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Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of The Winner  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

*NoteB* General Comments & Reader Reaction: good story, lots of action.

*NoteO* Characters: I like the main character. Good job of making him realistic.

*NoteR* Setting & Imagery: good job - I suggest adding even more.

*Note* Dialogue: good use of dialogue to advance the story.

*NoteB* Writing Style: easy to read.

*NoteG* Overall Impression & Conclusion: realistic outlook.


*NoteO* Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes

*StarO* WRITE ON! *StarO*
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27
27
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

*NoteB* General Comments & Reader Reaction: I like this story a lot. I hope you will continue with it.

*NoteO* Characters: excellent work here. The character comes to life and makes the story interesting.

*NoteR* Setting & Imagery: Good opening paragraph. The setting brings the reader into the story.

*Note* Dialogue: good use of dialogue to advance the story.

*NoteB* Writing Style: east to read.

*NoteG* Overall Impression & Conclusion: Well done.


*NoteO* Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes

*StarO* WRITE ON! *StarO*
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28
28
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

*NoteB* General Comments & Reader Reaction: Oh yeah, what is not to like. This action packed story is a great way to open a larger story. The reader is jerked into the action and kept there to the end.

*NoteO* Characters: not much of the characters is revealed, but the reader is enticed to want to know more.

*NoteR* Setting & Imagery: great job here. The setting is clear.

*NoteW* Emotion, Mood & Atmosphere: there is a distinct feel of danger as well as hopelessness for those who cannot be saved.

*Note* Dialogue: good use of dialogue to advance the story.

*NoteB* Writing Style: easy to read style.

*NoteG* Overall Impression & Conclusion: the reader will want to read more.


*NoteO* Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes

*StarO* WRITE ON! *StarO*
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29
29
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

*NoteB* General Comments & Reader Reaction: This story presents an interesting idea, which could be expanded into a much longer story.

*NoteO* Characters: the characters come across very well. Their interaction is well done.

*NoteR* Setting & Imagery: good details bring the scene to life.

*Note* Dialogue: the dialogue is well done and advances the story.

*NoteB* Writing Style: easy reading style.

*NoteG* Overall Impression & Conclusion: a strong story with a very good ending.


*NoteO* Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes

*StarO* WRITE ON! *StarO*
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30
30
Review of The Wedding Day  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

*NoteB* General Comments & Reader Reaction: my first impression is that this is like a snapshot of a point in time. I like the idea of the story. My only concern would be the “impact” of the story. To me the story is “typical”. There are no surprises. The conflict is minimal.

*NoteO* Characters: The characters could use more development.

*NoteR* Setting & Imagery: the setting is clear. Add more details.

*Note* Dialogue: good use of dialogue.

*NoteB* Writing Style & Grammar:

wear it and she - wear it, and she -

crying and smearing her - crying and smeared her

playful shove, "Get out - playful shove. "Get out


*NoteG* Overall Impression & Conclusion: My suggestion would be to add more detail and surprise the reader at the end.


*NoteO* Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes

*StarO* WRITE ON! *StarO*
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31
31
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

*NoteB* General Comments & Reader Reaction: I enjoyed this story, and i think kids would like it.

*NoteO* Characters: good use of characters. I would only suggest to add more character details.

*NoteR* Setting & Imagery: the setting is clear. Add mre details of the setting.

*NoteW* Emotion, Mood & Atmosphere: there is mystery mixed with fun.

*Note* Dialogue: good use of dialogue to advance the story.

*NoteB* Writing Style: easy to read style.

*NoteG* Overall Impression & Conclusion: illustrations would be good to add.


*NoteO* Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes

*StarO* WRITE ON! *StarO*
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32
32
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

*NoteB* General Comments & Reader Reaction: I enjoyed this story very much. This story introduces a quest that engages the reader.

*NoteO* Characters: the character is interesting and engaging.

*NoteR* Setting & Imagery: good work on this, the scenes and characters come to life.

*Note* Dialogue: good use of dialogue to advance the story.

*NoteB* Writing Style: the story flows well.

*NoteG* Overall Impression & Conclusion: as a first chapter of a longer work, this works well to engage the reader and entice them to continue reading.


*NoteO* Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes

*StarO* WRITE ON! *StarO*
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33
33
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

*NoteB* General Comments & Reader Reaction: I enjoyed the story. The reader is brought into the scene very well.

