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775 Public Reviews Given
776 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to say how I relate to an item. Spelling and grammar are less important.
I'm good at...
Giving encouragement
Favorite Genres
Thiller, Detective.
Least Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Sci-fi
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Free verse.
I will not review...
Items over 4k words.
Public Reviews
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276
276
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I thought this was hilarious. I am sure I have met a few of THEM myself. Although I have never sold a home I can feel for your wife. I like the way you use glasses of wine as a counter. You don't say if you were successful with your sale. If I had the money ...


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277
277
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This works very well as an introduction to a course. It clearly states the thoughts and expectations of the tutor. It explains his beliefs on the subject. It outlines the process students will be going through.

I am not sure I agree with your saying that 'You can give the lessons a lick and a kiss and learn a little or make an investment and learn a lot. Regardless of how much, you'll improve as a writer and the degree is a function of what you put into it.' This may give the student permission to slack off.


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278
278
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I can tell by the staccato sound of this piece that it is flash fiction. I like the imagery of the dog's behaviour. I have a dog and this is very real. They eat anything don't they? I can imagine your character having trouble adjusting to city life after a rural upbringing. I have had the reverse.

My college was in a rural location and the silence was deafening.


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279
279
Review of Trial  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
For so few words you have said so much. You have a good balance of action to dialogue. It is easy to visualise both the fight and the black cat that was once a woman. I was recently criticised for using elipses to break up speech but here I feel it is appropriately used.


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280
280
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I think your story idea is a good one. The first chapter is well written. It is not long enough to call it a chapter, maybe a prologue. In this part of the story you have captured the feelings of your character quite well. If you apply the same to the rest of your story it should work out well.


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281
281
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I really like this story. Spooky but not a bit scary. You have taken the history of a real person and created a piece of fiction which I am sure Hazel would enjoy if she was still around.

You handled the snow storm and Bill's fate with great clarity. Enough to give you the shivers. And I like that you rounded things off with further reference to his painting.


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282
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Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Surely it should be climbed out rather than walked out of the vehicle. 'Are you can pay it all off?"' Couple of words missing I think. This is obviously part of a longer story and does not quite stand alone. It is currently too short to be a chapter.

The two parts seem a little disjointed as they stand. The first section gives the impression that the money is for gambling. I think you need to add considerably to this section. Describe what it felt like to go to the bank for such a large loan. Show us the building, the teller.

The second section is much stronger. Continue in the same style and you will be well on your way.


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283
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Review of Seamstress  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love the imagery of this piece. I can see Sally surrounded by her animals, sewing her garments, which were obviously treasured. I think maybe the courier knew her secret but chose to keep it.

The story flows well from beginning to end. It has an ethereal quality.


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Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice twist. I really like the idea that this roughneck backwoods type should be into opera. In very few words you conveyed Elroy and Timmy's background and character. Well done. The vocabulary used was pitched just right. I would like to read more of their adventures.


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285
285
Review of Joe's Night Out  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A really scary but very funny poem. You missed a couple of rhymes but that can be forgiven. I am glad Joe and his mates only come out on Halloween. Imagine if that lot were on the lose all the time.

Your pussy recipes sound interesting. Got any for dog?


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286
286
Review of The Silence  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Santa with a twist. I wonder how many letters to St. Nick are of a similar nature. I am sure there have been requests to return dead relatives or provide transplant organs. Horrific but with a sense of realism. A very good take on the traditional Christmas yarns.


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Review of The Consequences  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Watch out cheaters everywhere. I can imagine how this guy must be feeling. This is similar to the people who come to during an operation. Some of it sounds a little awkward. For instance you could try - The figure moved about the room, keeping to the shadows, and began preparing something. That is just my opinion, it is your story.


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Review of Worthless  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is a very emotional piece about a suicide. I hope that it is not written from personal experience. You might want to check it over for repeated words and phrases. And dividing it into paragraphs would make it easier to read on screen.

