Wow! What can I say? Great characters that jump off the page and come to life. Very good descriptive detail, a great plot, and good writing make for an enjoyable story. The dialogue advances the story.
suggestions ▼
laughed, and – no comma
sighed, and asking,- sighed, asking in
her'?" She - her'?" she
repeated, and – no comma
kids, or – no comma
okay, because - no comma
tons extra - tons of extra
cloaked, and – no comma
Thing?". - thing?"
".. no, - "... no,
Sam, and – no comma
cell-phone, or - no comma
faster the - faster, the
frowned, and - no comma
help, because – no comma
road, and – no comma
clothes riding - clothes, riding
replied "Armsman," - replied, "Armsman,"
commented, and - no comma
ma'am" – ma'am."
then, and no comma
order a doctor - ordered a doctor
force, and - no comma
Major I – Major, I
officer, and – no comma
Mom, because – no comma
go, because – no comma
her and – her, and
over, of - no comma
stand, and – no comma
note the three * are not needed. The chapter break is sufficient.
say "Get – say, "Get
her, because – no comma
open and - open, and
again, and- no comma
up, and – no comma
nervous, and – no comma
me, and – no comma
live, and - no comma
also, but – no comma
them, to - no comma
large, and - no comma
home and - home, and
wink and – wink, and
arrive, because - no comma
Base, and - no comma
parents, and – no comma
quiet, because – no comma
matter, because - no comma
sadly, and – no comma
Suddenly the - Suddenly, the
face, and – no comma
arms, and – no comma
crippled, because – no comma
better, but – no comma
it, because - no comma
watch, because – no comma
salute and - salute, and
me, and – no comma
up, and – no comma
help, and – no comma
bed it - bed, it
me and - me, and
switch and - switch, and
order, because - no comma
colony, to – no comma
parents, and – no comma
brother, although he - brother; although, he
outside, because – no comma
again, and - no comma
me, and – no comma
it, although she – it; although, she
it, and - no comma
feel, when – no comma
this, because – no comma
up, to - no comma
mind-whips, some – no comma
enough I - enough that I
stronger, and – no comma
often, because – no comma
it, and – no comma
Normally they - Normally, they
her, because – no comma
me, know, - me, now,
moved and - moved, and
Annie come - Annie came
message, because - no comma
Sam, to – no comma
her, and – no comma
When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item" Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |