
268
Review of Dees Cesar  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I think your tale is quite funny. It is the grammar and punctuation that are not quite spot on although some might be typos. First line phone or phones? Second line 2500 office(s).Missing speech mark after mind.

Third paragraph try:

"His name is Dee, right," my husband said.
"No, his name is Cesar."
"No, he answered the phone with his first name, his last name is Cesar," my husband said.(argued/insisted)
"No, his first name is Cesar, his last name is Salazar," I replied.

ETC.
Each speech should start a fresh line to show a different speaker. And try using alternatives to said.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
269
269
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I love your anachronistic take on the bible. I have my doubts about the veracity of many of the tales within. OK, some of the jokes were a bit lame and as a Brit you lost me with the baseball stuff. Overall though, I thought it was very funny.

I saw no obvious problems with spelling or grammar.

** Image ID #1966130 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
270
270
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am not a religious person but I can appreciate other's belief. What I struggle with here is that you say that you have been a people pleaser, doing things for others and neglecting yourself. You want to change this. Yes, you have turned to your beliefs for guidance but surely following those beliefs will lead you into more of helping people and neglecting yourself.

I have been a people pleaser, a do gooder, a faithful friend who everyone can rely on. But now my health has suffered as a consequence of putting others first. I have had to learn to say that magic word 'NO'.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
271
271
Review of The Copper Kettle  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
A simple tale with familiar characters told in a few words.

Typos I spotted:
when we can use the Enterprise create on." - to (create) one.

... trade items over there," he pointed to the center of the room. - who pointed?

Ten minutes to beam down the salt? Really?

Spock hand the kettle to his mother. - handed

I like the idea that the copper kettle has saved two races and stopped a war.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
272
272
Review of End Of The Line  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I like this free poem about a suicide. All though it is not rhyming verse it does have a certain rhythm. You capture the inevitability of someone determined to end their life.

One little hiccup; third line, through the souls of my naked feet. Should it be 'soles' or was this deliberate?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
273
273
Review of Chicken Dance  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like your chicken dance but it seems incomplete. You have your portions, you make your stock; what then? I can smell the frying bones and veg. Taste the stock, season, then what? You drink the wine but then you forget to eat. I'm hungry. Put down the bottle and get on with it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
274
274
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am presuming that Jacob has a disability as he is still in diapers when of school age. I like the way he sought revenge on his sister for her ridiculing of him. The first paragraph is a bit long and who is Jaime? Is this a typo or is their a character I don't know about?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
275
275
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
You have built up quite a good sketch of your character Volusia. You could maybe have presented her with certain challenges and decided how she would act in order to develop her further. Maybe you have done this elsewhere.

I am not sure the class system had developed in prehistoric times. And France as such would not have existed.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
341 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 14 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/omstar/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/11