You could lengthen the work by bringing in memories. Who told her she was worthless? What led her to this dark place?


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289
289
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is very sensatively written. I can put myself in the place of this woman. I liked the letter she would never get to send. It is very true to life. The falling blossom starting and finishing the story rounds things off.

Maybe it could be considered more as a vignette than a complete story but that does not detract from the storytelling. This might be the start of a novel. What happened to her husband? What is going to happen to her?


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Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I like this conversation. I am sure we can all recognise the situation. I like the difference in the language used by each of the girls. You immediately know that Cathy is the bad girl; a regular in detention, whilst Sherry is the newbie. I like that it is the good girl who finally comes out with the inappropriate language.


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291
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I really liked the humour in this piece. The banter between the Chef and the alien is really funny. The relationship reminds me a bit of 'American Dad'; that sort of love hate thing. I like the idea that Morphy can change shape; it opens all kinds of avenues for further chapters.

I found that the changes between plain text and italic was rather confused. I know what you are going for but I think you need to check the WritingML. The italic seems to run on to the wrong bits.

I found no problems with spelling or grammar. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Write on,
Sue

** Image ID #1966130 Unavailable **


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Review of Crazy 7  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am presuming that you are just thirteen and that this is not a work of fiction. I thought your writing was quite mature for your age. I particularly liked the opening paragraph. It is a long time since my first year at senior school but I can still recall how frightening it was. I think you have done a good job of putting that across.

Beware of repeating words, especially in close proximity. This is one of the things you will learn as you grow as a writer. I think we have a star in the making. Well done.


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Review of i hate school  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (2.5)
You are obviously an inexperienced writer. You have a problem common to the novice of just writing and writing and writing. Stop. Take a breath. Think about what you want to say. You are trying to present an argument as to why you hate school. You need to make points not just rant on. You are trying to be persuasive. If necessary even use bullet points, but make your argument clear and coherent. Then maybe that piece of paper might just come your way that bit easier.


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Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Wow, slow down there a bit. You have obviously let your ideas run away with you. I see lots of run on sentences with missing punctuation. You are obviously going for speed to build tension but short sharp sentences do this much better.

Try moving around some of it. eg. My name is Billy Bob Joe the III, and I am a criminal. So her I am laying in my bed thinking the cops will never find me then ...

This is obviously the start of a longer piece so just keep in mind the comments I have made and stop occassionally to think.


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Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really liked this tale. I wonder though if there was ever a fifteen year old son or if the woman actually intended the jacket for herself. Maybe she already knew the effect that look had on men. I have no doubt it was a moment of mutual enjoyment. I see no problems with spelling or grammar.


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Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.5)
I agree with your sentiments wholeheartedly. It is also part of the way women are seen in the world; X's daughter, Y's wife, Z's mother, like we have no personal identity. This was a well thought out piece of writing. I like the way you used anecdote to introduce your opinion and then rounded off with more anecdote. I see no problems with spelling and grammar.


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Review of Thinking Out Loud  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very good piece about how to deal with a life changing illness. I hope it will give inspiration to others who are newly diagnosed that there is a life to be lived. There is a good sense of rhythm and rhyme to the piece. I see no spelling or grammar issues. I hope your health problems will not stop you from writing. If typing becomes too difficult maybe you could dictate to a friend.


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Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Just my kind of story. We know just enough about Leena to suspect she is on the edge of a breakdown but the final act still comes as a surprise. The use of the colours leads us through and her obsession with them highlights her mental state.

I saw no problems with spelling or grammar.

Write on.


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Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting tale of growing up. It would make a good children's book. Maybe you could get some illustrations. I saw no problems with spelling or grammar.

Have you considered writing books for adults with literacy problems? Have a look at Hokustory.com


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Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Aundria, I have read both versions and I think the poetry version is better. Even in the prose version the language is poetic and thus lends itself to free verse. I noticed a typo in the prose version. You typed the word 'the' twice in succession.


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