*NoteO* Characters: the characters are clearly defined and interesting.

*NoteR* Setting & Imagery: this is one of the strengths of the story. The winter is well done.

*NoteW* Emotion, Mood & Atmosphere: I got a bleak feeling from the story along with hope.

*Note* Dialogue: good use of dialogue to advance the story.

*NoteB* Writing Style: easy story to read.

*NoteG* Overall Impression & Conclusion: as the first part of a longer story, I would suggest to add something at the end to compel the reader to continue reading.


*NoteO* Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes

*StarO* WRITE ON! *StarO*
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34
34
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

Overall impression: sorry, but I must disagree. This is the reason you should write poetry. I found it an interesting idea presented in a nice format that caught my attention.

Structure: there is not a set structure, but that is something you can play with or leave it as is.

Rhyme: there is no rhyme, but there is a smooth flow to the poem.

Rhythm: there is a good beat to the poem that carries the reader quickly along.

Imagery: this is a strength of the poem. Some really great images here: dirty black breath - there are a number of connotations here, leaving it up to the reader to fill in the blanks.


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35
35
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

*NoteB* General Comments & Reader Reaction: This made me laugh; excellent idea that is well executed.

*NoteO* Characters: the character is captured perfectly.

*NoteR* Setting & Imagery: the over-the-top satire was right on.

*NoteW* Emotion, Mood & Atmosphere: for me it was a combination of comedy and tragedy.

*Note* Dialogue: this is more like a monologue and is very well done.

*NoteB* Writing Style: easy reading style.

*NoteG* Overall Impression & Conclusion: great stuff here.


*NoteO* Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes

*StarO* WRITE ON! *StarO*
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36
36
Review of Mutant Monsters  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Your story is being reviewed for "Invalid Item

Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

*NoteB* General Comments & Reader Reaction: this is an interesting scifi story. I think the ending needs some more work.

*NoteO* Characters: the characters are interesting. Continue to add to their descriptions.

*NoteR* Setting & Imagery: the setting is clear.

*NoteW* Emotion, Mood & Atmosphere: I found this hard to define. It almost seemed like detachment. They were observers but it had no effect on them.

*Note* Dialogue: the story was mostly dialogue. This is not easy to do, but I believe is was well done.

*NoteB* Writing Style: easy reading style. This story flowed well.

*NoteG* Overall Impression & Conclusion: good use of the prompt.


*NoteO* Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes

*StarO* WRITE ON! *StarO*
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37
37
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Your story is being reviewed for "Invalid Item

Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

*NoteB* General Comments & Reader Reaction: the Western genre comes across very well. The prompt is developed in an interesting manner.

*NoteO* Characters: good characterization.

*NoteR* Setting & Imagery: good descriptive writing that brings the characters and setting to life.

*NoteW* Emotion, Mood & Atmosphere: there is a dark theme throughout.
*Note* Dialogue: good use of dialogue to advance the story. I thought the "western" dialect was well done.

*NoteB* Writing Style: easy reading style.

*NoteO* Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes

*StarO* WRITE ON! *StarO*
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38
38
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

*NoteB* General Comments & Reader Reaction: I like this tale of adventure. I think it ended a bit abruptly. I would suggest to add a bit more to wrap it all up.

*NoteG* Plot & Pace: I thought the pace was just right.

*NoteO* Characters: very well done. Top Hat came across very well as did all the animals. The people also were clearly defined.

*NoteR* Setting & Imagery: excellent work here; the descriptions bring the setting and characters to life.

*NoteW* Emotion, Mood & Atmosphere: the overall atmosphere of adventure and fun came across well; other emotions were shown along the way: frustration, fear, worry.

*Note* Dialogue: good use of dialogue to advance the story.

*NoteB* Writing Style: easy reading style.

*NoteG* Overall Impression & Conclusion: excellent story.


*NoteO* Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes

*StarO* WRITE ON! *StarO*
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39
39
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Your story is being reviewed for "Invalid Item

Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

*NoteB* General Comments & Reader Reaction: a dark story of a child with unique powers.

*NoteO* Characters: the main character is well done.

*NoteR* Setting & Imagery: good descriptions bring the scenes to life.

*NoteW* Emotion, Mood & Atmosphere: the mood is dark, but not oppressive. It is more of an eerie feeling.

*Note* Dialogue: the dialogue helps to advance the story.

