Sci-fi lover here: This is a fine piece of work. It works on a professional level. Publishable, I think is the proper word. It would make a fine first chapter to a larger work. The plot is totally feasible to the reader who is science minded. Keep up the great work.
I've discovered over the years, that our writing sometimes reflects what is going on deep in our subconscious. Or it is like poetry it helps us express ourselves. That is why writing is so much fun. I like your work, whatever the reasoning behind it. I once wrote an entire novel just to discover I had a rant against racism. It surprised me when it came out on paper.
I am so sorry for what you and many other helpless children have gone through. It is awesome that you were able to open up and tell about it using the written word.
Keep on writing. It is good for the soul to express your hurts.
A fruitful imagination is behind these lines. Reminds me of Silverberg's story of the tatooed man who's tatooes came to life as he slept at night. Keep letting that imagination work. No telling what you will do in the future. Keep on writing.
I voted 'cease to exist'
However, I once read the personal testimony of a lady who was dying. She had never been introduced to Christianity in her entire life. As she was passing away the Lord Jesus introduced himself to her and told her she was dying. Then asked if she would serve him. She agreed and recovered. The testimony I read was her work to introduce everyone she could to Jesus. I suppose she is still out there somewhere telling folks about Christianity.
So, I suppose two of your questions may be correct. She was given a choice.
By the way the Bible does not support a burning Hell after death. A gross missinterpretation of the scriptures birthed that false doctrine.
Well written and flawless. You have a powerful imagination and a gift for sci-fi. I was captured instantly. If this tome was meant to stop here that is fine. But I do wonder where it would go if you choose to write on.
Your story is gliding smoothly along. You're still dropping words and phrases. Always go back and do a re read before posting. I'm enjoying your story as it unfolds. I'll be waiting for your next installment eagerly.
Good writing
I really like this. The writer's job is to pull the reader in and make them want more tasty prose. The end of this piece made me want to know what happens after passing through that open door. I wasn't ready to stop reading yet. You made a great hook. In the eighth paragraph or so there was a sentence that caught my eye. You dropped the word 'about' and also used the word inconspicuous in an odd way. So I played with it a bit and came up with the word 'underlying'. I don't know if that is the best word to use there either but is the only thing I could come up with.
yet there was something familiar (about) him, and deep in my soul, I felt an inconspicuous sense of calm.
(underlying)
I'd like to see what happens on the other side of that door so please keep writing.
I love sci-fi. It takes a lot of imagination to dream it and to write it. Your imagination is going full tilt. I really like your work. I can't give you any pointers except to make it longer and let your story expand.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/reb31245/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.23 seconds at 6:42pm on May 02, 2024 via server web2.
| (3.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
