I am reviewing on behalf of the Simply Positive Trick and Treat review forum -
Please remember all reviews are opinion
I enjoyed your short story about Kathy's Halloween find.
I do have a couple of suggestions:
You could change a bit of the sentence structure:
They were nearly home, when Marcie spilled her candy. Kathy swept the candy up and was helping her pick it up, when she had the idea.
Nearing home, Marcie spilled her candy. As Kathy helped Marcie sweep up her candy, she was struck with an idea.
To me this clarifies the sentence...
You also tend to repeat Kathy's name a lot. You have already introduced Kathy as the main character, you really didn't need to repeat that it was Kathy doing the action.
These are only suggestions take what you want and discard the rest
I did enjoy your story..
Nice work and I hope you did well in the contest.
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