*NoteG* Overall Impression & Conclusion: this story has a good dynamic that leaves the reader wanting more.


*NoteO* Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes

*StarO* WRITE ON! *StarO*
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40
40
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

*NoteB* General Comments & Reader Reaction: this is a good follow-up to the first chapter.

*NoteO* Characters: the main character is interesting.

*NoteR* Setting & Imagery: the setting is good. I would only suggest to keep adding details.

*NoteW* Emotion, Mood & Atmosphere: a mood of determination and desperation runs through the story.

*Note* Dialogue: the dialogue sounds natural and advances the story.

*NoteG* Overall Impression & Conclusion: the sci-fi part of the story is pretty good. I suggest to add more details.


*NoteO* Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes

*StarO* WRITE ON! *StarO*
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41
41
Review of Inveigle Ch. 1  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: interesting characters and a good mystery.

Opening: great first paragraph; the reader's attention is captured right away and held to the end.

Style and Voice: easy reading style.

Scene/Setting: good descriptive writing that brings the characters and scenes to life.

Dialogue: great dialogue; sounds natural and advances the story.

Characters: the characters are engaging, and their interaction is well done.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes

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42
42
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: I like this a lot; it is quirky and fun.

Opening: good first paragraph that brings the reader into the story and holds them there to the end.

Style and Voice: easy reading style.

Scene/Setting: this is one of the strengths of the story. The descriptive writing brings the character and scenes to life.

Characters: the character is engaging.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes

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43
43
Review of Phoenix  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: I really like the character of this story.

Opening: good first paragraph; it sets the tone of the story; the reader is pulled into the story and held there to the end.

Style and Voice: easy reading style; first person pov is an effective choice.

Scene/Setting: good descriptive writing that brings the character to life.

Characters: the character is engaging.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes

SGD Group Review Sig

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44
44
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: this is an interesting idea.

Opening: the story jumps right into the action, and the reader is pulled along to the end.

Style and Voice: easy reading style.

Scene/Setting: the scenes are good with interesting details. For me, the story stops too soon. Details of the creature and what comes next are missing.

Characters: I like the characters and their interaction is well done.

Dialogue: good dialogue that advances the story.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes


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45
45
Review of Katagma Chapter 1  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: an interesting character, and an intriguing suspense.

Opening: the first paragraph grabs the reader's attention and hold it to the end.
As the first part of a longer story, the reader will want to know what comes next.

Style and Voice: easy reading style.

Scene/Setting: more details on the setting would be good.

Characters: good interaction between the characters.

Dialogue: good use of dialogue to advance the story.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes


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46
46
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: intense action; the mystery of why it is happening.

Opening: the reader is dropped into the action right away and is held by the story to the end.
As the first part of a longer story, this works well to gain the reader's attention, so they will want to keep reading.

Style and Voice: easy reading style.

Scene/Setting: the descriptive writing brings the characters and the scene to life.

Characters: good character interaction.


Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes


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47
47
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: lots of action and interesting characters.

Opening: an action packed opening brings the reader into the story and holds them there to the end.
This works well as the first chapter of a longer story.

Style and Voice: easy reading style.

Scene/Setting: good descriptive writing that brings the characters and scenes to life.

Characters: good character interaction.

Dialogue: good use of dialogue to advance the story.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes


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48
48
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: this is an intersting idea.

Opening: the reader is engaged by the story from beginning to end.

Style and Voice: easy reading style.

Scene/Setting: the details of the scene are good; more details would make it even better.

Characters: the characters are identified, but for the most part are not developed. More details would be good.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes


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49
49
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: Change the title, because this a novel you should write. Good action, characters, and a great idea. Go for it.

Opening: excellent first paragraph; this jump right into the action is very well done; it grabs the reader's attention and holds it to the end.

Style and Voice: easy reading style. The first person pov is used effectively.

Scene/Setting: the descriptive writing brings the characters and the scene to life.

Characters: I loved the characters and their interaction.

Dialogue: great dialogue that advances the story.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes


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50
50
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: good work on the scifi aspects; I like the characters.

Opening: good setting up of the background to the story. The reader is drawn into the story and held there to the end.

Style and Voice: easy reading style.

Scene/Setting: good descriptive writing that brings the characters and scenes to life.

Characters: good character interaction.

Dialogue: good use of dialogue to advance the story.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes


SGD Group Review Sig




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